What Now?
I tremble in front of the huge roaring fire, in a state of surreal daydream of the grand fireplace in the room that Colton left me when he brought me into his pack house. My blanket draped around my shoulders as my only modesty covering as he goes and fetches clothes. I’m tucked into the armchair in the corner, out of the way, while some of his pack pace around in the clearing directly in front of the flames, inwardly thrashing something out. They are wired, agitated, the air thick with the stench of testosterone, blood and fury and more are returning by the minute to convene here in this house. Obviously the pack returning from chasing off those vile murderous intruders. It’s all in their actions, their mannerisms but as I am not privy to Santo Pack linking all I can do is watch the animated expressions and occasional outbursts of a word here and there.
They know I’m here but yet are completely ignoring my presence, much like they have done for years. It’s not like I care. MY head and hurt are fragile, emotions barely keeping it together and I can’t stop replaying the horrific scene in my head of what I saw laid out in front of me in my on courtyard. Vanka’s scent burning my nose even still.
“Here” I jump when Colton touches my shoulder, so preoccupied in my own mind I hadn’t even realised he’d come back. I’m too nervy, too coiled tight and antsy. He drops a pile of clothes on my lap, a simple grey hoody, a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that I guess are all his.
“I’ll show you where you can dress in private” he motions for me to follow; his face softening and his manner follows. I think he can sense how not myself I am right now and reverts to gentle handling. He waits for me to get up, pulling the dark grey covering around myself a little more snugly before leading the way out of the room with me close on his heel.
“Cole? We need you in this!” A voice echoes his way and he throws the male back a silent look, eyes glinting as his wolf connects with his packmate. An exchange of nods and he turns his attention back to me to hold the door open out into the large spacious hallway.
“What the fuck is she doing here?” A nasty, biting tone spat our way as Carmen comes marching across from the open doorway in the main hall which is sitting wide for returning wolves and accusingly squares up in front of me, shoving Colton hard in the shoulder as she does so. It looks like she has just returned form wherever she was, robed in a blanket like mine and visibly grimy from being out as her wolf self. Most of the pack have gone straight to their rooms for fresh clothes on entry but I guess she thinks yelling at us is more important.
Something inside of me lets out a tiny murmur of a growl in outrage that she would physically shove him, come at us angrily after the night we have all had and I quickly swallow it down and drop my eyes to the floor as she spins on me hatefully. My bravado waning fast.
“Did you just growl at me? Reject!” She almost bites it at my face getting close enough to make me flinch. Snarling, scathing anger that makes my body bristle and for a second, I swear my claws begin to peak involuntarily.
“Leave her alone…Go into the main room, Carmen, I’ll be there in a minute.” Colton pushes in front of me to make her step back, intent on still guiding me away but his protective need taking over. She doesn’t like it one bit and the change in her manner is obvious. She gets even madder. Spinning to face him down instead of me.
“I am not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell she is doing here!” She spits a little more venomously this time, eyes glowing bright amber and throat eliciting a snarling growling undertone in her words. She is on the verge of turning and her wolf is already riled and ready to fight. I shiver not sure I can take anymore violence tonight. I may be healed but I’m in no state to have a femme go at it with me over a mate who doesn’t even want me.
“Trying not to die so I too can carry on breathing. Do you mind?” He snaps right back and extends a hand as if to say, ‘can we get by?’. Ignoring her hostility, exerting his dominance but even I can tell it’s not the right way to handle Carmen right now. She is running on extreme female possessiveness and green-eyed rage. Colton should be soothing her as gently as he is handling me, but he seems oblivious to that fact.
Carmen turns almost feral at his response , full hackles rising, and her fingernails extend to claws as her anger leaches out of every pore. Turning and ready to thrash it out with her so called mate because quite frankly, he is being insensitive to what she is feeling about my being here. If I was her, it would probably be my reaction too.
