You’re Safe
“Alora, I believe that may be our escort. This is route ten.” The doctor nudges me lightly, snapping me out of my long weird daydream in which I bludgeoned Carmen to death with Colton’s running shoes before handing them back to him and walking off into the sunset with a flip of my finger, and I sit upright startled to reality. Heart missing a beat and full on nerves smacking me in the stomach.
There’s a convoy of headlights heading our way in the now pitch-dark long road stretching ahead, dazzling us slightly as they approach along what seems to be a long empty highway, lined with dense trees on either side of us. I hadn’t even noticed the change in terrain when we got off the dirt track and got onto an actual road. My insides tighten, tense and painfully pray it is who it is.
I lift the veil and link him, in case we’re not at where they are yet and this is someone I should be worried about. I don’t see any other vehicles on the road.
Colton please tell me that’s you, the convoy heading towards the military truck on route ten
I hold my breath, pausing as nervous energy overtakes and straining to see beyond the blinding lights but it’s too dark to make out if the trucks are Santo at all. All I can tell is there is a succession of them as they weave slightly and headlights peek out on the route ahead.
It’s us. You’re safe. Pull over.
That husky warm flow of assurance as I hear him inside my mind and I relax a little, letting out the breath I was holding in anticipation. He sounds weird, tense and maybe still a little annoyed, probably from obsessing over my ‘boyfriend’ in the last half hour or however long we have been driving. I have been silently staring out the window, lost in my own head and the doc just kept ploughing on heading north. I have no concept of time.
Shouldn’t we just follow you?
I query, confused that with the possibility of a pack on our tail that he should want us to stop and not keep moving. I don’t understand why he would expect us to.
PULL. OVER!
It’s a sharp command, not a request. No hint of polite or even trying to explain. In that bossy, arrogant, snarly, I am pissed tone that verges on his alpha gift and I wonder what the hell is eating him. From seemingly calm and logical to idiot in a millisecond, all because I questioned him. Maybe he is like his father after all and that gives me the unyielding urge to tell him where to get off. It brings back my rage from earlier and I spin my head to the doctor with attitude.
“Our lord and commander says stop. He obviously has some reason to make us pull over and he doesn’t sound like he’s in the mood to argue about it.” I sound like a petulant child, eye rolling as I flick my hand at the oncoming vehicles and the doc raises a brow and then frowns instead.
“Better not disobey an irate alpha in the making. If he is anything like his mother, I would say it’s better to just accept a request and question later.” It’s an almost submissive stance to take but the doc looks tired and weary and maybe he needs a commander right now, more than I do. The doctor pulls us over to the side of the highway and brings us to an immediate stop, waiting and watching as the distant vehicles shrink the gap between us and the tension becomes unbearable.
“I will quickly check on Sierra, make sure she’s’ still tubed and everything is plugged in.” He moves first, gets up and shifts into the back of the truck, exhaling and stretching with relief when he gets to the standing room part of the back. I watch him for a second but my own anxiety as I can feel Colton getting closer almost makes me combust.
“I need air.” I point out, opening my door and hopping out before I scream. I’m overcome with the sudden heavy nervous tension of seeing him again and the rising flames of temper and accusation because he is being a jerk about it and I hate him. It’s hard to put the Carmen thing aside when I am going to come face to face with the cheating ass once more.
I expected maybe some sort of sweet directions not bitchy commands and aggression from him. My own turbulent emotions are strangling me and I have this newfound energy buzzing through my limbs all of a sudden. I can’t sit at peace and his getting closer is like waiting on a tornado hitting your house and knowing there will be carnage. Colton is the tornado and my heart is my home.
As the first of the vehicles pull up along the side ours and disappears behind the bulk of our vehicle, I lose my nerve completely, turn and walk to the rear of ours into the darkness, around the back to catch my breath and take a few seconds to recentre myself. I just need some Dutch courage and some mood levelling before that moment of reunion with him. I inhale and blow it out heavily, hearing doors opening and slamming and footsteps and I know I should just do it. Bite the bullet, walk right out to him. I move out from behind the truck, walking along and turning up the side to head towards docs door. Head in chaos, eyes on the ground as my sight adjusts to nocturnal and I watch where I am stepping.
I walk smack bang with a certain amount of whack into the black dressed, very large figure cutting down from this side and yelp with the collision. Knocked back momentarily, not really hurt but definitely winded, my heart skipping a beat which instantly makes my legs go weak and my insides lurch in surprise.
“Lorey?” Colton’s tone drops completely, almost a breathy whisper as I jump back and stare…..wide eyed, lost for words. We just sort of stand and look at one another for a crazily heavy and lengthy loaded second, so much translating in the moment and then he lurches forward, partially shadowed out so I can’t make out his face perfectly. He grabs me by the wrist and yanks me to him forcefully.
