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~*FOUR YEARS AGO*~288Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVinZRCNSe
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Wednesday 3/9
What can I say? It's been a week since that therapist told me this journal thing would help me get better. Whatever better was. Was writing in a journal supposed to somehow make me feel better about my parents dying? This is stupid. Halmeoni puts too much trust in that so called doctor. She doesn't know what to do or how to make me "better" so she'll hang on the therapist's every word. I wish she wouldn't worry about me. One day I'd be out of the house anyway. I won't be burden on her anymore.
Today's my birthday. The first one without them.
-MYG
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Thursday 3/18
People are weird. They pretend to care just to fill the awkward silence that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Boring day. Decided to skip again.
-MYG
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Monday 3/22
I'm done with people. I'm done with everyone. I should've known when he stuck unusually close when they died that he was just using me to get people's attention. All he wanted was praise for being a good friend, selfless, brave. BULLSHIT! I won't even write his damned name in this book.
I almost killed him today after what he said about my parents. I was close to just throwing him over. We were four stories up. I wanted to. I didn't mean to lose it. I didn't even know I could. But I guess there's a lot about myself coming to light.
I think someone saw. I'll probably be expelled tomorrow. I'm so sick of this. I'm tired of everything.
-MYG
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Thursday 3/25
After skipping the last couple of days I found out I wasn't expelled after all. Even though that doesn't make any sense. I'm sure that guy saw me that day. Any sane person would've reported that.
The idiot who used me was too much of a coward to tell the teachers what I did but didn't hold back in telling the school all kinds of insane stories about me. No doubt to keep himself propped up as a hero and white knight. Everyone now thinks I'm an unhinged psycho. Preying on and manipulating "kind" people.
The looks from people changed from pity to disgust real quick.
-MYG
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Tuesday 3/30
Got into a fight today. The majority opinion of me has gotten worse and some people are taking it as an invitation to mess with me. But something interesting happened today. Some kid actually help me out. Well...not just any kid. It was the kid who saw me that day.
I don't know exactly what his deal is but...he seems pretty legit in wanting to help. I won't go so far as to trust him, but I guess I'll find out later. Besides, if people are being bold enough to mess with me now, it was probably best to at least try to make friends.
Being alone only made you an easy target. That's what that guy said today. And I don't disagree. We'll see what comes out of this alliance with Kim Namjoon.
-MYG
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Tuesday 4/20
I guess it's been a while since I wrote last time. We've been busy. Me and the guys. At first we were just scaring people off so they'd stop messing with me. So they knew not to mess with any of us. Now...I think they're too scared. But Namjoon says that being under threat helps people to uncover their true nature. For them, they were cowards. For us, we were natural survivors. According to him, it was our responsibility to bring people to the realization that they were "detestable beings" by putting them under constant fear and stress.
Not gonna lie, the guy is kind of intense.
At first it seemed a little weird. But I remembered my own run ins with detestable people who dared to wear the false façade of heroism and decency. When it was all bull crap. Everyone at school were so easily manipulated to think what one individual told them to.
Even the way I almost dropped someone off a building proved him to be right. Maybe I wouldn't have done it if my parents hadn't gone. Or if that jerk didn't use me. But shit happens. And when it eventually does our true selves are bound to come out.
So maybe he was right. Maybe this was just who we were deep down. Maybe this is who I am, what I was always gonna be in the end.
-MYG
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Wednesday 4/28
It was just snacks and soju. It's not that big a deal for a shop to lose a few. It didn't have to be! Why did that stupid old man have to come at us! Were a few bottles really worth getting hurt? It was his fault! He should've just taken the loss. He should've known Jungkook would knock him out if he came close to us like that! Idiot! It's his own fault!
I lost it on the guys later that night. They thought it was just because I was drunk, so Namjoon pardoned it. But...I was pissed. Pissed at the old man. Pissed at them. Pissed at me. Fucking hell I think I'm going crazy.
-YG
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Friday 5/14
Our middle school graduation is almost here. Am I actually gonna make it?
The doctor requested the school to switch up my classes. She suggested some kind of change would take a domino effect. Like I'd suddenly stop hanging out with my friends by having different classes. It was a new level of stupid. The school year was almost over.
But, the new classes aren't that bad...I guess.
There's a girl in a lot of my classes. I don't like her or anything. But she's just weird in a funny way. Totally unaware of her surroundings. Must've been dumb or living under a rock lately because she didn't react at all at the fact I was sitting next to her like everyone else did. Can't wait to see the look on her face when she finds out who I am.
