When hope becomes despair
Everybody is gathered near the stage, waiting for the groom and the bride. However, somebody is missing. I look carefully and notice that Ranveer's mom is missing. I go outside to check if she is still welcoming people. She isn't. I observe the hall to make sure she is not sitting with guests. There is no trace of her. I start to look in the rooms along the hall. Finally, I find her alone, in one of the room. Tears are flowing down her cheeks. I enter the room and try to know what is happening:
"Why are you crying amma ? Is something wrong ?"
"Nothing my dear, nothing..."
Her voice is trembling and she seems weak.
"I cannot see you in this sad mood. You know that I consider you like my amma. Since my mum died, I share everything with you, my pain, my happiness, everything. Please tell me, I will do anything to see a smile on your face. Did Ranveer tell you something or maybe somebody else ?"
As I talk, I can feel tears around my eyes. It seems that I am more sensible than I thought. The death of my mother was really difficult to put up with. My mom was my support and even though I sometimes fought with her. It is when I lost her that I understood how important she was in my life. In that struggling time, Ranveer's mom helped me a lot. She was like a second mother and understood the pain I was going through. I could not see her like this.
She waved her hand to tell me to sit next to her.
"There is no problem. Why would I worry when I know that my son is taking care of everything?"
After saying that last word, she looks at me with that charming smile of hers.
"Then, why are you..."
"I did not want you to worry. We do not always cry because we are sad. You can also cry when you are happy. As a parent, I have responsibilities. Today, an important responsibility is fulfilled. I know that if I die, my son would still have his wife to take care of him as a mother. And I know you will also look after him. I feel freedom now, the liberty to die in peace."
I misinterpreted her behaviour. She was right, when someone cries, it is not always because that person is sad. I always look at life in a very straightforward way. Therefore, understanding how and why people behave and feel can be very tricky to me. Emotions can be triggered because of various reasons. I add:
"Please do not talk about death. You still have a long path to go in your life. Death can come anytime but if you wait for it, you will stop enjoying your life. The chains which were hampering you from being happy are now broken. Please enjoy your life and make other people joyful."
I help her to stand up and tell her to come to the stage as everybody is looking for her.
It was not the first time that I failed to understand a situation and that I completely misread somebody's feelings.
Five years after I lastly met her in high school, I accepted that I would probably not see her again. I was studying in order to become a Physics teacher. One day, I went with Ranveer to a friend's house for a birthday. A lot of people came to the party. It was grandly organised as the hall was magnificent. They ordered a lot of food and invited a lot of people. I stayed with Ranveer and our friends. We had a good time chatting, eating and laughing.
As it started to become late, I suggested to Ranveer that we should go. We took some photos and started to go in the direction of my car. We were walking along the road when we saw a lady followed by a man. The latter had the hood of his jacket on so we could not see his face. We could say he was a man thanks to his clothes. Indeed, he was wearing a black sleeveless jacket and ripped jeans. His leather shoes were making a distinctive squeaking sound when he was walking. He was going behind the woman, keeping a certain distance as if he did not want to get noticed. He was following her, making sure he was not making any wrong steps like a predator waiting for the right time to catch its prey. We followed them as we felt that something bad could happen.
The lady was walking in a very majestic way. She was making long strides while keeping her body straight. That way of walking reminded me of someone. After a few minutes, she noticed that she was followed so she started to walk more quickly. However, the man was keeping up with the pace and was getting closer and closer to her. After a few steps, he was just two steps from her. She turned around and said something to the man. The latter took his hood off and caught her in his arms in the middle of the road. It was time for action. We ran towards them. I punched the man on the face without even hesitating once. Ranveer came to help me but the man was already on the floor, bleeding from the nose. Ranveer was about to kick him when a voice interrupted him:
"Stop... Please stop... Why are you hitting him?" The lady said in a trembling but still loud voice.
I looked at the lady and was astonished. I never thought that I would see her again, not after so many years and not in this situation. She was even more beautiful than before. She was no longer looking like a teenager. Her face was the same. However, she had short hair. The dark circles under her eyes showed that she was tired. She was probably working hard. However, that tiredness was not altering the beauty of her face.
"That scoundrel was following you and was about to harass you so we... "Ranveer stopped talking after he saw the man's face. The latter mumbled:
"What the hell bro, Why did you hit me? I was following her in order to surprise her."
It was Prakash. He was also coming to the tuition with us.
"Leave us alone, he is my lover. I did not ask any help. Please go away."She said with a broken voice and a certain fear.
At the time we were taking tuitions, she was a good friend of Prakash. Time elapsed and I guess they became lovers. He was also like us, coming to the tuition. Maybe he was smarter than us and also more good looking. I suppose that the jokes he was making, impressed her. It was maybe his personality, he was an outgoing and a very sensitive person.
She leaned towards him to see how badly he was hurt. Ranveer was about to say something but I made a hand gesture to make him understand that it was better for us to leave. We left them. My heart was broken. When I saw her face again, it was like a revival. When the word lover came out of her mouth, all the hope of seeing her and getting into a relationship with her, which I gathered all those years, turned into a great despair.
Now everything is clear. During the first class, she did not want me to sit next to Ranveer. That is what I thought. However the truth was that on the other chair next to me, there was Prakash. So her aim was to sit next to him. That stubbornness is now understandable. Maybe, she was already in love with him at that moment. He was used to make unfunny jokes. Nobody was laughing to them, but now that I recall, she always had an expression on her face which was between smiling and laughing when he was making those crap jokes. A lot of connections sprang to my mind and confirmed their relationship.
That day, I understood how I could be completely wrong about somebody. I understood that relationships involve mutual participation. My emotions were true towards her but she probably felt nothing towards me. My obsession, my hopes and my love were just one-sided.
Now here I am, in my best friend's marriage, sad in the inside but smiling to the outside world. Ranveer is tying the knot, I am crying and acting as if tears of joy are streaming down my cheeks. I am hiding the reason of those tears. Today, she is also getting married. She is having a marriage the same day as Ranveer's marriage. Now, she might be married to Prakash, to someone else.
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Relationships involve a variety of emotions,
The latter can be misleading,
Be sure that feelings are shared mutually in all the situations,
Or you will end up alone uncomprehending,
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