It's been about two weeks since the wedding, and my lip has returned to its normal state. I can't say I'm not pleased.460Please respect copyright.PENANAaA2X4IwY6B
460Please respect copyright.PENANAnUm12Og1cL
I haven't seen David since the morning after the wedding; I've had at least one photo shoot each day, which is a 180 from the level of struggles that I was facing not even four months ago.460Please respect copyright.PENANAvDMOTCNeb8
460Please respect copyright.PENANAz8edCkoWSC
As I walk to the kitchen in my small apartment, I begin to wonder... what does David do? He's never told me. He must have a pretty good job to own two houses, but somehow, I've been fuckíng the man for weeks now and I still don't know.460Please respect copyright.PENANAik66KBA9IF
460Please respect copyright.PENANAbLzQDk0Vup
I shrug off the thought, and reach up to open the cabinet and pull down the jar of Jablum Instant Coffee, I feel a sharp pain in the left side of my pelvis.460Please respect copyright.PENANAobmWDLLHZv
460Please respect copyright.PENANAdt4wNkxRL3
"Fuck," I hiss, bending over.460Please respect copyright.PENANAqwELpy2B3X
460Please respect copyright.PENANAAT9TCtuDxg
This is what you get for not eating dinner last night. Gas pains.460Please respect copyright.PENANAWZdkV8ztkw
460Please respect copyright.PENANAdizhnVKGnQ
I straighten up and reach for the coffee again, this time retrieving it, and make myself a cup of steaming black coffee with scrambled eggs and bread along with it (I'm too lazy to do anything else).460Please respect copyright.PENANAXIT460k8Ge
460Please respect copyright.PENANAuyM2268ieL
So, back to David. What does he do? For some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if he was into some shady shit. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAgExbSFvjtr
460Please respect copyright.PENANAu6LxYFPetP
Oh, well. 460Please respect copyright.PENANALnsYuQ8uTl
460Please respect copyright.PENANAwx0S3K6JeK
I guess I'll just have to ask the next time I see him. I make a mental note to do so, and even though I'm extremely forgetful, I'm pretty sure that I'll remember this.460Please respect copyright.PENANA5UOB5Bhu3a
460Please respect copyright.PENANAY4yishSk4T
After resolving to ask David about his occupation the next time we speak, I continue to eat, not really for the taste of the food, but rather out of necessity. It's something that happens to me sometimes — I don't feel the urge to eat, but I know that I have to do I force myself to.460Please respect copyright.PENANAphw3BeJfgt
460Please respect copyright.PENANA9wZAt1kFpe
On other occasions, I'm like a pig, consuming everything in sight until I feel as if I'm about to burst like that poor man at the end of 'Monty Python's The Meaning of Life'. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAJ3EwxjTRiU
460Please respect copyright.PENANA78ka2GZ73L
I have no idea why my eating patterns are so random — they aren't affected by my mood or period, they just seem inconsistent.460Please respect copyright.PENANAFs6uKS5Xb1
460Please respect copyright.PENANAe9gSqXX68s
After I finish and wash up the plates, I go back to my room and check my phone.460Please respect copyright.PENANAPIrkfJu6mu
460Please respect copyright.PENANAzfKbmbSEOu
I have two missed calls from none other than Marcus.460Please respect copyright.PENANAE19ZCgJZug
460Please respect copyright.PENANAe4eafxvPP6
"Answer your goddamn phone," he growls when I call him back.460Please respect copyright.PENANAC5vbJC9s1x
460Please respect copyright.PENANASLLQ3WqxNG
"Whatever. Why are you calling me?"460Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2PqyMFvku
460Please respect copyright.PENANA6nJyrOTxLA
"You have a new job offering. It's an event. But—"460Please respect copyright.PENANA9tsilNrbYB
460Please respect copyright.PENANAIUCVto1Kvl
"I—"460Please respect copyright.PENANAgarEb9j67t
460Please respect copyright.PENANAChSRglk9R2
"But—"460Please respect copyright.PENANAZhpdaYbHKj
460Please respect copyright.PENANA0fPahq8MML
