Homestead
The warm sensation sliding around me and the sudden weightlessness I experience wakes me up before his voice does. A feeling of floating as everything comes back to me and my brain re-engages with my limbs as warm hands and body transfer heat to mine.
“Baby, we’re here, wake up.” Colton’s honey tone slides over me as his scent submerges me in a firm cosy hold and I blink my eyes open to find myself in his arms while being scooped out of the truck as he stands by my door. The night is cloaking in around us but illumination from the front of me makes my eyes blurry as I try to adjust and screw them shut again quickly. Taking a moment to savour the weird in between state of awake and dreaming while being cradled. He has me in his arms, pressing me to him, one under my legs and one around my back while my face is in against the crook of his throat, nestling me in as the cool air brings me round fully.
I slide my hands up his expanse of hard chest impulsively, searching out a place to anchor myself, aiming to slide around his neck when sense fully awakens me and I realise this is probably not wise when my heart is so bruised. That getting all tangled up with Colton is the opposite of what I need. It’s far too easy to accept his touch and his willingness to add intimacy to the mix but I have to be stronger than him.
“I can walk, put me down.” I croak hoarsely, that sleep addled tone heavy and I wriggle to get my legs free. Resisting even if its feeble and thankfully he isn’t too set on fighting me.
Colton relents after a moment of hesitation, sliding my feet to the ground carefully, but he keeps me anchored to him with the arm around my waist and tugs me front on, bodily closing the gap between us and lifts his other hand to stroke my cheek. Rendering me momentarily senseless as that burning connection makes my knees buckle almost completely. He cups my face and pulls me in, bringing his forehead down to mine and pushes us together intimately. Our breaths mingling in the cool air and I am overly aware how dangerously close this is, a slight inch more and he will be kissing me. I’m caught tired and slow in reaction speed and somehow feeling vulnerable at waking up to his touch.
“When my mom is settled in the infirmary, we need to talk. We need to figure this out and fix us. I missed you more than you will ever know, Lorey. I’m never letting you go again.” His eyes stray to my lips and that crazy overwhelming urge to lean in and take what he’s pondering doing almost kills me. My own lips parting slightly as the tug of desire pulses through me with fervour and I am powerless to pull back when caught in his breath this way.
His touch goosebumps my skin all over, the low intensity of his voice drawing me in as if no one else exists around us and I almost weaken to the point of melting into him. My pelvis and between my thighs heats up to molten lava at this kind of contact with him and I almost have to press my knees together to gain some control. The haze is approaching and I guess it’s already starting to screw with my libido, or maybe it’s always just him and I’m still a weak fool for this man. More so when caught off guard and too sleep addled to think straight. So easy when this feels so right but I catch myself and finally muster the strength to pull back, covering his hand with mine and sliding it from my face.
“Colton…” I start to rebuff him, but he doesn’t let me loose as easily as he put me down.
“We can’t ignore how we feel about each other.” It’s a hint of desperation in his ravaged tone, mirroring my urges, his jaw tensing and squaring off which only makes those irresistible dimples prominent and those lowering brows bring out the cute boy face. Leaning closer and making it harder to breathe when my senses are just filled with him. It sparks that self defence mechanism in me though, that urge to run far away before he cripples me again and I slide my hands between us and push him away with enough force to get him to release me.
“Why not? You did!” I bite, stepping back coldly, as his hold drops and the sweep of hurt and regret is evident on that flawless face. It tugs at me, slicing my own heart with a sharp stab but I don’t weaken, pushing my pain and agony away and refusing to break. If he thinks he can be mated elsewhere but still have a side chick so he doesn’t have to live with the mistake, then he can go to hell. I won’t be some dirty secret that has to steal moments with him and share him with her just because he didn’t manage to break our bond in taking another. I’m not doing this, no matter how much I yearn for him, or how much I still love him. I have more respect for myself than that and I won’t be one of those wolves who bring shame upon themselves by committing adultery with a mated, even if we were destined.
He broke this, not me.
He made his choice, no matter what his reasons were. It can’t be undone.
“You’re angry and hurt and upset…. all valid and I understand why. If you need time to forgive me, then I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up. I need you and I will earn your forgiveness no matter what it takes.” Colton back in serious , soft faced high school hot boy mode, and I shake it off.
I ignore him, trying to blot out words that wound me to the core and turn to walk away, but he catches me by the wrist and stops me in my tracks. Tugging me back slightly and igniting further fury. Burning searing touch that was invented to torture me by being both the best feeling in the world and the worst. That bubbling temper beginning to dominate the pit of my stomach but before I can turn to tell him to back off, my thoughts are interrupted with a high voltage distraction.
“Chica!!” Meadow comes bounding from seemingly nowhere, darting at me like a lioness pouncing its prey, like a freight train and a tornado all in one and sweeps between us, hauling me off my feet in a bear hug and spins me around with alarming strength for a girl shorter than me. “Dios mío, niña, te extrañé”
She smothers me in Latino love, squeezes me so my ribs almost crack under the strain and then dumps me on my feet and grabs me by the face with an insane clutch like grip. She starts kissing me all over the cheeks, nose and forehead like an overbearing momma and it’s a furious fast barrage that doesn’t give me a second to counteract. I can only screw my eyes shut, pucker up my face to protect my poor features and accept this ambush while trying to unhook her fingers around my cheeks before she leaves bruises. She’s strong and persistent with her very aggressive affection.
