Chapter 14 (Endless chains around my heart)
Henry had become hostile in his resolve, after his wife departed. I guess the sanctimonious pig’s residue had finally rubbed off.
Harry and his wife were moving back. My Hail Mary came in the form of a telephone call. Long-distance. I listened, checked my passport, and other documents. I packed a bag. I bid Henry a pleasant fare well. He was no longer amicable in any situation.
My mother, my biological mother was born in Essex. I don’t care when. Why she came to this country I shall never know, thank God.
I boarded the plane. I wasn’t apprehensive, nor afraid. I chose to sit in the middle aisle, I didn’t need to see the place I was about to leave behind. I dozed off. But I sat awake for a long time. I was talking to Inkosi.
“I shall show you the exhibits. We can take long walks along the canal. The town I shall live in, is green Inkosi, the lands are rich. It rains nine out of ten times, but that’s not an issue. I am free. My biological mother had done me one favour, she was born in Essex. I can live there as long as I want to. Stay with me, Africa has its own allure, nonetheless I am of two worlds. I wish for you to see this one, the one I told you was made of ice.” I smiled, it actually hurt my face.
Gwendoline and Patrick Blythe were waiting for me. I left my trolley and I embraced her.
“My beautiful child, I thought I would never set eyes on you again.”
“I wouldn’t have it mum, it’s fantastic to see you, come Patrick will bring your bags.”
I looked at her swollen abdomen. “I do need a typist, and you are hired. We have a cottage behind our house, I thought you might prefer your privacy. Mum know one thing; my home is your home. My husband is your son. You came into my life when I was suicidal. As ill as you were, you loved me. I need to return what was given to me, in a very dark time. That’s all over now. Now we shall live mum. I am so pleased to see you.”
My heart smiled. To be called mum. I never thought I would hear those words. Patrick was dashing, considerate. The polar opposite of Harry. I didn’t stop smiling that day, even though my face was unaccustomed to it.
I loved the cottage. Patrick lived in a town named Manningtree. I shall call it my home, in time. If memory serves my mother was born in Rochford. I unpacked. It was a delight. I had a view of the lake.
Gwendoline gave me a tour of her offices. She handled all fishing permits, boat leasing. You name it. She showed me to my desk. Truly I cannot express the adulation in my heart. To hear her speak so freely. She drove her own car. Patrick well, he owned several businesses. I shall never refer to him as snooty, but the aristocrat in him was quiet visible.
That was the first night I slept. I cannot recall when last I had slept. I know I dreamt of Inkosi. It was a good dream. When I woke it was dark. I sat on my bed for a while. I willed him to show himself. It’s been ten years since he passed. I cannot believe so much time has passed. I truly cannot fathom how life flew by me. I need to live, so I can honour his memory.
I caught sight of a slight movement, out of the corner of my eye. It changed my life, and my beliefs.
A large cat had jumped through the window. Calico. It sat on the top of the settee having a bath.
Gwendoline arrived, punctual as always. Today would be my first day at work. She placed a tray on the table, then she noticed the cat.
“I didn’t know you had a cat mum.” I was getting dressed.
“I don’t. It jumped through my window, I thought it belonged to you.”
“No, Patrick isn’t particularly fond of the beasts.” I went over to the cat and stroked it. It purred under my hand. It had no collar on. It was a darn large cat. I picked it up. It lay with its head on my shoulder.
“I think you should keep it mum. I can’t tell the gender. We shall stop off at the drugstore and buy it food. If it’s still here at lunch time. I think you need to keep it.”
I placed the cat back on the settee, it rolled into a ball and slept.
This day was full of surprises. This is the day I met a woman that changed my perspective in ways, that are difficult for me to express in words, I doesn’t do justice to her.
Emily Alby is the Bookkeeper for the firm, and all Patrick’s endeavours.
Emily has a natural sense of humour, she is brilliant in the most unassuming way.
Totally oblivious to her beauty, and naturally charming.
Little did I know, just how deep our bond would stretch. Our friendship, surpassed the precipice of sisters, friends or confidants. I don’t have words to describe what she meant to me, nor what she became to me. I use the present tense as she is not deceased, thank God, she is very much a part of my existence.
It was drizzling when we arrived at my cottage. I do find it difficult to refer to it as my home, I shall in time.
We bought different kinds of cat food, these critters can be very picky eaters. I can say, I didn’t expect to find the cat there, I thought he would have left.
I opened a tin of cat food, he, I know it’s a Tom-cat, lifted his head and spoke in his kitty language. He rubbed himself all over my legs, I knew then he had marked me, he wasn’t going to leave.
Emily watched us.
“He sure is a handsome beast. What’s his name?”
I think I had paled. She took my arm. “Are you unwell dear?”
“No, I think I might be in shock.” I looked back at the cat taking a bath, he jumped onto my bed, stretched, yawned, as if eating was a chore. He curled up and slept.
Emily was standing next to me, yet again her intuition amazed me. “What’s his name?”
“Tiger.” She shook her head and smiled at me, when she smiled, it was infectious.
“The one you loved, what was his name? Do not think Gwendoline had told me. She has a strict rule at work, do not wash you dirty laundry in front of others.”
“Can we go have lunch? I don’t want to be here, just yet.”
We walked to a tea room, ordered and I sat looking at her, not for any rhyme nor reason. I didn’t know how to form the words, that has been locked inside my box for a decade.
We ate, and spoke about work, her calm exterior relaxed me.
“It is a very long story; I am not quite sure where to start.”
