Feeling the breeze blowing on my face, I stared out at the passing scenery of long grass and dry fields on our way back to Paragon.
Things ended in a way I hadn't of expected.
We talked, cried, fought, and parted ways. Tawn wasn't even Tawn. He had some other name I never knew about this whole time.
Rubbing my thumb over my phone, I couldn't bring myself to delete his number.
I knew he would. He said he would with such determination. But, it was all too final. I couldn't rely on Ezra like I used to be able to with Tawn. Hell, I was getting nervous just thinking about going back up that ladder again after what we had done.
Would the others really try to kill me if I accidentally stepped into another part of the roof?
Surely not? But, Tawn didn't joke about these things. Snakes were always so.... serious. Even over the smallest things, like where someone walked.
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Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, I let go of my other in a sigh.
Tawn was criticising me over becoming pregnant again when he was the one who had filled a whole nest in the roof like it was nothing.
How come it got to work so easily for him, but not for me? Was I being punished for wanting what was best for myself?
I was facing the possibility of being jobless after tonight. With my utilities being cut one by one, it was only a matter of time before I had to cave in and accept that living out of a van like some whimsical influencer was my only option.
At least I'd be able to get away from it all.....
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"El" Vinnie spoke quietly "you ok?"
He offered a hand to the one I had pressed to my middle. Churning under the combination of the lurching potholes and lack of food, it really felt like I was battling a belly of writhing baby snakes again.
"Just hungry" I replied without looking.
"Did he....?" Vinnie began, clearing his throat and taking back his hand to place it over the wheel "say anything bad to you?"
I pulled my gaze from the fields and stared ahead.
"A few things" I mumbled back, seeing his distraught face seared into my mind "he knew. He made me stand in the shadows so he could confirm it."
Vinnie let out a breath, swearing under it.
"I'm sorry, El."
"I am too" I held myself again as the pain now pricked my eyes and stabbed my throat when I swallowed it down "he, uh, he's nothing to me now. He's deleting me from his phone and says that I should rely on Ezra from here on."
Vinnie frowned, glancing to me in shock.
"The one who...?"
I nodded when he pointed a finger to my legs that I kept firmly squeezed together.
"You've got me" Vinnie smiled weakly, his voice light "I may not be on the scaly side, but I'll gladly volunteer for movie nights and being your hot water bottle any time you need."
His hand returned to squeeze mine. His thumb stroked over the top reassuringly.
I smiled down at it, then across to him.
"Thanks, Vinnie."
"Anytime" he grinned, patting my hand so he could return to the road once more "want to grab some food and pads? Make an afternoon of it before we head back?"
Right. Vinnie didn't know about Tawn leaving. To him, that goodbye wasn't final. It didn't hold the same weight to him as it did to me.
"Sound good" I smiled back and returned to the window.
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What would we be met with tonight? No doubt, more screaming and rage from Bruce as he dealt with crowds of fuming customers demanding refunds.
Did I really want to show up to that?
I wanted to get paid. Even if there was no performance, at least i'd have some sort of income before the doors were closed for good.
How long did I have before my front door back home was the same? A week? A month?
I was on borrowed time. I needed to grow these snakes and sell them off so I could get out of here.
I was done dealing with venomous creatures using that power to hold over me. I just had to last twenty-eight days and then leg it.
No alcohol. No painkillers. Sure, it was easier said than done.
Tawn warned me that Ezra would turn if I did what was originally planned. That was all I needed to know to make sure I was far away from him when I was due.
Do what was right by him? I could, or I could do what was right by me and make sure I survived first. He lived in a roof with no bills to pay or worries about eviction. The man-snake had it way too easy compared to me.
The more I birthed, the more money I made. Having Ezra claim what he wanted would tear funds right out of my hands.
I had to start planning. Twenty-eight days before I also left Paragon.
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"With your influencer...." I began, hearing Vinnie gasp.
"Rhubarb Jam?"
"The jam lady with the strange food kids" I turned around now so I could see his excitement "do you think it's an option to just buy a van and travel like that?"
"Are you considering it?" he bubbled up excitedly.
"I'm thinking" I smirked, holding up a finger to try and calm him "it's not a definite."
Not yet. Weigh up my options.
"When we pull up, I'll send you the link to her page, just in case you somehow buried the others" he gushed, giddy at the thought "I think it's just the van, fuel, insurance, her mattress, and a P.O box for fan mail. Then just basic upkeep. I'm not sure if she has a generator or not...."
Fan mail? I scoffed at the thought of anyone wasting their time sending someone like that gifts.
Everything was piling up already. Another item listed was just more money out of my already empty pockets.
I'd have to check it out. Dig under the pretty filters and outlandish music to see the reality of it all.
So far, it was doable. It was cheaper than the hole I lived in. I'd be able to travel for work and stay as far away from others as I wanted. I would have to figure out how I was supposed to bathe and store my belongings, but I'm sure the fancy Jam lady had that covered as well in her videos.
"I'm so happy you finally came around to it!" Vinnie almost squealed "I think it'll be amazing for you! Oh, and you could make videos too! Show everyone your life on the road! I know I'd follow you! I'll watch you everyday!"
I scoffed and shook my head at the thought of twirling in fields and gazing at over-saturated fake sunsets as violins wailed through the breeze flicking up my dress.
"What would I call myself then?" I snorted "you've got Rhubarb Jam. I'd be..... Blueberry...... Toast."
"Blueberry Toast?" Vinnie laughed with me "oh, no. You'd need something spicy, like you. Something that says "I'm a bitch, don't fuck with me."
"Ah!" I pointed to him as it popped into my mind "Bleach Chutney."