I don’t get a chance to react or recoil, because all I get is a flash of glowing amber eyes appearing in that darkened face and then I’m completely cocooned in strong arms and moulded to a hot hard body that makes me feel small and precious. Wrapped up tight, unable to resist the way he lassos me. He knocks the wind out of me with the intensity of his embrace, hugging me tight and burying his face in the crook of my neck, snugly united and highlighting how perfectly he fits to me. His breath tickles and tingles my skin as it makes it way under the neckline of my sweater and I’m dazed by the speed in which he just absorbed me into his body.
I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t make me momentarily forget everything except how he feels, how good he smells and how right his touch is. Heartbreakingly so. I melt, my head getting hazy with this need to let him hold me and I have to swallow back the overwhelming surge of emotion that has my heart rate hitching and my breathing getting shallow. Biting back instant tears and I can taste my weakness shining through, urging me to wrap myself up and tell him how much I missed him.
He squeezes me half to death; arms tightly wound around my upper body and waist and a hand comes around the back of my neck under my hair to hold me in place. Pushing his face against mine so we are cheek to cheek but his nose still grazes my shoulder and I hear and feel him inhale and release with the same depth of relief I did. That strong feeling of finally finding home and sinking into it deliciously. Savouring this few seconds of finally getting what you have been craving for, for weeks.
I almost cave, my limbs aching to curl around him to get lost in everything that’s good about him. So caught in the heady sensation of being back in his arms as he wraps me up, like a mouse caught in a snakes death grip. I almost fade out into nothing but feelings of tingles, warm inner waves and butterflies and senses of belonging when something mentally slaps me in the face and reminds me what a shit head he is. Carmen’s smug face in my minds eye and the pain I felt four days after I left him.
I shove him back, with a little more power than I am used to, a gush or surge of that misty energy conjuring from the intense anger that comes shooting out at speed and hit him right in the abdomen with enough force I send him reeling back. His arms impulsively splaying out to stop himself and he manages to stay upright even though it’s obvious I managed to throw him off. That look of utter shock that I just overpowered him and about landed him on his ass and my surge of aggression, when he thought snuggling was on the cards.
I don’t quickly forget that betraying asshole has a mate out there who wouldn’t be too pleased to see how he just behaved with another femme. Even if I was his fated mate once upon a time.
“Don’t touch me! Who the hell do you think you are, huh? That you can just yell at me, making demands and then come walking on over here and grabbing me like that? Like you don’t have a shit load of apologising to do.” Its fury building from inside of me, aching to be released and his simmering to low glow eyes fire right back up, like two very terrifying orange beacons in the pitch black. I can almost feel mine glowing in response and it feels good to let my inner wolf peek again.
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you know how much shit I have been through for weeks on end trying to find you and this is the thanks I get? You asked me to come! I’m beyond happy to see you. Excuse me for wanting to react and touch you, when you are all I have thought about for weeks.” my anger seems to feed his and instead of love confessions and apologies, I’m getting asshole Colton.
Sometimes I forget he’s a Santo and then he swoops right back in and reminds me what an arrogant douchebag that whole bloodline is.
“I didn’t ask you to look for me all those weeks so don’t even with that crap. And You…..YOU are the reason I left so no, I owe you no thanks and give no shits about whatever you have suffered in the meantime. You don’t get to touch me anymore. Now shut up and let me past. I have to tell him you’re here! He’s probably hiding in the back already, wondering what the hell is going on out here.”
I make an attempt to get by him to head for the front of the truck but he steps right at me, blocking me so I bang into his torso and have to step back.
“Him? ….about HIM! Whoever he is, whatever the fuck he is to you, I’m going to fuck him up!” It’s a vicious jealous outburst, fuelled with a sudden searing rage that even I can feel flowing from him as he springs back to me, almost shadowing me he gets that close, bringing his nose down to mine, eyes burning bright and in turn I slap him in the abdomen.
“No, you fucking won’t. Stop being an idiot. Just shut up and get out of the way.” I push him gain and this time, he doesn’t budge. His obvious mood is worse than mine and he just sticks his ground and stays as intimidating as ever, right in my face. That low growl of wolf coming through at me.
“You’re mine…..not anyone else’s and if I have to take down an asshole who thinks he changes that, then I will. We are not done, you and I. He is about to learn that. I’m not even playing, Lorey, I will kill that mother fucker where he stands.” I’ve never seen Colton like this, I can almost taste the fury pulsing from his every pore as he loses a slight ounce of control and his teeth start to peek. I’m only making him worse and this is not the best version to introduce to the doc or his mother. Even I feel a little tiny ounce of fear at this version and I think maybe, I pushed him a little far with this whole other man thing. I need to calm things down and not bite, even though his statement makes me want to rip his throat out. This isn’t helping any of us.
“I’m not yours so you have no right to make any kind of threats. Not anymore. And stop okay. It’s not like that, you just need to calm down and not scare him. He’s human and he’s not the reason I asked you to meet me.” I recoil some of my own anger, my voice softening as best as I can with this internal constant pain reminding me to never ever let my stupid heart soften for him again.
I catch the hemline of Colton’s black hoody, yanking him with me instead of still trying to get past him and change tactic. I turn and head for the back, to the rear of the truck, pulling him when he stubbornly holds still, fighting me for a moment and then he relents and follows. The aggression and pain oozing from him has me all kinds of uptight but I bang on the back door of the truck to let the doc know I am back here and I hear the lock slide open.