-YG
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The sun was beating down on us on the tennis courts. I was the only student in the class who hadn't changed out for PE. I figured it'd be a good enough excuse not to participate much but of course Mr. Kang saw through me and required I participate anyway.
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We were to play doubles with each other so he let everyone choose their partners. Three of us remained unpicked. I chuckled to myself. Mr. Kang had a tough choice here.
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Naturally a teacher would pair up with a student if the class was odd numbered for activities like this. I watched the man with a smug look as he needed to decide between me (the delinquent), the girl (despite the recent, awkward rumors about him being a pervert), or the remaining kid who's clumsiness always exceeds expectations. The man cleared his throat loudly.
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"Well it only seems logical that I assist, Mr. Shin for today's activity. As for you, Min Yoongi!" He yelled my name angrily. "You'll be partnered with Lee Yurim. Don't be a burden!"
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I scoffed at his desperate effort to seem authoritative. Meanwhile the girl, Lee Yurim walked over to me and handed me a racket. Without taking it, I looked at her, confused. Was she still clueless about who I was? "I'm not playing."
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"We're not playing yet. It's just practice. Won't you hold it, at least?" She looked at me in the eyes, but they weren't afraid.
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"Whatever," I took the racket.
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"Let's go over here."
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I fidgeted with the racket in my hands as I followed her to a clear spot that was a bit separated from everyone else. I felt a weird sense of relief being away from the others. The girl then began rambling about how to hold the racket and how to hit the ball. And something about taking tennis lessons when she was little. I couldn't care less since I wasn't planning on playing anyway.
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"You're not practicing for yourself. You're helping me practice just by hitting the ball back. Will you help me?" There she goes again. Looking directly in my eyes. It was weird.
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"I guess," I shrugged.
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Several minutes passed, though I wasn't sure how much. Mr. Kang announced that the games were starting. Yurim didn't seem to mind if I sat out in the shade. She said there'd be multiple games happening simultaneously and that Mr. Kang would have his own matches to think of. I was surprised to hear her talk that way. She also seemed confident about playing pairs by herself. Would she really be okay?
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When she came up against her first opponents, the two guys asked her where her partner was. They looked guilty because of their advantage. She pointed at me, "he's supporting me from there!"
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The guys looked over at me before sharing wary looks at each other. Suddenly they didn't have a problem playing a girl who was alone.
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The match started. She was fast. Within the first five minutes she was able to score two points already. They underestimated her. Hell, I underestimated her.
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For the sake of time and to make sure every group has a chance to challenge someone, the winner of a match was determined by who scored ten points first. A point is made when your opponent either fails to return or when they hit the ball out of bounds.
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Yurim lasted a lot longer than I thought. Now she was at five points. Her opponents had eight. But the other team had started a strategy going. They made sure to hit the ball on each extreme side to make her sprint and tire her out. It was working.
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Yurim's pace began to drag, her breathing labored. She lasted a while just focusing on not letting the ball touch the ground. The guys grew anxious wanting her to hurry up and miss already. They were so desperate that their swings started getting messy. Wait, was she...
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The ball launched toward Yurim's left side, she ran towards it with her racket ready. But she checked it's trajectory and stopped in her tracks, letting it go.
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"Out!" She called breathlessly. "Six-eight."
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I laughed at the two boys' expense who were irritated at their backfired strategy. As the game continued, they also carried on their strategy like before. They may have been tricked but there was no denying it. Yurim was worn out. Why was she taking this so seriously?
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She sprinted back and forth, her feet dragging. The guys against her looked too pleased with making her run like this. They were starting to annoy me.
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The ball came back at her. But Yurim tripped over her own foot. The racket clattered on the ground as did her body. I jumped up to my feet and started toward her.
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I could hear the two guys announcing their win 'for the sake of her safety'. But I knew they preferred to take the easier win. When I walked on the court, their faces changed. I looked down at her, my eyes zoom in on the scrape on her chin. "You're hurt. Aren't you done?"
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She frowned and shook her head as though protesting any intentions I may have had to tell her to quit. I sighed.
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"Fine, get up." I went to the side to take my uniform jacket off before returning to her side with my own racket. "I'll take the front." I said as she dusted herself off. Her eyes instantly brightened as she understood what I meant. When I stood ready for the next serve, the guys across from me squirmed a bit.
