The sunlight burned into my skin when I sat on the picnic bench around the corner of Paragon.
Vinnie sat beside me, Tawn perched up on the corner of the tabletop diagonal from me.
I could see him keeping an eye on the gates and side of the building. He was ready to move and cover my glittering skin the moment anyone approached.
His tongue flickered before he faced us, still mostly turned towards the bricks.
It was his idea to meet out here. He was probably still concerned about my cold skin he had gripped to test the temperature of as soon as we reunited.
He couldn't blame Vinnie, because he didn't know. He couldn't blame himself because he was the one who suggested I take the time out.
I think he was just trying to find a solution, rather than striking out.
35Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fTvZ1KrW2
He really was enjoying the sun too. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head up to burn the scales along his coloured throat. He even let out a little grateful sigh.
But, we weren't here to enjoy the weather. Things had to be set straight.
"Now that Vinnie knows, we don't need to be so secretive about it all" I started up, hopeful it would lift his mood further.
I saw Tawn tense instantly. One eye slid open to eye Vinnie, who quickly looked to me to avoid it.
"You'll talk for anything" he growled as he closed his eye again "a bag of chips, a cheap drink..."
"Hey, this is important to El" Vinnie scowled back "I may be easily won, but I do know when to keep my lips locked."
Tawn scoffed.
Vinnie looked hurt, but I didn't defend him.
"I never knew you two were a thing though. I had suspicions and heard things, but just chalked it up to you two being stage partners in the past" he continued.
We were flaunting it far too much. Everyone knew we were close. A pregnancy rumour had probably swirled once or twice before nothing came of it.
But now, it'd be harder to keep denying it all with more people figuring it out.
"Luke and Levi know too" Tawn finally lowered his head and opened his eyes so he could face us "basically all the snakes know. They can...."
He shut his mouth, grumbling.
"They see things."
Vinnie's mouth popped and he swiveled a finger between us.
"They've seen...." he leant close and dropped his voice "they've seen you two going at it?"
There was a little laugh on his voice. His eyes glimmered at me. It was juicy information for sure. He was hooked for more.
Maybe it was something he could trade for another juicier scrap of here-say? Play our embarrassment like a kid trading his favourite cards.
There was no doubt about it the others knew. I just thought they'd all keep to themselves, but that was wishful thinking. Without being able to see the heat signatures myself, I had forgotten that literally everyone else of the scaled bastards had it.
They were watching, like perverts.
They'd seen everything....
Were they watching us now?
Burning, I lowered my head in shame at how my desperation had been observed by not one, but many, others.
Wait, did that mean they had seen...?
I lifted my head to Tawn who turned his from us.
"Everything" he just mumbled.
I saw how ashamed he was of his dirty deals. Now that the others knew, each one couldn't be covered up with just a locked door and misdirection anymore.
So, they knew about Bruce.
"What about him?" Tawn glanced to me with a glare and tilt of his head to Vinnie "you tell him about that too?"
Anger bit through his words. It was his secret to suffer through. He didn't even trust me anymore now that I had bought the most unreliable person into our personal affairs.
"No" I shook my head.
Vinnie swiveled his head between us again, eager.
"Know what? There's more?"
"Not for you" I replied almost in a whisper before Tawn could.
Vinnie seemed to understand and let his excitement simmer down under the glare of Tawn's eyes.
"What will you do about it all?" he mumbled.
"Nothing" Tawn snapped out before I could put a voice to my open mouth "we will go about our lives and play it safe....elsewhere."
Oh, yeah. That.
That's what had him so pissed. He was so bitter and angry, not because of Vinnie knowing, but because of what he had told me over the phone.
"Now is the best time to go over that" I reached out a hand towards his that he lifted away.
He glared to Vinnie again, not wanting to spill any more information to him.
He noticed right away and gasped.
"Look, I'm good!" he insisted "I'm going to keep El's while snake thing a se..."
"Not so loud!" Tawn hissed as he slammed down a fist "anyone could be listening, you idiot!"
He checked the area, paying close attention to the wall opposite us before flicking out his tongue and pulling from it.
