I couldn't believe that really happened.
It felt kind of strange seeing how the atmosphere changed after standing up on the table and spilling everything to a crowd of strangers.
Some disregarded us completely. Others shouted for proof, and threw accusations as we walked. Plenty just remained silent and were jostled out of the way.
Hopefully it was the right thing to do. With so many mixed emotions staring back at us, it kind of felt like I had just made things worse.
Bruce did have to pay. I wasn't just going to leave and expect things to fall into place around our absence. He's cover it all up and keep running his extortion behind the next lot of Stars he tricked into showering in glitter and fame.
Pressing into the lift together, I pulled out my phone to start swiping for my contacts. Barli took his leave with the security.
To think someone as intimidating as him was hunched over to mutter apologies to me. He almost begged when he explained he only meant his cruel words in fun and honestly didn't mean anything by it.
He also insisted he had nothing against gay men, real or not. I had no idea what he meant by that, but it did make me laugh when he burned up at the fact.
"Who are you messaging?" Adrian leant over to glance at me.
Smiling meekly to him, I stopped on Alowyn's name.
"I figured I should at least give him a head's up" I replied.
"That would be the right thing to do."
I couldn't have him flying blindly to take my place now that I knew what awaited him. I couldn't let Bruce take his wings too and let his family die because he couldn't return to them.
Ringing, I waited for an answer through the whirring.
The lift arrived at the lower carpark and let us out. We wouldn't have much time until people tried rushing down the stairs or following to try and catch us again now that security was gone.
"It's over this way" Adrian pointed to his right.
Leading the way, we chased after him.
Peering back as Alowyn's cheerful voice played through an automated message, I saw a group of others peeling off the stairs to sprint after us.
"They really don't quit, do they?" Nisha scowled.
There would be more. A plead for their cooperation wouldn't stop all of them.
Adrian reached his car and promptly unlocked it so we could all throw ourselves in.
Nisha and Lumi barrelled into the back and I took the front as Adrian snapped on his belt so he could bring the car to life while we still tried to tug ours into place.
The car veered onto the road snaking around the parking lot, leaving behind the people wanting to try and block our path. Luckily we had been just a bit too quick for them, otherwise we would have been trapped yet again.
Adrian blew out a breath. Now that we were on our way towards the other side of the center, anyone outside wouldn't be dumb enough to jump in front of a moving car.
We had escaped yet again.
"Absolute morons, the lot of them" Nisha huffed as he peered back at the way we had come "honestly, I don't know how you deal with them all."
"Not everyone is made for face to face interaction" Lumi teased, giggling a little "perhaps it was for the better you both did aerial work, seeing at how everyone reacted when you were down level with them."
I chuckled, glancing to Adrian who agrees with a tilt of his head and knowing smile.
"Can you imagine how rabid they'd all be if all three of you were there?" he spoke up to Lumi through the rear view mirror, laughing "we wouldn't make not out alive."
Nisha scoffed. He complained when Lumi roughly elbowed him in the ribs.
"What?" he breathed "we can make do without him."
Without Tawn? Maybe. But Balae had said we did need to stick together if we wanted to get out. It was just us now. Tawn, Elgress, or Loreen were nowhere to be seen.
We did escape though. Tawn had unknowingly been the distraction and we had squeezed our way out the other side of Paragon to freedom.
It did feel bad leaving him there as he was beaten by Bruce. I saw the way he was pummeled into, silently crying out and squirming on the ground through the screens behind the desk we destroyed.
We couldn't help him. If we did, Nisha and I would probably still be at Paragon, preparing for yet another show.
Or would it just be me? Nisha had Lumi and Barli to bail him out. Tawn escaped with Luke and Levi. I didn't have anyone waiting to speed me away. Adrian would have still been arriving, unaware of everything that would have happened.
Would there be a show with just me? Would Bruce double down on his abuse and force Alowyn to climb the ribbons without proper training, in the desperate hope of creating another Star so soon after breaking his last ones?
Dipping my head, I tried to ring Alowyn again.
"He's probably doing....bird stuff" Adrian commented, shrugging with a smile when I turned to him.
"Bird stuff?" I snorted over the dial tone.
"I don't know" he lifted a hand to express his confusion on the situation "what do you think he'd be doing?"
Frowning at the recorded voice again, I thought.
What did he do that I didn't? What was diff...
My stumps became painfully obvious. Of course, he'd be making use of his natural talents now that they weren't tied up.
"He could be flying?" I suggested "or searching for food? He said he still hunts for his brother and sister."
"Right" Adrian lit up "so he most likely won't be glued to his phone. It'll be fine."
It would be. He was right. Alowyn was probably in the middle of feeding his family. He most likely didn't have his phone on him.
I was stressing myself over nothing. I would just send him a message. He'd see that and know not to return.
He'd be saved and I could move on without this horrible guilt weighing on my shoulders.
I couldn't just sit back and let someone else get hurt.
21Please respect copyright.PENANAG1TP7lAg5s
With guidance from both Nisha and Lumi, Adrian pulled us up at a crossing near their car so they could promptly exit.
"Thank you so much" Lumi gushed as she bent at Adrian's open window "and for not leaving us behind."
He grinned and waved it off. I smiled back, seeing her focus on me now.
"I'm sorry about earlier" she grimaced, turning Adrian's attention to me too "Barli can be a bit of a meathead sometimes. He thinks he's funny when he's not."
Adrian looked to me for an explanation. I cringed under their stares, forcing a smile.
"It's fine, seriously."
Why bring it up now, in front of Adrian? This was so embarrassing!
I wanted the seat to swallow me up; to be anywhere but here, getting unwanted sympathy from Lumi.
"As long as it is..."
"It is" I nodded quickly, looking for a way to end this conversation quickly "thank you for the lift here too."
"Hey, it was nothing" she grinned "glad to see you two together again."
She did seem a bit too giddy on seeing us together. It truly made her happy that we were something more now.
"And away from that hellhole" Adrian added, chuckling.
She returned it, agreeing. Even Nisha gave a small smile at that, clearly wanting to be on his way too.