“Over my dead body you go anywhere with that mongrel! I forbid it. She shouldn’t even be here!” She can’t conceal her hatred and jealousy, barking an order that even I know she has no right to make to an alpha. Even if he is her mate now. I just sink down inside my own wrap of itchy blanket and try to not make eye contact in the hopes she runs out of steam. Submissive, nervous and just too tired for this. Doing anything with Colton is not high on my list of priorities right now, when I just had the worst night of my life. I have bigger problems that teen drama and broken hearts.
“It’s called trust. She’s here for protection and I am showing her to a room so she can pull herself together….. nothing else. Don’t assume you can tell me what to do, Carmen; that’s not how this works.” There’s an edge to his tone but as of yet, his dominant vibe is playing cool and humouring her a little. He is aware he could shut her down with that one tone, but he’s not trying to. I think it’s dawning on him that she’s mad because she’s insecure and I’m the very good reason to be so. I can’ imagine what it’s like to have the love of your life suddenly start to love another.
“Trust!! Don’t make me laugh. Where was that trust when you were inches from marking this little tramp? I wouldn’t trust you with her, any day of the week. I meant nothing in that moment.”
“Well it’s just as well we aren’t dating right now then isn’t it. Might be an issue otherwise.” Colton snaps back, surprising me with that little statement, shoves her aside aggressively before turning to catch my hand firmly and yanks me with him. I yelp at the sudden motion and almost drop to clothes I’m holding to my chest, anchoring my blanket I place. Distracted by his warm touch in my cool hand and by the absolute hatred being thrown at me from poisonous glares.
“I swear. You get one shot Cole. You fuck up a second time and we won’t ever be mates. I won’t even try to forgive you again. I mean it. Don’t fucking touch her!” She yells it after us, a stifled sob mixed with utter bitterness and I can smell the stench of the betrayal which fuels her. He bristles lightly but just keeps pulling me across the hall without looking back, his mood taking a turn and I can taste his own aggression starting to peak.
“Like you have in the first place.” He snarls under his breath, out of her ear shot and I just stare at his muscular back and shoulders and try not to react in any kind of way. I never thought I would ever see the Packdoms dream couple talking to one another like this, or for Colton to be so cold towards her.
I’m supposed to be fixing things with her and rebuilding trust. Fat chance when she throws it at me every second of every day.
It’s said in link and I dart a glance back at the seething bitch watching us go before hurrying to close the gap and pull my hand out of his with irritation. Something rising up from inside of me, but I try and ignore it.
I’m sorry that I ruined things between you.
Even though it hurts me for the obvious reason that there is a Carmen and they are trying to work it out, I am sorry that I screwed it up for him. I feel like I should be apologising for something anyway.
“Just remember who you chose as your mate, Colton Santo….. Remember you made a choice. A commitment. Remember you chose ME over HER!” She yells it as we reach a door diagonally from the one we came out of, and he throws her a look back. Carmen is full on shaking with a mix of anger and hysteria, obviously torn about her mate dragging his bod to some secluded room to dress. I can a most taste her mistrust and panic and can’t help but pick up on her projections of seeing his kissing me that night. She’s completely absorbed in her own misery.
“Yeah, I made a choice, but that doesn’t seem to register with you does it. I denied the fates and stuck with you, yet it doesn’t seem to weigh up to much. I am still dealing with this shit every day.”
Oozing with sarcasm and simmering anger, he opens the door ushering me inside with a gentle push, one of his hands sliding behind me, but stays out there glaring at her in a war of angry snarls. I duck under his arm and turn to grip the handle of the bathroom door to shut it, but he still has his on the edge up top holding it open. I sigh inwardly, just wanting to be free of this little battle and not stuck witnessing it.
“That’s because I am the mate you were meant for… not that reject. Just remember that in all of this; that it was me you first loved and me that was made for you. You betrayed me and I have every right to be mad about that.” Her tone is more pained sadness than rage now, but he misses it entirely.
