最近我將涼樹的《王座騎士》讀到最新,接下來會挑一些部分跟大家分享。202Please respect copyright.PENANAbSoC5QnAMi
202Please respect copyright.PENANAzWUe7HToi5
202Please respect copyright.PENANA6I5cMKl7aR
先從角色說起好了。202Please respect copyright.PENANA8MPs0BlM7s
202Please respect copyright.PENANALQYsiG0SN3
202Please respect copyright.PENANAwqu2OghLNS
裡面我比較喜歡,而涼樹也比較認真刻劃的角色很明顯是親王殿下。202Please respect copyright.PENANAIvgDYdlgcR
202Please respect copyright.PENANAXdCn1WIxgQ
202Please respect copyright.PENANAv2hVZYciWN
明明身為親王,卻有著疑似暴露狂屬性,加上還會在危機時挺身而出,算是裡頭很用心經營的角色。同時,我很喜歡本篇章結束時,女主跟他的互動變化。202Please respect copyright.PENANAOuzxL2kGzs
202Please respect copyright.PENANAYqfU5xdSG1
202Please respect copyright.PENANAiSuZGSLmCM
但反過來說,其他角色就刻劃得很不明顯,也沒什麼記憶點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAFCWG2eOoA1
202Please respect copyright.PENANAxyrT57icUn
202Please respect copyright.PENANARpsWgesnRh
在劇情主線下,女主角幾乎沒什麼變化(除了本章最後跟親王的互動之外),這點是一大硬傷。202Please respect copyright.PENANADF9s0RtEd5
202Please respect copyright.PENANARRGwESIsrl
202Please respect copyright.PENANAs3EtMf3iVZ
關於這點,第一篇章因為主角比較抑鬱,所以整篇都維持在這種氛圍之下,因此會比較勸退讀者。202Please respect copyright.PENANADN2TA7QQww
202Please respect copyright.PENANAfHdXf0Qa2H
202Please respect copyright.PENANAg6ARZrf6Fm
個人認為,本章的重點在於親王挺身而出,保護了御風,讓她稍微敞開心房,因此讓兩人關係改善。不過,在親王救御風時,這個御風的心境變化並未加強刻劃,因此會顯得有些突然,且沒抓到重點的感覺。202Please respect copyright.PENANAvGWxxnCmN1
202Please respect copyright.PENANAP08h2BbFve
202Please respect copyright.PENANAGQhwS6yyos
另外,在劇情上,敵對的角色一下子就被撂倒,感覺御風只是稍微露個兩手,對方就招架不住,鋪陳許久,最後一下子就解決事件,有點少了什麼的感覺。202Please respect copyright.PENANAWXRM2IoWw8
202Please respect copyright.PENANAhmscsyUERN
202Please respect copyright.PENANAueWrHYJeyl
我認為在貓貓這點很有巧思,不過在敵人塑造與劇情設計上,會因為敵人太弱而顯得張力不太足夠。202Please respect copyright.PENANAtxUmtXjR9p
202Please respect copyright.PENANAfxgxAcYj22
202Please respect copyright.PENANAvI0kA9kyrJ
而在女主角的設計上,真的感覺不出她是女生。給人的感覺就好像抑鬱的青年。202Please respect copyright.PENANAHatDPu2JJN
202Please respect copyright.PENANAlKNf77sYcK
202Please respect copyright.PENANAjosU7MBddc
或許可以針對女主角本身可愛的地方多加描述或是設計,當然,她可以個性不好,可以抑鬱,但肯定也有弱點或是可愛的地方。這點真的非常重要。202Please respect copyright.PENANAHpRJesju51
202Please respect copyright.PENANALMtCwX37C3
202Please respect copyright.PENANAD4Oe4UjPPc
親王在高貴的身分下,卻是個有著暴露傾向的青年,由於這點是個很大的反差,會讓人有記憶點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAzuR6Q5Y3X9
202Please respect copyright.PENANA8HEsfQ13s4
202Please respect copyright.PENANAUP7qcMortT
而女主角的設計也能從這個思路著手。她可能個性嚴謹,但在某個方面卻沒輒,或是有什麼古怪的堅持或癖好,都是可以發展的點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAdJs8J4ao5C
202Please respect copyright.PENANA1uXWMjRmSp
202Please respect copyright.PENANAAF3jdYvSjp
目前的刻劃下,她比較接近於一個空殼,稍微缺乏了人味。我是這麼認為的。當然,在送玫瑰花那段有所改變,多了點人味是好的。202Please respect copyright.PENANAgz1VAIgYHk
202Please respect copyright.PENANA8VCtOB6jhu
202Please respect copyright.PENANAsMlwtYfE4i