They still had to wait. We could leave.
"We had better be off before everyone tries to mob the car" Adrian picked up the tension, gesturing to the road ahead "the parents are already planning dinner tonight with the neighbors again."
Was that true? They wanted to celebrate this occasion? It was that important to them?
Or was that an excuse to leave? Nothing but empty words, made to sound remotely real?
"We are just going to hit the arcade, if we can now" Lumi jerked a thumb over her shoulder "my sister wants to get a silly platypus toy for her school bag and Nisha did kind of say he'd find her one."
"If I could" he emphasised, smiling and rolling his eyes.
He was playing it off but I could see how this was something he actually wanted to do out of kindness and not obligation. He was the type of person who didn't quit easily either. He'd stop at nothing until he found that toy for Lumi's sister.
It was really sweet. I beamed back at his little pout as Lumi snickered at his antics.
"Well, have a good time" Lumi stepped back from the car to give us room "see you around!"
We both grinned, knowing that this was probably the last time we'd even see anyone else from Paragon.
I leant forward to make sure Nisha could see me.
"Good luck with everything" I smiled to him "I hope you find the dane you were looking for."
Embarrassed by the mention that had Lumi curiously peering at Nisha for answers, he shrugged.
"I hope you find your way home" he replied with a small smile back.
Returning it, I nodded.
"Sucks you didn't get to sign my case before you left though."
He let out a laugh. Even Lumi giggled at me when I held it up a little for them.
We had made plans to cover it in well-wishes when Lumi performed her last show. With myself too distracted on trying to keep them both under watch, and Alowyn desperate to return home, the perfect time had slipped past.
"Hey" Nisha called, pointing to it "if I see you again, and you've still got that horrible thing on, I'll sign it then, ok?"
Grinning to him, then Adrian, I swelled with happiness.
"I'll remember that."
Nisha shook his head at me. Both he and Lumi waved as Adrian bid his farewells and started to move the car forth.
"Bye!" I called to them both, waving.
Adrian honked his horn and hung a hand out the window. We turned the corner, waving at both Nisha and Lumi watching and farewelling us fondly as they waited for Barli to return.
Adrian shook his head and smirked at me when they were out of sight.
"Was she still apologizing to you about the whole 'together' thing?"
I burned, shrugging.
"Even though we are?" he pressed with a cheeky grin.
"Well, we weren't before...." I mumbled back.
"You don't have to be so embarrassed about it now."
Still, mentioning it all did just that. How I had acted, the way I had hopelessly clung to Adrian, the way I thought he was about to abandon me when I told him how I felt.
How horrible this could have turned out. I was so, so glad it hadn't. I don't know what I would have done if he had turned up his nose at me and laughed it off.
My gut churned at the hypothetical. Reality was grinning away as music began to fill the warm air.
"You don't...." I hesitated, playing with my fingers "...regret it?"
Adrian's smile slipped. He glanced to me seriously now.
"Do you?"
"Oh, no!" I insisted immediately "I'm just making sure you aren't being put on the spot!"
He wasn't the same anymore. I worked with him all these years, but when I looked at him now, it was almost foreign; like I didn't know him at all.
"I thought it was very nice" he smiled again, relaxing "nothing about that makes me regret a thing."
I blushed again, smiling as I lowered my head.
"Are you having second thoughts?" he asked now.
"Yes and no" I shrugged, feeling the discomfort return "yes, because I've realized I don't know anything about you. No, because I... like this very much."
Adrian chuckled, glancing.
"You don't know me?" he snorted.
I peered up, saw his raised brow and smile, and turned away.
"What's your favourite colour?" I huffed "your favourite food? Do you have a favourite flower? Because today..."
No. He didn't need to know about my struggle at the florist. That was embarrassing. It was too much at once.
"What about flowers?" I heard the little laugh in his voice.
"Nothing" I mumbled.
He let out a laugh, reeling it in.
"You're adorable" he teased.
Burning, I pouted and turned my attention out the window instead.
He's just having fun. It wasn't anything to get upset about.
But it did sting at how he was just turning it all into a lighthearted joke. It meant a lot to me, but nothing to him. I couldn't tell him about my dreams or how badly I wanted us to be mates like we were then.
It was so much simpler in my mind. In there, we were madly devoted to each other. Out here, we had a lot of trust-building and discovery before we were even remotely that close.
I don't think he'd even like if I bought him fresh kills like his dream one did. That would horrify him.
Dreams were so much simpler.
"I don't really have a favourite" Adrian began to my silence "but the white ones around the back of the house are nice. They look like a miniature bottlebrush and smell like a whole bunch of lemons. I wouldn't call them my favourite, but they are pretty."
So he wouldn't have liked the others I was mulling over. I was glad I didn't get them now.
"What about you?" he asked "do you have a favourite? Any around your home you liked?"
I shook my head and managed to find the courage to turn back around.
"It was mainly grass and trees" I remembered, seeing the proud, tall tree that held our nest in the middle of it all "there wasn't a lot of flowers out there."
It was quite nice though. Way down past all the trees was a dirt road that ran through the land. I used to wonder where it went until I was old enough to follow it.
"Oh" he deflated "and Paragon didn't have any either, obviously."
I shrugged, trying not to let it get to him too much.
"We can take a drive one day?" Adrian suggested hopefully "go looking for some flowers and maybe find some favourite ones we both like?"
I smiled when I looked at his hopeful face, nodding.
"That would be nice."
"I'll teach you to drive" he continued, making the bubbly feeling pop "we can make a day of it. Go see things you haven't before. Oh! I've got to take you up the mountain! It's amazing up there! You've got to see those views!"
He gushed, babbling about all the things I could do now that I wasn't at Paragon anymore.
None of it felt real. It still felt like I was merely being taken out for a visit again and expected to go back to the same darkness of my room tonight.
I had left so much behind too. My whole life was in there and I had shoved barely any of it into a single bag sitting at my feet.
I missed my comfortable nest already and the layers of important things wedged in there. The most significant were here, but I still felt how many I had abandoned.