"Bl....?" Vinnie choked, coughing on his laughter "Bleach Chutney?! El! That's horrible!"
"You like it though" I grinned back as he wiped his eyes and muttered over my absurd choice of name "give Rhubarb a run for her money."
"I was thinking something like 'Strawberry Chilli' or 'Peppercorn Pancake'."
"Oh, Vin" I tutted and shook my head at him "you really do try, you sheltered cottagecore whore."
"It's better than the absurd suggestions you had!" he defended through a wide smile "bitch."
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We snorted and giggled together. The gnawing in my stomach seemed to ease for a moment now that Vinnie was here making me laugh.
Of course, he was contributing to the growing wetness I could feel pooling between my legs with each laugh that squeezed my muscles, but there was no stopping that.
"We also need to pick up some Barbra on the way back" I spoke up before I forgot "and by 'we' I mean 'you'."
Vinnie glanced across, dumbfounded.
"Me?" he gasped as it settled in "why me? I'm not the one who needs it!"
"And do you know how embarrassing it will be if I turn up and say 'oh, hey. You'll know me. I work at Paragon. Oh, you have seen me perform? Fantastic. Anyway, I'm here because the giant snake who lives in the roof just absolutely tore my insides to shreds and I've been told by the other snake that I was sleeping with that I should get this to stop me from bleeding to death. Only snakes can have this? Funny you should mention that because nobody else knows I am one except for you, and I'm sure you won't tell absolutely everyone that I was in here purchasing this product. On top of it, do you also have Sensola for when they want to try and eat their way out of my womb? You do? Great. I'll get both of those please."
Vinnie kept his eyes ahead. I saw him fade in out of his stunned stupor and glance accusingly at me.
"You don't have to say all that..." he mumbled.
"They'll know either way!" I threw my hands up in frustration "I can't just turn up there and get those specific things I need without people figuring it out! It's for shredding and pregnancy. They aren't stupid!"
"Look" he sighed and grew stern "I can get the Barbra, but what about the other thing? They'll ask questions. It's obvious I'm gay. I'm not getting anyone pregnant any time soon."
"I don't know" I grumbled now at him being so defiant on helping me out "just say you are part seahorse or something."
Vinnie snorted, giggling. I felt a small smile lift my lips before I pursed them again.
"Part seahorse? Really?"
"Or say you need it for a friend who is too worried about her scales to go get it herself?" I huffed back "happy?"
"A friend?" Vinnie's voice lifted as he slipped into sarcasm "you sure about that?"
"Best friend?" I rolled my eyes back.
"Keep talking" Vinnie grinned "the bestest?"
"The deadest if you don't get it" I narrowed my eyes at his smugness.
He waved me off, unfazed by my empty threat.
"Sure, sure, Rainbow Tawn."
Glaring, Vinnie giggled at my murderous look aimed directly at his face.
"It is what it is" he spoke "you have to admit, the..."
"We are not the same!"
Vinnie snorted, trying to hide it from me. He found this all wildly amusing while I boiled in the seat beside him.
"Ok. Whatever you say."
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Pulling into the street and having Vinnie pull out an old parking ticket to slide into his window, he conveniently blocked the date with his dashboard mat.
"As long as we aren't too long, we should be good" he checked it as he exited the car to wait for me as I made sure I wasn't bleeding through "I don't want to pay another twelve dollars for fifteen minutes."
I scoffed at the amount, peering up at the sign posted nearby with a list of specific times and dates.
"Is it always so expensive?"
Checking the road, we crossed together to head for the pebbled footpath.
"If you want convenience" he shrugged "it's right over here."
There was towering buildings that looked like hotels planted alongside the footpath. Just ahead, an alleyway carved between them.
"It's small, but it should have what you need" Vinnie let me pass ahead of him.
Looking past the entrance of the tiny convenience store, there was a window for a food vendor beside it. Down from that, the rest of the wall had a babbling mural of water.
On the opposite side was another food vendor. With the same cramped space as the store, it was already packed with people shoved around tiny tables as they slurped up noodles and ate steaming buns.
My stomach gurgled at the sight of the food. The aroma of the cooked meat inside the buns crept outside the tiny vents next to the glass door.
Beside that was a space no bigger than a cupboard that sold newspapers and magazines. With no customers or space, the front was crammed with the folded wads of obsolete paper.
At the end, a small garden faced the water mural. The spiked plants inside grew up stones staggered up the wall until they touched the low roof above us.
"In here" Vinnie directed me to the store, standing aside for the people exiting "grab what you need. I'll pay for it."
I frowned, guilty.
"You really don't have to..."
He picked up a plastic basket from inside the door to press into my hands. There was a squashed lettuce leaf and plastic bag in the bottom.
"El, I want to. Stop being stubborn and go get your shit" he glared back before lightening into a smile "I'll be down the biscuit aisle."
Pointing up, I saw the third aisle would be where he'd be hidden within. I also saw my destination was down near the back.
Of course it was. Don't make it easy or convenient.
Left to fend for myself in a strange store. It wasn't large. I had dealt with much worse, but I was sure to bleed through these pants and wad of wipes if I just stood around much longer.
"You're burning precious ticket time" Vinnie waved me off "go! Be quick!"
Scurrying forth, I was aware of how warm my crotch felt packed under the makeshift pads that shifted in my urgency.
Was I bleeding through yet? It sure felt like it.
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Rounding the last corner, I was met with bright pinks and greens. Pads were packed along the shelving in their conservative bland wrappers, or completely wild designs demanding to be bold and embrace the period.
All of them boasted being the best, the freshest, the only one with some sort of technology that didn't make your vagina feel like it was cooking as you wore it.