“Then tell me when you are ready.” I was ready, but the words eluded me. We returned to work. And I busied myself with a ton of paperwork.
Emily is married, happily married I might add, she has two sons. I looked at the photos on her desk, when she spoke of her family, a light went on in her eyes, she was still in love with her husband, that was crystal clear to anyone. I didn’t envy her, I blessed her.
A week passed and we no longer felt like strangers. When you least expected it, she would come up with the most inappropriate joke, and have one in fits of laughter. That was her personally, she loved with an open heart, she was kind to a fault. She never had a modicum of judgment in her eyes.
It wasn’t a matter of trust. I knew she wouldn’t purge. I was struggling to deal with my loss, it played over and over in my mind. I could see myself washing his body. Dressing him. I died a little. It was thee most difficult day of my life. Yeah I have been to hell and back and then some. That day, is one I cannot shrug off, not even his death has left me this bereft. It was touching him, knowing I shall never see him again.
The day was clear, I would walk to the cottage to feed Tiger at tea time. I bonded with him easier than with my new family. I needed a little time, I think I may have had Harry’s foul taste in my mouth.
At times, whist allowing my dictator to write these words down, I often walked away. I think siting there, and truly looking within was terrifying.
Emily invited herself to tea, we worked half-day on a Saturday.
“How is Tiger?”
“Honestly he is a darling, he seeks out love, and that’s rare in a cat, they are obtuse and independent, they love you, you don’t love them per se’. I have had many cats. And Tiger and his name sake, they loved me, as much as I loved them.”
Emily set the kettle on the stove. Tiger was standing on his blacklegs waiting for me to pick him up. I scratched behind his ears, and kissed his head. His purr reverberated through the kitchen. I fed him, he ate just about everything. I kissed his head, then I removed my shoes, and slipped my feet into my house shoes.
Emily poured the tea. As if reading my mind, she spoke. “My husband and sons have gone fishing. They do every Saturday, if the weather permits it. I have some time to myself. Nichole I do not mean to prey. Have you been to a doctor since you arrived?”
“No, I am tired of the prodding. Gwendoline brought me my medication. I shall go, once I feel I can trust a doctor once more.”
“The doctors in Manningtree are old school, you will find their bed-side manners, by far more accommodating.” I nodded.
A faucet opened up, and I told Emily everything about Inkosi.
“Oh Nichole, words cannot express…”
“I know; I have tried to form those words. I don’t think I could truthfully express how I feel. Not even after all these years. His cat was named Tiger…”
“We would read in the paper about the farm attacks.” I shook my head.
“That wasn’t a farm attack, it was personal. They killed him, because he loved me. I have walked with this guilt, since that coffin disappeared into the ground.”
Emily looked at me, with her stunning brilliant eyes.
“You need to rest. Gwendoline had a doctor’s appointment. Here is my number, call me night or day. When you feel alone, call me. I am here. Remember that Nichole. I am here.
I did my washing. It began to drizzle. I had everything I needed under that roof. A dryer, a washing machine. I wish I could paint a picture of the cottage, describing it in words can never do justice to its splendour. It was a large building, larger than the flat I had rented in Port-Natal.
I was hanging the dry clothes away. I could see the boats dock, from my window.
Tiger jumped up on a shelf, and he placed a paw on my face, yet again, I am not exaggerating. I wasn’t aware that I was crying, he lightly tapped at my tears. Eventually he licked my face.
I held him for a long time, he was such a comfort. I bless the day, he chose me. I kissed his head, and cleaned the cottage. It gave me great pleasure in doing so. I have not listened to the radio in years, and yet again, I didn’t own a television for many years. Harry had one he kept in his bedroom, I hardly ventured out of my bedroom. Once I ate. I sat down and watched a show.
Tiger curled up on my lap. Gwendoline knocked. She stocked up the pantry, and the fridge.
“Don’t give me that condescending look mum, Patrick bought these things.” She sat down and took my hand in hers.
“We want you to be happy, first and foremost. I know. Mum. I know he took your plates of food away from you. Because he did the same to me. I know, I watched as the weight melted off your body. I know you drink this amount of tea, out of habit, because it fills your belly.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I know the tears pooled over, not for my suffering, but for hers.
“I didn’t know.” Gwendoline patted my hand reassuringly.
“I know you didn’t know. I couldn’t burden you. Mum, you will never go hungry again, God be my judge. I use to listen to your tummy grumble, the few nights I slept next to, before he came in. I know what he did to you. I cannot tell you, the shame I felt, when I couldn’t protect you. I wanted to. I never told Henry, he was too far gone by then. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree; I say this with love for my half-brother. Eat, promise me.”
“I shall, I ate, my plate is drying. I need to get use to eating, be patient with me. if I push myself, it can only hurt me. I made soup, and I had tea and biscuits. That’s by far more than I have had in a year. Emily had taken me under her wing, she sits and waits for me to finish. It can be painful.”
“The baby is well, he is due next month, I want you to help me mum. You made me who I am, not my biological mother. She was a means to an end. I studied, and I worked, with one focal point all these years, that was to set you free. I am elated that you are here. that I can touch you. You are brilliant, I am pleased with the new system you put in place. Thank you. Enjoy your show. Mum, that big house, is yours as well, come in at any time. Patrick insists. He is fond of you mum. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his family, he sees you as I do. As our mum, and you will be the grandmother to our son. No one will dare take that title from you. Patrick’s swords skills are on par.”
I had to smile. “I am serious; he attends fencing classes once a week. I shall tell you more about his heritage. For now, relax. I love you mum; I have always loved you. Forgive me, for being weak.”
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