If only I could have bundled it all up to take with me...
"Avery?"
I snapped back to the moment, realizing Adrian had still been talking to me.
"Hmm?"
"It's ok" he dismissed it "it's been a big day. You must be tired. I was saying that when we get back, you could rest up before we have dinner with the neighbours."
So that was real after all? They actually were coming around, just for me? I was that important to them too?
"I could use a rest" I smiled.
"Take one now before we get there" he offered "it's going to be a while still until we get home. I'll let you know when we get there."
Was that ok? Just sleeping like that right here? It wasn't weird to him?
But, I did need the rest. I could feel how heavy my arms were and the exhaustion seeping through my legs now that they weren't moving anymore.
Turning around to make myself comfortable, I could feel Adrian's eyes on my back and stumps I faced towards him.
I dragged up my new bag to use as a pillow. Crushing it into a comfortable shape, my head sank into the rough material gratefully.
I was usually only this exhausted after a strenuous show. I hadn't done anything significant to feel the same level of exhaustion sinking through me.
Yawning, I hunched against the door and used the seatbelt as a support for my makeshift pillow. My broken arm folded against my body, the other protecting it.
"Have some non-violent dreams this time" Adrian quipped, chuckling.
I snorted back through heavy, closed eyelids, knowing full-well it would be anything but with my feral version of our blooming relationship.
21Please respect copyright.PENANArkAXqepbAE
Gentle rocking pulled me from my deep sleep and forced me to focus on the blurred landscape of grass and trees ahead.
Adrian was already leaving the car so he could walk around and gently open my door that I lifted myself from, blinking back sleep.
I had been so comfortable. The dreams had returned, demanding to be fulfilled.
I soared through the sky. I felt weightless, with the breeze blowing through my feathers and over my tilting body bending around the corners and dips in the road.
I bought back a kill. Adrian was impressed when I dropped it down onto his front lawn and presented it to him with puffed feathers and pride coursing through me. Then, I pounced again.
Quickly checking myself, I unbuckled my belt and had Adrian take my bag.
"Good to see that wasn't me this time" he commented when I slid out.
Looking down, I saw I had gouged my blunt claws into my own cast. They raked over the curve of my arm, small but deep.
I couldn't lower it out of view. It was positioned for anyone to see my deep desires.
"Sorry" I mumbled.
"Do you get those often?" he asked when he closed up the car and started the walk to the back of the house "dreams about hurting things?"
Did he know? Did I say things when I was out of it?
"You hurt me too, last time" he reminded me, giving a small chuckle "and you did it again now. What are you hurting?"
I couldn't tell him. I'd terrify him if I was going to confess that my desire was to gut him like a small prey animal, out of the deepest love.
I darted my eyes around him, searching for an answer.
We reached the back verandah. I could hear the dog barking from within. The birds were sure to start their frantic bashing against the cage if they were nearby.
"Animals" I blurted.
He stopped, turning. Concern creased his face.
He was about to bring me into his house of beloved animals. I had just confessed to being some deranged lunatic that dreamed of maiming pets.
"Small ones" I frantically tried to cover my tracks "like mice. Prey."
The concern didn't leave. He forced a little smile to try and lighten the tension.
He didn't need to say anything. I saw how much it unsettled him.
"It's just dreams" I pressed desperately as I kept my eyes on the back door to make sure no-one else was going to walk into the conversation "in them, I can fly again. I do all the things I should be able to do out there. Wild, embarrassing things."
The concern finally softened a little. I saw his hand softly touch the carvings.
"Please don't hate me for them" I begged.
"For being you?" he snorted at me, lifting his hand away "you can't help what you feel, Avery. I've just got to remember that you are going to want different things to me."
Like the sex? How we completed each other and were perfectly paired, as if we were an old mated couple out there?
What did he want? What were his dreams like? Did they get worse when I was around; like his did to me?
Shaking his head at me, he pushed his way through the back door.
"We're home!" he called as he began to take off his shoes.
"Welcome back!" I heard his mother call from the verandah, rushing to the back door to beam at us "good to have you again, Avery!"
I grinned and bubbles at her enthusiasm, giggling when she hurried over to pull me into a tight hug.
What was her name again? Jean? Jessica?
"His arm, mum" Adrian warned her "please be careful."
"Oh" she immediately backed away to gaze down at it "I'm sorry, Darling. I keep forgetting you have the cast."
"It's ok" I smiled back to her sympathetic look "I should be out in no time."
She noticed the marks down it too. I curled my nails into my palm to try and hide them. The others couldn't be so easily concealed. They hung there, cut but still painfully on show.
"Oh, my" her soft voice whispered.
It was obvious I wasn't the same as I was when I last came here. My teeth were still sharpened. My claws, though blunted now, were made for tearing anything at the slightest touch. Small feathers still peppered my hairline. I was hardened to defend myself.
"I'm sorry if I scared you."
"I'm just not used to seeing people change so drastically" she tried to wave it aside, leading us to the back door "usually the slightest takes years."
It was fascinating and confusing her all at once. There was fear there too. I was further from human than she was comfortable with.
She slid open the door but Adrian hesitated. He checked outside onto the verandah cautiously.
"Sunny and Bumble?"
"I moved them into the bedroom already" his mother replied, smiling nervously at me.
I returned it and followed her outside to the chorus of welcomes from the others.
It was just like last time. Except, the smiles fell and turned to silence when Adrian's mother stepped aside and I was fully revealed to them.
His father had the head of the table again. The two old neighbours were in the same position as last. They had a routine and preferred spot for everyone.
"Thank you for having me again" I began nervously now as I found my seat beside Adrian's, trying not to smile too widely.
All eyes were on me. Glances were exchanged. They noticed my pointed teeth when I talked now. It especially unnerved the neighbours sitting opposite me.
"I was thinking of taking Avery up the mountain tomorrow" Adrian spoke up now to try and pull focus on him instead as he sat "he hasn't seen a lot of things out here. We've got a lot of catching up to do."