“Actually….I think if anyone should be mad, then it’s Lorey. I literally denied the fates and abandoned her to take up my place with a chick, the fates obviously didn’t pick. How about go be mad with them for not agreeing that you were made for me.” He spits it at her, and her instant gawping shock and sharp inhale make me wince. That had to sting. I mean it made me flinch and it wasn’t even about me.
Colton is obviously pissed. I mean to say something as hurtful as that to the girl he is meant to be repairing his bond with. I clock on to the fact my mouth is sagging open and I quickly shut it and turn inside trying to yank the door with me, sighing with relief when he realises he is still jamming it open and lets it go.
“Screw you, Colton.” She screams it at him, that piercing high pitch sound that sends me into a slumping cringe as I grab my ears and attempt to keep the pain out. I literally sync with Colton crumbling in the same kind of agony and know her ‘gift’ has just been used against us once more. She really likes to throw that around.
It stops as quickly as it hits and then in eerie silence, I pick myself up from the floor, pushing the bathroom door to click fully closed with my foot and hurry to pull his clothes on. Shaking from that assault and hoping to god she has run off to carry on her hysterics somewhere her screams can’t burst my eardrums.
You okay? Carmen needs to control her gift when she’s mad. That girl gives major headache.
He links again, from the other side of the door and I just nod, stupidly forgetting he can’t see me. Not that it matters as he continues anyway, his voice tense as he comes through and I can pick up on the frustration and turmoil in his emotions, wondering if it’s why I feel so tetchy too. A deep irritation rising in me that I assume is what he is feeling, and I am just absorbing. There is definitely a burning ember of ‘grrr’ growing in my belly and I can’t pinpoint why. Maybe it’s fallout from my trauma and the anger and aggression coursing slowly through my veins is some kind of temporary PTSD.
I shouldn’t have said that to her. She just makes me crazy lately. It’s like I have no patience for her and no real guilt over what we did. I know that makes me a shitty person but, we were bonded, and she has no idea how hard fighting that is. In my head we didn’t do anything wrong even though I know technically that I cheated on my girlfriend. But she wasn’t anymore…I mean…. We imprinted and that pretty much meant you were my mate from that second on and it blanked out all other feelings for her. What we did, was what we were meant to do.
He stops, inhaling heavily. Guilt instantly thudding down on top of me from my own heart and not his, pushing my irritation button all the more and I answer abruptly. Not sure I want to be the one he pours all his Carmen issues out on. I mean just this alone is making me feel sick with the stabbing pain it’s inflicting on my heart. I still feel the same way about him, so I don’t know why he’s trying to talk to me about her.
You don’t need to explain this to me.
In other words – I don’t want to hear this.
I know it’s just, this whole thing sucks. It’s a mess and despite her being the one I am supposed to be working things out with. I never stop thinking about you.
I inhale sharply and insta tears sting my eyes that I try to shake away. We went through this already and it’s futile talking about it again. I know what we are and that there is nothing we can do about it. This is pointless. He walked away and left me alone for these past weeks to really let that hit home. This, now , it’s all just fallout from something bigger than this mess. The attack brought him to me and nothing else. His survival rests on mine too.
Please don’t.
I try and shake him out of my head but I’m too tired to close the link when he is this close.
I know. I made my bed , right? I chose. And it’s not like this could ever work. My father would never allow it. I just don’t get why the fates would throw us together like this if we can’t ever be together. They’re meant to be the all-seeing power and every choice has a reason. What reason did they have to do this to us?
His angst is evident, and I agree but the way he is rambling makes me lose all patience with him. We were always taught to never question the powers that be, and this kind of crap could have all sorts of consequences for him. Not to mention, he is really getting me mad. It’s like he isn’t listening to the words coming out of his own mouth and his utter Prince Santo privilege just plain pisses me off. He has no idea.
You know better than to question the fates Colton. Don’t tempt a curse. We shouldn’t question.
I try a diplomatic, please shut up, but he misses it entirely.