Colton bristles instantly. I almost feel him get ready to pounce into fight mode as we are about to come face to face with a guy he deems a threat to our mate bond, as ridiculous as he is being, and the door swings open. I equally posture in readiness in case I might have to intervene and defend doc from an angry wolf attack. I am fully prepared to take Colton on to save Docs life, after all I owe him.
The doctor peeks his head out warily, seemingly having heard our conversation and his white pallor makes him almost glow in the darkness, a worried expression all over his face. He gets it wide enough to pop head and shoulders out fully and Colton goes from poised lethal killing machine stance to a sudden complete ‘what the hell’ expression in seconds. He looks from him to me, and back again as all manner of confusing mannerisms flicker across his face.
“Doctor ummm?” He seems to be dragging his memory as he says it, staring at doc like he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing and trying to remember that mouthful of a name. That hostile jealous need to maim him, dies an instant death as he realises there is no way in hell I am looking to mate up with someone older than my parents. I feel it wash away and the surge of relief that bubbles over affects me too, taking the edge off my own anger and realise half the time I don’t even know whose mood is who’s as we just feed one another and react. My aggression too slides away like I just got hosed down with a cool jet in a heatwave.
“Ahhh dear boy, you remember me. Look at you all grown up and rather hunky. You are very tall for a Santo. Wow, you certainly did beef up somewhat, did you not. Look at those shoulders. I bet you can bench press ten of Alora on a bad day. Such a specimen!” The doctor and his usual inappropriate babbling to diffuse an otherwise awkward situation and I shove Colton aside and yank the door the rest of the way. Impatient to just rip this band aid off completely and show him what we brought him here for.
“Excuse me.” I ask the doc politely, suggesting he let me by and stop shielding the contents of the truck and he shuffles aside as I climb up, getting halfway up the high step when Colton lays his hands on my waist, gripping me lightly and pushes me up the last distance. It both riles me that he thinks I need his help like some feeble girl who didn’t survive alone for weeks in the wilderness and yet makes my heart ache that he still, even mad and confused wants to take care of me.
God, I hate him sometimes.
“Colton, come.” I command, knowing in this darkness the inside of the truck is pitch black and he has no idea who lies inside until he gets up and his nocturnal view kicks in. I doubt he would recognise her scent as it’s been so long and she smells almost human due to not turning for almost a decade.
He doesn’t question, just hops up effortlessly behind me, stealthily, and follows me so close his body touches me from behind and I know it’s deliberate. I can feel it in him, the longing and ache to get close to me again almost as much as its growing in me to be touched by him. I am aware of his proximity like a throbbing pulse in the air around us making me hypersensitive of his energy. I shake it off, knowing he’s looking down at me and not ahead, I can feel his breath on the back of my neck as he very clearly stakes his claim on me. Personal space is not in his vocabulary at this moment in time.
He is all in wolf mode in his head and acting like a male hitting the haze. Possessively close, practically bearing down on me as the femme he clearly wants to bone. It’s a little unnerving that he is being so weird but I get it … I left him. I knew where I was and was in control of my being gone so I never had that frantic pain of loss. I always knew where he was and how to reach him and could have if I needed and wanted to, but he had none of that. He just had silence, no idea where in the world I went and not knowing if I was okay, so I guess it’s why he seems a little stirred up and wolfy crazy. His bond instincts to protect me must have made him insane these last weeks and until now I never really thought of it. How that must have made him feel, the powerless nature of it. Especially if he could feel my fear, my panic, my sadness in everything I have been through. His wolf is taking over and sheer instinct is to stay on my ass and convince me I need and like him stuck to me. That primal aggressive urge to stick to his mate and kill anything that comes near her.
Normally the human in us counterbalances it a lot better than he is but I guess I can let it slide while he’s caught in our first moments of reunion. My scent alone must be affecting him on all kinds of levels, because even his is getting under my skin and making me crazy.
I walk a few steps to put distance between us unsuccessfully, him bumping me the whole way in an almost claustrophobic manner. I stop when I know we are fully inside and then reach, feeling his face just above mine with his taller height having him towering behind me. I cup his chin just behind me, stretching my arm slightly and lift it, so he looks directly at the corner where Sierra is in front of him. His senses are all on me so that he hasn’t even clicked she’s here. That there’s anyone else in here.
There’s a moment of pause. I sense the heart stop and inhale. I feel everything that he exudes and it makes my own emotions fade in comparison. His shift from ‘I need you’ possessive over-hormonal crazy, to what’s going on’ confusion, and then the ‘is that?’ shock as everything about him changes.
Colton steps around me instantly, freeing me from his presence as his attention is swept out from under him and darts to the bed in the dark. Swift and direct, seeing exactly who it was in the dimness. Doc seems to be shuffling around and manages to click something that illuminates the back of the truck with built in low lights and I focus on Colton sliding to his mothers side, scooping up her hand and almost gasping in shock. He leans in, making her look so small in comparison to him and gently strokes his thumb across her pale hand.