“Mead….ddd…oowww” I try and wriggle free of those claw-like hands and the lipstick smeared attack on my face, giggling wildly at the ridiculousness but she is relentless. Finally once I am sure every inch of my face is in matching rouge red from her lips, she lets me loose.
“Oh my god, my baby girl, she has come to me and now I can die happy, knowing my Chica is home.” She’s being overdramatic, her accent heavier than usual with the surge of emotion she is spewing. She is still holding me in her arms but I have to say the feeling is mutual. I have never been so happy to see another femme in my life, as her. I throw myself at her for a second hug, this time one I can actually participate in and she squeezes me once more and I get to wrap my arms around he properly.
I can tell Colton has moved away, as his invasive presence releases the strangle hold on my heart and a quick glance tells me they are at the rear removing his mother’s bed as members of the pack move into help. There’s a lot of chatter as people figure out who is coming out of the truck and I can feel the words spreading through the pack as the atmosphere is charged with shock and excitement. I can see some pulling out the machines and cabinet and putting ramps in place. A hive of activity over there with the doctor directing with that unique accent of his above the drone is issuing orders to his new mass of helpers.
“Let me look at you.” Meadow drags my attention back to her, pushes me back to arm’s length and even though its dark out here lights from the pretty huge and towering house, standing tall in front of us illuminates this area enough that we can see each other with clarity. That was the light which hurt my eyes when I woke up.
“You look so good, so healthy, your hair has grown, your losing your puppy face and…oh, god - what are you wearing?” Meadows face and tone completely drops as her eyes run up and down my attire and she visibly gawps. The look of sheer disgust which envelopes her expression makes me laugh.
“Escape clothes!” I shrug under her scrutiny, amused with the way she is now holding the arm of my sweater between two nails like it’s an unhygienic rag and let’s go before rubbing her fingertips as if to expel the grime. I’m not dirty but her reaction is priceless as she shakes her head at me.
“Why do you keep letting that boy pick your clothes, huh? It’s not a good look. Colton has no taste when it comes to female things. I mean he dated Carmen for two years, that says it all, Chica.” She bobs her head side to side waving a very pointy red nail in the air and I let out an involuntary snort laugh. She’s so hood sometimes; I love her to bits.
“He didn’t … Dress me, I mean. He found me like this. It’s all I had to hand.” I look down pulling at the grey swats a little as I take in my baggy outfit and oversized boots but it’s not as bad as she is making out.
“We need to remedy that. Once we get our Luna inside and comfortable, you and I, we need to burn these. Maybe bury them and perform some kind of last rights.” She tugs at the hemline of my sweater and then runs a set of talons through my hair to push it off my face and draws me back to her.
“You do look different though….like you maybe only left for a few weeks, but you’ve grown in years. You look beautiful and less tortured. My baby growing up so fast.” It’s an insightful perspective but she’s right. These past weeks I do feel like I have matured some, and definitely grown as a person in subtle ways and I knew I had shed puppy fat while being out there in the wild. Eating less, exercising more, I probably look slimmer.
I’m no longer in that frame of mind that I’m some feeble no one that isn’t important. I know I’m the centre of something and this is where I need to be for now. I’m not sure about less tortured given my current state of affairs – cheating mate, relearning my past and finding out my entire pack was murdered. I would say maybe, I am just handling it better than I would have a few weeks ago. I feel mentally stronger.
“Why thank you, although I am tired. I need sleep. I must look a wreck but you’re right, we need to get Sierra inside.” I nod to where they all seem to have everything under control, catching sight of the bed coming into view and Colton stuck to his mothers side, her hand in his once more even though she is still dead to the world. He’s looking at her with so much adoration, fixated that it does make me feel completely broken as I watch him. A longing for that without complication, without this mess between us. To have him look at me the way he’s looking at her mother; that unconditional love that is so hard to find.
We move out of the way as they swing past and I flatten against the truck as the entire entourage gets by us and follow close behind, meadow sliding her hand in mine and guiding me with her to tag on at the end when they get past.
“Ahhh, Alora.” A voice comes from my side and then I’m dive bombed by an enthusiastic male who footballer style wrestles me into a hug before I’m hit from behind by another. Equal stealth and strength and I almost fall over with the weight of two heavy boys hugging the life out of me. Unable to breathe and not sure if this is an attack, I crumple almost to my knees.
Domi and Remi near choke me to death, ruffling my hair, picking me up between them just before I get ground into the mud and I get a kiss on each side of my face in unison. Sloppy , wet, a bit ewww but overall, it’s kind of sweet.
“Our little sister came home. Our puppy!!” They both state in synchronised perfection, sounding like a melody in their sing song playfulness. I get yanked form side to side, set on my own feet then let go just as Cesar appears in front of me, Meadow moving aside with a look of pride on her face, smiling like a proud mother.
“Don’t you ever do that again missy. Do you know how worried your pack has been?” Cesar swoops in between the twins, that equally heavy accent as his mates and a stern paternal tone to match that serious frown he is giving me. He gives me a less ferocious cuddle, a quick squeeze and kiss on the cheek before he pulls back and the rest of the sub pack seem to appear around me.
Matteo, Radar, Jesus, all crowd in at me and I guess they were part of our escort to get us here. All of them take it in turns to lean in and welcome me back with a short embrace and a peck on the cheek, a few words of welcome back until I’m blushing and awkward with all this attention.