"Alone?" his mother spoke up now, glancing to her son when I turned my head "it's a long trip. I'd rather you take someone with you, just in case something happens up there."
"Never know when the mobiles could go down" his father added with a gruff nod "black spots everywhere."
The neighbours agreed with murmered and small smiles.
"It'll be fine" Adrian dismissed casually "the car has fuel and I checked the air in the tyres. It's good to go."
"Why not hold off on the mountain?" his mother smiled again "we could all go and show Avery the views together. That would be a lovely trip. It's been a while since we've been up there as a family."
"Ruth and Ernie could come too" his father added with a little point "you used to beg for them to join us everywhere when you were a child."
Adrian let out a little groan, trying not to appear rude.
"I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad" he mumbled in embarrassment.
Ruth and Ernie giggled. It was the first smile from any of them.
They no longer trusted me to be alone with Adrian. They were going to do everything they could to stop the plan, until Adrian figured it out and blew up at them, or they managed to convince him to make it a whole group affair.
Either way, I couldn't push the idea. It wasn't up to me.
"We could hold off" I suggested to him "there's so much more I haven't seen yet. We could go for a drive instead?"
"Good idea" his father nodded "you could take Missy with you."
"The dog?" Adrian looked down at the sleeping thing flopped on the verandah "she's old. We haven't taken her out anywhere in ages."
He was getting suspicious about them digging their heels in now. Narrowing his eyes at his father, Adrian looked to his mother for answers.
"Could you help me inside for a second?" she tilted her head to the door "I've got so much food to bring out."
"I'll help too, Love" Ernie quickly got up too.
Adrian glanced to me and hesitantly left with them both. The door was firmly shut behind them before they made a beeline for the kitchen.
"So, Avery" Adrian's father started "what are your plans now that you are away from work? A new job?"
"Oh" I smiled, realising I had to keep my mouth controlled "I want to find my parents and where I grew up. I don't want to be around people like that anymore."
This caught him by surprise. He looked to the back door then to me. I turned too, seeing his mother peering back from the kitchen before pulling back to continue talking to Adrian.
"So, what does that mean for Adrian?" he pulled my focus back to him "our son is quite fond of having you around. If he's not here, he's with you at that work of his. Honestly, we don't get to see him here much anymore."
"He's always early out and late back" Ruth added now, smiling softly "always driving such long distances for work. He's such a dedicated young man."
"He is" I bubbled up inside "I'm really happy to have him around."
"As a friend" his father agreed.
I glanced away nervously. Finding his eyes again, I forced another smile behind pressed lips.
He noticed. His own lips pursed and he quickly glanced to Ruth who shrugged a little.
Was he happy about that? Angry? He didn't look either. Just....deflated.
Did I make him upset by being with Adrian? Should I just come out with it and face the consequences now?
He couldn't be worse than Bruce, surely?
But, my throat seized. I couldn't do it. I just sat there, looking down at my fingers and to the sleeping dog.
"Do you.... not want me to be with Adrian?" I spoke up.
"Oh, no! That's not what he's saying!" Ruth gave a little chuckle "David is just co...."
"I'm a bit worried about you two getting into a relationship if you are just going to leave" he finished for her.
Frowning, I glanced to him from my lap.
"It's not because.... we are both boys?"
"Boys, girls, all things in between; I couldn't care" he snorted and waved that off "I just don't want him to have a broken heart. The poor kid already suffers enough."
He does?
"The nasty gashes on his arm are quite painful" he answered for me.
Oh.
I dropped my head, peeking to David.
"I'm sorry about that."
"Why did you do it?" he pressed "everytime I ask Adrian, he just blows me off and refuses."
I remained silent. I could hear the edge in his voice when he talked now. I couldn't tell him the truth either that I wanted to kill their son in stupid waves of lust.
I'd stick to the same story I told Adrian. At least they'd hear it from me and not someone else. It would be better that way.
"He's not going to be mad, Darling" Ruth coaxed.
"I know" I mumbled as I forced myself to look up at her, then him "it's embarrassing."
He frowned. She followed.
"I'm a bird" I reminded them, searching for the right words to slot into place "sometimes, I get these feelings I can't....explain."
Don't say control. It'll make you sound feral.
"I, uh, I like meat" I tried to not dumb it down too much "like the spaghetti we had last time. That was really good."
Polite smiles flashed at me. I smiled back.
"When I want it, my cla...."
Not claws. Nails. That didn't sound so dangerous.
"...My nails move in my sleep. My hands twitch."
"So, you sleepwalk?" Ruth asked curiously.
I shook my head and twined my hands together.
"I sleep-grab things" I mumbled to them, making sure they understood what I was saying "mice."
Don't say 'attack'. Defiantly stay away from 'kill'. Use softer words when referring to giving Adrian those cuts.
"Oh" Ruth said, before it hit her "ohhhh."
"I didn't do it intentionally" I looked to David now, pleading "I was dreaming of other things. I would never hurt Adrian intentionally."
"You dream of eating.... mice?" he just blinked back.
"I dream of flying too" I admitted, blushing "but they are things that won't happen. I'd never be brave enough to eat a real mouse when I'm awake."
Not like Tawn did. How on earth could he stomach something so gross?
Ruth giggled. David smirked. I gave a little smile to hide my own laugh.
"I take it that casserole is a better option for tonight then?" he gave a little laugh and shook his head at me "you seriously dream of that?"
I nodded, finding the courage to face him now he was smiling again.
There was hope after all. I had pleased Adrian's dad and one of the neighbours. They weren't going to turn against me.
"I'd like to spend some time with Adrian before I leave, if that's ok?" I turned to David again "there's so much I haven't seen out here that he said he'd show me. It's kind of weird thinking I don't have to go back there anymore."
Smiling behind my lips, I saw David's shrink a little.
"Did something happen there?" Ruth filled with concern.
"Oh, well... Bru...."
The back door finally opened again and everyone came out with plates of salads. Adrian carried the drinks, propping a cider before Ruth and Ernie's seats. He placed down a beer for his dad and mum, setting a can of orange soft drink before both of us.
