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I SHUFFLED BACK INTO the studio, the place felt empty without his presence. It was a nice feeling being in his company, and feeling comfortable with myself again. I was glad that he’d come to visit but regretted the way I’d ignored him since the breakup. It wasn’t his fault and I shouldn’t have taken it out on my friends.
The thought reminded me to contact Nahla’li and let her know about the situation, it was only right considering she’d supported me. Then I remembered what Harley said, the group we were attending the comic convention with was the online group I’d been playing Eden’s Gate Online with for a few years. This would be the first time I would meet any of them, excluding Harley and that worried me slightly. Not because I thought they were bad people, but I was worried about making a good first impression in front of them.
Just be yourself.
A voice echoed in my mind, and I took some deep breaths to prevent myself from going into a full anxiety attack about the situation. This was a trip of a lifetime, something I’d always dreamed of attending a comic convention and now that dream had become reality.
How am I going to get through a month of waiting though?
No doubt the time would fly by, as soon as my supplies arrived. I could get started on the costumes ready for the event. Together we’d ordered everything, including the wigs and accessories to complete the looks. Harley didn’t seem too impressed by the prospect of having to wear a wig, but I was too nervous to cosplay at my first event alone.
In truth, as anxious as I might be for the trip, with how overwhelming I found new experiences, I was really happy and proud of myself that I accepted his offer. This could be my change to break out of the funk I was having with my mental health.
But for now it was late in the evening, and my bed was calling my name. The day certainly had taken it out of me, and sleep was beckoning to me before insomnia found me first.
The next morning I awoke to a silent studio, at my own leisure. Something I’d never had the luxury of having since Vincent moved in. It was strangely pleasant, albeit a little eerie. Everything I decided to do, I moved at my own pace. From choosing to spend the day in comfortable clothing, to starting my day with a cup of tea and a good book. Although I was eager to get started on the creation of the costumes, it’d take a few days for the fabric to post.
Later in the afternoon, I received a message on the group hub.
Harley didn’t keep the secret of me going on the trip for too long.
To my surprise, it was Nahla’li with a general check-in. A message I’d missed when I hid in my fortress of solitude. Just as I checked the message, a second one appeared on my screen, which when I read it, was exactly what I was expecting.
Nahla’li: You’re coming to Nostalgia Con with us all? A’sher just told me the news, I’m so excited! I can’t believe I finally get to meet you in person. I owe you a big hug.
A warm spread across my chest. It seemed not only Harley was excited about my attendance, and that solidified the decision to go in my mind. I knew now I was making the right decision. I was going on a road trip with people who generally cared about me, and that would enjoy my company. There was nothing for me to be afraid of. But in the weeks leading up to my departure, my mind wavered several times on my decision.
Luckily, my sanity was saved within a couple of days, when the postman finally brought my fabrics. The second I opened the parcels, I couldn’t focus on anything other than making the costumes. First came the drafting of the paper patterns, ensuring I’d mapped out the correct shapes before cutting it from the mock-up fabric. I tried on the basic shape, the waterfall hem of the skirt sat nicely but I had to adjust the bolero sleeves. Then it was just the matter of sewing the final costume.
We’d chosen a beautiful silk dupion for the main dress fabric, in an off-white. The fabric store had the same colour in the silk chiffon I needed for the bolero and bow, and even in-person they looked perfect together. The gold we’d purchased for the hundred stars the dress was to be embellished in, complimented the white perfectly, but they were going to be my biggest challenge through the process.
I made sure to text Harley pictures whenever I completed the next stage of the costumes, usually with them pinned on my tailor’s dummy but sometimes I’d send funny selfies just to make him laugh. He replied later in the day, probably due to work, but with equally funny photos that always brought a smile to my face.
Accessories and wigs arrived the following week, and I marked them off my mental checklist, keeping them in the box I’d labelled ‘comic con’ which was filled with essential items I needed to pack in my suitcase. I knew when the time came, it’d be likely I forgot something. This was my way of ensuring that didn’t happen.
Two weeks into my production of the costumes and I was beginning to feel the pressure. Worrying whether I’d be able to complete them in time. I spent two whole days struggling with my anxiety, wondering why I hadn’t picked easier costumes to work with, but I soon managed to get out of my runt by focusing on something different. When I returned to my work with fresh eyes, I’d a new burst of motivation to help me through it.
I finished Harley’s costume first, his silk suit infinitely more simple than my dress but still for the first time I’d tempted menswear, I was happy with the outcome. Made from the same off-white silk dupion with gold epaulettes and a single stripe down the outside leg. The star detailing came in the buttons both down the front and on the cuffs. Subtle but effective. A short cape was draped over one shoulder, giving the final costume a more regal touch. I only hoped Harley would like it, and that it would fit him.
The next day, I returned my focus to my own dress and to the tedious challenge of hand sewing hundreds of gold stars. I’d thrown on the anime version where Sakura was from, and sat stitching stars as I watched the show. I found myself dipping back into my childish behaviour, enjoying the new version of the anime as much as I did the original version years ago.
I squealed when I saw the version of my dress on the show come on screen. It made me even more excited to wear it for the comic convention. When I’d finally finished my work, I placed it on the tailor’s dummy and stood back to admire my work. The two costumes together looked good, I’d my doubts that the Li costume would look a little out of place or overshadowed by the Sakura one, but when I looked at them both now, they complimented each other perfectly.