而在摯友角色方面也是,雖然從她跟親王的對戲,知道她其實想要保護御風,但在讀者看來,還是缺乏了什麼,因為也缺乏了她跟御風等人對戲的鋪陳、相處橋段。202Please respect copyright.PENANAhHX56Io3tN
202Please respect copyright.PENANAZxxSWLJZhR
202Please respect copyright.PENANAUdAFEcMpcf
到下一次見面,他們已經是要託付和送禮,因此會顯得有些突然。讀者沒有跟上這股情緒。另外,當她遺失禮物時,也並未刻劃出焦急的感覺(當然可能是我漏看了),所以會顯得讀者帶入感不足。劇情卻逕自發展下來的感覺。202Please respect copyright.PENANAwGvZJ1RsGt
202Please respect copyright.PENANA1NiGoSgDxA
202Please respect copyright.PENANADc0GRT6vHQ
然後是世界觀呈現。202Please respect copyright.PENANAWuLGlQzIcf
202Please respect copyright.PENANAK43wod8ZCy
202Please respect copyright.PENANARPg97NxQn2
在介紹高塔時,我的印象是涼樹利用御風跟親王的對話,來帶出相關介紹。如果有記錯,我先說抱歉。202Please respect copyright.PENANAU3eyxBrNja
202Please respect copyright.PENANAloDAsch1vx
202Please respect copyright.PENANAc9DzY6WQeG
利用對話來帶出世界觀是動畫之中常見的鋪陳手法,雖然這個手法也能用,但這多半是用在主角視點不知道世界觀的情況下使用。202Please respect copyright.PENANAJwCHoVsQ6G
202Please respect copyright.PENANAGjhHCFH1BA
202Please respect copyright.PENANAgL6MQkjR9z
倘若主人翁知道這個世界的背景,直接用小說常見的敘述法帶出就可以了。這樣會顯得更加直接,也能顯的比較完整。202Please respect copyright.PENANAN08PSM4zIa
202Please respect copyright.PENANAYAkMVL1ZFc
202Please respect copyright.PENANAFnrMJBr8ZK
否則台詞一大堆,卻還是講不清楚,會顯得十分可惜。202Please respect copyright.PENANArNnbZXUmgf
202Please respect copyright.PENANAd6ZpbWo7mt
202Please respect copyright.PENANAHnjNQrmQHX
而目前的戰鬥,給人的感覺好像是,御風啟動身體的魔法。然後出招。就沒了的感覺。202Please respect copyright.PENANA1PZZJJp93O
202Please respect copyright.PENANAvoqUzQWWNb
202Please respect copyright.PENANAe4FzvVzWjy
倘若還不習慣寫戰鬥,可以先從特色著手。起碼把特色作出來。像是她出招時魔力會出現玫瑰的光、身體出現啥紋路,或者召喚出什麼幫助戰鬥的東東,先弄出個特別的東西。202Please respect copyright.PENANAu9FsQfyowm
202Please respect copyright.PENANAFh62EXWfud
202Please respect copyright.PENANA1oytYzy9Sd
搞不好,還能跟貓貓連動,後面出個組合技。202Please respect copyright.PENANAsooWK0eXZo
202Please respect copyright.PENANAzpg50LctyT
202Please respect copyright.PENANAF7jCFQoM2z
個人認為,倘若要增加整體的爽快感(除了戰鬥鏡頭之外),在劇情設計上可以些微調整。202Please respect copyright.PENANAyNvegsEFUw
202Please respect copyright.PENANAIXiIfMPMPs
202Please respect copyright.PENANAUg4L8SYdG0
首先,女主角一開始嚴厲反對要成為親王的直屬騎士。理由可以自己想。以此創造劇情的衝突點。然而,儘管女主角不想成為直屬騎士,但在女王的要求下,依然妥協陪同親王出第一次任務。202Please respect copyright.PENANAEqG7cQacFz
202Please respect copyright.PENANAbSvSRzCNOx
202Please respect copyright.PENANA8SxNio2eIY
兩人關係超級不好,但是透過這次事件,他們拉近距離。202Please respect copyright.PENANAzshjOKwOyS
202Please respect copyright.PENANA06TkiqbZTo
202Please respect copyright.PENANAgqHG3hXk7m
這樣劇情張力會更大。202Please respect copyright.PENANA9uxGk9w1dd
202Please respect copyright.PENANAZrog3Ow71K
202Please respect copyright.PENANAi0ojc0AoU6
而在跟朋友的對戲中,或許兩人曾經有了矛盾,但內心其實很擔心對方。我知道原作中有這類想法,但我覺得可以更加強描寫這點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAcWu6rlSPEZ
202Please respect copyright.PENANAaozm75n8cZ
202Please respect copyright.PENANAO0uGda9TIa
接下來是行文。202Please respect copyright.PENANAK7BNTeELvA
