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YURIM
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We all migrated to the front of the warehouse where many of Heejae's security team waited with the handful of stragglers they captured. The foul-mouthed gangsters shouted profanities and death threats to the men who guarded them. The women with the purple masks, by this time, were gone. Now it was time for us to disappear too. My parents would go ballistic if they found out that I had ridden on a motorcycle to a den of criminals.
"I'm glad you weren't hurt," Jin said next to me. I gave him a thankful smile but his face all but broke my heart. I shouldn't have been but I was shocked at the man's lack of mercy. That guy, Jei really was crazy. "They were driving me away when they mentioned two kids who came on a motorcycle. I knew it had to be you two."
"So, that's why you came back..."
"It took a little deception but yeah," he chuckled. I couldn't figure out if I was impressed, touched, or concerned that he did such a thing in his state for us.
"I can't believe they went this far," I carefully moved a lock of hair away from an open cut by his eye. He seemed troubled by the thought. Moreover, ever since he came out of that car his energy felt jaded. I didn't blame him. "In fact, I can't believe I never knew Hoseok's uncle was working for your dad."
As always, thoughts swam behind his eyes but it seemed he wasn't interested in sharing them. He must've been exhausted. "I guess...there were a lot of interesting revelations about tonight," he added grimly. I gave him comforting pat on his arm. I didn't know what he meant by that but he must've been through a lot.
I looked around for Hoseok who was standing at a distance from us. One would think he'd stay close after being taken. However, I did sense something weird between him and Jin. The two weren't acknowledging each other at all.
Yoongi could probably care less. He was giving his bike a good look for potential damages. The cut and bruises on his face sent a shiver down my spine; even though he wore them casually like an accessory.
And then it hit me...
"Where's Jimin?" I asked. Jin didn't meet my eyes. By his silence I could only consider the worst in the silent anticipation. I couldn't stop the sting in my eyes as I imagined how much darker this night must've been. "No... don't tell me he's..."
Jin shook his head, "no, he's alright. He...he wasn't with us in the maze when they took us," he trained his eyes toward the ground. "We got separated."
I blinked up at him in confusion, feeling my forehead crease. Now I was really worried. When Yoongi and I heard one of the men who took them, he definitely mentioned a 'blonde one.' Why was Jin lying? Did something terrible happen and now he wants to protect me from it? Could he just not face it right now?
A shiny black car pulled up next to us.
"Alright, everyone under the age of twenty, get in," Heejae instructed.
"All four of us?" Jin asked before he and Hoseok shared a strange look. I watched them curiously before they broke their cold gaze.
"I call the front seat," Hoseok said walking to the car.
"I got my bike, but thanks," Yoongi chimed in but Heejae was quick to retort.
"You're in no condition to be riding right now. Besides, we want to maintain the story that the three of you were never here. On your bike you're exposed. We can't risk you being seen in this area or leaving it," she stated. Yoongi sighed. He didn't look very happy but she was right about him being in no shape to ride. "Don't worry, it's in good hands. You'll get it back. We would've given you all two cars to split up in but someone had to crash one," she looked pointedly at Jin who shrugged tiredly.
Yoongi reluctantly left his bike where it was and bade it a last look of farewell before joining us.
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The car ride was awkward to say the least. The silence was deafening. I also couldn't help but notice Jin chose the left side seat, furthest away from the front passenger seat. I obviously sat in the middle since Yoongi wouldn't be caught dead sitting so closely to Jin.
We were teenagers who escaped a deadly situation. We should've been talking about what happened and celebrating our survival with a warm meal. But I only had the grave silence that gave my mind too much room to fuss and question so many things!
Where was Jimin and why did Jin lie about him? Why were Hoseok and Jin acting weird? How did I not know Mr. Jung was in charge of the Kim's security? Surely Hoseok would've known and mentioned it.
Hoseok also said something about Jei being the only one who knew that he had something to do with...something. What did he mean? My mind was racing yet I wasn't finding answers. What did all this mean for tomorrow or after that? Why wasn't anyone talking about this?
I felt a hand slide into mine.
It was Jin's. He gave a small smile before returning his gaze out of the window. I didn't know if he needed it or if he sensed my anxiety. But he always seemed to do the right thing at the right time. My body relaxed a bit.
Yoongi suddenly sunk deeper into his seat with his arms crossed, his stony eyes watching the passing trees and buildings. With all that happened, I wasn't sure if he was angry or just drained. It had been a while since I saw his empty cold stare. He'd been so different from his old self lately that they almost always had some kind of emotion behind them. I wanted to ask him what his problem was but wanted to respect the silence. We hadn't spoken since the maze.