“We missed you. Don’t run like that again. We’re your pack, man, we all were crazy worried.” It’s Jesus and he bops me on the head with a soft closed fist and shakes his head at me, a real frown on that face.
“Yeah kid, little pups like you shouldn’t be out there alone!” Cesar reiterates his earlier statement.
“Colton has been unbearable dude. You girl, are getting chained to him so we don’t have to endure that again.” Matteo pushes the twins aside and clears a path in front of me as he tries to move us along and Meadow ducks into the centre beside me, catching my arm in hers and starts walking me in behind the boys as they turs and starts leading the way. Some turning to walk backwards as they interact and throw me smiles and genuine looks of relief that I am home. I can feel it all around me that it’s real and honest. None of them faking it at all and I don’t question where that certain Femme of Colton’s is, because right now, I don’t want to know.
“You missed a war. Colton put his daddy on his ass. It was epic.” Jesus seems a little too gleeful over that fact, skipping sideways in front of me somewhat boyishly and Matteo shoves him in the shoulder playfully, out of the way. A warning tone to his words.
“Shut up. Colton hears you talking like that he’ll put you on your ass. You know how sensitive he is about all this right now.”
“Yeah pipe down, bro, he’s only a few feet ahead. Have some respect.” Radar the voice of reason leans in and he pats me on the arm in afterthought with a nod and a wink to say hey. That always terrifying white eye blank dead but his good one is kind of shiny and happy and it makes him a little less scary to look at. The scar isn’t as much of a visual draw like it was when I first met him and he steps in and speaks a little lower, nearer my ear.
“Welcome back….. and thank you. For finding her. She’s been missed for so long, some of us were losing hope.” There’s a strange tone in what he says, a distant look in his eye and as he talks his gaze wanders to the bed ahead of us and he shoots off instantly to go catch something one of the trolley pushers drops. Scooping it up before it hits the ground and merging into that hobble of people to replace it on the bed.
“Radar always had a thing for Sierra. You have no idea how much this means to him, for her to be home.” Meadow whispers in my ear, hushed so the rest of them don’t catch on. Like it’s some sort of unknown secret and I quizzically glance her way.
“What? Isn’t he too young? Aren’t they like son and mother aged?” I flash a look at him again in the crown , then back to her in confusion but she shakes her head.
“Radar is our Papi. Every pack has a mentor who’s mature. He’s older than all of us, mid-thirties. He went to war as part of the Luna’s guard. That scar on his face, he got by protecting her with his life and it almost ended him. God damn silver and wolfsbane, I shudder to think. He’s always been a slave to Sierra and never mated because his heart lies with her, devoted and loyal. It’s kinda sad; to be that crushed on someone that even in her absence you still pine them.” Meadow is hushed but the torn tone of real empathy drags through her voice, a hint of real pain for her pack mate.
“They had an affair?” I gasp, my head spinning on that point alone and I can’t help but staring back at Radar in the people before us, seeing him in a whole new light. He’s not exactly ugly or unattractive. That scar is obviously a major but he has a nice face despite it, and a strong tall build like Colton. The white eye I guess kind of make shim a little bad ass.
“No, you know the laws on adultery with a mate bonded wolf. Radar is straight down the line, not a rule breaker. He never told her, she never knew, never even had the courage to look her in the face. The Luna had many guards and he just blended in, I guess. He was the only one of her guard to make it back alive though, probably because he was so badly wounded and recovering from those that he was taken down and missed the last battle they ever fought. The Luna’s guard were all massacred in that last fight, then everyone came home and she was gone before he recovered enough to regain his duties.” Meadow shrugs, retelling what she knows and I inhale heavily as pieces click in place and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
Juan probably had them all slain too, because they would have been loyal to their charge. She was their focus, not Juan and Radar escaped only down to being almost dead. Which means he missed what happened with my mother and knows nothing of what Juan did. He would be dead too if he had been there and it just removes any shadow of doubt that he was ever involved. He didn’t even get the chance to save her from being sent away.
The adultery thing though, just highlights how much Colton doesn’t respect or care about me if he expects me to throw aside the laws and have an affair with him anyway. We all know the shame it carries and I could be completely exiled from this pack if we went through with it. His alpha role would be dissolved and he too could be dethroned to live in shame. He’s an asshole of the highest order if he thinks that’s a solution to him marking that Puta. He can’t have his cake and eat it.
I blink in radars direction, trying to hard to get my head around this new information as we sweep into the brightly lit grand foyer of a huge entranceway of this so-called homestead. I mean Colton grew up in a manor that was more of a castle and housed hundreds….this is small by that standard but still a freaking castle in its own right. It’s amazing and huge. Prehistoric and the décor is definitely old-world witch but I don’t doubt it can house a vast amount. The hub bub of the crowded hall and wave of bodies moving up and down the stairs and around in general as word spreads, they have their long-lost Luna back, makes this place feel pretty overwhelming.
It’s not enough to distract me from watching Radar follow the group though, stopping when they get so far as Colton and the doc wheel sierras bed in the direction of a narrow hall to the left.
“I should go with them.” I nod after them as more of the group of helpers drop off, leaving a bare minimal body count to turn her bed into a door. Mainly Colton, the doctor and a couple of femmes who are helping with the cabinet and her machines.
“Yeah, you should. We are all going to go back out on patrol of the borders to watch for your tail, we have to keep this place safe. Tell Colton to link me when he wants me back to take care of you and to find you some decent clothes. I’m sure for right now, Sierra is priority.” She clasps my hand tightly, squeezes it and leans in kissing me on the forehead before nodding towards the door that Colton and his skeleton crew went through.