Picking through the nearest ones, I just wanted a packet that would hold up to the geyser currently squashing between my clamped legs.
The tampons were right beside the deluge of pads. In their smaller boxes, they could fit a wider variety in. They were also a lot more colorful than the pads and proudly boasted the fact of being discrete despite that fact. They also would be no use for what I needed. I'd be tearing through too many boxes for it to be a viable option in the long run.
Over a little further were the incontinence undies. Peeling past the dismal section all plastered with elderly people claiming that each one bought them great freedom they wouldn't otherwise have, I paused in front of the period undies.
It wasn't an option I had thought about. The idea of wearing a bloodied pair of underwear, and being trapped with them until I could get to my washing machine, made me cringe.
But, I did desperately need fresh underwear. And pads. These were supposed to be both those things in one.
I knew I didn't have the money to cover it myself without Vinnie, so I couldn't put it through the self serve and dodge around his generosity that way.
These things were expensive. Rolled into boxes that had chunky security tags stickered around the edges, I didn't doubt the need for such extreme measures.
One pair was between twenty-eight and thirty-two dollars. Sizing went by the vague extra small to extra large system, and each one had their own level of 'flow'.
There were a few here that had been torn apart and had the empty boxes left to hang. If I wasn't so concerned about being found at such a known place of work, I would be tearing the boxes too.
I shuddered, reaching for the largest size in the heaviest flow.
It should do. I was more concerned that Vinnie would have to fork out thirty dollars for a single pair of black underwear.
I couldn't wallow in doubt or uncertainty. I had to force myself to move back to the front and hope for the best.
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Vinnie lit up when I scurried into the biscuit aisle beside him. With his own basket, he had quite a collection of comfort food already stashed before I showed up. Holding up a packet of chocolate mints, he was torn between adding them to the basket or not.
Quietly handing him over the box, he turned it over to read the back.
"If this is what you want" he said as he promptly dropped it in.
I just nodded, choosing to stay quiet as I felt the dampness spreading to the back.
"It's thirty dollars."
His eyes widened and he looked down at the box again. Obviously shaken by the price, he placed the mints back down and smiled.
"Well, It should be fine" he hoisted his basket up "let's get going."
Without letting him shop for himself?
"We can wait.."
"Turn" Vinnie wound his finger around "I've got all I want here."
Turning, I heard him fall silent. He let out a breath when I held mine.
"You're leaking" he just whispered.
"Fuck."
How could I walk up to the front, knowing I was stained at the back? How was I supposed to get out of here with people still inside the store? They'd all see. They'd laugh and shame me.
"It'll be fine" Vinnie spoke when he came to my side to comfort me "I've got my clothes in the back of the car. You can borrow a pair of my pants."
Running my eyes over his thin legs, I raised a brow.
"I'm not fitting into anything you have."
Fuck! Why now?! Why?!
Turning to have my arse shielded by the biscuits, I glanced nervously to another couple passing the aisles that were heading to checkout.
Now I couldn't go up there. Not while I knew others would be lingering.
"Not everything I have is skin-tight" Vinnie replied softly "I know I have some thin trackies that you can borrow. They are light grey..."
I groaned, letting out a whine. I'd bleed into those in no time.
"But" he held up a finger "they are very stretchy. They'll be good. You'll have your undies."
I hoped they would work. I would feel worse than I already did if Vinnie emptied his wallet for a useless garment that couldn't do what it said it would. And there was no way we could return them either. We were going in blind.
"Lead the way" he gestured for me to continue "I'll be right behind you with the basket."
"I'm so sorry" I grimaced as I turned again.
"For something you can't control?" Vinnie scoffed at me "El, never be sorry for being a woman, ok?"
In another time I would be touched by his sentiment. Now, I was on the verge of tears as we shuffled down towards the checkout.
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Vinnie stayed behind me when we both squeezed up to the single register.
Trapped behind a glass room, the person inside eyed our odd interaction as Vinnie slid the undies across.
He looked tired. Older than us both, the young man had obvious blackening under his dark eyes from lack of sleep. His expression was blank; unbothered by expectations to even force a smile.
He looked so done. The crisp blue shirt was crinkled from a long shift behind the desk. His name badge, reading 'Pareesh', was askew. His black hair was pulled up along his hairline that used to be slicked down.
He was the embodiment of how I felt.
"Can I leave a few of these behind?" Vinnie asked as he picked through the biscuits in the basket to slip across only three "I don't need all of these."
The male cashier looked annoyed but accepted it. He gestured for Vinnie to leave it to the side so he could push out the room and grab it, talking it with him to dump it on the bench behind him that sat below a wall of hidden, but labelled, cigarettes.
"You don't have to..." I fretted.
"It's alright" Vinnie muttered to me, leaning over to pay for the small bundle, looking across to the right to see a door marked as a toilet "can we also use the that?"
"Staff only" Pareesh grunted back as he bagged our items and charged Vinnie extra for the cardboard.
"But, it's an emergency" Vinnie tilted his head to me, leaning in close "she needs to change."
"Staff only" he just repeated, staring directly at Vinnie now.
Nothing fazed this man. He either didn't care or knew we couldn't do anything about it anyway. It wasn't his problem.
Huffing, I leant close to the glass to tap it.
"I have my period and I've bled through my pants" I bit through my teeth at cashier "so I really need to use it to change."
"We'll be super quick" Vinnie pressed his hands together, begging.
Pareesh looked from him to me, sliding his hand across to a place under the desk.
I felt my heart lift at the sight. He was going to give us the key!
"Have a nice day" he just drawled and pushed the cardboard bag through the barrier so we could collect it.