"You—"460Please respect copyright.PENANAfwS3JASBzE
460Please respect copyright.PENANAEFF81hERC0
"But," he says, drawing out the word so that I will let him continue.460Please respect copyright.PENANAklX0urhGHJ
460Please respect copyright.PENANA6s5a9LhNQT
I shut up.460Please respect copyright.PENANA6UqtaYgVHN
460Please respect copyright.PENANArgfe5FR3Xi
"It's a free speaking/poetry open mic event. They're offering thirty thousand, because they're a little low on funding, but—"460Please respect copyright.PENANA2Gkn4zuk1L
460Please respect copyright.PENANAMyWrjRcw5Y
"I'll go," I say before he can finish his sentence. I love poetry — and he knows it. I love reading it, I love writing it, I love hearing it. There's no way I'm passing up this opportunity.460Please respect copyright.PENANAtfnMWh3wH5
460Please respect copyright.PENANARoVqIk8ogp
"Great. It's on Thursday coming at nine p.m. I'll text you the address and remember to get there early."460Please respect copyright.PENANAVGucTaBOZC
460Please respect copyright.PENANAkJNiIvLRnn
"Yes, sir!" I say in mock salute.460Please respect copyright.PENANAvbFMKhAZ2L
460Please respect copyright.PENANATn5y1tzsKY
I hear him laugh through the phone.460Please respect copyright.PENANAjXNvaMFjlX
460Please respect copyright.PENANA2fIqmYfFWq
"By, Leah."460Please respect copyright.PENANAOEuLjhokDp
460Please respect copyright.PENANA2aRHU4RR2A
"Bye."460Please respect copyright.PENANATD5Zaiohvv
460Please respect copyright.PENANAuq5BzsbgSw
I sigh as I hang up the phone. Today is Monday. What is it with all of the late bookings? 460Please respect copyright.PENANAuLTCSfOuy4
460Please respect copyright.PENANAeZfKeQQ1Nu
Well, at least you aren't broke anymore.460Please respect copyright.PENANAgYW4e1mjak
460Please respect copyright.PENANAmo6GfAqzGd
With that optimistic thought in mind, I go back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.460Please respect copyright.PENANAflFddQH7tK
460Please respect copyright.PENANA5tfpIkwoAg
460Please respect copyright.PENANAVGmBMbDjpW
***460Please respect copyright.PENANACF5CWGg21J
460Please respect copyright.PENANAPEeK07jXFR
460Please respect copyright.PENANAYXHkS4InAY
Poetic Justice is a small, intimate setting. It is located outdoors, and has a small stage area with a few small tables and a bar located at the back.460Please respect copyright.PENANALJh0YE7OGh
460Please respect copyright.PENANA9w5ySPTKfe
"Hello, you must be Leah," says a young woman who has just approached me, dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey blouse.460Please respect copyright.PENANAjdejR6lBLL
460Please respect copyright.PENANAyr9omABEUu
"Good evening. Andrea, right?" I ask. That's the name Marcus gave me.460Please respect copyright.PENANA355u6CG4Bu
460Please respect copyright.PENANAU49zVsaYYY
"Yes," she replies, and begins to walk, so naturally, I walk with her.460Please respect copyright.PENANAUbOYq3WL7H
460Please respect copyright.PENANAS8nciVmRID
"The bar is straight to the back. Have whatever you want; I've already told the bartender that your drinks are on the house. And feel free to come up and do a little poem; putting down the camera for five minutes won't hurt," she says with a smile, then turns and walks away.460Please respect copyright.PENANAsTsJyp2DyB
460Please respect copyright.PENANASsUKqp5qNM
Well that's an odd offer. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAZzelIzxNRT
460Please respect copyright.PENANAF1qRuKR7oR
I sigh and place my camera bag on a table near to me and start to set up my camera.460Please respect copyright.PENANAFFguLUfC9F
460Please respect copyright.PENANAdejd72qfvB
"Leah," I hear in a voice that is all to familiar.460Please respect copyright.PENANAMUGHCiIAhy
460Please respect copyright.PENANAU1r1HsXlv3
"David?" I reply, spinning to face him. "What are you doing here?"460Please respect copyright.PENANAiLU7FdnQAN
460Please respect copyright.PENANAfQJdrTBrJ3
"I come here all the time," he replies, his eyebrows knitted together, "and I love poetry."460Please respect copyright.PENANA59bbUWEZ48