"Keep your voice down" he warned Vinnie, who shrunk in his seat guiltily.
"I'll keep the whole thing locked" Vinnie whispered "you can trust me. I'm on your side."
Tawn didn't believe that for one second. He huffed and hissed, looking at me for my input.
"He's good" I placed a hand on Vinnie's shoulder "we need someone on our side through this."
Narrowing his eyes at me, I felt the sting of his silent suspicion stab right into my chest.
He didn't want him here. But, he would listen to me. We could fight all we wanted on this, but Vinnie wasn't as bad of a person as he portrayed himself behind the bar.
"Over here."
Sliding from the table, I just sighed as I got up and glanced.sympathetically at Vinnie.
"I'll save you a seat" he forced a smile while Tawn waited for me.
Once I was by his side, he started to walk for the doors. It was the furthest he could go from our eavesdropper.
"You know, you didn't have to do that" I narrowed my eyes at Tawn to show my bitterness for his rejection "he's not bad."
"So you keep saying" he muttered back "but again and again things keep slipping out. We can't risk this."
Something inside me clenched. For the first time, I was ashamed of what I was carrying.
"Just..." he paused and looked around me to make sure he hadn't been followed "...trust me, ok? I'm trying to make it easy for you."
His hand reached to cradle my cheek. I grabbed onto it instead to hold it.
Pulling it down, his eyes slipped to our twined fingers instead.
I couldn't keep ignoring what I had heard on the phone. I had to set things straight.
After all, I was the one who was having these thoughts. I was just too worried about everyone else to actually do something about it.
Maybe this was my salvation? Tawn was always one to act first.
"So...Ezra..." I dragged out, trying to keep a light tone that wasn't too sarcastic or unsure.
Instantly Tawn soured. His fingers squeezed mine and he avoided looking at me with an expression so fierce and sour. He didn't even flash the red scales now that my focus was solely on him.
I saw his crinkled nose and the way his lip curled over his fake fangs. Those snakes had such a deep distrust, it was bordering hatred for no reason.
"I wanted to talk to you about all that..." he spoke to the fence rather than me "...rather than have you find out over a phonecall."
"Where I could hang up on you?" I smirked.
The whole thing didn't sit right with me. It was only a thought earlier. Now, it was already sorted for me without my say.
The whole thing still stabbed so deeply that I was expected to just do it regardless.
I couldn't refuse. I shouldn't.
Tawn shrugged, finally grimacing back to me.
He was so meek. It was kind of cute how innocent he looked when he simmered down and pushed aside everything just for my approval.
To think, the most dangerous star was wrapped so tightly around my fingers...
"So, what did you say? What do I do now?"
Teasing my hand away, I hugged myself instead.
No matter what it was, I probably wasn't going to like it regardless.
Tawn looked away again. Huffing, he folded his own arms to distract his hands from reaching for mine.
"After you..."
He paused, checking the area again.
"After you do it, you'll be with...Ezra."
I let out a snort, nodding.
"You said something about a swap. Like, for one time?" I giggled through how stupid it all was "is that what you are so upset about? Tawn...."
I went to grab him, but he took a step back.
"I'll be with Silera and Balae."
His eyes hardened. He was serious.
Instantly, the smile slipped from my face.
It was one time... wasn't it?
Not...forever?
I tried to smile again. I was being stupid at jumping to assumptions. Surely Tawn wouldn't just dump everything for something else he didn't even know existed until now?
"Ezra can give you what you want" Tawn almost whispered, holding up a finger when I went to speak "he's been successful many times. You won't have to keep hurting yourself for him."
"But..."
What did I say? What could I say? My throat was burning from the pain choking me. I didn't want my lips to tremble and let any sobs escape. I was already being blinded by the prickling tears threatening to spill.
I wiped my eyes so I could at least see Tawn; his mournful face and the way he hung his head. He refused to comfort me; the one carrying his babies.
"I'm not..." I choked, biting down on my words as the pain flared into anger "I'm not b-being...!"
Get it out! Let him know how you feel!
"El..."
"No!" I snapped now and stepped back, ready to slap away his hands that never came "y-you did this! You just...."