“Meadow…. I’m so glad to be back.” I answer honestly in afterthought as she goes to move away, warmed by the tearful smile she gives me, and that little rub of my shoulder that it’s all going to be okay. Despite everything, even finding out that I could survive out there by myself, I really have missed her and being around people. Being in a place that’s warm and safe and I don’t have to hunt for my meals anymore, just reminds me what a pack can be like. I can do it alone; I just prefer this…. not out there. Being here just reinforces it. I don’t want to go back out and disappear anymore.
“We are all happy to see you back. I made a mistake in letting you leave… Colton is still trying to forgive me. Don’t do it again.” She half laughs but there is a serious edge to her tone and a look that hints at a real warning.
“I’m not planning on it. All of this is bigger than us now. My priorities have changed.” I point out and she exhales with another nod.
“Good because he will chain your ass to him and put guard duty on you twenty-four seven if he even gets a hint you might take off again. That boy is not playing no more, Chica!” That head wobble and finger point that always makes me smile at her, but I just ‘hmmmm’ then gesture I should go. I don’t care right now what Colton thinks or wants, I just need to see what’s going on and then sit. I only dozed in the truck for a short time and I am physically exhausted and could do with a little moment to get used to this buzzing house. This whole thing has been mentally overwhelming and sleep is all I want even though I am not going to get it for a while.
I turn and head after Colton, trace their steps down a corridor, turn right through the door they went which takes me along a short hall through two double doors into a proper set up infirmary. It’s already like a mini hospital wing which is weird, given our kinds ability to heal so I guess this is from when the witch side of Colton’s family stayed here. It’s white, large yet crowded with cabinets full of potion bottles on every wall. Some of it looks dated, but mostly there are modern additions obviously brought with Colton’s own medics who are hurriedly wading in and helping move Sierra to a central bed that’s more substantial than the one she is on.
I mean wolf packs do have medical staff and doctors. We do sometimes need them, especially in the younger ages when we are not turned yet and we catch diseases or get injured. We are vulnerable in youth much like mortals are. It’s irresponsible for a pack to not have the means to protect all in our pack.
They switch over her machines to full size ones, change out her tubes and hang up her saline bag on a trolley to the side as some of the wolves already in here file out, gazing longingly her way and nodding at Colton as each and every one leaves. I know the link between pack members is generally the preferred mode of communication but it sucks that to me it’s a silent wall. I watch in envy as so much translates between them but I hear nothing.
I miss pack linking and the sense of unity it gave you as a whole, it just reminds me I am never really going to be part of this pack. I mean Colton could initiate me in general, now he’s alpha and has that power and I could maybe link that way, but once his mate gets a whiff I am here I don’t doubt world war three will erupt. She will never let him put me in the pack to have more of a bond with him.
I have no idea where she is but she has to be around here somewhere, I mean she is his Luna now. Mates never stray far apart and as Luna her job is to care for the vulnerable in this massive palace. She probably got left behind here when he came for me because he knew she would just aggravate the situation and make things worse between us. Not that it needs much help.
I stand back watching as she’s settled and the transition is complete. The doctor moving in to talk with a woman in a white coat I recognise from the Santo medical centre in the valley. She has two nurses flanking her as they busily squirrel around and put trolleys away and sort out the haywire mess of machines they have taken from Sierra. Tidying up and making her ready for her new stay in here.
Colton pulls over a high stool on wheels to the head of her bed and perches down beside her, oblivious to me over here, leaning in and saying something softly as he strokes her hair back, fully locked on her face as everyone else seems engrossed on the care plan they are discussing. I can hear the doc listing of medications and withdrawal key points, a step by step of what they need to do over the next few hours but all my attention is on that solitary strong wide figure with his back to me and the longing pulling me to go comfort him.
Despite everything going on, we both have so much mess in our heads and a shared pain from finding out things that turned everything upside down. Now isn’t the time to hold that against him while all this is going on. Neither of us was prepared or even mature enough to deal with the tsunami of shit we have endured these past weeks and I’m weary with it all catching up. I don’t want to carry the feelings of hurt and hate on top of that too. Not right now.
We have to figure this out, wait on Sierra to see if she has an answer and focus on the fact Deacon and his crew will follow us. Soon as they wake up and realise what’s happened, I am sure Juan will be notified and there will be a mad scramble to try and get here before she can tell everyone the truth.
I can be mad at Colton, hurt by him but right now he’s my alpha too and I need to look to him for leadership and keeping us all safe. If all I do is argue and carry a grudge, I’ll just make it all harder for myself. The pack this house, this place its where I am meant to be through this and I need to put this shit aside and stop thinking about myself for a little while. About how what he did broke my heart, when right now, the priority is everyone else and Sierra.
“This is not the little sub pack and hide out I imagined it would be.” The doc infiltrates my thoughts, appearing beside me with that soothing English dialect that’s becoming like a warm hug and I have to smile at that.
“Me either. I didn’t know anything that had happened since I left. It’s crazy.”
“Yes, Colton gave me a condensed version as we wheeled Sierra in. In a way though I am rather glad that we ended up in a place that ensures I have time to wake her safely. I don’t need to rush and risk her body going into shock. This was definitely your fates guiding the way and providing us with ample shelter for a very difficult task.” The doc looks as tired as I feel and we are both sort of sagging over here, probably both as eager for a bed as the other to just lay down for a little while but both of us have to be here.
