"What do we do?"
"What can we do?"
I grimaced at River who had our baby tucked into a sling across his chest.
Both of us just stood there nervously as we looked to Lavender's Mum and Dad waiting for us outside a cozy log home.
It had been nothing but turmoil since the spots appeared.
We made our room in Lavender and Darcy's house into our own little hideout away from the world where no-one would even catch a glimpse of any spots.
The girls swore not to tell anyone, but we weren't counting on the secrecy of a child to last long.
Then, the house became available. It had only been a week into the new year when we got the address just under an hour away.
It was what River had requested; maybe a little too perfectly.
The place had a glistening lake to the right of it and a forest of trees to the left and behind it. There was only one road leading to the home which was covered in a fine layer of dust over the compacted gravel. It stretched as far as the eye could see before bending to where it would join to the main road.
Trees surrounded the house and road to shelter it. Broken branches and leaves littered the ground. It was a mess but nothing that couldn't be fixed.
Then, there was us. We stood there, unsure of what to do as Mum and Dad beckoned at the front door.
We couldn't trust anyone anymore. I didn't even feel like those two humans were ones I used to love so dearly. Everything about it all felt like I was living a dream with strangers.
"It can't be that bad" River muttered to me when he took the first steps "it's the Griffins; they won't rat us out."
"They've done a lot of things" I sighed back "telling someone about her seems like something they'd do."
"Well...." River trailed off "....you know them better than I do. We'll just have a backup plan."
I kept quiet when we met at the front door Dad pushed open with a smile.
It really was as small as it looked on the outside.
The whole home was open and only had two walls on either side of the back door to create separate rooms.
The whole area before me was just a huge area of nothing.
A fireplace sat on the left wall and had a mark on the slate floor around it where the wood had been stacked.
The right wall made up the back of the kitchen where the cupboards were hung. They formed an L shape before stopping abruptly where the kitchen must have ended. A bench made of the same rounded logs as outside jutted out from the home's wall to try and box in the empty kitchen.
A lounge could be shoved into the corner closest to the wall. Maybe in front of the fireplace where we could put up a wall to try and break up this area.
I felt so exposed in such an empty area. Everything echoed when we stepped onto the slate floor and took it all in.
River was having the same doubts. His face scrunched when he saw the attempt at a kitchen.
"I hope you got this cheap, Mr Griffin" River voiced as his finger scratched at the kitchen bench that flaked upwards and peeled away.
They both chuckled.
"It's a fixer-upper" Mum added "but nothing you boys can't handle. It's got the prime location by the water and covered in trees like you wanted, it just needs some love."
"A lot of it" River sighed when he opened the door to the left room and grabbed my hand when I peered inside "we can turn this into something, I guess."
The whole room was carpeted in white and grey flecked strands. It had a window on each wall that looked like they hadn't been opened in months.
"Did someone die here, Mrs Griffin?" River piped up "it smells odd."
I inhaled but couldn't smell anything. River wrinkled his nose as he paced the tiny room then inspected the back door.
I followed after him and felt Mum and Dad behind me, as confused as I was.
"It's out here" he peered around the leafy ground "can't you smell that?"
I shook my head.
He frowned, kicking aside the leaves until he stomped on the ground, testing it.
"Under here" he spoke as he stomped "it's springy too; listen."
The ground beneath his foot groaned. With River disturbing it, I could now smell the scent of dust and dampness.
"There was nothing in the plans about that" Mum worried when River dug at the ground to unearth a wooden door "maybe we should leave it."
"Maybe we should" I agreed "nothing good ever comes from going into weird underground areas."
"But don't you want to know what's under there?" River smirked back and started to unloop the sling so he could wrap it around me instead and pull it tight "maybe it's a secret bunker filled with old treasure or tonnes of ammo."
"Which we should leave alone" I grumbled back just as he heaved open the door and coughed through the dirt billowing upwards.
It didn't smell right. It was like the place had been locked up for years and left abandoned. There had to be a reason behind it and why the stone walls we all gazed at were glistening with moisture despite the ground being bone dry.
"It could be someone's den" I grabbed River's shoulder to pull him from the dark edge "Angler had one just like it in the ground. It was covered in slime and smelled stale like this."
The courage in River disappeared. He looked back to the hole then to us.
"Well then, we have to see what's in there" he grew stern "I'm not letting some demon slither its way around here with our baby just a few meters away in the house."
He found the lip of some stairs that he descended before holding out his hand for my phone I handed him. Turning on the torch, River kept going until I couldn't see him anymore.
