Divya
After that painful moment, I was back home. Relaxing was compulsory. I was watching a short film on YouTube when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and was surprised. It was Divya. We worked together for some years as lecturers in the Engineering school, the ENSEA. We did not meet a lot after she found a teaching job in another school one year ago. As usual, she was wearing her hair twisted and braided in a bun. I never really told her but it looked really well on her, it gave her something special. She was simple, without make up. However, it did not prevent her from being pretty. She was looking at me through her small almond shaped eyes. She was biting her lips, I could tell that she wanted to tell something important but that she did not know how to formulate it. I asked if everything was all right. She looked at me and told: "I saw your wedding invitation, you gave it to my dad yesterday." She looked at me more intensely, and continued: "But...have you never thought that I love you?... I thought that you knew my feeling towards you but now I heard from my father that you are about to get married and that it is an arranged marriage." The way she wrinkled her nose and the way she looked at me while she was talking gave me a feeling that she was angry but also confused.
I did not know what to answer. To tell the truth, I never thought that this type of situation could happen in my life. In fact, my choice of an arranged marriage is linked to my belief that no women would be attracted to me. Indeed, I was well known to be cold to people. I was able to build relationships but also keep a distance from people. I never really had close friends. I mostly had colleagues from work with whom I would restrict myself to talk about work. Some tears were falling on her face. I could not even look at her eyes, merely because of my incapacity to answer. I never imagined that she would love me because she was really pretty and she had a really good personality. She cared for all the people around her whatever they had done to her. The main aspect of her personality that I really liked was her capacity to solve any problems by talking with people.
I explained that this is a surprise for me. I mentioned that in a few days I was going to get married. I insisted that she would definitely find someone better than me. It was not really hard, except my academic achievements, I am a really boring person. Until graduating, I was only focusing on studies and did nothing else. Even now, except writing I do nothing really interesting. I did not really know what she liked on me. I am not really handsome and I do not have a sociable personality. She took some time. She wiped away her tears, looked back at me and convincingly answered: "Do whatever you want, I will be waiting ... waiting for you." She kissed me on the cheek and went out of my house.
I was shocked about what happened, my eyes were widely opened for a few minutes. The way she pronounced those last words gave me a feeling that I never had before. Tears came from my eyes but I was not sure why. I did not know if I was happy because a woman told me that she loved me or sad because it was happening so close to my marriage. The truth was that I did not even know if I loved her.
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