Snatching it up, I glared to the man and stormed for the door. Vinnie hurried after me to try and keep me covered. I heard whispering from people who must have been in line behind us, but didn't care.
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"That mother fucker!" I hissed as I stormed back towards the car.
"It's alright" Vinnie pulled up beside me now, knowing that he couldn't keep my shielded properly at the back now "you can get changed in the car."
I glared, feeling myself flaring.
If I had a hood like Tawn, I swear it would have been billowed out. If I was venomous like the others, that cashier wouldn't have been so quick to push me aside.
Everyone would see me stripping in the car now because one man stood between me and the bare minimum for decency.
Gripping the bag tightly, I checked the empty road and stormed across it to wait for Vinnie to unlock it.
"It'll be ok" he reassured me, leaning into the back to open up his bag of clothes and tear through it "I'll lean against the window. It'll be quick."
There was nowhere else to get changed? Maybe I could go back and force the guy to give me the key?
Knowing I was already bleeding through, I didn't want to leave the side of the car, as much as my anger fueled me.
Uncurling my hands from the cardboard, I reached in to take out my frustrations on the box containing the underwear.
"Thank you" I mumbled.
"I know it's tough" Vinnie spoke from within, still searching "but we will get through this. You can get changed and then I'll sort out the chemist. There has to be one near here."
"But, your money...."
I should have about twenty left, but it was at home.
"Just pay me back when you become rich and famous on Clocked" he chuckled "we are as broke as each other right now. Barbra can't be that much."
"We can save the Sensola until later" I decided "I won't need it until I'm closer anyway."
That would take away some of the burden too. I couldn't have Vinnie wasting all of his money on me.
"Sounds like a plan" he crawled back out and passed the pants to me "but it also means we can't go out for food. I hope that ok?"
I chuckled at him and moved past to push aside his strewn bag so I could sit in the back seat and wind down the window he leant over.
"We still have all the ingredients for that bread and butter pudding" I suggested, lifting myself up to peel down my stained pants.
They were still in my fridge back home. Who knew if they'd still be good after forgetting to bring them to Paragon?
This was all planned when I was still being doted on by Tawn. In the matter of days, I was terrified of the guy and learning he had escaped the place I thought he couldn't leave. I kind of expected to see him there forever, not realizing everything to go to shit so quickly.
Now I was left with a bunch of ingredients that reminded me of the last kind gesture from him. I didn't even know how to make the damn dish.
Either way, we needed to use the small oven and fridge at Paragon that Tawn mentioned. I'd just adjust his original plan as we figured it out along then way.
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Using the dry legs of my pants to mop my mess as I peeled off the soaked wipes, I tipped out the cardboard bag and decided to use it as my makeshift bin.
I was staining the pants quickly, but felt like I was making an improvement on the redness pooling there.
Looping the undies around my legs, I noticed the middle was incredibly swollen with some sort of padding. It looked almost like a miniature diaper.
The rest of the material felt more like the silky stuff more expensive swimsuits were woven from.
At least it would be easy to clean and dry. I felt good knowing that.
With the old pants wedged into my crotch to act as a sponge, I hoisted up the undies and made sure to pull them up tightly.
Instantly, I felt more secure. This might actually work!
The pants and wipes went into the bag I rolled up and placed on the floor. Aware of the thick smell of blood now hanging in the air, I tried to minimize it by making sure my stained clothes were sealed off and I was quickly shimmying into the new ones.
Vinnie hadn't been wrong about the comfort of these pants. They were incredibly light, yet springy and soft.
Cold from being crushed inside his bag, they offered no comforting heat that I seeked for my stabbing stomach that was unsettled after the tight manoeuvering.
I reached up to give Vinnies back a tap so he knew I was ready to be let out. Leaning forth, I was quick to crawl out and let him reorganize his bag.
"Looks good" he peered back over his shoulder "comfy?"
"Very" I grinned "thank you again."
His eyes ran over the pants with satisfaction, making him nod.
"Keep them. I've got plenty more back home. Everyone needs a pair of pants they can just rot away in."
Laughing, I wrinkled my nose at his statement.
"Sounds horrible."
"Sounds fantastic" he sighed "snuggling into a thick blanket on a comfy couch, eating icecream right out of the tub while watching a good series. Sounds like heaven."
Actually, that did sound really good. Was I letting myself become lazy?
Vinnie tied off the bag and pressed it back against the furthest side of the car. He crawled back out to marvel over his clothing on me.
"Who knew you were a baggy pants kind of girl?"
"Anything beats leotards and chains" I scoffed back, much to his quick agreement.
We climbed back into our designated seats. Vinnie pulled down his ticket to toss back into the glovebox and I readjusted the seat back so the pressure on my stomach wasn't too great.
"We'll drop by yours, grab the stuff out of the fridge, hit the chemist, go to work, then sort it out from there. Sound like a plan?"
I nodded, grateful to have someone as organized, caring, and thoughtful helping me through everything.
I don't know what I'd do if I had to face all of this alone again. It was getting easier bit by bit.
Vinnie was satisfied with my answer. Pulling us back onto the road, we started our trip back from shining, bright beauty towards the rundown slums of my home.
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"I keep forgetting you don't have power" Vinnie chuckled when I heaved opened the door and he tried the light switch to try and breathe life into the darkness. Hugging the paper bag close, I led the way.
"You'll get used to it" I commented as he dipped down for the fridge.
Now that I was back here, I could do some basic maintenance and grab my money.
The clothing was still slumped over the railing outside, crisped from the hot sun. Peeling them off, I dipped down to collect the ones that had fallen down into the dirt.
Another rewash. At least majority of them still remained clean.
Layering the clean ones over my arms and dropping the dirty ones into the bag, I was grateful for the warmth that burned through them and into me.