Why the fuck not? They gave me you, and an inability to do anything about it. They made us love one another In a way that nothing will ever be able to kill and then they made sure we couldn’t ever act on it. This is a curse! I can’t even be around you without someone busting my ass, let alone touch you.
I fall silent as I pull on the last item from the pile, gritting my teeth as that ember erupts into a little flame pushing my nerves taught. A small candle sized one that hits in the dark recess and instantly glows and grows to epic proportions of robust flame that moves me to dress faster. I yank the door open, surprised to come face to face with him as he had been leaning his forehead against the door. His eyes glowing with the turmoil of his emotions, but it does little to dampen mine. They meet mine and lock on in that special way we have whenever our eyes connect but he isn’t expecting the response that comes out of me. Nor the rage.
“You didn’t even like me before that night. This, us, it’s not real. It’s something implanted inside of us by something up there. We would never have fallen for one another, never have crossed paths in any kind of way if it wasn’t for the fates. I wasn’t on your radar and to be honest, I didn’t even like you either. You don’t even remember me, do you? Before that night. You need to pull your head out of your ass and remember that. Carmen was the woman you loved and planned a life with, and you chose her. LOUD AND CLEAR! You said the words to me, and this is done. The fates didn’t stop us Colton, YOU DID and your family and everyone else in this hell hole that confined my kind to a dark hole on the outskirts and left us there to die. So don’t you dare tell me how awful this is for you because you have no fucking idea what awful is until you have walked in my shoes for the last ten years of life. You have Carmen, you have a pack, a home and a fucking choice in all of this. I never did! The fates didn’t punish you with this, they probably expected you to man up and do what they told you to do for whatever reason they decided on us! YOU did this to US! YOU did THIS to ME!“
I have no idea where this angry dress down comes from, but I deliver it in a raspy, accusatory tone right into his face. A powerful irritated lecture, snarls and throaty growls included and lock a penetrating gaze on him as though trying to pin him where he stands.
It’s true though. He can stand making speeches and regretful apologies from now until eternity, but the simple fact is Colton had a choice and this is what he chose. He doesn’t get to whine like some spoiled pup about it now. He’s an alpha for god’s sake and he needs to own it. Not act like some overdramatic teen whose parents are being lame and stopping him from doing something superficial.
He looks back at me in utter shock, rendered mute at my outburst and unsure how to even respond anyway. Even his mind link is silent. I don’t think any wolf this far below his station has ever talked to him like that and he doesn’t seem like he knows quite how to respond. If I was anyone else, he probably would have me pinned to the floor by the throat and reminding them who their alpha was.
I ‘arghh’ at him, shove him back abruptly and march past, simmering with this sudden newfound rage and I know it can only be some sort of delayed reaction to what just happened tonight. I’m not myself, I don’t feel like I am really here and to be honest this whole Carmen, Colton, Vampires bullshit and being brought to the home of the people who made my last decade worthless is all a little too much for me right now. I am angry... at him, them , life, The god damn fates. Most of all I’m angry at me; for being this weak stupid girl who wasn’t good enough to keep and too vulnerable to save her friends.
I lost everything and I almost died. I am terrified inside deep down from the monsters I knew only from stories who jumped out of the fables and threw me out of my own bedroom window. Knowing they are out there and close enough to really devastate our kind is enough in itself to make me cower for the rest of my life. They had a weapon, a sound that much like Carmen’s had the ability to hurt us and render us unable to turn. That means we are no longer the stronger in this newfound war and we can all be killed. I have bigger things in my head right now than love confessions and pining assholes trying to mess with my head while arguing with his mate.
“I am not going to spend my days whining about this crap. And I need you to just stop okay. The words you said in the forest were the end of this.” I turn on him aggressively lifting my palms in a show of ‘what now?’ meaning where the hell am I meant to be going in this damned house and he nods back at a door behind me with very little to say. He looks ashen, temporarily without words and not really tackling my mood in the slightest.
