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It was a quiet day. As exam days usually were. It seemed liked the whole of South Korea put life on hold just for this day. The other students in my class were solemn as we all marched toward the gymnasium where the test would take place. Tensions and nerves were sky high. I had never found peace and quiet to be so tempestuous until now.
Just like the moment I entered the school's gates this morning, I searched the crowd of students for my friends. But just like before, I couldn't spot Jin or Hoseok anywhere.
Where are they? Don't they know what today is?
In my search, I was startled to meet another pair of eyes who spotted me at the same time. Yoongi blinked from their glazed and bored state, eyebrows raised slightly. His feline gaze now awakened from his idle thoughts. Part of me couldn't help noting his hair had been parted, his forehead peeking through. The unexpected glance hit me in the chest like a bolt of lightning. With a shakey gasp, I quickly looked away and sped ahead through the crowd. Tears welled up against my mediocre will.
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After what felt like eons, the exam was over. I hadn't expected my body to ache so much after a test. Though, stress could take physical tolls. Especially when said stress had already been instilled beforehand.
Walking out through the gates of the school, younger students who were friends and family of various exam takers stood with encouraging signs and gifts. It was sweet and heart warming. But I couldn't bring myself to smile for them. It only reminded me that my own friends weren't here. Neither Jin nor Hoseok texted or called me since that disturbing night at the warehouse. They promised I'd see them. I understood their missing school the first few days back at school, but I thought I'd surely see them today of all days.
"Ya, dongsaeng, I deserve a piggy back ride," one girl said before her brother patiently let her hop onto his back. The two laughed and poked fun at each other as teens should've done after such a trying day. I envied them.
A younger girl offered a box of nicely wrapped chocolates to one of my classmates. Her smile wide, cheeks slightly pink. The boy accepted her gift shyly before the two continued on their way, arms linked. Just beside them a group of friends jubilantly agreed to treating themselves to ssam.
Alone, I sighed, crossing the street toward the empty bus stop. As I sat waiting, I turned my phone in my hands. I wanted to text them again, but I knew it was futile. I had to have left about three unanswered texts to Jin and about a dozen to Hoseok. Yet no replies from either of them.206Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJDAYcDGrG
A sting in my eyes threatened tears again.
"We talked about this exam all year and how we were gonna celebrate after. How could you not show up?" I mumbled staring at the chain of unanswered texts to my best friend. The corners of my mouth dipped toward the cold concrete beneath my feet, my chin trembling. One tear managed to free fall down my cheek before I caught myself. "Aish! Not here, you idiot," I dusted the stream from my cheek before taking a deep breath.
Suddenly a shiny black car pulled over in front of me. I stared at it, startled at its placing in the space reserved for the bus. Was it even legal to park here?
The back and passenger door popped open. I had a fleeting fear that it was the gangsters from that night tying up loose ends. But my heart did a leap for joy when I saw Jin and Heejae step out from the car. Bruises still spotted Jin's face but it looked to be an improvement from before. His broad shoulders sported a black oversized hoodie. I jumped up and hopped into his arms. There was no other way to be sure I wasn't hallucinating then to feel him there myself. A much welcomed wave of relief washed over me.
As usual there wasn't much need for words. Still, I hadn't seen Hoseok get out from the car and I was eager for answers. I slipped out from Jin's arms to look at Heejae who wore her gray suit and a single cut on her bottom lip, "Hoseok? Is he in there too?"
The woman gave a worrisome look. Though mostly reserved, there was a hint of concern she couldn't hide. Straightening her posture, she said, "Mr. Kim granted rare permission for Jin to come and see you today. I'm here as his body guard." My heard fell flat again but I couldn't be picky. I could finally see one of the people who make me truly happy.
I returned my attention to Jin who gave his signature warm smile. He took both my hands in his. I didn't mind as it helped remind me that he was really here. For a while we just looked into each other's eyes. Before this, I would've been too shy to carry his gaze directly. Now, knowing how painful being without them was, I could stand like this for days.
After some time, Jin's expression changed. The smile stayed but lines had also formed on his forehead as he let out a seemingly regretful sigh.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
He hesitated and shuffled in place, trying to figure out what to say. "The exams! How did you do?" The evasive question took me by surprise.
"Um, I did my best, I guess. I was a bit distracted though."
"Distracted?"
I nodded. "I thought you and Hoseok would be here, so we could all support each other, you know?"
Jin nodded back regretfully, "but you went it alone," his eyes averted to the ground. "Yurim-ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through an important day by yourself."
My eyes stung again. I felt a lump form in my throat. I shook it off and forced a smile. "Well it's not so sad anymore now that you're here. Back to normal right?" Jin suddenly looked pained. My anxiety spiked. "What is it?"
"My family and I..." he started. "We're... going away for a while."
I stared at him blankly. My hands went limp in his. "Oh."
Jin's thumbs gently caressed my knuckles, but I could barely feel them. They were nothing but faint whispers compared to the creaks and groans of the walls rising within me. "After what happened, my parents thought it best to leave the country for a bit."
They're leaving the whole country?