"Some of it is a bit drippy, but it should be ok" Vinnie held up the sagging bag with a worried glance to me when I passed.
"Does it smell off?"
Please don't be. I was really looking forward to having something heavy fill my knotting stomach.
Trudging down the hall with my bundle, I dumped them on my bed to start sorting so I could hang them on my crooked shelf.
"Smells good!" he called. There was happiness in his voice too.
I let out a grateful sigh, smiling to myself.
There was hope after all.
I heard Vinnie trying to hoist open the window behind the TV for some circulation.
As he did, I got my clean clothes off the cold bed and put of the way. Picking up the stained undies off the ground, I added them to the bag I promptly took to the bathroom to dump into the sink.
Please let there still be water....
Turning the taps on, nothing came out. Still winding, the taps squealed before spurting pitifully.
Water coughed into the sink. Leaning for the bar of soap, my smile returned.
Thank you!
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Scrubbing and slapping the dirtied socks and shirts from outside onto the bench, I wrung them out and started to work on the undies.
The old ones I had left to dry on the floor were already stained through. I could scrub all I wanted to try and reenergize the fabric into giving up the soaked blood, but it was a losing battle.
These were old undies anyway, torn and bleached from years of neglect and use. Abandoning them hadn't helped either.
Still, I scrubbed as much as my shaking hands would allow, squeezed out as much pink water as possible, and added it to the pile.
Vinnie poked his head around the corner with a little knock as I ran the borrowed pants directly under the hammering tap.
"Sounds like a construction zone in here" he commented, smirking.
I turned it on more, making it squeal in response.
"It just needs to work for a little longer...."
He shook his head at me, gathering up the wet clothing to take down the hall.
I heard the machine unlatch and Vinnie let out a sigh.
"You've got clothes in here still, El!"
My heart dropped as I remembered.
"Ah, shit!"
I had dumped in my work leotard with a few other items. Meaning to come back to it later, I had completely forgotten and let those wet clothes grow stale.
That was another two hours wasted.
I know I didn't need the chandelier outfit anymore, but it seemed a bit rude not to return it to a department already struggling with supplies. They could cut it up and reuse it for whoever they put up there next.
If we lasted that long...
"Dump them all in! I'll have to wash them all again!" I called.
There was riffling and the sound of my chains clanging as Vinnie put weight on the shelf above.
"Where's your powder?"
My gut clenched at that too. I hadn't bought any back. I could use my twenty dollars to buy some of the cheap stuff for five, but that would mean delaying an important wash.
Wringing the blood into the sink and hurrying out with the pants to add them in while still clutching the soap, I scraped the bar against the detergent tab to get a nice buildup on the side that I flicked in with my finger.
"It'll have to do" I snapped it shut and turned it to the hottest setting, adding thirty minutes.
The lid locked. Water started to gush in once more.
"El...."
"I'll get some later" I told him with a forced smile "it's ok."
Would work have some I could steal? I'd have to try and find out where the machines at work were kept and if I could access the area to skim some powder for myself, of they didn't rely on a bring-your-own system.
The costumers would know. They'd have to have one for sure. The way we would leave our costumes in the dressers and have them cleaned for the next show told me there was at least one machine hidden somewhere.
While I was there, I could charge my phone again. Since I knew Tawn was gone, I could use his shower and take advantage of the hot water still flowing freely through the pipes.
He wouldn't need his supplies anymore. I knew he kept his soap and lotions under the sink.
He wouldn't mind, surely? It's not like he was coming back for them.
There was nothing else to do here but grab some darker pants and take advantage of the plan I had forming.
The washing wouldn't be done for a while and our bag of ingredients desperately needed to find a fridge that worked.
Heading back into the dark bedroom to gather my phone and a proper pair of pants, I slid out the bedside drawer to fish out the change I had stashed in there.
I could use this for Barbra. I'd make-do with the pudding for food until I got paid next.
Rolling it all under my arm, I passed Vinnie the note that he tried to decline.
He needed it. He had less than me a few days ago, and wasn't going to be able to afford the proper stuff otherwise.
After a little bit of resistance, he slid the money into his pocket. He didn't put up much of a fight like he normally would. He needed the cash but wasn't going to blatantly ask a struggling friend for theirs.
"Let's go and get this sorted" I smiled to him as I led the way to the front door.
Seeing him pick up the bag, I bent down to the fridge to mark off the uncrossed days until today's date.
Counting back seven days, I circled the one there too to symbolise when I had gone to Ezra.
Two down, twenty-eight to go.
I was already going to cut into my next month by five days, but that couldn't be helped. All of my dates were now out of order because I hadn't decided on doing this earlier.
Hopefully this all worked out and I hadn't bled too much for these ones to stick. I couldn't go back up there again and face more twisting pain and bleeding.
Stick to the plan. Get the Barbra then everything will be alright.
Focusing on that, I closed and locked the front door, reburied the key into the pot plant, and marched back to the car with renewed determination.
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I had never seen Vinnie run until today.
As soon as we pulled up a few blocks from Paragon in another streetside park and set the dodgy ticket in the window, Vinnie was sprinting down the street towards the bright chemist entrance like his life depended on it.
He could have been a track star in another life. He had perfect form and didn't even seem to get tired for someone so skinny and nourished mainly by liquor and cooler cherries.
I waited in the car over the fear of another bleed through. Now that we were much closer to work and in a more populated area, I couldn't run the risk of having something like that happen so publicly.
It'd spread over the internet like wildfire. If I thought I was a laughing stock before in the small convenience store, it would be nothing compared to the whole world commenting and teasing under whatever videos or photos they took.