“How long do you think that will take?“ I ask genuinely, eager to see Colton finally get to reunite with her after all these years.
“We have come up with a plan to slow down and stop the sedation meds over forty-eight hours to let her brain begin to come out on its own accord. We will monitor her, keep her stabilised and adjust as she progresses. She might have a few days of vegetative state where it does seem like we’ve lost her…. that’s normal. Eight years is a long time to live in a dream world and the mind is a complex piece of hardware that sometimes requires a reset period. We will just take this as it comes and hope she will be one of the rare cases of long coma patients to come out and be able to interact within mere days.” He nods, a look of relative confidence on that lowered brow.
“She’s a wolf… I say your bets are stacked on the positive side.” I perk him up with a cheeky smile and it gets a little one in return.
“Quite!”
“I don’t know where we go from here.” I point out, nodding at Colton across the room and not really meaning just me and him, trying to hide the longing that cross my face and the doctor nudges me with his shoulder.
“I am a believer that a good cup of tea and a long chat usually resolves many of life’s issues. Problems that seem overwhelming are sometimes just smoke and mirrors and getting it all out, is sometimes the only way forward.” He raises those bushy grey brows with a knowing expression and I nudge him back.
“Like confessing all to a strange girl who fell into your medical facility?”
“Exactly. Sometimes you have to throw away your entire life’s work, put your trust in a higher power no matter how many signs are killing your hopes and know they won’t steer you wrong if you just stop fighting it.” His eyes stray to Colton too and it has the annoying effect of dragging my vision back to him. That strong upright figure looking a little too inviting while framed by the light from the lamp over Sierra’s bed.
“Good advice, doc. Not so easy to follow but yeah…I guess.” I exhale heavily, feeling hopeless when he’s just over there looking like everything I need.
“We will figure this out, together, young lady. After all ….You are our saviour.” He throws his arm around me awkwardly, gives me a squeeze and then drops it just as quickly as though he crossed some sort of touching boundaries that threw him well outside his comfort zone. I get the overwhelming surge of flustered eccentric cringing at his own public display of affection and let out an involuntary chuckle.
“I guess I better go white flag the Alpha, until we can see where all this is going. Might make life easier if I give him a few days pass.” I shrug it out, knowing all things considered, Colton probably could use less stress until Sierra wakes up.
“He’s young, headstrong, stubborn like his mother and still finding his feet in his new role. Go easy on him. He has the world on his shoulders and he needs a little help in holding it up. His head is not quite where it should be.” The doc glances at him and then off to the femme Medic across the other side who waves him to her.
I nod, taking the hint and pushing off to walk towards Colton, leaving the doc to wander off back to the femme in the corner, pouring over some clipboard as she jots things down.
I take a levelling inhale, push all my riots of feelings into one tiny box and sit on them for now. Determined to be civil and not let everything ooze out of me while he just needs a friend. I approach him from behind and just like in the truck, he’s so zoned in on his mother he doesn’t acknowledge me coming close until I get right up beside him and lean in to look at her. Eyeing her up now she has been settle din here and it’s odd, but I swear she has more colour to her pallor and her hair looks a little shinier. It’s almost like she knows she isn’t alone anymore even if that is ridiculous.
Seeing them together like this only highlights how much he looks like her now he’s an adult. The same profile, small nose and perfect bone structure of two very beautiful people and I guess he always had her strong DNA. The dark hair and straight brows, although Sierra is noticeably pale compared to Colton’s sallow tan, he wears all year round. She is lithe and feminine in her build though and Colton, well he is your typical strong tall and built alpha type. More muscles than brains sometimes and he has a nice ass.
One of the nurses pushes a stool up behind me with a smile and nod and I take it gratefully, sitting beside Colton and trying hard not to reach out to touch him. He looks so lost in the moment, eyes fixated on her and so many thoughts must be running through his head. It’s like watching a pained child trying to figure something out and that maternal instinct in me revs up a thousands watts and makes sitting here unbearable.
“I can’t believe she’s really here…that’s she’s real. How many times I dreamed of seeing her again?” He whispers it, that sexy voice low and rough, alerting me to the fact he is aware I am beside him and I relax into the seat, propping my feet up on the bar and lean towards him lightly. Suddenly consumed with protectiveness over him when he seems this vulnerable.
“I’m just glad that we got her here. That you came, when I found her.” What else can I say. Nothing I can add right now is going to ease the tension as we wait and he knows everything I do about all of this.
“How could he do this to her? How could he not love her the way he was supposed to?” His eyes run back to her face, once again he strokes her hair and he’s so lost in his own feeling he doesn’t notice my sarcastic eyebrow rise and tiled pointed chin tilt I give him.
That’s a very good question Colton…why couldn’t he? You might know given you clearly have the same flaw!!
I shake it out of my head before he senses my attitude, scolding myself for such an impulsive response but still, he really is dense sometimes. I know this projecting crap is only going to make me mad and I don’t bite or say it out loud but god damn it, Colton. Really?
I know he doesn’t need this right now, so I sigh it away, breathe slowly and count to ten, sit a little taller and try and focus on what he needs instead. Reminding myself that this is bigger than us and I have to be less pounce ready.
“He betrayed the mate bond; he doesn’t deserve her.” I point out flatly, then curse myself under my breath for still pushing it out there even if I didn’t meant to. It’s like everything we are saying is the damned obvious yet Colton doesn’t even click.