202Please respect copyright.PENANAtMnI5jIvUq
202Please respect copyright.PENANA5B9HlduXlX
整體而言能知道涼樹想表達什麼。不過有些地方,主要是心境描述,有時會寫得繞來繞去,有時又會缺乏描寫。202Please respect copyright.PENANAYkhBqdwAAB
202Please respect copyright.PENANA5IM0P6e8vt
202Please respect copyright.PENANAtOlExhk2D6
所以可能還得再拿捏一下。202Please respect copyright.PENANA2rwtBh7Yoi
202Please respect copyright.PENANAEpm7jt3sgF
202Please respect copyright.PENANAq6jdpQGXP1
不過,在高塔內設備面板、樓層的描述上十分清晰,這點我很喜歡。202Please respect copyright.PENANATCwRJdh3zE
202Please respect copyright.PENANALAQBX0mMfR
202Please respect copyright.PENANA4CDDxv3fZv
所以整體而言。就是幾個要點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAUsHApyVsP8
202Please respect copyright.PENANAs5B5i1WHDx
202Please respect copyright.PENANAEVptqaWCnU
第一,劇情設計上,可以多想想「變化」。從喜歡到不喜歡。從冷淡到熟悉,從結怨到寬恕。這樣的走法才能拉出劇情張力。202Please respect copyright.PENANApA2gAcCShN
202Please respect copyright.PENANAuOU89c0so6
202Please respect copyright.PENANAdJIarG98EH
第二,角色方面,多利用反差,塑造人味。像是前面舉過親王的例子。女主角可以嚴謹,但或許可能在某個地方脫線,或者對戀愛很遲鈍之類的。其他角色也是按照這樣的邏輯設計。202Please respect copyright.PENANAXV0YK5ywzx
202Please respect copyright.PENANAQi05tSexjW
202Please respect copyright.PENANAN90JD81NMv
第三,行文上,世界觀倘若是女主角知道的事情,直接敘述出來,或是對話提到時,用描述句補充就行了。不用刻意開一場戲來講世界觀。202Please respect copyright.PENANAVHoyBo9OxJ
202Please respect copyright.PENANAmuGYMllJYV
202Please respect copyright.PENANAfLIs391Qzi
同時,在心境描寫上,要著重刻劃重點。特別是女主角應該要多講一點。202Please respect copyright.PENANAm8jGGw0NII
202Please respect copyright.PENANA5RRPVKWg6h
202Please respect copyright.PENANA1EePF84D1Z
以上是我讀完第一篇章的看法。可以參考一下。
202Please respect copyright.PENANAxej8gnZ7Xb
202Please respect copyright.PENANAbX5nlJkQXV
下列為後面補記: 202Please respect copyright.PENANAyP0rKrSV56
202Please respect copyright.PENANAIMexRFglkg
當我讀到目前的更新,也就是最新的篇章後,我對這部作品老實說是充滿期待的。202Please respect copyright.PENANA3FD5QLIJ0J
202Please respect copyright.PENANAZtOo8h7f0g
202Please respect copyright.PENANAw6Icw8TryB
在作品一開始,抑鬱、內向,對人不敞開內心的騎士御風,因為各個事件,她交到了朋友,有了能並肩同行的夥伴,以及跟過去的因緣達成和解。202Please respect copyright.PENANA8LGsT0enNp
202Please respect copyright.PENANAGIVaAcv301
202Please respect copyright.PENANA51TUXpLhP3
在劇情概念上,我認為涼樹想表達的,正是這種細膩,且不易描繪的情感。202Please respect copyright.PENANA7C2ZZJOPPL
202Please respect copyright.PENANAfDmB22DJGL
202Please respect copyright.PENANAAwyzsbFYDc
而這樣的目標亦是目前的我也無法達到的領域,因此在這方面,我對涼樹的理想和對於作品的堅持,懷抱一股敬意。202Please respect copyright.PENANAfdyckD0oTy
202Please respect copyright.PENANAZlri6RG7kK
202Please respect copyright.PENANA4Aw11Mf2kW
那麼,差不多是這樣。202Please respect copyright.PENANAgOLNNWmOc9
202Please respect copyright.PENANACbr1qmlDMm
202Please respect copyright.PENANANyKQXBvfEB
有興趣的讀者,不妨試著讀一讀。202Please respect copyright.PENANAiNtri8FgXT
202Please respect copyright.PENANAKGX4bxQRrt
202Please respect copyright.PENANAHHmEJbOYYr
penana.com/story/57690/王座騎士