"It looks fine!" his voice echoed out "nothing down here but some old tables and lots of dusty bottles! Something did live down here though; there's a bundle of old rags and blankets in the corner. Hasn't been used in a while."
I could feel my anxiety mounting. I held our baby close to try and calm myself and the rising dread climbing in my stomach.
"We could turn it into a nice little hidey hole of our own" River's face grinned up to me from the bottom of the stairs "we will need to fully cover up the hole in the wall though. Whatever lived down here hasn't used it in years from the looks of it. It's all covered up and gross."
"That sounds great" I brushed aside his excitement "now can you please climb out of the murder hole?"
River chuckled with Mum and Dad who came over to help him out. I watched River heave back over the door that slammed shut, startling our baby into crying.
It was such a soft one too. She was so tiny, she didn't have the force behind her to even muster up a wail. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdJ10srfZs
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She never would either. Age would have given her the strength she needed. I could manage with her tiny little whimpers and cries.
"Well, we can see you two obviously love the area" Mum smiled when River came over to try and soothe our baby with me "we should get out of your hair and let you settle in."
Dad handed over the front door keys, smiling down at our nameless child being rocked within her sling.
"Good luck to you both" he shook his head and chuckled "parenthood is a very tough but rewarding thing."
"You need to be more careful" I muttered to River when Dad moved away "she's not used to all these things like we are."
"Hey, I forgot" he ran a finger over her head to try and calm her "if you want, you can feed her and put her down for a nap while I go grab the rest of our stuff? I shouldn't be too long."
I didn't like the idea of River leaving me alone in this place or venturing out with no way of contacting him.
It was only to the house though. He should be fine if he went straight there and back.
"I'll make sure Mr and Mrs Griffin don't blab about our little one either" River smiled to me as he took the keys "you can run through the names too with her. I heard babies are meant to react to the ones they like."
"I think that's a load of shit, but I'll give it a go."
"Don't open the door for anything until I get back" River quickly kissed my lips and the top of our baby's head with a low purr "and keep her out of that side room too until I give it a good clean. It's not healthy for her."
I grinned at River's worry and followed everyone back inside. Rocking our baby seemed to settle her enough to try and distract her from the eager eyes of my parents wanting to see or hold her.
She wasn't leaving my body. Not even for the people who raised me like thier own child.
"We'll call by next week to see how you are setting up and to bring over some food for you both" Dad called to me "are you sure you'll be OK?"
River mumbled words back to him and ushered them out of the house while I smiled politely and stood near the fireplace.
I didn't even get a chance to relax before River was back with the bag from our car carrying the formula we had.
He set it on the kitchen bench quickly then kissed me again, fished out the car keys from my pocket, and darted out the door reassuring me that he'd be back soon.
There was nothing to do now but prepare a bottle and unwrap this sling from myself so I could rest against the wall beside the fireplace and feed this little demon watching my every move.
She was so fragile and tiny. I felt like every one of my movements jostled he a little too roughly or held her just a little too hard. She didn't complain, blinking up at me when I dumped the powder into a bottle of water and shook it up before testing the temperature.
I wonder if she even liked this stuff? It smelled weird and looked like fine beach sand. The idea of having her nursed and on a more natural diet had been something we had talked about, but the only person we could turn to for that was Lavender, and River immediently refused.
He was too worried that she would try to keep our baby for herself if she grew too attached while feeding it. He had already given Moss to them; he was scared of losing her too. There was nothing that was going to stop him from keeping our baby from him, not even something that could benefit her.
I had to agree with the sandy formula. Who knew how many times we would have to pester and interrupt Lavender if we decided to use her as a substitute. And with our baby never able to age, there would only so long before the bonding experience became a chore.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me and the bottle" I smiled down to those wide black eyes as I slid down the wall and positioned her in my arm "little Rue."
There was no reaction when the plastic tip entered her mouth and the noisy suckling started. I saw her little ears moving slightly at each greedy gulp of the bubbly formula being guzzled down.
"There's so many names we have for you" I cooed to her "River likes Cecilia the best; I like Rue. Then there's some we both like, little one. You could be a Wren, or a Gull, or even an Acacia."
The noisy suckling continued without a pause.
"I think you could be a little Cloud" I pondered "so soft and precious. Something that sounds as cute as you are."
What could her name be? There were so many and she wasnt reacting to any of them. I mean, she was a baby, maybe a few weeks old from the looks of her choice in aging; there was no way she was going to understand the difference between them.
Maybe it would click if I just gazed into her eyes. Maybe it would come to me how that feeling snapped inside me when I realised I was here for River.
I didn't feel any different. The little eyes blinked back, studying me. They were empty as her only focus was the liquid coming to its last mouthfuls.