Colton doesn’t move or react, just that same silent fixed stare as he watches her breathe, eyes on her closed lids and he just sits. I feel like screaming and hitting him over the head with the nearest hard object but instead I stare at the ceiling for a minute and let it pass. Soooooo slowly.
“I should have found her a long time ago, before any of this. I should have looked harder, but I was young and stupid, and I believed in my father when he said it was for the best.”
Oh, for the love of god!
I give up, eyeroll upwards at the fates and mentally ask them is this is deliberate. I mean when you decide to avoid a topic and they just keep pushing it between us like some sort of annoying sign, it starts to grate a tiny bit.
That heartbreak and rawness in the croaking tone tells me finally though, how much the betrayal of his father is screwing him up and I focus all my energy on that and not the universe trying to make me smother him with his own hoody. I instinctively wrap my arm around his hoping contact will keep me from heinous beatings and lean my head on his shoulder in a bid to blank them out. I really want to ease his pain as it ebbs through me and waves inside of my own heart and stomach. He is still trying to shield me but this close, he’s failing to do it fully and I can feel it inside of me.
It’s heavy and deep and consuming and I forget everything about being upset with him or angry, I slide my flattened palm along his arm instinctively, cover the back of the hand he has laid on his mothers and entwine my fingers in his so we hold hands on top of hers.
Colton turns his head with my contact and rests his chin and mouth on top of my hair, pushing in against me so we are half cuddling but not really, just touching and for once I don’t push him away or feel the need to jump out of proximity. We both exhale at the same time, a heavy releasing of tension and hurt and energy as we sag together and everything pauses for a second.
I can feel him feeding from me, soothing him slightly with my touch like an imprinted mate is meant too and I close my eyes and just enjoy the stolen moment I am allowing myself. I can push everything else aside and pretend that it’s okay to be what he needs when it’s about her. When the topic isn’t us and markings and anything other than just being a support for someone who really needs it.
“I don’t know how to lead, Lorey. These people, this pack. I’m just a kid. I’m not ready.” The devastation and self-doubt rips through me as it waves over me from him to me and I look up from my nestled position, shifting to see his face without breaking away. Hating that he feels so out of whack and the normal confident rock I have come to depend on is wavering.
“You’re a born leader. Maybe it seems hard right now and things aren’t clear but Colton, you are the best for your people. Look around. They’re here with you. You did this. Safe, protected; you stood up and made a stand for them against someone you love. You put them first, always. The good of the pack, it’s always your primary focus even when other things get in the way. How can you doubt that? It’s what makes you the strongest kind of leader!“
“Maybe I just want to be a kid who is selfish. Who took the girl he wanted and walked away and screw all this. I should have left with you.” He sounds defeated and I know this isn’t him. This is a tired and uncertain guy who just had a lot thrown at him. In one day his ex-mate resurfaces dragging his long lost mother along and he finds out his father kept her prisoner.
It hurts to hear him say it, feel it. The regret of what happened with us, even while I am trying to ignore it. The tears bite at my eyes and a lump forms in my throat that almost chokes me, inflicting a unique kind of body and brain ache that’s hard to shake off..
“Maybe you should have, but you would never have forgiven yourself. You made the choices you made for the good of the pack, even if it hurt us. If you left them, he would never have relinquished control and they would be suffering still. The fates had a plan and maybe leaving with me would have changed my path and never led me to her. And what about her? You have waited for her for ten years; she needs you too. They all do. I finally see how all of this is so much bigger than us Colton, why it had to be that we couldn’t be together. It was by design and we did what we were meant to, even you when you rejected me.” I nod at Sierra, my own voice strained with my own undercurrents of agonising emotions, knowing that all of this is his pain talking and the desire to run away from everything hurting him. A normal flight or fight response and I felt the same when I learned about all of it, in fact I still feel this way. To run and bury my head and wish it had been different. It’s fear, its overwhelm but it’s pointless and running isn’t going to fix any of this anymore.
Juan has to pay; the balance has to be restored and Sierra needs her son. Colton needs to lead.
Colton sighs, slides his arms under me fully and picks me up, surprising me with the sudden manoeuvre and dragging me to his lap where he wraps himself around me. He buries his head under my chin, against my chest so I have no other option than to hold him too, taking from me what he needs even if he should have asked first. I relent and wrap him up in a hug, being the strength he’s lacking while doubt and heartbreak consumes him. It’s both awful and yet the best thing, to allow myself to just be this way for a while even if it just confuses my heart all the more.
“The people, the war, the future… it’s all interwoven. Us, your mother, your father… we can’t run away from any of this. Even if we wanted to. We are part of it, even in our mistakes, even in our heartbreak. The fates they know what they are doing and for whatever reason they did this to us, it will make sense in time.” I run my fingers through his thick short hair, stroking it back and lulling him against me. Caring for him, giving him what I can as it starts to stir up all kinds of longings and warm sensations in the pit of my stomach, just being this connected to him..
“I denied the fates, Lorey. Maybe I was meant to find her with you, by your side. Maybe I screwed everything up by rejecting you.” He squeezes me harder, pulling me closer so I end up almost entangled in his body fully and it starts to feel inappropriate and way too intimate as I naturally fit up against him in the hollow of his lap. Especially with my ass nestling in his groin and I am fully aware he is carrying a pretty healthy package, because it’s now worked somehow into a position where it’s wedged in between my ass cheeks and distracts from the heavy feelings of this scenario. Distraction – a pretty sizeable one at that, and I try and focus back on what I am meant to, but it’s not an easy task.
