Right now, I really don't know what to think or do. I know that my family and boyfriend want me to do well. If anything, I've really disappointed them and also, angry at myself. Back to the emptiness that for years, I've tried really hard to patch up with some form of invisible bandages but to no avail. I'm seeing someone once a fortnight for my therapy at my Uni campus. But if I leave, that support goes and again, I'm back onto the waiting lists of the NHS for up to two years in my home county.
I'm so frustrated with the lack of understanding, why I wasn't offered the chance to develop my skills in my first year of college. Almost being forced to start a course for severely disabled students because of that unconfirmed label from primary school days. It just bothers me so much. I can no longer live as a normal twenty year old. The life and dreams that I ever had, I can pretty much no longer hold onto. I really wanted to travel, see my friends in Australia, be able to walk outside and find a decent job, maybe even look into renting a flat somewhere. I want to be independent but that's in vain. When someone has that autistic label, it's a living nightmare. 624Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRv5vkJbnGS
I have to know the truth. I've said to my family that I don't want to go to my grave not knowing if I'm autistic or not. I don't want to be that human who is living under a lie. I want to be that human that is basically respected and accepted like one. Not a robot, not some lazy sloth or pile of mud. I want to be known for me. 624Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71faLtIuBD
I recently found out about a syndrome called Impostor Syndrome, and reading about the symptoms the other day, I'm fairly convinced that I have this too. I'm scared of failure but I've failed endless times. I want to work hard, prove myself but have had few chances to do that. I want to have a good life, without having the liar/fraud barrier weighing over your shoulders. I want to be loved, supported and not have many fears when waking up each morning and not knowing what to do.
I want to be me. That's all I can ever ask for.
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