Staying in the warmth of the car was safest. I could even fall asleep in here now that I was away from the cold darkness of home.
Hugging my gnawing middle, I rested my head on the window to watch the people pass. Couples held hands as they shopped. Families spread out, enticed by a square up further that held a halo of stores. Friends laughed and teased each other on their march onwards.
Lowering my seat to avoid being dragged into eyesight of others, I stared at the roof of the car instead.
The soft grey cloth top was surprisingly well maintained for an old car like this. It was a little discoloured from age, but wasn't torn or sagging.
The colour was almost like the towels I had at home. They would never be as soft as new ones, but the grey fabric would serve me well when it came to me to give birth and get rid of these nuisances.
I wanted at least eight. Enough money to get the bills sorted so the debt wasn't the only thing I saw whenever I braved the day to open the mailbox.
I already knew it would be warnings or overdue reminders. It wouldn't be long until they would start to seize anything they could from the house.
I snorted, smirking at the roof.
What did I have of value in that hole? The damn Stars used to live better than I did in their tiny rooms with running water, power, and food whenever they asked for it.
If I had been one, would I be sitting in a car, bleeding profusely, right now?
Would my only worry be if my performance was good enough? If I could stomach enough drink so that every customer was satisfied with me?
Did the others really have anything to worry about? Other than Tawn and his abuse by Bruce, what did Avery and Nisha stress about so badly that they were so frantic to leave without telling anyone?
Was life out there really better than anything this town had to offer?
Maybe..... maybe getting that van was my only option? Once I paid everything, it would be back to a vicious cycle again of notices, cutoffs, and threats of eviction.
It was a wonder I hadn't been kicked out already after my sobbing mess of pleading the landlord last time. It bought me a few extra days until I could use the birth money to pay him, but his patience was wearing thin by accepting this over and over again.
I wouldn't have Tawn to save me next time. Next time was going to be a struggle if all I had was Vinnie and my stingy paychecks to live on.
I'd starve or freeze. If I didn't hand over these snakes to Ezra, he wouldn't get me pregnant again to try and squeeze out another payload.
After this lot, I doubt he would want to anyway. It was clear he wasn't as considerate as Tawn had been to my plan of keeping above living on the streets.
I had been warned that there would be consequences if I didn't give in. Things were going to become deadly if I couldn't understand the Naga and his demands.
Twenty-eight days.
I just had to learn 'yes' and 'no'. A dictionary and translator would be better, but those things required money that I didn't have.
Maybe if I just winged it and hoped I was saying the right thing?
Smirking again at how absurd that was, I rolled over to face the door in an attempt to get more comfortable.
A mattress swaddled in sun-warmed blankets would be a lot more comfortable in here. And a view of a stupid flower field under a bright, warm sky away from the city....
Jeez. Vinnie's stupid idea was actually starting to sound like something I wanted to do.
It'd be cheaper for one thing.
Closing my eyes, I started to drift. Cuddled by the heat radiating through the car and mostly muffled to the sounds of the city outside, I could relax.
This was nice. It was much better than home already.
The driver door flung open, snapping my eyes open once more and startling me out of the peaceful lul of rest.
So much for that.
"Hey, I got it!" Vinnie gasped and tossed it onto me as he climbed in and looked over "oh, did I wake you? I'm sorry."
"It's ok" I grumbled and straightened my seat up "I didn't sleep anyway."
Vinnie lit up at this, starting the car.
"Well, good" he babbled "I talked to the lady there and she said everything you'll need to know is in the box. There's meant to be some sort of tube you stick up yourself to squeeze in the cream."
"Gee, thanks for that."
He was so casual about it all. So rough with his words. A bit of cushioning would have helped. I didn't want to think about having to slide something else up my vagina while it was like this.
"It should stop in a few days" he explained as he merged us into the traffic "whenever the pain gets bad, but no more than five times a day. Clean off the tube between goes and don't go swimming until it clears."
"Sounds like you two had quite the chat" I raised a brow at him.
He shrugged, turning into the u-turn lane.
"Well, she was convinced it was for me, so there's that. Tried to sell me a hemorrhoid doughnut cushion as well to help with the pain."
I let out a laugh, seeing him purse his lips.
"She thought you took it up the arse from a snake?"
"Not her exact words, but... kinda" he made an unsure noise "she was being so nice, and it was such an embarrassing situation to be in."
Smirking, I shook my head at him.
"Welcome to my world."
He finally found a gap to make a swift turn, lurching us back onto the road and merging over.
"Your world sucks dick, El."
"You'd love it then" I quipped back cheekily.
Veering down another street, he sniggered before his face fell.
"Do you think she'll tell others?" he glanced to me in shock "that I came in for that?"
Now that would be something. But I doubted it. Still, Vinnie was genuinely concerned his reputation would be tarnished now that he was supposed to be some hypothetical snake's fling.
"Oh yeah" I laid it on thick "she'll tell all her coworkers all about you. Maybe they'll even buy tickets to come see you and ask you about how torn up you are? They'll sit on the love seats, look at that big, girthy, snake statue, and just....figure it out."
"Fuck you!" he moaned, shoving my shoulder "you cunt!"
Laughing together, his eyes dropped to the Barbra I cradled in my lap.
It was a bloody big box. The thing was already stretching past my palm to a spot halfway up my lower arm. White and branded with clinical jargon, it wasn't inconspicuous either.
"Seriously though, are you going to be ok with that?" he eyed it.
I didn't have a choice. This is what was recommended and what we had spent the last of our money on. I had to make it work. I couldn't be picky now.
"I'm sure it's just packaging" I tried to remain optimistic as I turned it.