My eyes scan the room for signs of Carmen crashing in here because of my own guilty libido as my nether regions tingle. I’m heating up with being this close, skin starting to sizzle and stomach flipping over at something so nothing and stupid. I don’t seem to have much control over it now when all I can focus on is the fact I can feel it through his pants and mine, and it’s impressive. It being…you know….his ummm.
It’s not like I haven’t seen it, when he has turned from wolf to human again, just somehow when he’s standing up and there’s a lot of abs, pecks and muscles all levelling out the eye candy, you don’t really size up what you don’t want to get caught looking at.
I wriggle in a bid to get his ‘situation’ from under me, not that it’s reacting much, it’s just I am painfully aware of it through thin sweats and once your head goes somewhere like that, it’s hard to get it back out of the gutter. I have been having lucid pornographic dreams about him these past weeks while out there alone but the reality feels a lot more…. substantial. I swallow hard, trying to rake my mind and hearing back to him and failing badly.
I start blushing crazily, aware I am being a freak; a heat spreading up from my boobs, neck and cheeks that makes me sweat instantly and overheat so that I must be turning rosy visibly. I become that awkward sex starved teen virgin you read about in books. Scared to now put my hand anywhere and flinch anytime I feel an ounce of movement under me, while trying to avoid looking down or directly at him and subtle attempting an escape from impalement without drawing attention to it..
“I don’t think they ever intended you to be with me. This is where you are needed. They wouldn’t give you a role if they didn’t think you could do it.” My words are rushed, babbling mainly, cheeks flushing, a little breathless. I am focusing on sliding sideways like some sad little untouched having a freak out because he has a penis and it’s like I just realised, because I am sitting on it. Distracted from the levity of what we are talking about because Colton is making me …. hot. That’s the word, really, really hot. My whole body pulsating with need now that it’s caught on to what’s happening. I think I am experiencing my first full on hormonal breakdown and craving things I shouldn’t.
My wiggling does seem to change the atmosphere a little, and the way he frowns at me as he sits up and glances down at my weird moving in his lap, says it all. I react by looking much like a rabbit caught in the headlights, widening my eyes in embarrassment and trying to smile, albeit weirdly at him to distract him from the fact I am trying to dislodge my butt from his manhood. I just feel like an idiot and slide straight back into his groin with a minor bump that does extract a twinge of movement that makes me gasp lightly. I ignite a semi.
Oh my god.
I didn’t mean to and now, it’s like that elephant in the room… literally; and I spazz out mentally. Completely flustered. It feels bigger like this and it intimidates me more than a lot.
I get a hint of dimple as a slight knowing smile moves in, a raised brow and his whole aura changes from down and depressed to ‘well, hello, are you doing what I think you are doing?’. That cheeky twinkle in his eye and it’s obvious my hormones are giving his hormones the come on.
I literally see the slide of Latino Lothario as Colton’s’ whole aura changes to wolf mode and his eyes begin to glow, prey caught in his sights and I become hyper aware that every cell of my body heightens to crazy levels. His wolf rattles mine and I can’t stop the way she peeks; knowing my eyes start to glow in response to his primal signals as she uncurls deliciously. I am suddenly super aware of every part of his anatomy and tingling with apprehension as our bodies start to tune in on one another and I realise I am in the first stages of going into heat. This is new for me and the timing couldn’t be any worse.
He slides his hand under my hair, locking his eyes on mine as his pupils dilate and things get real heavy real fast so that my lungs literally stop functioning. He lifts my chin and brings his face to mine so our noses graze, the contact ignites a fire inside of me and I groan inwardly, so quiet no one in the room hears it but him and I forget that there even is other people here. Colton is all in horn mode and I think he even forgets we are sat beside his mother. I almost self-combust as though he zaps me with a taser when he grips me a little harder.
“I don’t believe never was in the plan. You’re here now. They brought you back to me.” It’s so soft it’s barely audible, his voice tickles my lips as he runs the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip and sucks it in, sexy as hell and I pant in response as one of his hands slides under my ass and cups a cheek with a small squeeze. My underwear gets clammy, my heart rate almost explodes as I press my thighs together to combat the aching sensations down there and bite on my own lip, such is the desire to do that to him. My head gets foggy, and all I can do is lean in and crave with a hunger like I am starving to have that tongue in my mouth. My nails raking his chest as I begin to slide my hands up in readiness to curl around his neck. Instincts taking over.
He tilts down softly, and I know what’s coming, the slow move in, the way he lifts me to him by the ass as he grazes his nose against mine and as much as I start to get drawn in, aching for him to do it, something tugs me mentally, clawing slowly at the back of my mind. I am almost drooling as I relent and start to close my eyes, my heart pounding through my chest and I just want those hands of his to slide up my shirt and feel me out - yet I can’t.
Sense is clawing at me as he gets so insanely close his lip softly slides against mine, igniting a desire and passion unmatched and it takes every ounce of will power and strength in me to close my mouth, breathing so heavily I might pass out and inhale like I need oxygen badly through my nose. It’s incredibly painful and takes everything I have in me to lean back and break the headiness of being caught up in his scent and touch which inevitably leads to more. Our mixed emotions of strong desire and need for sex is pulsating between us and I honestly do not know where I find the strength to break it.