"Nope" I sighed "you don't make this easy, do you?"
There was a little gurgle around the bottle. I chuckled back at it and set it down beside me.
It was amazing how much one little mouth could drink up. I cleaned it on the end of my shirt and just rested her little body on my drawn legs so I could focus.
She focused too. Her face grew stern and it looked like she was holding her breath. I didn't know what to expect, but as soon as the little grunt came from her, I realised.
"Already?" I muttered in disbelief as I gathered her up to try and find something to set her on "looks like this'll have to do."
Onto the floor she went while I scooped up the bag and fished through it above her head.
She started to cry and writhe while I set out everything I needed for a change.
River wasn't fazed by them. He knew what to do like he had been doing it all his life. It came naturally to him, while I sat there with everything emptying out of my mind. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8L0Zyhl6G
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He liked the experience, as messy as it was. He said it was a moment to bond with our baby and make her feel comfortable like she should. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZNR1NSW1C
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I had just watched like an idiot. He had handled all the changes while I let him take charge.
First thing was to get the old clothes off, I knew that. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPj2mpi5c1d
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The whole thing or just the bottom?
I lifted her up and saw the stain smeared up her back.
The whole thing then.
Ah, jeez. The poor thing was smeared. Did I clean her with the wipes or put her in a bath and change her after?
It was so bad. I'd have to bathe her for sure. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbl2GaBERYZ
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I peeled off my shirt to wrap around her so I wasn't having the mess staining me as well.
I looked around, not remembering seeing any room that looked like a bathroom.
It would have to be in one of those side ones, surely. They wouldn't just sell a house without a bathroom.
The left one had no extra doors. It did have a handy partition wall in the corner that served as some sort of shelving unit, but that was it.
The one to the right had the door I was looking for. It led to a tiny bathroom with a tub wedged against the back wall and a sink that was hidden behind the door. Opposite that was the toilet that would have no privacy to anyone deciding to enter.
What a mess this house was. It had to be cheap for sure.
The bath daunted me. It was so huge compared to our baby's tiny body. The water that sputtered out of the tap let out an awful squeal that startled her and made her wail.
I turned them on more to silence the squealing and fill up the bottom of the tub.
I had no idea how full to make it. At home, she was still being washed in a plastic bath made for babies. I didn't have that here now and that's what worried me.
Was it too full? I knew she couldn't drown, but it sure felt like I was endangering her by putting her in such a large area of water.
I needed her sponge or her cloth; both things still at home. For now, I would have to make do with the wipes in the bag out in the loungeroom.
Turning off the taps, I placed her into the water that instantly darkened from the mess on her naked body.
It was a little deep. The water lapped around her sides and almost over her shoulders. It was shy of submerging her chest.
She couldn't drown. She was going to be OK.
I felt like the worst parent in the world. But I would only leave her for a moment to grab the bag.
I hadn't run that quickly for a room just beside mine ever. I stuffed everything back into the bag that I dumped on the sink in the bathroom so I could rip up the wipes and support our baby's head higher above the water line.
She didn't like being bathed at all. She screamed as loud as she could when I worked over her body to clean up the horrid mess. I ploughed through the wipes while she protested and squirmed; extra mindful of where my long nails were running so I didn't hurt her.
With her clean, I could give her a proper bath. I covered her ears as the plughole screamed and squealed, the taps adding to the noise before it was time to be returned to the water.
She squealed and wailed when it was splashed over her again. I only paused to double-check the warmth of it before continuing.
"It's not the end of the world, little one" I soothed her "I'm here. You're safe."
It had to be reminding her of falling into the water for sure. Maybe River had the same reaction when he was younger? I'd have to ask him.
"Such big noises for a little thing" I smiled down at her "hey, it's OK. Papa's here."
I missed that name. It bubbled in me and made me smile when I pulled my baby from the water.
"Look, I'll get in with you" I kissed the top of her head that she pressed into my chest.
She whimpered at the movement but slowly settled when my hand ran over her back gently to calm her.
My pants were soaked all underneath, but I didn't care. My little one was finally settling down enough to realise I wasn't here to hurt her.
"I could call you Siren for that noise you made" I joked as I held her "you'd like that, wouldn't you? Your father would kill me if he came home to his daughter, Siren."
I let out a little laugh and saw her little cheek pull up at the side. Her tail curled up and tried to wrap around my arm that supported her backside.
"You could be a little Bubbles too with all the flopping around you were doing. It's cute, just like you."
It did have a nice sound to it, but not the right one.