Betrayed me? Used me? Did something for the both of us? Helped me?
"No!" I hissed, glaring up at him "I didn't get a say in this!"
"What did you need to say?" he threw a hand towards the door "he's there! You'd be one and done! Isn't that what you want?"
His voice snarled back. He was frustrated with both me and the situation. I was ruining his stupid plan.
He used to care. Now....
Trying to see through the blur of colours and shapes, the sob squeezed itself free.
"He's not touching you until you are done with me."
I let out a sharp laugh, shaking my head at what I was hearing.
"Oh, so that makes it better? I can't do anything until YOU have had enough. I can't believe you!"
He really didn't think much of me at all. Maybe it was all a trick into just using me to squeeze out his babies and hope blindly that one day he'd be able to claim one or brag about how many he had pumped into me.
It had been years. All of that goddamn pain and blood for someone who would throw me aside at the first chance.
He had been there for a few of them too. He held me and told me everything would be ok. He cried with me when those horrid things slipped into the dirt so lifelessly.
That's what made it hurt more. The way he had once cared.
"You think I like it either?" Tawn whined back as he jabbed a nail into his chest "either way, I get the short end of the stick! Up there, she kills what she doesn't want! Down here, you do the same! What about me?"
"I do not!" I whined out before the heat flared up inside at his accusation "I'd never do that!"
"You might as well; handing them over to humans."
To humans?
Scoffing, I ran my eyes over the man-snake bristled up opposite me. Arms folded, legs planted, body shaking from the same adrenaline caught in my throat.
"Says you. Last i checked, snakes didn't have arms or legs."
His mouth snapped open and his fangs reared forth when he hissed at me. With the flash of red, I swallowed my words when thumping fear had me staggering back with a hammering heart.
He had never turned on me like that. In all of our years, his fangs had never been bared at me with any sort of maliciousness.
"No, no, I'm sorry" Tawn flattened down and tried to approach me "don't be scared. I didn't mean it."
Suddenly, I realized just how tall he was compared to me. His nails were like knives stretched out towards me. He could easily rush me and have me twisted under him in a choke-hold, like Nisha.
He could kill me.
I could die right here.
"No" I whimpered out, still backing up "g-get away from me!"
The bricks hit my back. With the wall behind me and Tawn in front, I searched the sides for a way out.
The door was blocked by him. Vinnie was still too far to reach without being grabbed first. His nails would rake up my arms and shred them in an instant.
"El, I'm not going to hurt you" he pleaded "please. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
He was still coming. His shadow froze me in place. I squeezed my eyes shut, rather than have to face his glistening fangs.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
I did the only thing I could think of. I turned my back and pressed myself to the wall.
In the moment of uncertainty, all I could think about was protecting myself; even if I was leaving my entire spine open.
My arms shielded my middle, as if I was carrying a payload so precious it would still be of value to me when I was dead.
That's all it was. I had to think about myself and the money that developed inside me. I couldn't count on Tawn anymore.
Sobbing through shaking breaths, Tawn was taking forever to strike.
I couldn't move. All I could do was tremble through the darkness I had shut myself into and hope that it wasn't too painful.
"ELGRESS!"
I recognized Vinnie's concerned voice off to the side. Slowly opening my eyes, he was all I saw, standing just a few meters away while trying not to shrink back.
"Are you ok?"
His eyes fixed on me, then darted to where Tawn was.
"Come over here."
He held an arm out and gestured for me. Immediately, without thought, I scurried for the safest thing to cling to.
The warmth wrapped around me. Sobbing into it, I let it run over my trembling back and burn against my belly.
"You should be ashamed" Vinnie scolded over my shoulder "I don't know what happened here, but you've terrified the poor woman. She's fucking shaking like a leaf, you bastard!"
Vinnie's hand rested at the back of my head that I turned ever so slightly back towards Tawn.
Blinking through my tears, I saw him just standing there in some sort of frozen trance; staring at where I had been huddled against the wall.
Distorting and snapping back into focus, Tawn's face turned and locked onto mine. Silent tears were running down his face as he let Vinnie's words sink in.