I lift my hand and stop him midway with a hand over his soft lips and close my eyes tight while I try to regain some control and rationalise. Breathing in and out and slowly counting to ten while praying my body calms down and saves me from my own weakness. Colton halts, sensing my change and has the decency to sit still and not push me. I swear if he did, I would lose and probably traumatise the doc with a vulgar display of porn in the infirmary. I honestly for a second thank the stars Colton doesn’t force my hand, even though his own need is almost overpowering me.
We clearly have the attraction and every day the haze gets closer my own body will start to betray me, just like this. I turned this year so this will be my first heat and god; it’s going to kill me if this is anything to go by. Maybe this is that, creeping in, or maybe it’s just the downside to imprinting so that when we get too intimate the need to screw gets right in there, but whatever it is, it’s a reminder to stay away from him like this from now on.
“Don’t. Some things I can’t forgive. You’re just making this messy.” I shove him back forcefully, my voice shaking; still not able to breathe properly and still a whispering tone as I slide off his lap, getting on my own two feet on jelly legs and a lot of light-headedness. I avoid his eyes but Colton isn’t about to give up.
He catches me by the waist and pulls me to him bodily so I collide into his now standing frame and almost crumble. Maybe it’s a last-ditch attempt to play on what’s already ignited between us and throwing caution to the wind, but I am getting stronger by the second now I haven’t got him all around me hemming me in.
“Are you really going to stay mad at me for an eternity and deny this between us? Come on baby. I get that you’re angry but really? Never? When it feels like this?” He leans in, aiming to carry on his smooth seduction, nuzzling into me as though this is merely my being a stubborn girl and this is all a game. Pulling me up against him and wrapping me in tight as he tries for a second go at aiming a kiss but it does rile my temper, and I snap.
From lust crazed to pissed in zero point five seconds.
“Colton stop it, let me go.” I start fighting him but he has octopus arms and manages to get me tangled up with him no matter which way I tray and escape.
“No can do. It’s not in me to let you go again. You’ve got me crazy right now.” He makes a joke of it pinning my arms around me and swiftly leaning in to peck me on the lips and that gets him a knee to the groin. I’m not playing and I know I started this but I am stopping it and he needs to accept it and fuck off.
Colton is faster than me though, blocks my assault and just gives me that cheeky boy dimple grin that infuriates me. Making light of the heaviness that’s between us and pushing my mood off like water on a ducks back.
“Nice try. Good to see your time without me brought out the fierce. I like a bit of rough in a girl.” He slowly unwinds me , chuckling at my furious glare and then leans in and cups my face and steals a quick lip to lip kiss before I slap him hard in the abdomen for doing that against my will. Crossing the line even if a second ago I was begging for it.
He makes an ‘oof’ noise, clutches it then throws up defensive palms and laughs at me. He’s not deterred or mad, he is seeing that little thing between us as a ray of hope that he might get his way if he plays his cards right and might even take advantage of getting up close again. My hackles rise and I go into defensive mode, eyes glowing with warning that he needs to back off. My insides calming from what that was and instead igniting in fury, ready to claw him half to death.
“Okay, I surrender. I get it. You need more time and I need to up my apology game. Maybe calm my testosterone while I am at it.” That smug cute boy face and the bro mannerisms as he adjusts his own black sweats and rolls his shoulder to relieve some of his own sexual tension.
“You need to go choke.” I snap at him sulkily, pushing past him and barging for the door, just irritated by him, at him, at me. So annoyed that he took liberties when I was showing weakness and just pissed me off all the more.
“It’s not a preference but if it gets you hot, I’m into trying it.” He adds with a raised brow, that complete inappropriate sexual innuendo getting another slap in response as I spin on him, instinct making me lash out to maim the asshole and he cowers away playfully, laughing harder at me. Not phased by my anger one bit. Not taking this seriously at all and not injured by my feeble aims … this guy who was literally seconds away from betraying his new mate bond and cheating on his Luna.
JERK!!
He backs away with a raised set of hands, looking at me in that wicked devilish way that makes my blood boil. All happy teenage asshat who doesn’t see anything wrong in what just went down.
“Honestly, you just … arghhh” I half growl at him, self-combusting with sheer frustration and pent up rage. I am no longer willing to play this weird whatever it is, losing my cool and being as immature as him. I turn again, go to storm out of the infirmary, fuelled with hot anger and returned hatred. Seeing the doc and medic glancing my way as I stomp my hardest towards the door, glad they didn’t actually see us getting hot and heavy back there and throw daggers back at the room I am leaving.
I walk smack bang into an incoming figure in the doorway and almost trip over them in the process, muffling a shocked yelp as they right me to my feet with a mumbled apology and then look past me directly.
“Alpha … we have incoming.” It’s a low tense sentence and my heart stops beating.
It shuts me up, my blood runs cold and I mentally try and calculate if it’s been long enough for Deacon and his pack to get here. It’s only been a couple of hours, surely it can’t be. My blood runs cold, cooling my jets and dispersing my tantrum as seriousness makes me turn to look back at Colton standing in the room by the bed.
Colton mentioned attacks….maybe it’s Juan and his men, or maybe it’s vampires. I feel sick, my insides turning to dust but Colton springs into action, the ever-ready warrior, the smile fading and the carefree dropping around his feet. A born leader pushing everything else aside when faced with an actual threat.
“It’s showtime!” He sounds out confidently, those eyes turning deep amber as he bristles up and get’s ready to go out there.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