"I tried to convince him that there was no need. I tried to fight him hard on this but... we got to talking - which doesn't happen a lot between me and my dad - and he actually seemed open to listening to me; starting over as a family. There's a lot about home that I don't want to leave, relationships I'd like to pursue," he gave me a pointed look, "but my family has some wounds I'd always wished I could heal. And now my dad is actually ready to admit and address that now. I think it'd do my future happiness more good if I gave my parents and I a chance to resolve things."
As grievous as it was that he was leaving, I could see and even admire how much Jin cared for his parents, even if they didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I focused on that understanding and nodded, "That... that's great! That's great news that your dad's finally coming around. I'm glad."
"Right? Me too. So, this... is the right thing to do?" He searched my face carefully. I smiled weakly at him,
"Jin, I think you've always had a gift for knowing the right thing to do. I don't doubt that's the case for this too," I answered truthfully. I wouldn't be so sad about him leaving if it weren't true. Jin had always been there for me, doing and saying the right things that always made me happy, feel understood, and little more wiser.
The boy squeezed my hands, "coming from you that means a lot. Thank you." Jin then thought to himself, hesitant to say more. "I considered asking something of you, but I decided it would be too selfish of me," he looked away sheepishly.
"What was it?"
He rubbed his neck with slight blush in his cheeks, "I was going to ask you to wait for me. But seeing as I don't know how long this move will be, it didn't seem fair to ask it of you."
"Seokjin-ah," Heejae interjected, "your parents are being driven to the airport now, they'll be expecting you to be there when they arrive."
"You're leaving today?" I stood shocked.
"In four hours," he grimaced. "I'm sorry it's all happening so fast. Once I get a new phone, I promise to call you. I mean... if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay."
Jin smiled, relieved.
"It's time, you two. Say your goodbyes." Heejae warned us gently. It wasn't a tone I was used to hearing from her. She's always been a gruff and, at times, vulgar woman.
Jin pulled me into a warm hug. "I know it's not really goodbye because I'll still be part of your life - I'll make sure of it. But still, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have met you this year and..."
I heard him expel a deep breath over my shoulder.
"I love you, Yurim."
My chest filled with Jin's contagious warmth. A whimper escaped me, my eyes pooling with tears, blurring my vision. I hadn't known he'd been just as thankful of meeting me as I was meeting him. After all that went on this year, Jin was able to help keep me sane. He'd become one of the most precious people to me.
"I..." I hesitated. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too but given my recent confusion, I thought doing so might be reckless. "I..." I whimpered again with tears streaming down my face.
"Aish! The bus is coming! It's time to go!" Heejae opened the back door of the car and motioned Jin to get in.
We looked down the road where the bus was approaching gradually. It only added to the anxious sense of urgency and lack of time. However, something else caught my eye as well. Or rather someone. And he was standing on the side walk. The bus driver beeped his horn, calling everyone's attention toward us, including his. For the second time today, Yoongi and I met eyes once again. Though this time, the seconds seemed slow down when we found each other. Everything quieted and I actually felt some sense of stillness for a moment.
Enthralled, I was late to realize that Jin had caught my chin... until he turned me toward him and kissed me. My heart stirred into a state of fluster. Jin's soft lips enveloped mine but with shut eyes, a lingering image of the boy on the side walk lingered on my mind. That same peace and stillness carrying on.
When Jin pulled away I was half way in a daze as he backed up toward the door. "I'll call you as soon as I can!" He waved and shut himself in the vehicle along with Heejae who had re-entered the passenger seat.
"Ah, that's right. Yurim-ah!" Heejae popped her head out from her window. "I slipped something in your backpack. He asked me to give it to you. Stay strong, okay?" The woman then slipped on a pair of sunglasses while the car pulled off onto the highway. Jin waved as they disappeared down the road. I waved back, still a bit spaced out.
I had no idea what I was feeling as I stood at the bus stop by myself again. So many things happened in such a short amount of time. I could only feel dazed and confused.
The massive form and hiss of the bus approached and stopped in front of me, easily waking me from my stupor. The doors folded open. Immediately, my numb thoughts were met with,
"Ya, look here. A bus stop isn't a drive through hang out, you know!" The bus driver scolded. "You're lucky today's exam day, so I'll forget it happened for today, okay?" The man leniently waved me on.
"I'm sorry," I apologized formally with a low bow.
Curious, before stepping on, I looked down along the sidewalk again but he was no where to be seen. It was strange. I didn't usually see him out here after school. Had I really seen him just now? Or was I just imagining him? Neither option seemed ideal.
When I settled myself down on the back seat of the bus, I couldn't help replaying what had happened in my head. Though it took a few recalls to remember what Heejae said about something she slipped into my backpack. He asked me to give it to you, she said. Could she have meant Hoseok?
Faster than lightning I search my backpack until I found an envelope that certainly wasn't there before. I tore it open and unfolded the pages within it. My limps buzzed with energy when I saw the handwriting on it.
It was Hoseok's!
As expected I laughed and cried, but I hadn't expected to feel completely and utterly destroyed by the end of it.
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