He looked like he wanted to reply, or even bite back a little, but he simply turned from us and shuffled for the door to disappear inside.
No words or anything. He was there, then he wasn't.
Why did I expect more?
Why was I still hoping he'd fight for me or just care a little?
Choking on tears, the warmth returned.
"Oh, Darling" Vinnie whispered as he stroked my head while still staring at the door "you've really got yourself in a mess, haven't you?"
Nodding, I smeared tears and snot against his shirt I refused to release from my hands curled at the back.
"You want to sit behind the bar and drink where no-one can see us?" he suggested, chuckling "water, of course."
"Water out of a vodka bottle for you, you mean?"
I felt Vinnie's smile against my head. My own crept up.
"You can get down that low, can't you?"
A laugh coughed out of me and I pulled up to try and raise an eyebrow at him.
"I'm not that big yet."
His eyes dropped to my middle and he made a little noise to play off a doubt as a joke.
"I'm fine, you bitch" I snorted back "way to make a girl feel good about herself."
"Hey, we could be twins" he grabbed his own stomach to squeeze it "I bloat so bad after a large meal."
I let out a laugh at how flat he still was and saw his smile spread in return.
"Come sit with me?" he offered again, sweeping his arm to the door "my time is just for you. We can talk about how gross boys are and sneak in a few of those expensive cherries out of the cooler."
I gasped dramatically, knowing exactly the tub he meant. Bruce had gone off more than once for us to limit fancier drinks to one cherry since their prices sky rocketed.
Since people didn't want to fork out a fortune for a drink, they just sat there in the back of the fridge like a cruel temptation.
Fuck him. Fuck them all. I was going to have what I wanted, rather than bending to everyone else all the time.
"Lets go eat those fucking cherries" I grinned.
"Yes!" Vinnie pumped his fist into the air before offering me the crook of his arm "after you, Snake Charmer."
"Urgh, don't" I rolled my eyes back at him, but took his arm.
Still, I burned at the jab. Something fluttered at the mention of being able to have Tawn so tame, even if it was a joke.
Was that normal?
I didn't dwell further on it. With Vinnie pushing open the door, I was more concerned Tawn could be hiding in the darkness to try and catch me off guard.
I couldn't see in a place like this. He could. He could see me anywhere he wanted.
Grumbling, we both entered cautiously.
It seemed Vinnie was having the same thoughts.
"We still have to think about dessert tonight and what movie you want to watch" he spoke up "I can always swing by mine and grab a few blankets too."
I knew he hated going home to his abusive father. Braving that for bedsheets was absurd.
"You really don't have to" I grimaced back "we can get a new one from Chester's."
"And fork out fourty bucks for it?" Vinnie scoffed "no, I can do it. It's just in and out."
We continued to walk, now in tense silence.
"We can grab some more food while we are at it" he spoke up.
That's what I was forgetting!
"Fuck!" I hissed.
"What?" Vinnie's voice panicked before hands patted along me to try and comfort blindly "are you ok? Are you in labour?"
"At five days?" I bit back at his reaction, slapping away the hand planting on my face "pull yourself together, Vin. We forgot to get the ingredients for the pudding! They won't be open when we get off work."
How annoying. I really wanted that food too. It'd get me through the next few days if I rationed it for small meals.
That's even if Tawn still wanted to make it after all this.
"Are you.... are you serious?!" Vinnie snapped now, his hands retracting completely "don't go making noises like that over something so little! I thought you were in trouble!"
"I'll let you know when I am."
He grumbled and grabbed my arm to pull me along so we could keep going.
His body was so tense. I didn't know if laughing at it would be appropriate for the situation. Vinnie was a joker, but he was deadly serious all of the sudden.
He cared a little too much about someone like me.
"Sorry" I mumbled.
"Just...." he started, blowing out his breath and dragging in a new one "....be mindful. It's dark and I'm hating it."
The little laugh escaped from me in agreeance.
"Me too."
There was a little breath and chuckle back. Our attention turned to the dim light bordering the darkness just in front of us now.