The unsure noise returned. I knew deep down, that I was only trying to fool myself into believing it would be easy.
Nothing about this whole situation would be that simple.
Tucking it into my spare pants I rolled around it, I was happy I at least had somewhere to hide the thing.
7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj81OnXIWCx
Vinnie inched the car down the road and towards the col-de-sac Paragon was nestled at the end of.
Surprised by this, I only watched as he picked an available park only a few meters from the front.
He never wanted anyone to see his car because he was ashamed of it. Had that all changed simply because he was convinced his career was now over due to one little interaction?
Either way, I was glad I didn't have to walk so far. This was a welcome change.
Grabbing the bag, Vinnie joined my side to wait for me to get out with my bundle. He didn't help me since he knew how I'd take offense to that.
I wasn't helpless because I was pregnant. I was barely even that.
We took our time walking to the open gates. Seeing the Paragon sign looming from the side of the building, I noticed the afternoon sun behind it was starting to fade.
"Another day, another dollar" Vinnie sighed up at the sight.
I forced a smile, knowing full-well it might not even be that.
Before I even faced Bruce's wrath, I wanted a hot shower and time to let myself relax until dealing with that shit. I could take the Barbra and have a night where it didn't feel like I was harbouring spitting fire inside my body.
7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3ob9tM4EM
Vinnie led the way through the dark tunnel with his phone. Following the dipping ring of light, we moved quickly through the area.
I hated being somewhere I couldn't properly see my surroundings. Now that we were anticipating a raging boss, the thought of him lingering in the darkness heightened my fear and made my scales slick.
Pushing out, the hammering in my heart didn't subside. Instead, it curled up and squeezed at the sight of Loreen sitting at the bar.
She wasn't dressed for the show just yet. In a flowing top that hung off one shoulder and equally baggy pants, she was hunched over on her phone.
Her brow creased deeply with worry. She bit her lip as she typed, glancing up at the sound of the door closing. Beside her, she had two tall drinks of boba tea that were steadily dripping condensation onto the bar. Both were purple, swarming with translucent red balls down the bottom.
She had been here a while.
"Oh, just the person that could help me!" Loreen leapt from the chair, taking a wet breath "I don't know what's going on, but I think something has happened. I can't find Tawn or Luke or Levi anywhere. I've..." she paused to blink back her brimming tears "I've been searching the place for ages and I'm getting really worried something could have happened to them. Everyone I'm texting hasn't seen them either."
"I'll go drop this off" Vinnie mumbled and pointed a finger, moving around to grab my things too "I'll leave these where you want them."
I nodded, moving to the bar with Loreen who sniffled and wiped her eyes, fanning them.
"I'm being silly" she chuckled. Her lip quivered.
"You aren't" I reached out a hand to press against her covered shoulder briefly.
She was supposed to be his partner and he didn't even tell her he was leaving. The poor girl was in the dark, stressing herself stupid over someone who didn't even give her a thought.
"He left."
She blinked through her tears, confused.
"What do you mean?" Loreen smiled "he never leaves here. He's always in his room, or sunning out the front on that table. He doesn't go outside the gates."
I took a breath and clasped my shaking hands in my lap.
She had to know. Loreen couldn't just sit here, thinking Tawn was leaving because he simply walked off. There was more too it that I had been hiding from her and everyone else.
"Look" I took a breath and saw her wipe her eyes "he wasn't happy here. With the attack that blinded him recently, things just... got out of control way to quickly."
Loreen sniffled, biting back a sob. She nodded as she hung her head.
"He was...."
I leant around her to check that Bruce wasn't nearby. Seeing the hall clear, I leant forth and grabbed Loreen's hands in mine.
"Y-you're cold" she chuckled, blinking up at me.
I smiled back and kept her hands secured, stroking them.
"Bruce was abusing him."
Loreen's lighthearted smile slipped. Her mouth popped open a little as she let out her withheld sob.
I saw as the sadness distorted her face. It creased her brow and trembled her lips. She looked to me for confirmation, as if she would be in trouble for crying over someone so dear to her.
"Oh my God" she choked out.
"It was quite bad" I frowned as I kept running her hands "he hurt him. Threw glasses at his head and made him do....things."
I wasn't going to get into details, but Loreen connected the dots instantly. She pulled her hands from me to cover her mouth that gargled behind it.
Every breath she dragged in sounded like a saw grinding through her trembling body.
"The night they were blinded" I leant forth to pat her back as she hunched over, sobbing "Tawn had to be carried into his dresser. They covered it up with makeup and he was made to perform. After the attack, we kind of went our separate ways. We haven't been on good terms for a little now."
Looking up, this surprised her. She wiped her nose with the edge of her shirt, trying to steady her breath.
"B-but, y-you tw-o?"
"It wasn't supposed to be us" I forced a smile "I worked with him, sure, but that was years ago. He should have been focusing on you. I shouldn't have been going back to him."
Loreen straightened a little. She wiped her shimmering eyes so she could try to see me. I saw her belly still quaking from her withheld sobs.
There was a little snorting noise as she tried to form words.
I had to tell her. She deserved to know why the sole reason she worked here kept ignoring her all these years. It wasn't hard to see she had feelings for the damn idiot who thought nothing of her.
"We worked well together because we are the same" I spoke up.
Holding out my shaking hands to her, I saw her eyes lingering on them.
"It's not a tremor" I said "Tawn poisoned me years ago."
Loreen frowned. She was trying to process it all.
"But, h-he..."
"It wasn't deliberate" I told her concerned face, taking my hands back now "we slept together."
I didn't expect her to actually slap me. The sting of it had me touching my burning face and glaring back at her.
She has strength, but not enough to actually be of concern. She held back on that one.