He was tense. He took his position, remaining tight-lipped.
"Avery" his mother came to my side with a smile "will you help me bring out the rest of it?"
Looking to the others, I saw Ernie focusing solely on cracking the top off his cider. Ruth mumbled to him and he shook his head, glancing at me.
"Oh" I smiled nervously as I got up "sure."
"I won't bite" she chuckled, reaching out a hand to place on my shoulder when I left the seat.
I flinched at the closeness to my stumps. She dropped it to favour getting me through the door and closing it again.
"Am I in trouble?" I turned to her.
"Oh, no" she smiled and moved past me to the kitchen where a large pot sat on the stove "I just want to talk."
She was being too nice about this. Her tone warned me it wasn't just going to be a friendly chat.
I glanced back to Adrian. He was already being dragged into conversation out there, scowling behind his can.
The bandages around his arm were so obvious now when I had nothing else to distract me.
Is that what they had they talked about?
"I'm really sorry about Adrian" I pleaded to his mother's back as I approached her "I really didn't mean to hurt him."
"He told me all about that" she dismissed my concerns, looking over when I stood by her side "I want to talk about you."
"Me?"
It fell out of my mouth before I could control it. The surprise and doubt hung heavily on the word.
His mother smiled and gave a little laugh at me. She reached over to grab a bowl to begin scooping the dark meat and vegetable mixture into it.
"How can you reassure me that you aren't going to hurt him again when you two go out?" she began, her eyes dipping to my cast "it doesn't seem like you have a lot of control over these dreams of yours."
I blushed and placed my other hand over the marks.
"I wouldn't..."
"You hurt yourself" she spoke softly and calmly "and if you can't stop yourself when you are asleep, what's to say you could control yourself around Adrian when you are awake?"
Her words stabbed my gut. Her eyes drilled into mine. Her hand extended out with the bowl to force me to uncover the marks once more.
I placed the warm bowl down beside me and watched her pick up the next.
"I've never hurt Adrian when I'm awake" I grew serious.
She wasn't going to be won over by casual chit-chat and dismissive tones when in front of others. Adrian's mother was to the point and factual. She was scary when she was alone.
"How can I trust you on that?"
"I...just..."
She waited, still pouring casserole.
She wasn't going to let me go. If I told her, she'd tell her husband. They'd both tell Adrian. We had only been a couple for a few hours. It'd be all over if he knew.
But I was planning on leaving. Maybe it was for the best that we created some distance, so it wouldn't hurt so much.
For me or him?
"Avery" his mother held out another bowl towards me, her eyes stern but her brows furrowed "you have to tell me something."
I did. It hurt me to have to face that. My eyes burned with brimming tears. My lip quivered.
His mother noticed when I took the bowl and slid it aside. She stopped on her reach for another, facing me instead.
"Are you ok?"
She reached her arm out to touch the side of mine I bought up to wipe my eyes. I shook my head, trying to control it all before my voice was affected.
"I danced for my job" I spoke up, taking a breath "for me, it wasn't just about the performance. It was personal."
His mother was lost. She still gave her silent support as she rubbed my arm.
"For someone like me, the whole aerial display is...."
I knew how I felt in those moments. Free. The happiest I had ever been. Turned on. Judged.
"It's intimate" I mumbled.
Her hand slid away. She turned for the bowls to start the routine again, listening closely.
"Birds dance for their partners" I glanced up to her, meeting her eyes "and I danced for everybody. They only saw it as a show. The others teased me for it."
Whore.
Slut.
Asking for it.
Begging for attention.
Sniffling, I wiped my eyes again, swallowing the lump in my throat with a noise as I opened my mouth again.
"I was shunned by them" I breathed in as the bowl was placed down "and the whole meaning was lost to every show every night. The only way it meant something was when I dreamed about it."
"Honey...."
I had to get this out. I didn't want her sympathy to silence me.
"I want to dance for your son" I whined.
She smiled, unsure of what I had just said. She picked her bowl up to fill it again.
I watched her, unsure of she was trying to ignore the meaning or just brush it aside.
"I think it's very nice you want to do something so beautiful for him" she beamed "but it doesn't answer how you can reassure me you aren't going to hurt him."
She didn't see the seriousness of what I was confession to her.
The bowl slipped into my hands that clamped around the heat, squeezing.
"The dance means I want to be utterly devoted to him" I told her smile when she grabbed another bowl "that we would be more than partners out there and here. That...."
The bowl started to burn into my palms. I placed it down and drew myself up with courage and fear.
"I want to have sex with him."
Her smile was wiped into one of shock. I saw her face me with the half filled bowl of food.
"I don't want to hurt him because I love him" I vowed "very much. Every performance was for him. He makes me truly happy every moment in my life."
"Oh" she finally freed her hands so she could wring them together, glancing to the back door "does he know about all this? Because when he...."
"He doesn't" I confirmed "it's embarrassing. I couldn't tell him."
She nodded, her eyes searching.
"Good. Ok. Let's keep this between us then" she muttered, returning to the bowls "you don't want him to get the wrong idea."
Wrong idea?
"I love him" I insisted.
"And obviously so" she replied "but it sounds like you've projected all these feelings onto him because he was your work partner. I've seen you perform. You did it for the show. You love the show."
No.
"I did it for him."
"And I'm sure he's grateful" she hurried filling so she could press it into my hands "but it's obsessive. Adrian doesn't need that. You need your own kind, Avery. Being cooped up in there has done things to you."
I knew how I felt. I wouldn't have wanted Adrian to be my partner otherwise.
"We're mates" I almost whispered.
"Stop" she raised a hand, her voice sharp "stop. There are differences. Boyfriend's is good. It means I won't have to worry about my son when he goes out on dates. Mates is...." she shook her head over the pot "...it's animalistic. It's what you need, out there. You are a wild animal, Avery; turned by contact with people like us. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you will be happy. You can dance for someone like you, hmm?"
She held out a bowl. I refused to take it.
"I thought you'd understand."
