Is there a God? Is there really a guy up high in the clouds that commands the world around us? Could he really exist? Does he exist? Because if he does, I'd like to know what exactly I did to piss him off so much that I deserved this.
It may be selfish, but why couldn't this happen to someone else, anyone else? Why me? What is so damn special about me?
The Doctor says that if there were a God, science wouldn't have the need to exist. I don't believe him to that extent, but I'm starting to doubt if the big guy up there really is real.
The Doctor and I have an uneasy relationship right now. I hate him to the darkest depths of the seventh level of Hell, but he's the one that dictates my tests and punishments. This is the only reason I tolerate him with a semi-acceptable attitude. When I'm not taking his orders and tests without question, I'm silently wishing he would die in a hole somewhere.
Piano lessons are going very well, I can play harder songs now and I'm allowed to be in the room by myself now. Once I stop playing though, the guard outside checks up on me as if I could just disappear from the room. It's pathetic.
I haven't tried to escape in a long time. Not because I don't want to, I just can't find any more methods to try. The vents are a no-go. They've all been sealed off. They check me every day for sharp objects on my person so I can't secretly chisel a hole behind my bed or something. I'm running out of ideas. The supply boat is supposed to come in a month or so. Maybe I'll wait til then…
The Doctor mentioned something about combat training to me after one of the tests, but I wasn't really paying attention. At the time all I wanted to do was play piano, so I went to do that. Only now has it dawned on me what he was saying. I should be happy, stoked even. I've always wanted to learn how to fight, but with the offer coming from him...I know there's another reason behind it.
Madeline...I miss you so much. Why can't I be where you are…
Is God with you?
Do you think he'll take me in too?
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