"I'm sorry!" she squeaked, covering her mouth and whining "sorry!"
Rubbing it, I moved my jaw to try and loosen the blow still seared into it.
"I kind of deserved that" I admitted.
She pulled her hands down, curling them into fists that clutched her pants instead.
"I knew something was going on" Loreen mumbled, her head dipped "the way I'd always find you in his room, like that one time...."
She whimpered, biting on her sob.
"I'm sorry" I whispered, deciding not to comfort her in case she decided to get another blow in "we had an arrangement."
"A-arrangement?"
I nodded, tensing up and preparing for another attack.
I wasn't going to tell her the extent of it all, just the pieces she needed to know. If I was going to just spill the details about my dealer to everyone, it might scare them out of accepting this new lot from me when the time came.
Like hell I was going through all this pain without being paid for it.
"I was pregnant" I told her stunned face "but it didn't make it. We had a deal that I would go to Ezra to try again the next time."
"B-but..." Loreen frowned at me, fixing her eyes on my middle "h-he told me t-that normal w-women can't get pregnant. That they-they'd eat you f-from the inside o-out."
Since when had he talked to Loreen about this? Had she approached him, asking for sex too? Did he tell her that when he declined her?
"I'm not exactly....normal either" I cringed back.
Loreen looked me over, searching for the abnormality. I extended my hand, reeling it back slightly when she locked onto it.
"Just don't slap me again" I warned her with a small chuckle.
"I won't."
She'd probably freak out, like Vinnie had. He hadn't taken it well when I showed him how my skin peeled off into perfect scales.
I extended both arms towards the ones in her lap. Showing her the shimmering underside and top, I ran a nail along the scales there so I could pick one to wedge out and place into her hand I grabbed.
"I'm also a snake."
I heard her breath hitch. She stared at the scale in stunned silence, sniffling here and there.
"I'm always cold" I told her when she rotated it to see it shine "but I'm not venomous. I'm more human than snake."
"But... you are still one?"
I nodded.
She leant back in her chair. The girl was starting to panic.
"Loreen" I grabbed her hands so she couldn't move away "I'm telling you this because I trust you. I haven't told anyone else, except for Vinnie. The snakes kind of figured it out after a bit. It was bound to happen."
She let out a little squeak, pulling back. I kept her in my tight clasp.
"Loreen" I looked firmly into her blinded eyes that spilled tears over her red cheeks "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm telling you because you deserve to know."
Only some of the truth, but enough to fill her in.
"You're squeezing my wrists" she peered down at them, her voice pained.
Looking down and seeing my grip, I immediately loosened up a little.
"Tawn went back home. The boys were with him. I think they'll be taking him there. He isn't going to show up tonight. I don't think he's coming back."
The tears continued to flow. Loreen gasped, nodding.
"I'm going to let you go" I told her "please don't run off."
She nodded again slowly.
Releasing her gently, I straightened and kept my eyes on her.
The poor girl just sobbed. She tried her best to hold it together but all of this damning information was too much for her at once.
"I have his number, if you want it?" I whispered.
She choked, nodding.
"He's not going to answer me, so it's wasted here" I chuckled to try and lighten the mood as I got out my phone and was handed hers she shakily unlocked "but you deserve to have him explain it to you too."
There was another nod. Her throat was tightened and snorting in air when she opened her mouth.
"Do you remember what happened to Nisha?" I began as I filled in the new contact "when he told everyone I was a snake?"
Loreen nodded. Gossip would have spread in no time. Nobody would have missed how Tawn had choked Nisha right in his dresser and forced him to change his confession.
"That'll happen to you if you tell anyone about what I am, what I've done, or what I'm carrying" I snapped my eyes onto hers "I'm being serious. I've kept it secret this long; I intend to keep doing that until I get out of here."
Loreen choked, nodding more. Her eyes grew wide and she hesitantly took her phone I held back out for her. She grabbed it by the very edge. She didn't want to touch me.
She didn't have to know I had no way to make that happen. She could come up with her own little theories of how dangerous I was in her boggled mind.
This went rather well. With Loreen sorted, I was free to head to Tawn's room without worrying about her stopping me. I could even check out what he had left behind to see if any of it was of use to me.
He wasn't coming back for it. Why not use it to help myself, rather than have it destroyed or thrown out by someone else?
After him, I could check Avery and Nisha's rooms too.
They had fled together, so probably had a little more time to coordinate, but there had to be something of use they left behind that I could use to make life a little easier.
I smiled at how my fortune was changing.
"I'll see you around."
Sliding from the bar, I started to walk past Loreen until I felt a wet hand latch onto my arm.
Turning, I saw her quickly release it, wiping her hand on her pants.
From the moistness or because she had made contact with me?
"H-here" she moved around to grab one of the drinks and hold it out to me "f-for the num-number."
I eyed it. Trying to grab it around her fingers that gripped the drink out of fear as I approached, I carefully slipped it out of her grasp with a little smile.
"Thanks for that."
The thing was so soaked from just sitting there. It felt gross to touch, but was still cold. It was safe to drink, whatever it was.
I could get used to this. A free drink was just the start of it. Who knew what else she could offer me?
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Taking my leave, I climbed the stairs to start walking backstage towards the hall lined with familiar stars.
Dragging in a sip of the liquid, a rotten vanilla and weak coffee-like flavour washed through my mouth. The balls burst under my teeth, releasing little spurts of strawberry to only make the flavour worse.
The fuck was this supposed to be?
Placing it down on the table next to the supplies, I was glad to be rid of that disgusting offering.
At least I had more prospective things ahead.
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It was time to see what the Stars were worth to me.
ns 15.158.61.7da2