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When the game proceeded, I wasn't good at moving like her. But at least she didn't have to kill herself by running suicides. I was just focused on not losing the ball. She could score the points. She brought us up from six points to seven in no time. In the next round the ball headed straight for my face. My body turned hot, suspecting it was on purpose. The anger put more energy in my swing that the racket whistled forward and met the ball with a loud, TAK!
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The tiny thing shot right passed the opponents head. Shocking both of them enough to miss the ball.
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"Eight-nine!" Yurim called. I looked back at her as she smiled at me. My mind buffered a bit. That smile gave a weird feeling in my stomach. But I shrugged it off and brought my focus back.
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"Do you really have to call out the points like that all the time?" One of the butthurt guys complained. "We're not dumb, we know the points!"
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"Ya, if you wanna quit just quit. No need to make up problems." I told him.
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Before we continued, Yurim suggested we switch places. I was at the back now. It was a little disorienting to suddenly stand in a different spot but I could handle it. Besides, Yurim was able to score another point in the front. We were even now. And our opponents couldn't be more displeased. One of them made eye contact with me. I gave him a cocky smile just to rub salt in his wound.
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Match set.
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I tossed the ball up and sent it to the other side. The guy in the front intercepted it with a passion and whipped it right in Yurim's eye.
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"Ahh!" She dropped her racket, cradling her face in her hands.
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The next thing I knew, I was jumping the net then punched the guy in the eye. He stumbled back and fell. His friend came and wrestled me to the ground. The two of us fought for the upper hand. I vaguely made out the voices of the other students. Including Yurim's, begging me to stop.
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Mr. Kang pulled me off of the other guy and immediately sent me away. No questions asked. He just knows I'm the one to blame. Idiot. It's not like I cared to stick around anyway. I walked off without looking back.
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Even though I wanted to make sure she was okay.
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But what did it matter? She probably regrets being nice to me after that. If she didn't know who I was before, she knows now.
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I was waiting outside of the principal's office. They called Halmeoni. I dreaded to hear her apologize to them for something I did. What does she have to do with it? On the bright side, she was an elder. Maybe they'll take it easy on her.
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"Here you go." Said a voice. My head shot up when I realized someone was here. It was Yurim. She held out my uniform jacket that I left behind during PE. I took it back slowly, perplexed. Her eye was a little red but otherwise fine.
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"I guess you're in trouble for what happened." She stated nonchalantly as she observed our location. Didn't anything repel this girl? "You didn't have to go through all this trouble for me, you know."
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"Who says I did it for you?" I defended.
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"Didn't you? When Min-seong hit the ball in my eye, didn't you hit him because you thought he did it on purpose?"
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"He did do it on purpose!" I snapped. Her eyes smiled at me as her point was made. "I...I didn't do it for you! Don't draw your own conclusions!" My face felt warm all of a sudden. When was she gonna get scared of me and run away?
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"You don't have to yell! And why else would you hit a person?!" She snapped back.
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I shot up from my seat. "Because that's just who I am! I hit people, steal things, break things! Why are you the only person who doesn't know that?!"
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"All that is 'just' who you are? That's bull! Isn't it because your parents died?!" She asked bluntly. My body went still. I wasn't sure what I was even feeling in that moment. A part of me felt angry that she'd spoken about my parents so bluntly. But another part of me actually felt relief for some reason.
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"Ya, Min Yoongi," her tone softened, "if you're mad that their gone, just say it. Be mad everyday because of it if you want. Just make sure you promise to move on and be happy later. But don't believe the lie that its just who you are. My dad says people who do that already set their futures up for unhappiness. Don't do that, okay?"
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Yurim patted my shoulder but I couldn't respond. I didn't know how. Did she always speak her mind so freely all the time? What is she?
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"I should go. I'll see you tomorrow!" She strutted off down the hall with high spirits. I stared in awe at her until she was out of sight.
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Saturday 6/5
Our middle school graduation was today.
I did something stupid. Probably the stupidest thing I ever did.
I just hope she's okay. I don't know if we'll end up at the same high school but...if we do, she'll hate me for sure.
But whatever. It was bound to happen eventually anyway.
-YG
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A/N: EXTRA CONTENT
Here's one of the songs that helped me write that also reminded me most of Yoongi. So I thought I'd make it his unofficial character theme...and an edit xD
Enjoy! And thank you for reading!
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