I was now sixteen, celebrating the end of being a young student in high school and formally looking forward to the future at hand. The summer of 2014 wasn't a bad one, the weather was hit and miss. However, I made time to relax and my personal writing did get tossed to the side completely. Whoever could have thought that exams can make you feel so tired? I certainly didn't realise, until I started to fall asleep during the day and ended up doing very little.
Getting my final GCSE results was scary. I made sure to wear clothes that were comfortable for me and leave with my headphones on. My aim was to simply walk in, grab my results and walk out again without talking to anyone in return. That was how much I changed as a person after the final exam. I walked along the pavement, opened up my results and burst into tears. I got 100% in one of my exams but still failed the subject as a whole. I failed Maths and wasn't able to get onto a higher level course without having to re-take the whole thing again. My Science levels were average but that was expected, Chemistry was by far the hardest thing I'd ever sat in my life. I had two English GCSEs, a History GCSE, a RE GCSE. All of my main subjects I had been able to pass no problem.
You know when you are hit with depression however, you don't look at the good results and only remember the bad ones? Well, that Maths result affected me for months afterwards. It was a subject that I was generally passionate about plus, I had a great teacher who really understood me and spent a lot of time planning my notes. It was a real shame and one of the worst moments of that year. To get so close and yet, so far. It really sucked.722Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkmxRnpqbn
I started at my local city college a few weeks later. The good news was that I didn't need a high grade in Maths to get onto this course. So for now, no sign of any GCSE exams (they do return later on however), so my main plan was to learn where everything in the college was and try to make some new friends. I realised that my habits and body were changing. Remember the whole no upper chest area from earlier? For some reason, that was starting to change and before long, my bra size had changed too. I wasn't so stressed out as before, and my course had a variety of options available for further study.
I was interested in business, IT, travel and tourism etc. Cooking for me has always been a struggle, due to my fears of using an oven and being around flames. Sadly, it was one of the main units we all had to do. And I hated it so much. I did need evidence of me by an oven cooking, otherwise I wasn't going to pass. My classmates used to muck around often and not pay attention to instructions. There was one time that two of us were left to do some cooking on our own, since no-one else would run in and help. It was a scary time, since we were both using chocolate and chocolate is quite an unpredictable ingredient and can burn easily.
Within the first few months, I fell into my first relationship and finally, I started to feel that little bit less lonely. However, problems began to arise after he started to get into lots of trouble at college. Not doing the work, not sleeping at night and he used to yell quite a bit. I tried my best to support him but after a while, I decided to end things and the depression came back. Everyone at my college acted like I was a big enemy and wouldn't go anywhere near me. Classes were hard, since both of us were right next door to each other. I had to physically leave campus on a daily basis, so that I didn't end up bumping into him.
Eight weeks after the dumping, I was truly at an all-time low. So, I grabbed him one day and asked him how he felt. He felt the same. The relationship was back on. At least, for another few months. His trouble-making started to get worse and worse. By this point, I still wasn't on social media and so, our only way of talking when away from college was by text message. There were many times when he never replied to me. He started to not care. I did have a good bond with his mum and we both talked a lot about writing and reading. That wasn't enough to save the two of us.
After he was thrown out of college, we stopped talking altogether. When he finally decided to get snarky towards me, I texted him and ended things for good. That was nearly four years ago and neither of us have spoken to one another. I have seen him once, in my home city one day with a group of older adults outside a shop. My appearance had changed drastically since our romance but I took no chances. I walked down a side street and left him alone. I'd moved on by now.
First love, first kiss, first year away from school. There were lots of firsts that year and new lessons to be learnt. I did pass Maths but it was through a different exam board and not the GCSE level. I finished my college course, even though it wasn't one that I truly enjoyed. I had gone for interviews at other places but since I was used to this college life, I chose to stay. That is a decision that I will always regret.
And this book will sum exactly why my final years as a child went very downhill.
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