“Mom….. Is that really you? Can you hear me?” he sounds like a lost little boy, so young and vulnerable, an aching rawness to his tone and for a moment I forget my anger and nothing but compassion for him fills my heart. I can feel the way this has ripped his heart open and his pulse is racing so speedily, mine starts to match it. Colton regresses ten years and he’s just a boy finding his mom, whom he’s needed for so long.
“She’s sedated; the doc needs to wake her but she doesn’t know what’s going on. Colton, you need to know…. there’s nothing wrong with her mind.” I point out, coming level with him and resting my hand on his arm as he stares at her, eyes fixed on her face. His breathing is shallow and the confusion and pain is evident under that furrowed brow and glowing amber eyes. He can’t contain his emotion so his wolf is peeking. He swallows hard, reaches out lifting a strand of her hair and brushes it back gently, so carefully like she’s fine china, so fixated on her like this is some kind of dream he doesn’t want to wake from.
“How…… where?” his voice breaks, a harsh croak and the doc seems to keep his distance to let me be the one to explain. It’s not an easy thing to tell a guy that the father he loved all this time is the reason his mother was imprisoned and put to sleep. I don’t even know how or where to begin and I hesitate, looking at the doc, mildly panic stricken for a moment when it comes to me. The Doc shrugs and nods at him as though encouraging me. I think he’s a little intimidated by Colton to be fair, I mean he did threaten to kill him three minutes ago.
I don’t need to tell him. I need to show him. It’s the only way I know how.
“It’s a long story, I think maybe it’s better to do it this way. So you can see for yourself.” I whisper, reaching up and laying my fingertips on his temple and wait for his permission. Tensing as my touch seems so light and hesitant on him, that familiarity dragging me to draw closer.
Colton nods, oblivious to me really, while his attention is on her, knowing I mean projecting my memories. I can’t blame him; he’s searched for her for so long so no wonder she is all he sees.
I close my eyes and begin to push them his way, rifling through and trying to find a starting point as I drag them to the forefront. I decide on one; right from my decision to turn east and follow that path, to finding the facility, then being caught… Deacon, the doctor, the cell and finding sierra, right until we got out and I linked Colton. I show him every second on that timeline, even how they kept her and where and hope it all filters in while he is so distracted.
I needed to give him all of it, even the parts I am afraid of him knowing because I don’t have the words to tell him about his father and I don’t have the strength to tell him about my family. Or that we are both hybrids.
Colton stands stock still, as it all filters in and he relives what I did in the past couple of days, seeing, hearing , learning everything I did. Feeling what I did and experiencing everything he must have felt from afar. Even the part I was most afraid of telling him…. that I am a half breed Vampire.
I feel him close me out as soon as the images of the last memory fade away. Like a shutter coming down as he disconnects from me and that wall of emotion blanking, pushes me away. It’s not something most wolves can do especially to an imprinted bond but Colton does it right now and shields me from everything he is feeling in the moment and numbs me out.
It shocks me, hurts me a little too but I don’t think he’s doing it to punish me. I think he’s doing it because he knows his own emotions are completely overwhelming and painful and he doesn’t want to make me feel them too. He’s protecting me and pulling back so he doesn’t share what he is experiencing.
He stands, lets go of his mothers hand and looks over my head at the doc, a glazed distant expression and not what I was expecting at all. A look of determination as that leader takes over and he stands that little bit taller, moving to take charge mode.
“How long do you need before you can wake her?” There’s a coldness to his tone, a lack of feeling and I wonder if he has recoiled even from his own feelings because it was too much for him or if he is just really, really pissed. I honestly cannot tell but there is a brewing storm in the air around him even if he is shielding me. I guess finding out everything in your life was a lie and the villain in your story is your own father has to hurt just as much as what I learned about what he did to my family.
“A couple of days to bring her round fully, but she may take weeks to properly come to and recover enough to turn, there is no telling. She’s been asleep for a very long time and I don’t know what kind of harm that has caused her.” The doctor looks helpless and I can tell he too doesn’t know how to react to Colton being so…. unemotional. It’s like he just didn’t find his long-lost mother laid sedated in the back of a truck and he’s absently directing some lost tourist on where to go next.
“I’ll drive. You stay back here with my mother. The manor is another thirty minutes minimum and we need to get going before that asshole Deacon and his failure sub pack show up. I don’t want to be spilling blood in human territory.” That growl, a hint of anger and I guess I feel a little smug about that. Colton might actually rip that jerk a new one after all. I honestly hope Deacon does show up, because I know my Santo will kick that Santo’s ass into next week and I actually don’t mind letting him have that one. Watching will be as much joy as doing it.
He doesn’t even look at me, just nods at the doctor to bolt the doors and then walks forward to the cab and climbs into the driver seat, smoothly and fluidly like he’s driven military medical trucks his whole life and doesn’t even blink an eye at it. Stopping and staring out the window at the assembled vehicles out there and I know he’s linking the pack to tell them to move. He’s issuing orders and I follow and climb into the passenger seat, a little afloat with the sudden disconnect in him and unsure how to behave. This version is a Colton I don’t know and even I feel like I should just do what he says.