It was weird...
The fair felt like such a long time ago. The night in the Jung's garden, even longer. The garden was where my confusion started but it was at the fair when things became clear. When I finally realized — or at least I think I did. I wasn't sure now but...
A couple hours ago I realized that I was in love with Min Yoongi. But after what happened, I'm not sure about that anymore. We were so close to just abandoning the others when they were in danger. He might've been doing what Hoseok told him, but since when did he do what people told him to? Did he even care about what might've happened when he tricked me into leaving them behind? Did he care that they were in trouble?
The car ride remained silent the whole way, mostly because the others had fallen asleep. When we arrived at Jin's house, after he stirred awake, he motioned me to come out with him. As soon as I got out, he pulled me into his arms. His warmth engulfing me. It was the perfect alternative to calming tea after a stressful day. Perhaps even better.
We stood like this for a while. Neither of us said anything.
When the security guards came out to receive him, he didn't budge.
"I don't know when I'll see you again," he finally uttered over my shoulder. "My dad." He uttered hopelessly.
Unbeknownst to Jin, the uncertainty in seeing him again scared me. Now wasn't the best time to be without the few people who actually soothes me. However, if I shared how I felt, I knew he'd worry, so I stayed silent.
"I'd kiss you goodbye if my face weren't swollen or covered in blood."
I burrowed my face into his shoulder. Worry had a companion, it seemed. Guilt sneaked in just like at the fair where we shared our first kiss. It was only after I hadn't had the feelings I expected from that kiss, that I realized I didn't love him in the way that I thought. The way I wanted to love him.
I hugged him tighter. Little did he know that it was a secret apology.
"I'll see you later. Hopefully soon," he stepped back and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
We said goodbye and I returned to the car and the driver took Hoseok home next. This time I went out on my own, much to the driver's annoyance. The man mumbled something about needing to be off work at a certain time. Normally I would've felt like I was being inconvenient and bothersome, but I needed to know I was going to see him again — that he'd be able to explain everything to me later.
Tonight was the first time I had seen him in days. I didn't want him to disappear again.
When I got out, I remembered the map he drew out for Yoongi and hit him in the chest. Though it wasn't hard I forgot his body was bruised and aching. He winced, "Ow! What was that for-?" I threw my arms around him. He hissed and contained his pain before hugging me back. The tears pouring from my face were uncontrollable.
"You were just gonna let me have fun while you were in danger! Don't you know what I'd have to carry with me for life if I didn't catch on and something worse happened?" I cried with a cracking voice.
"I wanted to make sure you were safe, Yurim," he said running his hand over my hair. "And I'm sorry, but if you're gonna do everything in your power to follow me into danger, I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep you from reaching me."
I resisted the urge to hit him again. I wanted to make him admit what he did was wrong or at least burdensome. But he was only doing what he thought was best for me. Just like I was trying to do for him. If I accused him, I'd be a hypocrite. I could only cry and let the overdue relief kick in. Relief that this was all finally over.
I felt him plant a kiss on my head before pulling back with a comforting smile. There was something else in his expression that I couldn't put my finger on. I blinked away my tears and wiped the streams off my cheeks. I nodded and sniffled, indicating I was alright now. "So, I'll see you, right? You're not gonna disappear for another week?"
Hoseok's eyes flashed with guilt then patted my head, "you'll see me."
"Good," I wiped a drip of runny snot from my nose.
After saying goodbye, I watched him walk through his gates as I got into the car. A weird feeling came over me as we pulled away from the Jung residence and continued down the road, but it was probably just my anxiety. After all, there were only two of us now.
The driver wanted to know whose house was closest. Yoongi answered that it was my house and I told the man my address. I hadn't even noticed he was awake when I got back in. It suddenly made me more aware of the passing seconds, knowing he was up. I looked over at him, his leather jacket harboring a few scrapes and holes, his hood up as he stared out the window. His features looked softer now that the others were gone. The moonlight streamed in on his side and bathed him in its light. It reminded me of the night in the garden.
But that's exactly what I couldn't be thinking about right now.
Instead, I thought back to the maze. I was stupidly following him around and enjoying it when he was literally pulling me away from my best friend! He watched me having fun when he knew exactly what he was doing. Maybe the timing of everything was a blessing in disguise. I was convinced that I had fallen for him and then something happened that proved I can't trust him. Maybe at the very least it taught me how wrong I was before I did something I regretted.