460Please respect copyright.PENANA1R2G2DKxLC
"So do I."460Please respect copyright.PENANALLZLIFRuBE
460Please respect copyright.PENANAHSEw8v8aOJ
I now have my camera in my hand, and I remember the pressing question that I had for him.460Please respect copyright.PENANACmsHl25LbU
460Please respect copyright.PENANAAsVLb6cIRG
"What do you do for a living?" I blurt out.460Please respect copyright.PENANAyBpG8kUmGI
460Please respect copyright.PENANAOhlnuglmvF
To be honest, I'm prepared to hear anything; from a drug dealer, to a pimp. I wouldn't judge him, though.460Please respect copyright.PENANAjgE0adxNRN
460Please respect copyright.PENANAz5NGTrcLS7
"I'm a graphic designer."460Please respect copyright.PENANAIbZbi0m4B3
460Please respect copyright.PENANAeuvL9QbqxG
Well I wasn't expecting that.460Please respect copyright.PENANAedL5TxgV8s
460Please respect copyright.PENANACq1M1agU5T
"I also sell ganja on the side. I have links with a ganja farmer."460Please respect copyright.PENANA0jkaAnAfNT
460Please respect copyright.PENANA7pemWuA4Fq
That's more like it.460Please respect copyright.PENANAbCrzVNHca3
460Please respect copyright.PENANAsI4Y65cnDM
We stand there in silence for a few seconds, and then he clears his throat.460Please respect copyright.PENANAXt4vO7ifjk
460Please respect copyright.PENANARTLJibhZWt
"I have to, use the bathroom. See you later."460Please respect copyright.PENANA4iRpm0wWIt
460Please respect copyright.PENANAD15C6hU5lV
"Okay. Bye."460Please respect copyright.PENANAHlHqSxu1zX
460Please respect copyright.PENANAT1DIHMW5df
He walks off and I go to the bar and get myself a glass of ginger ale. I stand idly by the bar for a few moments, and before I know it, Andrea is on the stage.460Please respect copyright.PENANArJUA6FNjGj
460Please respect copyright.PENANA6r0N0otYIm
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrea, and tonight, I'll be your hostess. So as you are all probably aware, we are having a poetry/free speaking open mic event tonight. Who would like to go first?"460Please respect copyright.PENANA9TUdO7EG5N
460Please respect copyright.PENANAxdiHhreyoP
A young girl around my age walks awkwardly up to the stage, and performs a dramatic rendition of Dry Foot Bwoy by Louise Bennett.460Please respect copyright.PENANA9b9263OVLd
460Please respect copyright.PENANABgF32kzHOo
As the night continues, I find myself being more and more entertained. One man performs a ballad inspired by his daughter; a young boy performs a free verse dedicated to his mother in the audience. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAtpn833GW7Y
460Please respect copyright.PENANAT4xd04Cyur
Then, a tall gentleman steps onto the stage.460Please respect copyright.PENANAMcqk1ln3Lw
460Please respect copyright.PENANAn2Ts8B9nu5
"Hello. My name is Henry."460Please respect copyright.PENANAz4C6HwffEy
460Please respect copyright.PENANAbznifC4k4F
People in the crowd say their greetings.460Please respect copyright.PENANA5QwrQE6bfe
460Please respect copyright.PENANAvFuL8ykUFp
"Tonight, I will be performing a free verse poem I wrote."460Please respect copyright.PENANA4j3e0627Cw
460Please respect copyright.PENANAoiRrBqK8o9
He clears his voice, then begins.460Please respect copyright.PENANA6BWZoljClW
460Please respect copyright.PENANA7nFI7rl4Go
"Have you ever been in love?460Please respect copyright.PENANAt1FuUKuz22
Had your soul so deeply entwined460Please respect copyright.PENANAycUPHllFjz
With another's460Please respect copyright.PENANAWYdJTitHx8
That you cannot figure where yours ends460Please respect copyright.PENANAZUJ9O8u2uH
And theirs begins?460Please respect copyright.PENANAdgsJA3TBRq
So madly and deeply in love460Please respect copyright.PENANAojwgKKnvWP
That that person's heart beats with yours;460Please respect copyright.PENANA82r8pF2lxt
Just looking at them is blinding; 460Please respect copyright.PENANAy0HAo1N3EI
It's like staring at a supernova 460Please respect copyright.PENANAbVNG5BDvZC