He looks shellshocked to be honest; right now, I don’t care. I have weeks of pent up heartbreak at this guys hands and I am done being a push over. My heart is shredding and unraveling now that I let all of that out and suddenly I don’t’ feel so pent up and hostile anymore. I feel like maybe, I might actually cry. From rage and frustration to a sudden need to lay down and sob.
I spin around one way then stop, shudder as the overwhelming wave hits me at full speed and the tidal wave of tears come out of nowhere. I don’t even have a chance to try and combat it before it hits full throttle. Coughing on the woeful sound that escapes me and smothering my face with both hands to try and catchy the waterfall as it pours out of my eyes.
“Lorey.” Colton catches me by the arm, tries to pull me towards him but I throw him off, putting too much force into shoving him away from me and sending him back stepping by about three feet. Startling him with my show of force as he raises his palms to show he won’t retaliate. Even breaking down like a feeble femme, there’s an internal burning rage that just isn’t not ready to die.
“Don’t. I don’t need you touching me, consoling me. I just need you to leave me alone. All of you. I was fine on my own before and I will be fine on my own again.“
Not really accurate but irrational and hormonal are not states to be argued with and all I know is I need to get out of here and run. I need space.
I turn and head for the front door, the darkness invading the open space as I reach it , sending an internal shiver of terror down into my stomach. I peer out into the unknown from a doorway I have never known and with the knowledge that creatures out there worse than us mean us harm. They could be anywhere and I have no place to return too now.
“No!” Colton yanks me back and I spin on him tearfully.
“I will leave you alone, but you are not leaving this house. It’s dangerous out there for all of us now and I won’t let you go.” He pins me with a commanding look, veiling a sliver of fear for my safety but I throw it aside and cast of his emotions that are starting to flood me once more.
I open my mouth to bark a refusal, but he hits me with a mental link and that dominant tone that instantly disables me.
You are not to leave this pack house without my say so and you won’t argue!
My head buzzes both with rage and sheer frustration as words catch in my throat and almost choke me. I can’t get them out, his gift being misused to confine me to his home and stop my need to tell him what I think of his ‘commands’. I instead throw my hands in the air, then sucker punch him in the abs out of intense frustration and head to the left for the bathroom I just came from. Hating on him for being such a bossy asshole and exerting his powers over me.
Colton catches me by the elbow, yanks me to the left and we head for the stairs. Not even letting me choose where I get to be alone and it riles me all the more. My fighting him every inch of the way and him refusing to relent, pulling his hand off my arm and getting mad when he just keeps grabbing me in other places. It becomes a juvenile game of slapping, grabbing pushing and he even gets me around the waist and tries to yank me from my feet before he gets an elbow straight in the face, crunching on the bridge of his nose.
“Fuck sakes, Lorey!”
He stops as we hit the foot of the stair, turns, bends and hoists me over his should like a sack of potatoes. Not playing anymore, his anger radiating hotter than the sun, but it only heightens my own. Carrying me as I start to squirm and wriggle and kick out, using my nails on his back in a bid to make him drop me. He just holds tight and does the worst thing he can do in this moment. He uses his gift again.
Be still. Be quiet. Obey me!
I freeze, motionless, voiceless and completely furious. Internally seething that twice in the space of a minute he exerted his alpha over me and put me in my place. My body obeying, my throat muting and I honestly don’t think I have ever felt this much instant venom for anyone in my whole life. IT almost explodes inside of me and fills my every pore and vein with a molten lava straight from the depths of hell.
I loathe him, more than I ever thought I could hate anyone in my life and despite being bonded and imprinted to this arrogant asshole I want to rip his god damn head off and throw it down the stairs.
That internal rage heats me like a volcano, my blood reaching boiling point, my temper shooting through the roof and despite being immobile, slumped over him as we climb the stairs, my mind and insides are churning up a tornado that would scare the fates. IT feels like I emit a solar flare when I boom out via our mental link.
I DESPISE YOU!!!!!