My work was completed, and with very little time to spare. I’d two days before I left for London, according to the reminder email the ticket company sent me, which left me with only tomorrow to pack. I took myself to bed for an early night and set myself an alarm for the next morning and wondered who I’d become doing such a thing.
I didn’t enjoy waking up the next morning to the ear-piercing alarm. I couldn’t understand why I’d chosen that particular music tone either. It was almost as unpleasant as waking up to Vincent’s yelling, but thinking about it, I’d happily take the alarm over his voice any day.
As I was getting up, I checked my phone to see it’d exploded with notifications in my sleep. I wondered what had happened until I realised Harley had invited me to the road trip chat. Although when I looked at the names, I didn’t recognise any of them. Probably because everyone was using their real names rather than their online pseudos'.
I sat on the edge of my bed flicking back through the messages. Everyone seemed happy I was joining them and how excited they were to meet me. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, but I brushed off the niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t ready for something as big as this. I reminded myself that if anything happened, I would Harley there. Harley who I’d known most of my life and felt comfortable with.
After my usual morning routine of a light breakfast and a cup of tea, I freshened myself up in the shower, taking my time under the warmth of the water. Over the past month my self care routine was improving, thanks to the gentle nudge from Harley. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid to neglect myself over the way someone else had treated me. Why hadn’t I put myself first? I thought back to the time I spent in solitude. It’d been the way Vincent spoke to me, the way he put me down that my mental health latched onto and forced me into believing. A vicious cycle I struggled to break away from. I should’ve reached out to my friends sooner, however hindsight was a great thing and I’d been short-sighted when it came to my health.
The new suitcase I ordered arrived yesterday, making today the perfect day, and the only day I could spend packing my case for the trip. I made a checklist using a productivity app on my phone, separating everything I needed in certain categories. I couldn’t explain how, but it just worked and it’d aided my mental health so I didn’t overthink things too much. I’d used it previously to track my process with the costume making, which broke down the bigger tasks into smaller more manageable ones. I found it was helping, and had very few wobbles since using it.
Once I was dressed and the bed was made, another one of my new habits that aided a clearer mindset, I opened the suitcase up and started gathering up all the items I needed to pack. Usual overnight things; toilettes, several outfits to suit all weather conditions, pyjamas, electronics chargers and of course I couldn’t forget my e-reader. I needed something to read on the train journeys. I placed everything in their selected categories, in little piles on the bed before packing them inside the suitcase. On one side I’d dedicated the space to my everyday wear and the other side to everything I needed for the comic convention.
I constantly looked back at the website Harley showed me about Nostalgia Con, and kept a notebook of some of the activities I wanted to see while we were there. That is, if we had time and it was okay with the group. Along with this I packed an artbook from Eden’s Gate Online, just in case I was lucky enough to meet some of the team during the panel. I packed a handheld games console for the journey, assuming the rest of the group might bring their own for party games, along with my new sketchbook and a small handful of art supplies.
The packing didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped, and some of my personal effects had to live inside my backpack instead of the suitcase because I’d run out of space. I’d underestimated how much space the costumes and accessories would take up, especially when I took into account the garment packs they were living in, to protect my work.
Once I was packed, I sent the group a funny selfie of me sitting on my suitcase with my extra couple of bags around me, with the caption ‘ready to road trip’. It was silly but it seemed to have been received well by the group. I made myself another cup of tea and grabbed a quick snack before settling at my desk and indulged myself in a couple of hours of Eden’s Gate Online.
The next morning I awoke earlier, again thanks to the annoying alarm and dressed in a cute yet comfortable outfit for travelling. I helped myself to a small breakfast, as I suffered from travel sickness and as London was quite a distance away, I didn’t want to risk it. I packed some tea in a flask and a bottle of water for the journey in my backpack.
I was ready to leave, feeling positive and excited for this new experience. Yet in the pit of my stomach my nerves threatened to bubble up to the surface. I sent a quick text to Harley, letting him know I was leaving for the train station and asked if he’d mind meeting me at the end of the line. His reply came back almost instantly, agreeing to meet me.
One less thing to worry about.
The train station was a little busier than I was used to but I found my way to the ticket machine and printed everything I needed for my trip. I’d even brought my old pass holder I still had from college, though the kitten pattern had faded with age. I placed my tickets inside and returned it to my bag before heading to the platform with my suitcase.
I didn’t wait too long for the train to arrive, and I found my reserved seat without a problem. Harley made sure to rebook this, so that I wouldn’t find myself worrying. It was one straight train to London with no changes to, as he didn’t feel I needed the extra stress. I settled in my spot, tea and e-reader on the little table before me and grounded myself in the space. The journey would take a few hours, giving me enough time to get some of my book read.
We arrived at the station in the early afternoon. I returned everything inside my bag a little time before the announcement came, because I was scared to leave something behind. I even double checked my seat when I stood up, just to be sure, then walked over to the door and waited for the train to stop. I didn’t want to get stuck in the crowds, they made me really uncomfortable.
The train drew to a halt, and the second the button flashed I pressed it to open the door to escape the mad rush of the rest of the passengers. I followed the signage towards the main station and to the agreed location I’d discussed on the train with Harley. I surprised myself how easily I found the shop we’d agreed to meet, and texted Harley to confirm my location.
B: I think I’m here.
But where was he?
ns 15.158.61.54da2