I screw my eyes up at the trucks, counting maybe five and way too many for the sub pack unless they are spread thinly among them, but can’t make out who is driving at all. The headlights are screwing with my night vision and I can’t see anything but light glare when I try and look past them. I wonder if Meadow can see me and I long for nothing more right now than to go hug her. She would get a hug; Colton can go to hell, well maybe not right now as he seems like he could probably use one.
As soon as we hear the door lock get slid and clicked in place, he glances back to make sure the doc has pulled down one of the folding seats and strapped himself in before Colton moves us on. The fleet of vehicles roar into life and two stay back to let us pass and follow. So, we are flanked and Colton just focuses on driving. He positions us right in the middle of the other cars as though they are escorting some sort of president. A precious cargo who needs their protection. I guess we are.
My need to have him say something overpowers my need to be mad at him and I reach out placing my hand on his bicep gently.
“Are you okay?” I sound like that feeble girl from so long ago that imprinted on him, and not the person I have been growing into these past weeks. When faced with this guy, it seems I become some submissive lovesick fool and I silently hate myself for it. Colton seems different too now though, as I sit and evaluate his profile in the light of the headlights shining back at us from the rear of the black four by four in front.
He looks like Colton, still cute boy with dimples that are prominent whenever he moves his face in any in kind of way which could melt any grown ass women’s panties. Still handsome, dreamy pretty boy face with that air of cheeky confidence but yet he seems older. More mature, maybe a slight aging that has him seeming less carefree and high school jock and somehow more capable and serious in a way he wasn’t before. There’s a darkness around him that was never there and without tapping into his feelings, I don’t know what it is. It’s more than just learning about his mother; it was there when he walked into me outside the truck. Colton’s carrying a weight and I want to know what.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now…I need to….. just let me be, Lorey. Just for a minute.” A petulant shrug of his arm so I stop touching him and it’s like being scolded. An unexpected rebuff from the guy who just minutes ago hugged the life out of me with sheer need and now I m not allowed to touch him. I shouldn’t be upset. He’s hurt, he’s processing and he’s in his own head and it’s pretty hypocritical for me to be mad about that. I didn’t want him touching me, and that hasn’t changed.
I try to link him, thinking maybe talking that way will help soothe him, away from the Docs ears and he might be more open to being less cagey with his feelings but he has the door closed and I can’t get through at all. He’s literally locked me out in every way and I don’t even know if this is normal behaviour for him when he’s nursing pain or if this is because he remembers I am not his mate and he should only be sharing that space with her.
Fuck you Carmen. Fuck you Colton.
I hate that he can make me feel this way, a new storm swishing around inside of me and I have to stop myself from glaring at him. A new surge of conflicting pain and I resist the urge to slap him.
I sit back in my chair and pull my legs under me, hauling my body in tight to self soothe, calm the torrent of crazy and try not to stare at him, or throw shade. Its hard when he is right there, yet feels a thousand miles away and my own emotions are in uproar. I can’t even pick a side and stick to it.
I want to be mad at him and hate him, I have every right, but when he’s near I can’t stop this overwhelming pain and heartbreak he causes me, although right now I have added compassion and empathy to that mix and I’m dying inside for him. Even while cursing him. I want to ease his own pain and as stupid as it seems, I’m devastated he is closing me out like it has nothing to do with me. I’m so confused at my idiot thoughts and responses.
“Where are we going?” I utter it his way, unable to not say something to him, even though he said he doesn’t want to talk. I can’t sit in painful silence feeling like this. Colton exhales with a sigh that signals he’s not really into answering but compelled to do so.
“To the manor I inherited from my mother. It’s someplace my father never had any control over. It’s where we have been staying these past weeks. Lorey, I told you, so much has changed.”
Colton’s eyes flick my way, he frowns at me and sighs again and then looks back at the road and doesn’t elaborate. I mean I get he’s currently working through some of his own shit in his mind, but an explanation would be nice. This minimal chat bull crap isn’t working for me.
“Such as?” I push, locking my eye on him with a flash of stubborn and I can’t miss the way his whole-body tenses up. The exhale, frustrated grip on the steering wheel because it’s obvious I am not going to shut up and leave him alone, has him rolling his shoulders to relieve tension and he decides answering is inevitable.
“The pack is divided. Half are here with me, the other at the mountain. There was a fight, when I challenged my father for leadership and it got real messy. The people were turning and with more attacks in the west , he was becoming a dictator, forcing the people under his command and treating them like they were all his prisoners. I had to do something and he didn’t like it. He lost! …. I’m the rightful alpha of the Santo pack now but instead of stepping down gracefully as the laws dictate, he ordered those loyal to him to take out me and mine.”
It’s an exasperated tone, explaining something he clearly doesn’t want to and it just revs up that aura of closed off hostile around him. I just gawp at him in wide eyes shock, trying to really pull those words together. It hits me that while I was having my own existential crisis, so was he.