"And I do" she sighed, shaking the bowl slightly to try and get me to take it "but it's a matter of time before you turn back into what you were before you came here. We have laws against loving things like that."
Her nose crinkled. She saw I wasn't going to help her and leant across to place it down with the others.
Her neck was right there. I could bite into it and make sure she knew who was more superior in this decision. She wouldn't get in the way of my love for him.
She pulled back, facing me. I glared back, my tearful eyes hard on hers.
"You need your own people" she just said "as hard as it is, it's what is right."
She understood perfectly. She didn't want me near Adrian. His dad had already expressed his concerns over the same thing.
"You should go back to your home" she turned "you had a life at Paragon. What happened to change that? Why leave now and not years ago?"
Did I even want to answer her and have that reason shot down too? Would she even care? She just wanted more leverage against me.
Crossing my arms, I pursed my lips.
"Reasons" I grunted out.
"They can take care of you" she sighed over the pot "there's people like you there. You had an income, a room of your own; medical help. How are you going to survive with a broken arm?"
I had thought she'd be more supportive on this. A few days, maybe weeks as I recovered. Now that I knew it was anything but, my only hope was to rough it out as it tried to heal through the changes.
"After dinner, I think it's best if you return."
I blinked back, feeling my tears roll down my cheeks.
"I can't."
The last bowl remained empty. Looking over, she had filled enough for everyone but me.
"Why?"
Because if I was to go wild, anyone would be free to kill me? She'd just say that was mother nature. Anything could die out there. If I went back to Paragon, I was never leaving. If be the only one of us three that did return so stupidly, knowing what I did now.
It was obvious I was no longer welcome here. I had told her my desires and she has turned on me.
"I just can't" I sighed back, knowing it was a pitiful excuse as I wiped my eyes again.
Why couldn't this be easier? If they didn't know we were together, would we be having this conversation right now or sitting or there, eating casserole and laughing about something stupid.
I sobbed, knowing my last chance at freedom and love was gone.
"Avery" her hand reached again, but I stepped back "I didn't mean to make you upset. At least eat something. You've come such a long way."
And pretend none of this happened? Sit next to Adrian, knowing that the relationship we had just formed was over? Make small-talk while having that niggling in my mind that they just wanted me to finish eating so that I could be taken back to Paragon?
"I-im n-not hungry a-anymore" I eyed the empty bowl.
"Don't be silly" she insisted, rushing to slop food into the last one and hold it out to me.
I didn't take it. Instead, I hugged myself and looked at the back door.
"I'll ju-just get.... A-Adrian to.... take me b-back."
Make it easier on everyone. At least in the car, I'd be able to be near the only one who cared.
Maybe he didn't anymore, like his parents? He had been cold and quiet when he returned to the table earlier.
It would be all over soon. He could drop me off and I could start the journey back home, taking as many forms of public transport as I could until I ran out of road, rail, or money.
That would work. I'd have nobody but myself.
I saw she was about to say something about this, but I tried to remain firm.
"He'll b-be ri-right back. I w-won't go to s-sleep."
I moved for the back door, trying to make myself look presentable again. Wiping my glistening eyes wouldn't do anything to remove the redness I knew that would be staining the skin around them.
I opened the back door, keeping my head low.
I swallowed, trying to take a breath.
"I'd like t-to go back" I gasped out to Adrian.
I heard his chair scrape.
"Are you ok?"
I nodded frantically, desperate to be out of the gaze of everyone else.
"What happened?" Adrian asked.
I shook my head, not wanting to answer now that the tears were returning.
"What did you say to him?" he turned on his mother.
"Let's..." I swallowed and grabbed his arm when he moved right in front of me "just g-go."
"Are you ok, Darling?" Ruth called now. I heard her chair scrape across the verandah too.
I didn't want them near me. I just wanted Adrian.
"I want to go" I looked up at him pitifully.
He saw my tears and quivering lip. Nodding, he grabbed my hand to lead me through the house and to the back door to grab my bag and our shoes, closing it quickly behind him.
"What happened?" he grabbed my shoulders to try and get me to face him as I struggled with my shoes "Avery."
"Tell you i-in the c-car" I choked out, shaking my head.
We were still so close to the house. Anyone could barge out, begging for answers to my mournful appearance.
Adrian nodded, letting me lead the way through my stifled sobs.
I saw the others leaning over the verandah when we got to the car. Quickly glancing up at them, I got into the car and blocked out the concerned calls with the door.
"I'll be back soon!" Adrian replied as he got in too and started the car, reversing it.
I sobbed beside him, trying not to overwhelm him. I couldn't hold it in. It just lurched out of me in horrible sounds and dribbles.
"What happened?" Adrian asked again, turning the car around in front of the neighbours house so we could rock down the curve of the gravel road.
I shook my head. I couldn't answer, even if I wanted to.
"Are you really going back?" he frowned, deeply concerned for me "hey, I need to know."
I shook my head again. I didn't want him driving me to the front door. A tram line would do. Wherever it went, I didn't care. I'd try and ride it in the same direction my instincts tugged me towards home.
"Take a deep breath, Avery" Adrian leant over to pat my leg gently "when you can breathe properly, you can tell me what happened."
I nodded, focusing on trying to fill my shaking lungs and dribbling mouth I wiped.
My nose was clogged. My head was squeezing itself. My eyes burned and every deep breath rattled into the hole torn into my stabbing chest.
21Please respect copyright.PENANATWCzDlOH9j
It felt like forever before I could form words again. Taking in shaky breaths, my tight throat was bone dry.
"I told her" I whispered.
Adrian glanced.
"About the mice? She took it that badly?" he replied in disbelief.
I let out a little laugh. If only it had been that simple.
She was going to tell him as soon as he returned. Adrian would find out either way. It would be better if I just got it over with.
"I told her...." I felt my throat clench, swallowing "...that i danced for you."
"And?" he laughed "she knows that! I tell her about work all the time."
He found it so amusing. I smiled with him, trying not to cry again.
"It's the meaning" I insisted "I told her..."
It was now or never. Rip it off and deal with it.
"Told her what?"
