Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaBpTL4g0V
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YY3VYaySu
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznAJwouP4a
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEszQsDBBp
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6WuDcUQHM
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD7dGI94IV
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpOYgmmEQW
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpD04aOMWi
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT6bVwJ8gv
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVhXbqLc2o
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDADIwJ0Mx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HUqsESXZ6
as long as you stay here with me520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNR5UAe9wA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2C3yEcWRk
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPdzIatxeK
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWNTE1Nu5t
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLlcct2blR
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTpwcdIrIQ
This has to stop.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6w0rlCcft
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVz66DkoLs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCnUpStdwn
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkAIYchbRg
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiUKT1exkY
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHkyivwl0v
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB1PgV0k1L
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m1J5VEuG4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSYFwTKVXn
"Are you okay?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcukraVp6u
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2SC7GvoLb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzFicoQc9N
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvHEU6nPrU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay2Qwd5Adi
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvagR4jEbRb
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyiHbRgbG9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDE6smyKmYw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltz4jM1KtS
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUiEXAvBXP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsA1x4Dr6e
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFudkve1Ii
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIPs3TYqEX
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXHPlfdfgj
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpbccMxdnb
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM0Rf3MNCc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagcyLhRzK0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHE4jvLbjl
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPvkrmJT7y
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecsScWldnb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqObSFMCQ3x
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfVDAPayOd
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SXvnr33sa
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9elYcBSTx
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLJJ1uOytE
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNEV5Ws6F0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbflPgjYWuE
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WamwfcgGG
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjbvuvP014
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuSsrfCYJN
"Yes, you can."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV5uZqQWWn
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3RQ3kgQK7
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTKGuKrTJz
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIQigYDbtP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAYMwgAvrJ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIDUtgUyg7
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpaUQkNrkW
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJHyTql7KU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq6hp6QgqQ
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gkApltEeo
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXhER43NN1
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX2l3wpfRg
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNKkFXp28L
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR97BCM6np
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1q1VqeRWj
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhkgSxMJlV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7y3ec1pP8
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tWvlwLFEL
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB5u6MqqLB
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmv7gebr4PV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvMTcBbvXQ
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ER4WnlHAu
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VnQZnhexG
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2l7GvzCGp
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZyGq38EYg
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoK9ePVZpL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2gzHK46yD
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8zZVXieTt
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBztW1dwWmh
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvwY4s9aiw
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyHZ5kRw93
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BOHtdBeYz
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpCQPLCoaL
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZUk9eJER2
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB0QRVuvLK
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH50t8aksRU
"What's wrong?" 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgPf4z3xJU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqhApUOrl7
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQkTSBz39D
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzW4tof1Bk
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKxDoNM9uH
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uX6rEj2dW
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYydVb8OsS
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sKeLjax0r
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo16Bquv6Z2
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmakCrlymJ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKTnC9OK5e
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMUv5o5pH5
He gives me a disapproving look.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypHYaZzL6n
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8X7YmuGCo
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiD6hIE5Si
"Are you anorexic?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVtZ5RsQ6R
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaTSeZ4jk3
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAe91yUFE1d
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQvu30OCVj
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphbPBpsm7g
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kkzl6V8Ze
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFAgxsEXm2
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6JPeKNZdJ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dEJr3edUK
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcWcrUCVQj
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Bub5FAauo
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WqSFdi3Q2
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdBjrg4m1I
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd3MvhIcee
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqqypstSOg
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EDfq6bNZE
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjWwgIFGMU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyAn5QzTLq
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqg430ZLHeH
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuqUD4hx4x
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRA6ASEgxH
I ignore it.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OCXX5ZrHh
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKFXgux7bw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKq3M68cjJ
"I don't want to get hurt again."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPMZqGSxFj
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡup115ClavP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy2Fe1jGZy
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAAcuUkuge
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvTpOxpk0B
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLOE0qQNgY
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfamztVhyD
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwjJRHdxal
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CnNMH8Xal
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI0tB281vL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtkDGA07DV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqrP8tG8BL
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWrg4cKqS4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUxqhQu0VX
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGMGdAE5UX
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4oYmsza3P
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQvF98vzXP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd9Dsa84Ba
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFVhPu3UEM
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUZHcYHV1Z
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWzHFkPL7Z
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaMo2ev4H0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMlXFI6za1
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ifRMdaw1k
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XM15C2NTN
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EXZK5f82A
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4ffPdjSiW
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueqa3vfUSe
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCaEcwkkVS
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Sesi3R9J5
***520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSKRZWJnRm
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmflnns63SZ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjukkCwHGHK
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbouPL17gWh
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CvGiuxgHN
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC3WkQoI3h
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxNngDzJLL
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ38W1odnpA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0EmU9SJSv
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0ExeLwfxs
He smiles at me.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VQJKuRNra
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1oTUTP4uN
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQxQGYyUBo
"Sure, hon."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgjHPplRx0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqhemVrseO
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1apzzxNFhk
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw13T563fc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIr65t4NJp
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpe1RqrsdE
The very first ones:520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3VYrQv1Ho
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK9qZBxRFU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ4Ic5bI5D
Hey! I miss you.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitnNaxh4PJ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkTerWV9bZ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AMLgdroGe
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKkNLkNoLA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3kpDObQ3n
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe32zAwhjum
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RmdtjPf2a
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhPdhVV66S
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63WVc8QVuY
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVCld8LsV8
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBflNPCo6UC
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3yvWIVZud
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR9MIvYZjY
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSKeRLhX3M
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAcYczgIth
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnw7KxqKxb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡts6i5229Nd
Are you okay?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMheHekTtR
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhVspLkk0W
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lftkOxblb
Did I do something to piss you off?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19Z8ifIlpU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivqQ7fj9Jc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBRa1GkK9o
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3V0FRNEO5
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkqZJ9aGpw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3a3v9q830x
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMjfBzYCVB
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWl1G4VUqz
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTh1r0Vciuh
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfW1dxibRlb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYccswGbDU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA8TlnViF6
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZMnaBBir1
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlDtwd6DAA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnuCtRZN2M
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDckseJDXDV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAKr6DFFwL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAEHPfKqJD
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZYUX7lYe9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jar3x1n19
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPgsPHGhrg
Two weeks before he came to see me. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQlVSSyVW0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Roh6887A9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHfLoPhEOc
Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewN0JIDQw9
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvJLjiNqpn
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I wipe my face quickly.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0Ub5fqNZP
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"It's okay. I'm fine."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUF7M43Kb19
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR8uf2Ma9Q
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtafnXameQ
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***520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcGC5epLCX
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Lw7dvxu2V
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkaogNm6HU
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ai5XJ1D2A
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphAWBvfRh7
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8J4fb7x7L
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXByRswSGK7
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"You finally read my messages," he states.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEusYgjLclB
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsoPd3BSoQ
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtDFnB3Bf6
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNpzdhWA5P
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i9XpVmnxe
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvih9prOCi
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSu7JYRIN2R
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3wWjG1JdF
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdJFswvYZY
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBeEAWHC8s
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI8D4Ai2p8
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELVZZWkbiH
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTERR6K1PCi
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6T0rHesP5
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6i5xhFFpD
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhAiENCtry
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp2iyo6jdG
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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