“I don’t know what to say.” I stammer, side swept with that revelation of events that I honestly never saw coming at all. That explains that cloak of darkness around Colton. Since I left his whole world was turned upside down and his father already gave him reason to hate him, making my enlightening news somewhat less unbelievable. My memories only added fuel to his fire.
“There’s nothing to say. My father tried to kill me. You were the catalyst I guess…you leaving, me realising that I was an idiot and had lost the only thing that should have mattered, I failed, and then a shit storm blew up around me with another vamp attack and life just imploded. My fathers men are at war with his own people, still under threat of new vamp attacks. We are scattered across the north and I have a sizeable chunk at my mother’s estate hiding out, scared shitless.”
“Oh my god.” I feel sick, as bile rises in my throat, the levity of the situation finally coming through at me. I was an idiot to think that he had been sitting twiddling his thumbs at the pack house while I have been gone.
“It’s not the same size as the manor by a long shot, it’s a homestead and smaller but it has land. It’s isolated from humans, surrounded by forests and for now we are managing to defend it pretty well. I’m more focused on keeping my people safe and giving them a place to rebuild before I go chasing vampires and starting fights like my father seems to be doing. It’s all he cares about and now knowing what you showed me…it makes fucking sense. The war were his glory days, he was a commander with an army who jumped to his orders lording over a united race. I wouldn’t put it past him to somehow deliver a means to the vampires just to rile it up again.” The anger simmers in his tone and it’s obvious Colton has been going through it as much as I have.
“Do you think the orphanage attack, we were meant to die? Was it him?” I touch on the memory Colton would have seen, of me and the doctor theorising this exact question but Colton shakes his head and glances my way, a look of complete cynicism.
“No, he really didn’t seem to know that was coming and from what you have shown me….your death is hers.” He nods at the rear view so I glance back at his mother. “Her death is his. He wouldn’t have wanted it. And until I challenged him, he truly was still reeling me along like he thought I would somehow support him in his madness. He didn’t want me dead, he wanted me bound to his loyals so I would follow him into war.” That edge of something else clawing in, like maybe anger at not seeing it before.
So Juan wasn’t behind the orphanage but he did create the tech to disable us. He sold it out there not caring who got hold of it because he wanted the vampires to think they had a weapon to restart a war. He had to know once they got it, they would have the confidence to try and come at the wolves again at some point, so he waited.
The Vampires thought they had a full proof plan. They aren’t as strong as us but with something like the isolation box, they would be stronger and have a shot at taking us down this time. Which means Juan has to know how to combat it, and disable the effects of the box. He would never let them have something that would give them their victory, of course not; he will have a master plan that he is going to sit on until this thing is in full throes. He has to keep his weapon hidden and let this brew long enough to give the packs a need to unite, before he brings out whatever that is and prove victorious once again.
Juan craved the union of all the packs, not just the north and he knew the only way to force that kind of need was to push us back into a war. He supplied the possibility and then sat back and waited, his own arrogance telling him that he would be the one chosen to lead them all. The wolves from every land. It shows how insane he really is to believe he would reign and lead when the first time, my own mother pushed him off that pedestal. So easy to knock down and replace.
Did that teach him nothing?
And then when he had the steps in place to ignite a second chance at his gaining a crown, the fates intervened instead and nothing has been coincidence on either side since. Turning and imprinting me only weeks before the vampires first attack. Solidifying a white wolf in the midst in hopes of redressing the balance because they knew what was coming. Tying me to a Santo. It all makes sense; every single piece of the puzzle fits and I was always meant to end up in Colton’s arms in the middle of it all. I’m the fates trying to reclaim a prophecy that Juan keeps trying to destroy.
I turn my attention back to what he said, dragging my brain from that to this. Head a tangled mess of emotions but the logic of the bigger picture is sliding neatly into place. Picking out something he said which peeks my attention.
“What do you mean bound to his loyals?”
I don’t even know how he could do that.
“Carmen. She’s the daughter of his Beta, he’s always tried to push me to stick with only the wolves he approved of. He hated the fact my sub pack was never the children of his own subs. He just had to accept it, but Carmen, now looking back I realise he kept pushing femmes at me from certain houses and he only wanted me to mark and settle down once you posed a threat.”
And we come straight to the one thing that chokes me up and makes me hate him all over again. He says it so matter of factly, like he didn’t just stab me in the chest with a dull object and twist it for good measure. He just admitted it. That he’s bound to Carmen and his father wanted it that way. He maybe didn’t say it outright but he said enough for me to interpret it that way.
I fall silent and turn away as tears prick my eyes and that sense of ‘I knew it’ makes me feels so stupid. Crushing that stupidly ever hopeful annoying shining light that pops up no matter what I tell it.
I might be the fates trying to set the scales right, but Colton is obviously not part of that plan, because no way in hell would they allow him to be such a dumb ass and do such a hurtful and stupid thing if he was my forever. How could he be if they let him mark her and break me all over again.
You don’t come back from a betrayal of the mate bond, not like this.