I grimaced up to him, cringing.
"That I wanted to...."
I took another breath to steady myself.
"...have....sex.... with you."
"Oh" his voice lifted in surprise and he blew out a breath "uh, wow. That's.... a lot."
"She said I would be better with my own kind. That I was projecting onto you because I wanted to...." I swallowed my embarrassment, groaning "....dance for you."
"Dance for me?" he chuckled, glancing "does that mean something? You're really focused on that."
I nodded, playing with my fingers.
"Avery" Adrian smiled to me "I've literally slapped gold onto your arse every night for years and you've just told me you want to fuck me. You can tell me."
He wasn't mad? Upset? Did he know?
"Dancing is something more for me" I glanced "it's a bond between partners. It's a commitment for mates. My performance was my dance. It was a show in there, but I wanted to do it for you out here. It's more than just twirling; it's a commitment to being yours."
"Hang on" he held up a hand over the steering wheel, snorting "let me get this straight. You told mum you wanted to dance for me and show me you really wanted to make this relationship work between us, and she flipped her shit? Am I.... getting that right?"
"I said we'd be mates and she said that was animalistic and possessive."
"It kinda is" he admitted with a shrug to me "but, is it bad? To want to have a good relationship between us? I thought she'd be happy about that."
Adrian was taking this much better than I expected. Had he been having the same feelings? Is that why he wasn't terrified or angry at me for confessing it all?
He was fine with me wanting to have sex with him?
I had hid that for years. I had been so ashamed of that, scared that he'd reject me even before we were a thing.
"My dreams...."
"The mice ones?" he giggled.
"They aren't about mice. I lied."
Adrian smirked. He knew. He had been humouring me.
"They were about..... having sex with you."
"These dreams" he started, tapping the wheel "am I being held down? You just grabbed me and dug your nails in when I tired to sleep in bed beside you last time."
Blushing, I grimaced again.
"Yeah."
"Like, against my will or...?"
"No!" I gasped, facing him "never! It's very nice. Some of them, we fly and do it after we lock together and fall. Others, I come to you and we do it then."
"So, like eagles?" he mused "are you carrying me? Is that why you grab on so tightly?"
There was no way I wasn't going to tell him about gutting him after the sex. He knew about the most embarrassing part, he didn't need to be scared off by the most terrifying.
"Sometimes, we both have wings."
His brows lifted and he glanced to me.
"You dream about your wings? And you give them to me too?"
"Every one" I admitted, peering out at the darkening landscape "I miss them."
"Avery...."
Adrian pulled off the road and into the grass. Turning off the car, he switched on the light in between us and unbuckled to face me.
"What happened to you was horrible" he spoke softly and seriously, watching me nod as my throat tightened again "and I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help you back then..."
"You di...."
"But" he held up a finger to stop me "your wings don't define you. I still love you regardless. The way you adapt and learn to live with your handicap makes you stronger than anyone else I've ever known. You've suffered, and I'll suffer beside you."
"T-thank you" I teared up again, letting out a sob.
"I'm here for you" he reached over to hug me.
His arms wrapped around my back and stumps. I leant into his body, wiping my face on his soft, warm shirt.
"Than-k yo-u" I whined.
"Hey" he rubbed my back "it's ok. We're in this together, ok?"
He pulled from me and I saw the tears in his eyes too. He smiled, chuckling as they ran down his cheeks.
"As long as I am human" I reminded him.
"Yes" he snorted, rolling his eyes "mum told me that."
I nodded, smirking.
"She told me the same thing."
"But, that's ages away, isn't it?" he frowned "before you go back to whatever you were before?"
"It could be years" I shrugged.
His eyes lit up. He gasped.
"Then we have time! You can stay with u..."
"No" I shut him down immediately "she doesn't want me there. She says I'm dangerous for you. She's right. I hurt you in my sleep."
"Then, we'll sleep separately" he looked for an answer "you don't hurt me when you are awake."
He grabbed my hands and held them. My cut claws were right there for him to run a thumb over the top of.
"It could get worse" I retracted my hands.
"It could" he agreed "but it only got this way because you picked a fight with Alowyn. He's not out here."
He wasn't. What if the next fight I picked was with his parents? What if I got worse again? I'd scare Adrian if I kept going down the feral path while still looking human.
"I trust you" he spoke.
He reached up to turn off the light between us. It was just us and the dying sky slithering colorful light over our faces.
My heart pounded when I stared at it with him. We watched it sink lower and the first stars struggle to beam through it all.
It was just us. It had never been like this before. I could smell the salt from my tears and the peppery deodorant Adrian wore on his clothes. It was warm in here; comfortable as we just sat here, side by side.
It was perfect.
I wanted to hug him again. He felt right when he was against me, even if it was for a little bit.
"Can I...?" I offered, unbuckling so I could move closer, opening my arms.
He looked at them and smiled, turning back and leaning towards me.
His shoulders rested against my chest. I tried to turn so I could support him fully, but the dashboard was in my way.
"It's not exactly comfortable" Adrian laughed "the handbrake is in the way."
Peering down at it, he saw I wasn't able to move either. He tilted his head to stare at the other seats.
"Back?" he offered.
I smiled and agreed, grateful to get out and stretch my legs.
We both climbed in and closed the doors, moving close.
Adrian nestled between my opened legs. Leaning forth, I hunched so that my stumps weren't scraping against the car door.
"Comfy?" he looked up.
I nodded, resting my arms over his shoulders. He grabbed them and held on.
My heart fluttered at feeling him burning between my legs. He also had one up on the seat, the other leaning off so we could watch the sky together.
"This is nice" I sighed.
"It is" he breathed.
I could feel myself relaxing now it was just us. Night was almost here and we were far from Paragon.
There would be no performance tonight.
"It's kind of weird not being there anymore" I smiled down to him.
He lifted his head up to grin at me.
"It's very weird we are here in my car and not in your big nest bed" he giggled "this would be your first time seeing the actual stars since being there, wouldn't it?"