But you do it anyway460Please respect copyright.PENANAVhi41GsTyF
Because when she's there460Please respect copyright.PENANAd5fzZK2iZP
Logic and Reason die."460Please respect copyright.PENANASqmUuj7hPg
460Please respect copyright.PENANAI2aEhFCG7q
I feel my stomach curl with unease, tension filling my body, because I know that it's going to go downhill — I can feel it.460Please respect copyright.PENANATPwsVt7O8z
460Please respect copyright.PENANA4TlqmWiDOK
"Now imagine what it feels like 460Please respect copyright.PENANAh06sH9xN7k
To have that person460Please respect copyright.PENANAN6khdt3PNF
Ripped 460Please respect copyright.PENANAcU4GQTNPTM
From your life;460Please respect copyright.PENANAm5advRuLSb
Torn away from you.460Please respect copyright.PENANAzQXEwDe5HD
You can't breathe. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAfSXqzOsukL
You're dead, yet you aren't,460Please respect copyright.PENANA1AryhLnrCW
You still 460Please respect copyright.PENANANC1KE68F83
Walk460Please respect copyright.PENANAlzKzNDCV0c
Talk460Please respect copyright.PENANAylfgWivT4T
Interact 460Please respect copyright.PENANAKRTPx04K5A
With the people around you,460Please respect copyright.PENANAbXjL9PmpJv
But on the on the inside, 460Please respect copyright.PENANAHuKhQKm5T3
You're hollow;460Please respect copyright.PENANA6VwvvnDXXg
Dead."460Please respect copyright.PENANAV7Kwd8XY8J
460Please respect copyright.PENANATflSHpefoC
This is not how my night was supposed to go.460Please respect copyright.PENANAHIMn81tP2B
460Please respect copyright.PENANAB4ZuV6yJ7i
"It's been ten years,460Please respect copyright.PENANArEl9HUsnxB
My love, 460Please respect copyright.PENANAOxL4pY5QW7
And every day, 460Please respect copyright.PENANATmDigHnMyn
Every hour, 460Please respect copyright.PENANAG9HkrAwBv1
Every second without you 460Please respect copyright.PENANAh2YfN9Nekv
Feels like 460Please respect copyright.PENANAomVYPUWQnj
Torture."460Please respect copyright.PENANA2xukS9CgeV
460Please respect copyright.PENANAgc5UrHpW6u
460Please respect copyright.PENANAnOkyEJkEcN
By now, I feel like I'm being tortured. I want to leave, but as I look through the viewfinder of my camera, I know more than anything that I can't.460Please respect copyright.PENANA3bZ687c88C
460Please respect copyright.PENANAHSLZpDampF
"I would ask for 460Please respect copyright.PENANAS4s0JUHwqS
Forgiveness,460Please respect copyright.PENANAzyo4sDgm16
But I can see that you've... 460Please respect copyright.PENANAp5lqqtUjzr
Moved on, 460Please respect copyright.PENANAU9k5sdyvKI
And found happiness elsewhere. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAxYq1CLaKxY
And I have to live460Please respect copyright.PENANAwyHXYCnPXW
With the consequences 460Please respect copyright.PENANAq8jCWjY35B
Of my stupid actions 460Please respect copyright.PENANAH9AwhF4Zp7
For the rest of my life. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAboRsEwcmMx
I have to live with this 460Please respect copyright.PENANAHDHp2kvxCh
Torture, 460Please respect copyright.PENANA4UeYZ0FvSH
This 460Please respect copyright.PENANAtziFVtkVpN
Pain,460Please respect copyright.PENANAEgj5bMk8gM
Because I have never stopped,460Please respect copyright.PENANAeeiJyfser5
Loving 460Please respect copyright.PENANApNBRKVUuBO
You,460Please respect copyright.PENANAXhUn2IVbNl
And I don't think I ever will."460Please respect copyright.PENANAcoLGfOYQVE
460Please respect copyright.PENANAYdOZzTXkVe
By the end of the poem, I feel like I might drop my camera.460Please respect copyright.PENANAzFR0AEMJ1E
460Please respect copyright.PENANAY1tKoSZREJ
All of the emotions that I have been trying to surprises come rushing forward as Henry says his poem, because I know exactly what that feels like. I don't want to remember it, but I do.460Please respect copyright.PENANA9EAiLtLW21
460Please respect copyright.PENANAt5pzkou9mi
Tears fill and spill over my eyes as the audience applaud Henry; I can no longer see Henry through the viewfinder of my camera.460Please respect copyright.PENANAN4qIRpTwJU
