Look, I don't know what's going on with David. He just seems a bit off, you know? First angry, but now he's just been.. quiet. How? Well, I might have an idea or two but I'll tell you... if you really want to know.
I know I said to myself I would keep my distance, I would try and not get angry at him. I know what I said, but... I'm not sure I want to do this anymore. He's different, he's angry and just.. different now, I have no idea. Even Kaylon asked me what he should do, I told him I had no idea. But I'm really worried for him, for David.
He won't sleep much, he just seems to get up sometimes in the middle of night sometimes without going back to sleep. He can't think at all, the bastard. He can't even do what makes him human, he can't even beat himself off.
Well, I don't know if he does that but trying to prove a point here.
I'm just worried. The first few times that I met him and saw him up close as person, he always did seem so kind and he did seem so generous. I'll give you that. But to be honest, I don't know what to expect of him. He scares me, I don't like it when he gets angry. I remember that he has IED, whatever the fuck that means, but... now he's getting angrier and angrier and he's now choked me besides yelling at me. I'm just worried of what he'll become, you know? And I do think he's a nice guy
You could say... uhmmm, you could say that my perspective has changed a bit. I have actually started to care for him and try to help him, but... I'm not sure what to do.
And what did Kaylon call him? Mark.. Man... Matt.
Matthew, Matthew. Matthew? Really, his name is Matthew? Oh well.... Matthew's a good name, actually. I like it, I'm jus.... *sigh*
Whatever. I'm getting off track.
*about a minute or two passes in awkward silence*
Do you want me to tell you the truth? Do you want me to tell you? I mean, I'll tell you if you want me to say so. Especially since I need a bit of a release from all these thoughts.
Yes? Then, I'll say it then. He reminds me too much of Ryan.
He's got his eyes, have you noticed them? They're the exact kind of brown that he always had. How would I describe them? They were mostly dark brown, but sometimes they were light brown and other times... Yeah, like a soda. That's it. They're exactly alike. But that's just a point, that's just something I noticed. The fact is... he reminds me too much of him. Ryan used to get angry the same way, but I didn't believe he had IED. I'd be there for him, whenever he'd want to call me. He was always stressed a lot, he had no one to talk to so he'd be pretty angry at me. I used to calm him down so he'd think clearly.
David's the same way, except he's a lot harder than.... him. He's... I don't know what to describe him like. I wanted to try, I really did. Except I couldn't find a way. Even the day that I injured him when I was here, I was angry. I was getting angry and frustrated at this sort of things, not being able to find a way to just help him out with this. Because I do like him, I just want him to be happy.
Wait, I said like. Do you think I'm in love with him, with David? Is that what is going on with all this?
*sigh*
I don't know, honestly. He's just too much like him. But I guess you could say that... I do kinda like him, in that sense. Everything's too complicated, though. Or at least that's what I believe.
I don't know what to do with him. I've even asked Kaylon a few times what I should do, how I should help David. He's always so kind and collective in these sort of things, he even relates to some of the stuff that I've been through. He knows pretty much these sort of things. He said that I should just try and see.
But I knew he didn't have a plan. I even asked him and he said so. He doesn't usually come up with them. He just works on the fly and tries his best. I don't usually try my best often, that's always been a downside of myself mostly because... I just don't care after a while. I lack the motivation and determination to do such a thing, or even some things if that makes any sense. I hope it does, cause it feels like I'm rambling on and on.
I don't have much to say, I'm sorry about that....
Everything's packed up, we're leaving today. I have all my stuff in my suitcases, including my dirty laundry from the hamper that he bought for me. David's been pretty quiet today, he hasn't talked much and he hasn't been productive. He's been pretty much sulking all day and he's always in his room.
I'll go over and check on him.
And so, she did.
Walking towards a barren hallway, she knocked on the door once and heard no answer. A second time. No answer. She twisted the doorknob and it opened slightly, to her surprise. To not waste any time, she bashed the door on the way in and saw something she didn't want to see.
He had a knife in one hand, his arm outstretched the other. She cupped her hands to her face, in surprise then stopped.
Clear head, firefight.
He stopped. David looked up at her, arm still in place with the knife aimed at his skin. He didn't look happy, nor angry nor aggressive. He just looked sad, depressed, hopeless. He just looked at her with pity on himself and he just went back to what he wanted to do, to cut himself and hopefully alleviate some of the pain.
No time for scars. She quickly stomped towards him and grabbed the knife from his hand. With a twist. He just simply let go, just when her hand swiped the blade from his arm and he just sat there, depressed.
His arms went down on the bed and his back arched.
"What are you doing to yourself?!" She asked.
No answer. Just a simple breath.
"Do you remember what day it is?"
"WHAT IS IT?!!? WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT, WOMAN?!!? YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU TO INDIANA?!!? JUST STOP!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"D-"
"DAVID WHAT?!!!?! HUH?!!?! DAVID WHAT?!!!?!! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!!!?!"
"I want you to STOP DOING THIS!!! STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!!!!!"
"WHY DO YOU CARE?!!!?! OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE?!!!?!"