“So your father is raging a war with not only vamps, whom he set in motion but his own pack even though his intention was to lord over you all? And half of you now live in the manor that belonged to your mother, a half witch? A manor you knew you had but didn’t need. All while I was off finding your mom who holds the key to us having some sort of powerful gifts to put things right?” I digress , trying to put everything in order and avoid all mention of what a douchebag selfish, hurtful, cheating dickhead he is.
“Yeah, sounds right.……. My mother’s family are mostly gone. Not that I ever knew them and I only knew I inherited this manor because she left me it as a birthday gift on my sixteenth with a femme she trusted. It sat empty so we had some cleaning up to do. Generally, though, I am guessing she really was a witch as it was completely untouched and no one seemed to be able to get in until I tried the door. It was weird but….a god damn witch! The strangest part is…. I don’t feel shocked. It’s like I knew but I didn’t. I can’t explain it.” He is slowly coming back to that swoony high school jock as he talks, hints of normal Colton peeking through at me but it doesn’t dampen my feelings of hurt.
I allow my eyes to stray back to him, holding my outward cool and trying not to let all I’m thinking spew out at him while being really good at focusing on the important issues in this conversation. Not me and him; and I am trying to absorb his words and that other little issue that has been getting to me, peeks out.
“At least it’s not vampire….. can’t say that was welcome news.” I answer sarcastically, a little more edge to my tone than I intended, watching that slight change to his expression and completely unable to read it. He half frowns, his jaw tensing a touch but he doesn’t have any kind of over dramatic response at all.
“It is what it is, doesn’t change who you are. It’s just something to figure out, I guess.” He doesn’t look my way and I can tell he is not as okay with it as he’s making out but he’s also not freaking out and calling me a monster either. I really expected a bigger reaction to be honest and this seems anticlimactic. I probably took it worse than he is.
“The sub pack won’t accept me back when they find out.” I point out as if that was ever in my master plan but I guess it partly is. I mean everything is upside down and my plan of leaving and running just brought me back right here to where I started, among the people I left behind. I have no idea what the future holds anymore, especially if the wolves are warring too. The pack seems like my destiny, even if he is not.
“Why not? You think they will care? You’re Alora, and I’m Cole to them….they won’t give a shit if we are half breeds. That’s not how they are….it’s how my father is. And we’re not the only hybrids hidden in the Santo pack. Nor the subs. Secrets are rife in my father’s kingdom because he is an asshole and it took me way too many years to realise that and see through him.” He grips the wheel, that growl again in the undertone as his own words touch a nerve and I can tell the whole father things is getting to him way more than anything. Maybe finding out about his mother was the final straw.
I grasp at that titbit of information though, shocked, instantly grabbing at the file marked Colton’s memories but know I wont even know what to look for in the nineteen years’ worth of them and instead start pulling names out of boxes in a bid to figure out which subs are also half breeds.
“Who? What secrets?” I blurt out overwhelmed with too many scenarios and thoughts. The downside to having a head full of someone else’s memories is they are too vast sometimes to know you possess an answer without them guiding you to the right visual. I probably have so many things in my head about him that I haven’t even opened and explored. I definitely didn’t ever stop on any conversations about hybrids in the pack.
Colton sighs, tapping the steering wheel as he guides us onwards and shrugs. Like this isn’t news to him and acting like it’s nothing really in the grand scheme of things. To him maybe, but I spent my life being told I was an impure reject only to find out the Santo’s have been interwoven with that all along.
What the hell?
“The twins are hybrids. Angelics actually. Then meadow, her mother was a shifter, not Lycan, still a wolf but different. She’s fierce because she is multi gifted, like you are and my father made sure no one knew his son pack-bonded with impure breeds. He couldn’t do anything about them as they are all Santo by blood and he will never shame his own bloodline or admit that most of the pack come from interbred unions. There are hundreds of supernatural species, wolves are highly sexed horn dogs, they will fuck anything.” That is delivered with a callous smirk and a hint of pride at his own species being hoes. Only a man would actually be proud of that.
“Eww, Colton!” I slap his arm, stinging my own fingers in the process, grossed out and a little offended with that last sentence. It’s hardly admirable in a species who also like to mate for life when they pick the right one.
“It’s true and the biggest secret of all. The haze doesn’t just make us want to bone each other…it’s a free for all and has been for centuries. I’m pretty sure my father isn’t even a hundred percent Lycan. He can’t trace his roots any more than anyone else and the history books are complete fabrication, with every alpha removing parts they deem shameful; They’re bullshit … like him removing prophecies. I would put money on the fact that the Santo wolves being all shades are a massive nod to us being mixed species. The original Lycans were always brown. Brown with amber eyes …. most of the Santos’ are grey.”
“Why am I only knowing this now? How long have you know all of this?” I blanche as my head spins and it’s like I am relearning the entire history of everything I have ever known All while he’s over there like Mr Cool taking it in his stride with barely even a blink that our entire existence is based on horse shit. The nausea envelopes me fully and I get a little lightheaded with the number of explosions going off in my brain.