460Please respect copyright.PENANAp4Ih9RFpuq
This pain, this ache in my chest, this is what happens when you suppress your emotions, and pretend that your past is nonexistent, when you refuse to acknowledge what was once there.460Please respect copyright.PENANAyWZvp84FLF
460Please respect copyright.PENANA0vKej74uqB
Pressing the ignore button on the past — repeatedly, in my case — is not only disrespectful to the highest degree, but also stupid, because the past won't change.460Please respect copyright.PENANAFKow9glNL8
460Please respect copyright.PENANA1e8dWMp3Df
The fact that I'm in a place called Poetic Justice and my stupidity has finally caught up to me isn't lost on me. How ironic.460Please respect copyright.PENANAkrVf7KksJF
460Please respect copyright.PENANAd9AtrXyBC4
Suddenly, a strong arm is wrapped around me, and the camera is being taken out of my hand. I let out a broken sob into his chest as he rubs my back soothingly. I don't even know how long we stand there like this.460Please respect copyright.PENANAxgcOgyHLzj
460Please respect copyright.PENANApkhJSXv35E
In the back of my mind I know that I'm crossing a line, breaking my own rule letting him comfort me like this, but in this moment, I feel too broken to care.460Please respect copyright.PENANAnKA9L2r1Ph
460Please respect copyright.PENANAaaZAsGms7S
460Please respect copyright.PENANALmtHZCVcJE
***460Please respect copyright.PENANAcygA8sVPFJ
460Please respect copyright.PENANAf84LVfO3QO
460Please respect copyright.PENANAMyhFq2vZyL
We finally pull apart, and he looks at me cautiously, as if I'll break.460Please respect copyright.PENANAMnrmZ25ZzF
460Please respect copyright.PENANA4xdH06DZFk
"I'm okay," I say to reassure him.460Please respect copyright.PENANA0LE9ec0Rnp
460Please respect copyright.PENANAbKokrkMKYh
He doesn't look convinced.460Please respect copyright.PENANAgtykDVU9N4
460Please respect copyright.PENANAyiqJJXX3tQ
I look down at the ground and sigh, then look back at him. 460Please respect copyright.PENANAihykYjxoVA
460Please respect copyright.PENANAdRnTELJ5r1
Then I realise he isn't holding my camera.460Please respect copyright.PENANA60KOJWDXUh
460Please respect copyright.PENANAkSaTRalIao
"Where's my camera?" I ask frantically.460Please respect copyright.PENANAOi7KyyumSx
460Please respect copyright.PENANAomEDywnR6h
He nods behind me, and I see my camera bag sitting on a table behind us. I sigh loudly in relief.460Please respect copyright.PENANAeBR5jvPi4v
460Please respect copyright.PENANAwdYzTSL3pO
I look up at him, and maybe it's because of how vulnerable but safe I'm feeling with him right now, but what I say next just feels right.460Please respect copyright.PENANAwxn5uF0bU0
460Please respect copyright.PENANARXFpElQwRD
"I've been in love before; madly, madly, deeply in love," I say, my voice cracking all over the place. I take a shaky breath. "It hurts to think about what could have been; what will never be. I wanted to be a mother, to be the mother of his children." 460Please respect copyright.PENANAcolwWO5iX1
460Please respect copyright.PENANAUHx150R4dV
I'm hyperventilating.460Please respect copyright.PENANAV8bHgNS1nZ
460Please respect copyright.PENANAXZwkD9R1cV
"Breathe, Leah. Take deep, steady breaths," he says to me while rubbing circles into my back.460Please respect copyright.PENANAGLPLL1vNr9
460Please respect copyright.PENANAM50FN0AySJ
When I finally calm down he speaks again.460Please respect copyright.PENANAl2A99pVRT5
460Please respect copyright.PENANAyMRbeqMMPP
"If you don't mind telling me... what happened?"460Please respect copyright.PENANAS1wDQn2Bug
460Please respect copyright.PENANAao0fJOOgZo
My chest starts to hurt, my eyes are burning, but I owe him an answer. I brought this up.460Please respect copyright.PENANA0pOdUqXrAP
460Please respect copyright.PENANABYU6OjBNyL
I look him dead in the face as my eyes fill with tears once more.460Please respect copyright.PENANAFB5e6PRskq
460Please respect copyright.PENANA6fo68cuo8q
"He died."
ns 15.158.61.40da2