It’s a psychic scream but as we pass two other Santo’s on the stair, the very second it erupts form my mind to his, even those two males cower and fall on the ground grabbing their heads and yelping in agony. Every vase, glass, ceramic and pieces of pottery in the near vicinity explodes instantaneously, windows blow out all around us and the chandelier of the main hall hanging right to the left of the stair way shatters into a thousand tiny pieces of dust as though it just self-imploded. Scattering microscopic glitter into the air that comes to settle on everything around it.
It’s a second of utter chaos as though a bomb just went off in the centre of the pack house and hard brittle objects in every direction break under the strain.
Colton falls, dropping me on the stair clumsily on top of him as he ends up in a huddled heap much like every single Santo in the downstairs hall who just walked in. Now I can see them from my viewpoint. All gripping their skulls and screwing their eyes shut as it reverberates through and causes them all to collapse where they stand in a ripple effect. I’m the only one not clawing their heads to keep out what seems to be overwhelming pain.
“What the f….?” Colton is breathless as he tries to regain composure, he pulls his arms away from me and slides back to give me space. A look of fear darting across his normally emotionless face as he flashes a look at me and then on the carnage all around us at all the debris. I can sense his panic and confusion and for the moment, I can feel he doesn’t want to get any closer.
I’m dazed, bruised from being dropped on a hardwood staircase and completely non plussed about what the hell just happened. I feel like there was some sort of implosion around me, yet I am completely unscathed. And now. My internal thoughts, body and soul are completely calm. All that fire and rage, just gone.
“Was that her?” one of the males , crawls to his knees and pulls himself up from the bannister, stares at me in complete wariness. He too looks afraid and keeps his distance getting further.
“You heard her?” Colton spins on him and I pale as both men nod. Eyes darting to me then him and they slide down the stair until they get on their own feet and scale it fast to get away from me. Shaking legs, rubbing their heads and I can feel all eyes turning my way as others begin to pick themselves up from the floor.
The hall looks like Armageddon just rolled through and there is smashed glass, china and all sorts on every surface.
I know I did it in the headspace that only Colton should hear. No one else can access our bonded link. I didn’t say it out loud and as I move to sit up and gather my wits, I realise I am no longer bound by his command either. I cough and croak out a shocked reply weirded out that I can both move and speak. I shouldn’t be able to until he undoes what he told me to do.
“I didn’t do that.” I implore, turning to him with a sense of nervousness, wounded when he moves even further away. I can sense his apprehension and it cuts deep like he’s rejecting me all over again.
“What the hell was that?!?!”
Juan Santo bursts in the open space of the front door of the pack house, surrounded by his entourage of men, all dragging on blankets to conceal their nudity and looking feral. All casting an accusatory eye first at those who have come out into the hallway to see what’s going on, looking dazed and confused to join those picking themselves out of the mess, but then his eyes scan up to where we are and locks a hateful glare right on me.
I can almost feel his despisal of me and the pointed way his eyes flicker to Colton in an ‘why is SHE here?’
“I think that was Alora. I mean…it was, Alora.” Colton sounds sheepish and I can feel even through all this chaos going off inside of me, he’s afraid to come near me. There’s genuine confusion, fear inside of him and he’s keeping his distance. Bonded or not, right now, he is scared of me. He doesn’t understand what I just did anymore than I do.
“It couldn’t have been. She can’t have the power to inflict that kind of pain in the link state…. Or break everything as far as the eye can see. No wolf can.”
I immediately think of Carmen’s gift, wondering if maybe it’s coincidental and this was her. From somewhere else in the house, going catatonic in her own misery but I know it can’t be. She can smash glass only in the near vicinity when she sustains a scream at highest pitch for long seconds. It hurts our hearing, not our mental link and she’s never demolished everything around her the way I just did. Nor immobilised the entire pack with one pulsating yell.
“Alora can.” Colton’s voice drops in the air around us like a heavy thud and the deathly silence, wave of shock, fear and utter confusion his response is met with sends the fear of god right to the pit of my soul.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