"Thank fuck" Vinnie muttered and slapped his hands along the unseen door "I really need to get Bruce to install some damn lights along here."
We both knew he wouldn't. He cut corners every chance he got. A small hall wouldn't need money that he could pour into his liquor collection instead.
Still, having a talk to him wouldn't be so bad. I had to figure out something with him about the chandelier act anyway.
That would be painful. I was dreading just thinking about it.
"There!" Vinnie gasped out and shoved the door open to spill light onto us "bastard!"
Following, he shoved the door closed and made his way to he side of the counter to heave himself onto it so he could unlatch it.
Hoisting off, he dragged it out just enough so I could slip around him to the inside area.
It was such a hassle and strain to go to all that work. I could see why he preferred the more frowned-upon method of jumping over instead.
I eyes off the rubber mats on the floor that I lowered myself onto. Vinnie darted over to grab two glasses, as well as a bottle of water and a bottle of vodka.
Sitting next to me, we used the bar itself as our support to lean our backs against.
Vinnie placed a glass beside me and promptly filled it with water.
"What did he do that had you so upset?" he asked as he turned to his own bottle to unscrew the lid "he hit you?"
I shook my head, lifting the glass to feel the coldness on my bottom lip.
"He threatened me" I just spoke into it before taking a sip.
"With what?" Vinnie lifted his own to hold it towards me.
We clinked our glasses, but I didn't return mine to my lips.
"It wasn't verbal or physical" I peered down at the water, trying to find a way to describe it "you know how he was with Bruce up on the walkway?"
"The way he got in his face?" Vinnie replied with a stern side eye "I got a look at some of it. Heard the rest from the others. Did he say something?"
"He scared me" I admitted quietly "and I didn't know what to do. Even when we used to perform together, he never once bared his fangs at me like that. It was like...."
He wasn't even Tawn anymore. The thing he had said about 'humans' wasn't like him. That was wild talk for sure.
"I think he's already moved on."
Vinnie's mouth popped open. He took a drink, trying to hide his surprise when I followed suit.
"But..." he hesitated "aren't you two...?"
He twined his fingers and gave them a little shake.
"You are...you know..."
He couldn't say the word but I knew what he was getting at.
"Yeah."
I finished my glass and popped the water open to pour more.
"So, what will you do?"
I frowned, seeing Vinnie looking over his glass to me.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know...."
He squirmed. His eyes found fascination in the vodka bottle.
"You aren't that far along."
My gut clenched. Somewhere, my breath caught in my mouth.
Was he really asking that?
"It's not for me to pry" he lifted his hands instantly and raised his glass again before I could process it all "sorry."
"No" I just breathed "no, it's alright."
Was it? I had never done that before. I'd never had the reason or thought to. Money outweighed everything.
"He's passing me on to the one upstairs" I pointed a finger up "says he can give me what I need."
Vinnie's eyes slid back to me, judging Tawn's words through me.
"Can he? I thought he'd be happy to have kids with you. I don't get it."
Right. Vinnie didn't know about the reason. He thought it was an innocent fling we had. Like it was our first time.
I scoffed at the thought. The first time.... that had been terrifying. I had no idea what I was doing any step of the way. I thought I was going to die when I had my first five babies slip out, one after the other.
I had to explain it in a way Vinnie could understand.
"You know how we went to get food earlier?" I smiled to him "you were asking what I did to get so much money all of the sudden?"
"Yeah?" Vinnie dragged out slowly, trying to read between the lines.
"Well, this is what I do."
I placed a hand on middle. His eyes lingered, thinking, before they widened and he gasped out.
"You...?" he checked around us and lowered his head and voice "does he know?"
I nodded.
"The more wild ones are worth more. The ones without legs. We both have them, so the chances are near to none, but it gives me enough for some of the rent and a bit of food until I can get more."
"Until you.... get pregnant again?"
I nodded again and Vinnie raked a hand through his hair in shock.
"El, this is not right" he muttered "you can get in serious trouble for that. That's, like, really illegal."