“Not long. The Shaman, he’s with us and finally no longer bound to his alpha Juan because I am the rightful leader and he doesn’t have to obey my father anymore. He can now unleash all he knows without fear of the fates punishing him for betrayal. He’s a wealth of knowledge. Like what having red eyes in white wolves really means and why you had extra strong powers.” He raises a knowing brow at me and even that clicks into place.
“You knew?” I gasp at him, sitting up tall and leaning at him in utter disbelief. That statement makes my head spin and I honestly can’t even with him right now. My stomach is all in knots, my palms sweaty and I think my lungs are on the verge of packing in.
“I’ve known for a couple of weeks. It all slotted into place when I found out and now, I guess I know why you found it hard to hone in on your abilities and why they weren’t run of the mill wolf gifts. I’ve had time to get used to it, you might say.” I slump back, rubbing my temples with my fingers as everything blurs slightly and the lack of oxygen from gasping hits me between the eyes. I feel woozy.
“What else did he tell you?”
“Nothing really that important in our current situation. Just general history of our people and the fact you are not the first like you. Neither was your mother. He knew nothing of my mother’s whereabouts, her breed or anything about my fathers actions before he came to the Santo house seven years ago. The shaman previous to him died, and he came to us from my families origin in Colombia. He never really fell for my father’s bullshit and has always kept his peace and distance from the pack elders and the sub packs loyal to my father.”
It all explains why in the room after imprinting he was the one to intervene and Colton always said he trusted him. Now I know why and it clicks together, another puzzle piece falling into place. Another random titbit from our combined past that had more meaning than either of us comprehended at the time.
“Everything is crazy, yet all seems to tie together. Even us.” I drop my hands on my lap, still leaning my head against the rest and suddenly so very exhausted with thinking, feeling, talking. Everything taking it’s toll and coming to a massive head and draining what little energy I have left inside of me. I’m heavy and weighted down in so many ways all while his presence is screwing me up and I just want to curl up and shut it all off for a bit.
“I knew. About us…. Like the whole witch thing. Something in me; it wasn’t a surprise when we imprinted. It’s like I always knew yet somehow my brain didn’t know how. Maybe I have her visions and somehow when she bound me, I lost the memory of them. I can’t grasp it, but it’s like all of this was always just out of reach of my fingertips but I knew it was there. When it happened it was like déjà vu in a sense.” Colton casts me an apologetic look and I get that hint of regret slowly filtering my way as if he is lifting the wall between us a bit at a time and yet it’s too late. A dimple appearing with a coy boyish half smile that doesn’t do anything to lift my growing black cloud.
I just stare at him, making sense of it but at the same time hating on him all the more with what he just admitted to me. If he knew somehow, then why the hell did he just let me go? Why did he reject me?
“Then you’re an even bigger idiot.” I snap, emotionally done and this just adds another layer of fatigue to what I can’t handle as it is. Turning my head and staring out the window, tensing up and bristling with that same pain all over again and fighting my own stupid tears. I am getting so fed up of feeling like shit when it comes to him. And he just sits and admits that he maybe knew I should have been more important to him all along. Screw him.
It crushes me and I no longer want to talk and figure all of this out. I want him to leave me alone.
“I learn from my mistakes. I’m here, aren’t I?” I can feel his eyes on me but I refuse to look. Heart stricken with a clawing gnawing slicing agony.
“You can’t undo what’s done. Just drop it, okay. Now isn’t the time to talk about us. We need to get your mother someplace to wake her up and see what the hell she has to say about all of this and how we unbind these gifts that are somehow going to do something in the grand scheme of things.”
My voice is low and raspy, I sound upset yet probably just tired and I can feel him eating away at me with his eyes as he tries to read me.
“I can’t believe I ever doubted you were not going to be the Luna we all needed. I was wrong… to doubt you, to doubt us. I really am sorry that I wasn’t what you needed. I can’t tell you how much I regret everything, baby.” There is genuine sorrow and it’s just another nail in his coffin.
“Don’t okay. It’s been a long freaking day and I’m exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and think about all of this later. I feel like my head is going to explode and we are not even getting the whole picture yet. I’ve been running for so long and I think my body is finally giving up on me.” It’s a hint, turning fully away from him to try and get comfy on the worst seats ever invented as we bump along a relatively smooth road. Colton looks at me; a long drawn out paused second and relents exhaling heavily. He knows defeat when he senses it.
“Try and sleep, the manor is a while away and it’s not like I am about to let you out of my sight. We have time to talk. I think I need the headspace too, to figure some stuff out. I can’t believe my mom is laying out behind me. This is all so surreal.” There’s a lightness to what he says and I just blank it.
I curl up against the window fully, not like I needed his permission but I am grateful he will just leave me be. He still has it in his head that I belong to him, even though somewhere out there, most likely this manor, he has an actual mate and he needs to remember that. I’m not his, he’s not mine and when Sierra wakes up and unbinds me, then we need to figure out how to keep our distance and navigate this if we are all going to get through it.
Colton’s story and mine, it’s going to head in different directions when Sierra tells us what to do. We both need to accept that and deal with it.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