"CAUSE I DON'T TO SEE YOU THIS WAY!!!"
"OF COURSE YOU DO!!!!"
"OF COURSE I DO!!!!!"
"THEN WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO HATEFUL TOWARDS ME?!!!?! WHY?!!!? TELL ME!!!!!"
No answer from Luca.
"I KNEW IT!!!!"
Luca had enough.
"THAT'S IT!!!! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, DAVID!!! OR EVEN IF THAT'S YOUR NAME!!! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDISH!!! BULLSHIT!!!!"
"OH!!!! I'M THE ONE SPEWING BULLSHIT?!?!! THAT'S FUNNY COMING FROM THE LESBIAN WHO SPE-"
"stop it."
"-NDS EVERY DAY FUCKING HERSELF IN THE MIRROR!!!!"
"Stop it!"
"NOT TO MENTION HANGING OUT WITH AN ASS EATIN-"
"DON'T YOU DARE BRING KAYLON INTO THIS!"
David laughed. "I'M SOR-RY!!! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE MEASURING HIM!!!"
"ITS NOT LIKE THAT!!"
"WAS HE CROSSDRESSING WITH YOU?!!"
"NO!!"
"WERE YOU TAKIN' A SHOWER WITH HIM?"
"Why are you talking about him like this?!"
"WHY NOT?!??!! HE LEFT ME SO HE CAN ENTER THROUGH HIS OWN BACKDOOR!!!"
"THAT WASN'T WHY HE LEFT!!!"
"OH, SHUUUTT UPP!!! OR I'LL SHUT THAT DIRTY TRAP OF YOURS!!! YOU GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES YET?!!?! YOU GOT A COLLAR?!!?! OH, TRUST ME, I'LL MAKE YOU HOWL, I'LL MAKE YOU CR-"
"SHUT UP!!!!!!"
And just like that, she slapped him along the face so hard that he fell down when her hand hit the side of his face. It stung so much he just started to tear up. He started to gasp. It was as if it was PTSD.
"SHUT UP, I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT!!!! FUCK YOU, MATTHEW!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!! JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!!!! YOU SPEAK SO LOUD ABOUT RAPE AND SEX LIKE IT'S TWITTER!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE?!!??! WHAT IT'S LIKE?!!??! WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE CUM INSIDE YOU LIKE YOUR NO ONE?!!?! AND YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!!?! YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO BE CALLED NAMES CAUSE YOU'RE LIKE A BALLOON?!!?! SHUT UP, EVAN!!!!"
And she left him, lying on the floor, that day. And the sobs turned into tears, from tears to waterfalls, from waterfalls to a flooded room where no one could do anything. David couldn't do anything that day, he was crying his eyes out that day and he just cut himself on the hand deliberately after. And the person who knew him the most was out the door.
No one seemed to care for his soul or his tears. All except one, who couldn't even find the words to say something. Because something wasn't enough, certainty was the answer.
It hurts, doesn't it?
What do you mean?
It hurts. I know what it feels like to lose someone or feel like you're losing someone, it feels like a deep wound.
*chuckle* Then go ahead and try me, doctor.
Well, if you insist? What do you think love is?
Fucking someone.
That's sex. Sex is pointless unless it has meaning. That's why people do it, cause they either need a release or something.
Oh, so you know how the world works? Congrats, doc.
I don't know the world, the world doesn't know me. It's simple. That's why I could care less about the world. That's why I care more about my friends and the ones I love, including the one I lost a long time ago.
You lost someone?
First, lower the shields, Sulu. Then we can talk.
Fine. I don't have much left anyway, so go on.
Alright then.
I used to know this girl. She was beautiful, amazing even. I think that was my first love, although teenage me didn't know what love meant?
What was she like?
Unique. Beautiful. Flawed.
Really sounds like someone.
Does actually.
So anyway, I used to know this girl. Told you that already. *laughs* Point was, in the years we knew each other, I believe that we could fit together. Like a PB&J. But the underlying reason was that she wanted someone. I don't know why I was the candidate, but it hurt knowing afterward. Then she pushed me away and I haven't heard from her since.
What was her name?
I ain't gonna tell you a name! The same way that I ain't gonna tell you all my secrets. Fuck outta here.
*sigh* You got a point.
I hope she's doing well. I used to be mad at her, I still am. But I do hope she's doing well.
You got one?
Yes.
What happened? People don't usually go into a bar and drink up three gallons of beer. What's biting you?
I don't know anymore what I should do.
Well, if you love her, then try and hold it in for her. Be a better person. Don't believe you'll only make things worse. TBH, I don't know much about relationships. I am still single. But I can tell you that when you find someone that completes you, your world will light up for a moment. And after that moment goes away, they'll be gone.
Love is holding on to that moment. IF and only if you do it right, that moment will become years, decades, your whole life.
Thanks. Helps.
NP.
*looks at watch* Shit, it's getting late. Nice to meet you, BTW.
Same.
Oh and one last thing.
What?
*yells from the door* I might've changed up some of the story!! Have a nice one!!
ns 15.158.61.16da2