"And I'm really careful" I answered with a bite on the edge of my words "I'm trusting you here, Vinnie. If word gets out about this, I'll lose my job, I'll lose my house, and I'll have nowhere to go. No-one can find out about me, about him, or about them."
Vinnie nodded his head so slightly, still trying to process it all as he stared at where my babies would be.
"So, you've done this before?"
"A few times" I shrugged it off "but everything is being shut off. I don't think I have much time left before I need to think of something better. I'm already out of food. Tawn gave me the money so we could eat today."
"Fuck" Vinnie whispered, finishing his glass.
"Yeah."
The sloshing of vodka filling Vinnie's glass caught my attention. We lifted our cups to cheers again, smiling a little this time.
My hand started to shake. I steadied it before taking a sip.
"You really should think about an escape plan" he noticed and spoke over his drink "like Rhubarb Jam."
I groaned, throwing my head back at the stupid influencer that had such a grip on him.
"No, I'm serious!" he insisted "how much is a van? Three, maybe five, thousand, if it's a cheap one? You just have to pay insurance, rego, fuel, tyres, and chuck a mattress in the back to sleep on. You can live wherever you want and have money for yourself."
"And wash myself in cold rivers where I catch my dinner?" I jeered before drinking "no thanks."
Vinnie scowled, huffing at me.
"You need a plan and I'm giving you one. You can't live in that shit-hole forever, selling you-know-what to make it happen."
"You make it sound like I'm slinging drugs" I chuckled back.
"Drugs would get you a lesser sentence than what you are doing now!" he protested, taking a breath to calm himself and lower his voice again "look, you are a good friend. I'm trying to give you a way out. Hell, if you need money, I'll start skimming the tips and picking up extra shifts if it means it'll help you."
"No" I groaned "don't do that."
He was so willing to risk everything for me just like that. I couldn't drag Vinnie down with me because I couldn't get my shit together and make some decent money.
I'd have to be lucky this time. I didn't have anything if value to sell off, except maybe for my couch and mattress.
Maybe I could sell the couch? In its condition?
Or maybe...
"Please think on it?" Vinnie begged now "it's not a bad idea. You can get out of here and give yourself a break from this shit. Believe me, if I could I would as well."
"I'll think on it" I pushed aside his idea as I mulled over my own "Tawn said that Ezra could do it right the first time."
"Who?"
I shook my head, forgetting he still didn't know everyone in here. He just heard names and gossip. I don't think Ezra has ever left the roof since coming here. He couldn't put a name to a face he had never seen.
"The snake who does the lights" I pointed up again "he's wilder than Tawn. I could make what I need off him right away."
"El" Vinnie scolded "you could just give up on all this and quit doing this before someone finds out."
"This is how I live" I bit back "I can't quit. If I want to go back to a roof over my head and a bed, then this has to happen. Even if I wanted to do your little van thing, I still need money for it, and Paragon"s doesn't pay well."
"You could always work elsewhere."
"Somewhere that would hire a snake hybrid like me? Someone who falls asleep when it's too cold, and gets the shakes at the drop of a hat? I'm no good for waitressing or working in air con; which is most places. I'm running on borrowed time. Who knows how long it'll take just to land another job?"
Vinnie frowned and drank again, glancing at my shaking hand I balled up to try and contain it.
I needed money now.
"I need to get pregnant again."
"Woah there" Vinnie laughed out at how forward I was being "ease up on the reins there."
Shooting him a glare, I drank with him.
"You already are, aren't you?" he pointed "just ride it out for the nine months and y..."
"Thirty days" I corrected him, seeing his face drop again "a month. It'll be late, and ruin my pacing, but if I start now..."
I could do it. It was only five days in. I'd only be late to try again next time, unless I cut corners and did it right after giving birth.
Fuck, that would be risky. Could you even do it so soon after childbirth? Still, it should leave enough time to fill out the rest of the months nicely.
Maybe his was sooner too, being wild? I'd have to ask about that.
"Let's just think about this" he chuckled nervously "you're suggesting that you...."
He pointed, swirling his finger around to gesture to my middle with a uncertain noise.
"Terminate, yes" I answered.