By the time the car made a stop in front of my house, my heart had been saturated in betrayal. Avoiding his gaze, I stormed out of the car, forgetting to thank the driver. When I heard a car door open, I refused to acknowledge it.
"Yurim-ah," he said. My heart bled at the sound of my name in his voice. I sighed and turned, reluctantly meeting Yoongi's eyes.
"Ya!" We both cut our eyes to the driver. "I only waited the last two times because I was ordered to watch those two boys enter their gates. You two are just hitchhikers as far as I'm concerned," the man complained.
"Fine, I'll get off here too. Thanks," Yoongi replied casually.
"No, wait-" but the car had already sped down the street. I rolled my eyes, "you shouldn't have done that. How are you gonna get home?"
Yoongi shrugged, "walk...take a bus...doesn't really matter to me."
"Okay, well... bye, then."
"Wait!" he stepped toward me. I stepped back. He awkwardly regarded my keeping distance and hid his hands in his jacket pockets. "I just thought you should know: you had to do it. It was justified."
My head tilted to the right, face puzzled. "What are you talking about?"
"Hitting that guy over the head. You looked a little spooked seeing the blood and... I don't know you just seemed worried about something."
"And that's what you think I've been agonizing over?" My blood boiled. "You don't think it might've been due to my friends being taken and beaten by a gang willing to kill them? Or the fact that you tried to keep me from knowing about it?"
"Woah, hold on, I was just as much in the dark about it as you!"
"You had the map! You knew something was wrong and you just let me think everything was okay!"
"Hoseok was the one who planned that whole thing, if you forgot." He scoffed. "But, no, he gets a goodbye hug for that."
"He's my best friend, he was just looking out for me."
"And I wasn't? Other people are capable of having your back, you know."
Don't let him win, I thought desperately. I squirmed a bit before crossing my arms, defiant. "And what about Jimin's back? I bet you didn't even notice he was missing."
"I did, but what does that ha-"
"Are you even worried? Jin seemed pretty disturbed when I asked about him."
"It's not much of a mystery. He probably saw an out and took it. If Jin was disturbed about anything it was probably because he finally realized just how selfish that prick really is."
I stared at him, baffled and speechless. "I can't believe you're being like this just because you hold a grudge against him. Don't you know how heartless and evil you sound?"
"Yurim...you can't really can't be this clueless!" he scoffed in unbelief. "Hoseok knew what was gonna happen tonight otherwise he wouldn't have prepped a way to keep you out. Jin leaves that warehouse looking like shit while your best friend turns up unscathed. And his uncle happens to be head of Jin's family security from the gang he's involved in. I don't know if you remember, but his sudden friendship with him seemed a bit weird, no? Then he happened to go missing for a week after running into that psycho with the silver teeth! I wonder what he was doing all that time."
"What, you're saying he's recommitted to his old life?"
"If he is, I don't think he wants to be. I'm just saying maybe the people you put on a pedestal aren't as blameless or perfect as you so desperately want to think! And maybe you're only pointing fingers at me because the person you really wanted to be mad at is him. But being mad at me is just easier. I didn't do anything wrong and you know that. I didn't have to lead you through that maze, or ride into a death trap with you. I didn't have to fight and get my ass kicked by those guys just to distract them from wanting to hurt you."
Don't let him win.
"I... I didn't ask you to," my voice shook.
"That's exactly the point! Do you really not get what I'm trying to say right now?"
My heart swelled within my chest. Like morning dew, my eyes misted without a clue as to why. We both stared each other down during a beat of intense silence. I didn't know what to think or what to say. Thoughts raced without a path or destination. Within the mental chaos was a terrifying connection I didn't want to make.
"Eonni?" Minju stood atop the stairs to the apartment, her curious eyes bouncing between us. A tear drop fell when I turned my reddened gaze to her. Embarrassed, I swiped it away.
"Get back inside, I'm coming up." I turned back to Yoongi, "go home. Please."
I rushed up the stairs, skipping steps, trying to get out of his sight as quickly as possible. Being stupid as usual, I made the mistake of giving him one last glance before shutting the door. It was unconsciously done. Our eyes met one last time and my heart hurt more than it ever had before. I wished it was because I felt betrayed, but after his words, maybe it wasn't betrayal that made me so stubborn.
No, it wasn't betrayal. It was simply the look in his eyes that tore me up.
The look of regret.