I hadn't thought of that. Every night was spent trapped inside, under burning lights and makeup. The only time I saw the sky was if I was lucky enough to go outside. Lately, that was only so I could walk from Paragon to the doctors truck. The time after that had been interrupted when we sat on the cliff's edge.
Staring back up at it I felt myself melt.
"I guess it is."
Adrian settled back down, making my gut flutter again.
"It's usually cool too" he explained "nowhere near as muggy as Paragon is. You can hear bugs buzzing and some birds calling when its almost dark. It's the best when it rains. The sound of it on the car just feels so relaxing. It's like a waterfall is right above you, but everything is peaceful. And if you get a storm..."
He blew a breath, sighing.
"It sounds wonderful" I smiled.
"I'll have to show you a storm" he peered up again.
I chuckled, knowing that wasn't possible.
"I'm leaving, remember? You are taking me back?"
"Says who?"
I frowned at his cheeky grin.
"You?"
"And why would I drive you back to that horrible place?" he lifted himself up to face me now "just because my mum said so? Because Dad said so? They don't know what you went through there. If they knew half of it..."
I averted my eyes, staring at the seats instead.
"Avery" Adrian rested a hand on mine "I'm here for you. Even if you want to live in the trees out the back of our house until you want to leave, I'm cool with that. I've got so much to show you. I can't do that all in one night."
"I've got to..."
"You don't have to do shit" he decided "I'll take you wherever you want to go, but you are coming back tonight. They'll have to deal with it. I love you. We aren't going to have a lot of time to do these sorts of things together."
"Alone, you mean" I chuckled "they'll never let you go anywhere with me now."
"Now that you've said you want to have sex with me?" he grinned, laughing.
I shrugged, snorting.
"Maybe."
"The horror" he rolled his eyes and started to turn away.
I grabbed his arm, wrapping my claws around the soft skin.
He looked down at it, then to me.
"Did...?" I swallowed and saw him waiting for me to ask "did you want to....try?"
"Try...?"
"You know...."
I let him go and he sat beside me again.
"Having sex?" he prompted, his face turning serious.
I nodded, staring at him to try and gauge his reaction on it all.
"Well, a car isn't the best place to have a first" he peered around the small area.
"We're alone" I breathed to him "and will be for a while now."
He swallowed too. Still, he was hesitant.
"Don't we need other things to make it easier?" he spoke up nervously "have you done this before?"
"Only in dreams" I mumbled back.
He smiled, blushing a little.
"Well, I guess that makes two of us."
"You dream ab....?"
"Of course I dream, silly!" he laughed at me, relaxing a little "a few here and there. Nothing as wild as yours with the flying and all that."
I leant forward, fully invested now.
"What are we doing?"
He burned brighter, shrugging.
"Well, you know, sex things" he mumbled.
"I told you mine" I insisted with a groan "tell me yours."
He grumbled, shuffling forward and lowering his head as if anyone else would hear us.
We both faced each other, nervous and giggling.
"Well, there is one where we are at work in your room" he mumbled out "except the bed is actually really comfortable."
I bubbled now, giddy he had imagined fantasies of taking me in my own familiar space.
"Then there is one where you come to mine and we do it in my room."
I gulped. Last time hadn't gone anywhere in that direction. He played games and I fell asleep.
"And here" his voice grew lower "in a storm."
"Is that why you wanted to....?"
"No!" he blurted, groaning in embarrassment now "I wanted to show you because I really like it and thought you would to."
Smiling, I agreed.
"I think it would be nice."
He mumbled, turning his head away.
"Do i ever....grab you?" I asked.
He looked back, still deeply embarrassed.
"Sometimes" he barely got out.
So, the marks I gave him caused him pain, but had subconsciously wedged themselves into his sex dreams.
Reaching out to wrap my claws around his arm again, I moved back so he could slide closer.
With space on either side now, I swing my leg over so I was sitting in his lap, other hand gently around his arm.
"Like this?"
He swallowed and nodded, making a funny noise.
He was boiling beneath me. He was hot and clammy just from having me on top of him. His legs remained shut so I could sit there, my bulge pressed to his.
He looked down at them, weakly smiling at the contact.
"Do you like this?" I asked him.
He nodded again. His breath heaved his chest. Mine caught in my mouth. I tried to breathe around it.
"Can I kiss you?"
His face flushed and he bit his lip, nodding again.
"On the neck?" I suggested when I saw how nervous he was. To be honest, I was just as terrified of messing it all up, especially when we were this far.
"Yeah" he gulped.
I pressed against him and hovered near his hot neck. The deodorant wafted upwards to tickle my nose and dance down into my lungs.
"You smell good" I smiled into his collarbone.
He returned it, his breath hitching when I pressed my face to the base of his neck.
I kissed it quickly, giving it a little nip. His body bent upwards under mine. Lingering, I waited for a response.
"Is that ok?"
"Your teeth are sharp" he chuckled.
I saw the dribble of blood. Thumbing it, I kissed over the small wound.
"Sorry."
"It's ok" he breathed.
I returned, kissing the above the cut. Slower, I moved upwards to plant my lips there.
He jerked again when I reached under his ear.
"Did I cut you again?" I lifted up to peer down at him.
Adrian shook his head. I smiled, seeing him lingering on my teeth.
Pulling his hand from mine he snatched up my hanging shirt to tug me down and crush his lips to mine.
It was short and wet. When I lifted myself up, our eyes were locked on each other's panting mouths.
We met again, my hands leaving his so he could grab me. I dug my good hand around his lower back. The broken arm hung near his shoulder, hand grabbing for his skin.
Why was kissing so wet? There was no tongue, just desperate lips and nicks from our teeth. I pricked Adrian's lip that leaked a sliver of blood.
"Sorry" I gasped again.
"Don't be" he laughed back, catching it and wiping the cut "let's see where this goes, huh?"
Nodding and smiling, I dipped back down to be swallowed up in the warm embrace desperate for my return.
The night was glittering with stars, but we only had eyes for each other as our panting breaths slowly fogged up the view.
We could figure out the rest of it later. For now, it was just us.
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