You know what? Fuck this. I could say that there is a nice day today, I could say that everything's alright, I could even say I tried. But you know what? Fuck this and fuck you. If you expected something else, fuck you. If you even think this is based on something, fuck you. I'm tired, I'm done.
Maybe I'm getting a bit out of control. Yes, I know. I know, alright. Alright. Alright, just take in a deep breath and out. In.. and out.. In... and out...... In...... and out..... In....... and out......... In....... and out......... In....... and out.........
In....... and out.........In....... and out......... In....... and out.........
*sigh* I'm not gonna lie. I've had worse nights before, but I can assure you the last two weeks have been taking the cake. Work's been depressing, maybe even more so than the last two weeks. There's always this one guy that's always happy, always depressing and always something else other than helpful. Just this giant dick I never wanted in my pants. And it never helped the fact that I'm looking for something worthwhile, but all I'm getting are these answers. And it never helped that even after everything, I'm not finding anything to be happy about. The should be something, anything...
But who knows? I'm stuck here with you, on a bench somewhere near my apartment. Can't say I'm not even feeling remotely happy or angry, I'm just in the middle. Somewhere, I can't tell anymore. And I don't care.
Oh, are you wondering about Kaylon? Then it should be no surprise that he's gone. Yeah, that's right. He's not even at the apartment, fucking twat. Maybe he should suck it off, have him taste a little bit of that! Maybe it'll get him in line, but who cares? He abandoned me, left me for somewhere else.
I wonder if his doll of a girl is still with him. Tried to talk to her once throughout this time, but it turns out that I might've angered her or worse. Kaylon won't even talk to me anymore and I'm done with it, I'm just done with it.
Luca? What about her? Are you wondering about her, how she's doing? *deep breath*
I don't know anymore, I don't care. Well, I do but.... FUCKING HELL!!! STOP IT!!!! FUCK YOU!!!
FUCK YOU!!! YOU NARCISSISTIC, ATTENTION-LOVING FUCK!!! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TO ME?!!! YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU'RE NOTHING!!!! EVERYONE LOVES THE SLUTS, THE WHORES, THE BEAN FLICKERS, THE AUTISTIC ONES, THEM ZIPPERHEADS!!! EVERYONE WHO LOVES THE ATTENTION!!!
I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!? I NEED HELP, YOU SOCIAL FUCKS!!! BUT I BET I WON'T GET IT, HUH?!! OH, I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS IF I CAME ON SOMEONE'S FACE OR ON THEIR TONGUE, YOU'D LISTEN!!! OR BETTER YET, YOU'D FILM EVERYTHING!!! LIKE YOU'VE FILMED ME BEFORE, LIKE YOU'VE FILMED ME AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!
FUCK YOU!!!! AND FUCK YOU FOR SAYING THAT YOUR MY BEST FRIEND!!! YOU LEFT ME 'CAUSE YOU'D ONLY BE IN THE WAY!!! CAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A GIANT SNATCH IN MY WAY, BUT AT LEASYOU HELPED!!!! WHY?!!?! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!!??! YOU AIN'T HELPING ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, YOU BONEHEADED FAT-FACED LESBIAN PRICK!!!!!
WHY?!!?!?!!?
*deep breath, and then another followed by another followed by another, with some visible signs of tempo struggle*
*a few minutes pass*
*sigh* Look, I'm.. I'm sorry. Really, I am but you know what? I shouldn't say sorry, I shouldn't even say sorry for shitting on you. All everyone's said to me is sorry and it's always the same thing, the same mistakes, the same people. Everyone's being a dick to me and it's like me saying to them, 'Hey, you like anal? Wanna try it now?' When I'm NOT. I'm just done.
Oh, you think I should apologize? That I should repent to the almighty God? That I should try and say sorry to my friends, to the girl I like? That I should start over, change like the fucking robot? Even after just almost three weeks, huh? You know what? Fuck you. You don't even know half the stuff I've been through.
And if you think you know, try me Beyoncé. Try me, friends. Try me, world. You wanna fuck me, you wanna try? You want me inside you? Well, you're gonna have to wait in line 'cause this ass ain't for sale, buddy. Eat your own out.
I'm done, you know? I'm just done, no one's gonna stop me. They are just gonna try and fail, like everyone's done.
I'm going off in a tangent, ain't I? *small laugh* Yeah, I guess I am.
*a few seconds pass*
I dunno, it's like I can't trust the world anymore, you know? Like, I found this light and now it's gone. I have no idea what to do now, I don't know who to trust. Everyone's been so quiet, I don't know anymore. I say I don't care, but really... I just don't know.
Maybe I should go see a doctor, maybe I am depressed. But... I don't think it's just me anymore. I always thought it was just me, you know? I bet you'd understand, right? Or you'd say that you have no time for this melodramatic bullshit, that there are better things to do. Well... *chuckling* fuck you.
Of course, there's either something behind the melodramatic bullshit as well or nothing at all, right? I'm well aware that you might know this, or not? You want to help me, right? Well, listen up because I ain't gonna say this twice.....
.....
.....
..... *leaning in your ear* Fuck you, Sigmund Freud.
Yeah, that's right. Fuck you, you're just like all the others in this fucking society. Always synthetic, artificial and just plain emotional and brainwashed. You love the attention, don't you? Well, you got one now. I'm waiting for your post.
You want someone to look at, you want someone to admire? You want someone to listen to? Look at the models online, look at the fucking girls online. Fucking girls, just fucking everything like the table, the men and the rods. Go look at anime if you want something to jack off to, go look at them. Go look at every single one of them, I don't care anymore. The world can go fuck itself.
You're all the same to me. Even Luca and Kaylon. I trusted them, you hear me? I trusted them and they went ahead and broke my heart anyway. But you know what, I don't give a fuck anymore. That's right.
*middle finger* Fuck you, all of you. Fuck Luca, Kaylon. Yunno what? Fuck the therapist, I didn't see him anyway. Fuck work, boss looks like a pimple I want to explode. Fuck everyone and fuck you.
You want to listen to me, huh? You want to listen to me? Fix yourself. Fix your flaws and fix yourself, go fix your balls as well. You don't know me as well as myself.
Though, at the same time, I can't help but feel that you are the only one that knows me the most.
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