I'd never done it. I wasn't game enough to poke anything up there, and wasn't rich enough to get the pills. But, we were right here at a bar. I could just drink until something passed.
Would that work? Or would they stick in there and be born deformed?
"I need something that will work" I faced him "this won't work."
"Well... What if...? Well..." Vinnie groaned back, trying to find the right words "how much would you get? Maybe you don't have to?"
"If they've got legs..."
"They've?" he breathed "there's more than one?"
"Typically that's how snakes work" I grumbled through his nativity "I usually get one hundred, maybe eighty, for small ones with some imperfections. They like them pristine."
"These are kids, El, not cars" Vinnie warned me and shook his head "how much was last time?"
I remembered the thin envelope I had received for all my hard work. Five babies and only three hundred to show for it. It felt like wasted time, but negotiations couldn't be made. I didn't want to take them back home with me.
"Three hundred."
"And how much for his?" Vinnie looked up to the roof, shaking his head "I can't believe I'm even asking this."
"For good ones, four hundred."
"So, it's better to keep them then?" Vinnie started with a hopeful smile.
"Each" I added.
"Each?"
"If they don't have legs, they make more money. Bonus for unusual colours and a wild look in general. I could make up to four hundred each."
That's what I had been told after the dismal attempt last time. They'd pay big for good specimens. It'd be worth my time.
Ezra was my way to scrape out of darkness. I'd be able to heat my bed at night and survive the cold.
Nothing Vinnie could say or do would change my mind.
Chugging down the water, I pushed my glass towards him to refill.
When Vinnie went for the water, I placed my shaking hand over the top of the glass to stop him.
"The other one."
He grimaced as he looked at it.
"I can't" he whined "not knowing that."
"Then pass it to me" I held up my hand "nothing is changing. It has to happen."
"El" he cradled the vodka close "don't. We can think of something else."
Glaring, I kept my eyes trained on his remorseful ones.
"Either you give me the vodka, or I get up and get something stronger" I warned him.
"Elgress, please" he whimpered as I laid my hand on the bottle "please! Don't do this!"
Tearing it from his hand, I made sure to fill his glass first, before my own.
It looked just like water. There was nothing else to indicate it wasn't anything else.
"I need you" I spoke as I lifted the glass up "I need someone to help me through this."
Grimacing, Vinnie saw my nerves kicking in. The glass quivered and sloshed some over my own fingers.
My heart started to clench and hammer. My gut churned, as if it knew what I was about to do.
It was wrong, but I had to. I couldn't waste more time when everything was already moving around me so quickly.
"I need someone to cry with" I whimpered now, holding the glass with both hands that shook it "please, Vinnie."
He whined, biting his lip and blinking back tears.
I wiped my own eyes, trailing vodka down my cheeks.
"Fuck" he whispered "fuck me."
He lifted his glass before throwing it back. I did the same, hesitating, until I gulped down the cold liquid.
It was just water. I just had to keep drinking the water to make it all go better.
"Keep it coming" I bit through my trembling lip and outstretched hand.
Vinnie refused to fill my glass. I took the bottle from between us to pour the rest and try to swallow it while my hands furiously shook.
With the bottle empty, Vinnie just stared blankly while I forced myself to finish the second glass.
"We need another" I pointed to the shelf "I want to, you know, do it right the first time."
He nodded and got up to fetch a flavoured one to unscrew.
This one was watermelon. The pink colour was deceivingly cheerful for the damp atmosphere hanging over us.
Reaching over, Vinnie stopped me. He held out his hand for my glass to fill it alongside his own.
Sniffling, I wiped the spilling tears from my vodka-stained cheeks.
"Thank you."
"Hey, I'm here for you" Vinnie tried to smile back, faltering "we can cry about this together."
Words wouldn't escape my lips. I sobbed and nodded, gripping the glass tightly between both hands as I guzzled it down.
I could taste what I was doing now. It wasn't supposed to be so delicious and fresh. I just wished a little part of it burned or blistered my throat as punishment.
Still, we sat there on those hard rubber mats together, just quietly drinking and sobbing about what was already too late to change.
Please let it be the right thing.
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