"How about, Misty?" I peered down at her little eyes that locked to mine "you like Misty? Or Pixie? Or Dixie? Bixie? Jixie? Nixie?"
Sounding off the alphabet made her smile again and let out a little laugh. She found the whole thing amusing as much as i did.
"Nixie" I cooed back to her in a exaggerated voice "Wixie, Pixie, Yixie!"
A gurgle. She was loving how stupid I was being.
"Mixie, Dixie, Pixie!" I laughed out "Trixie, Spixie, Quixie!"
I loved hearing her try to laugh. It was like a little squeal of delight as I moved her into my arms and rocked her side to side with my stupid voice and facial expressions.
"Fixie!" I rocked her to the left to make her squeal happily "Hixie, Kixie, Nixie!"
Her little fingers grabbed for my hair when I pressed my lips to her tiny stomach and blew onto it loudly.
"Nixie Wixie!" I pretended to nibble her "I could eat you all up!"
She tried to laugh when I pulled from her to look down at her squirming with delight in my hands.
"You like Nixie, huh?"
Or maybe it was the silly sounds I had been making with the word she liked more. Either way, it made her happy.
It was cute. I had no idea what it meant, just that the sound of it was as whimsical as she was.
Would River like it? It was the closest I had to a name that got any sort of reaction from her if I said it in that dumb voice.
Babies were so strange. So easily amused.
With Nixie finally washed, dried, and powdered, I got her little squirming limbs into her yellow duck onesie and carried her out to the emptiness of the house once more.
This was actually ours. It was a sad, empty shell of something that was once loved, but it would be anything we wanted.
It made me smile. I held Nixie close as I opened up the front door to take in the view of the water sparkling to my left.
I saw the trees beside the house trying to mask the wooden posts weaving around a zigzagging dirt path leading down to the waters edge. It was a steep jump from the front door; something River would love to take advantage of.
I sat down on the ground to hang my legs over the edge and just take in the beauty and silence of it all. The water rippled from the gentle breeze and barely peeked up the rocky ledge. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKw1TBv3iPf
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It was nothing like the fierceness of the ocean I had once marveled over.
I missed that. The thrilling part of it all, not the starving and cruel sacrifices that had to be made.
Nixie's little eyes took in the water we both watched together. Her little hands grabbed at my skin, forming a little fist that rested there.
"One day, when everything blows over, I'll have to take you out there" I smiled down to her and kissed the top of her head "really let you touch the sand and get your little feet on a beach. You'd love it, Nixie. And maybe, if Papa ever gets his wings back, I'll take you up there."
I smiled up at the calm skies. That was a big maybe too. The fact that mutations that severe probably would never cross me again did make it sting inside. Being grounded and knowing the freedom of the sky was just out of reach was its own kind of torture.
Taking Pretzel up there was one of the best things I had done as a Dead Bird. I wanted the same wonder and happiness that had coursed through her to fill up Nixie's body. As such a tiny baby though, I was doubtful taking her so high up would be safe for her.
I'd have to reconnect with Pretzel too. I had no reason not to now that I was back out. She would have to meet her sister and we'd have to make up for all that lost time. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopXwwFKVrw
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Maybe I'd see my babies there too? Or would it be their babies? Time had passed way too quickly.
Pretzel would be so confused why I hadn't come back for her. The last thing I had said to her was that I was going to find my family. Maybe she thought my absence meant I was done with her and had moved on?
That idea hit my gut and festered deep within.
She'd be so confused why I didn't return or call her. Without my wings, I'd be stuck in a slow drive back there too. It was too much time wasted for something that would take me an hour tops in the air.
When River came back with the car, I'd have to get it ready for the trip. I could get us there tommorow and introduce Pretzel to him too.
Would it be too much at once? She wouldn't be overloaded with me returning as someone completely different with a new baby and partner? Maybe it would look like I had moved on from her.
And would she be there? The old house was the first start to another chase if I was to find her again.
I'd really neglected her. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpozwPQpgxt
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I wouldn't make the same mistakes with Nixie.
It was like a fresh start with her. I could avoid all the mistakes I had made with Pretzel and my own children. I wasn't going to let Nixie out of my sight and cause a rift between us like I had done with them.
Lucky she wasn't going to be running off anywhere anytime soon.
It was a dark thought but one that did make me chuckle as I watched her sleeping soundly against me.
I stayed there with her, just enjoying the peace.
Slowly, time passed. Nixie slept on until I was pulled from the sunset to change and feed her again. Still, River was nowhere to be seen and it was well past the hour for him to reach the house and return home.
Worry was gnawing at me. I set Nixie down for a sleep on the floor beside me while I rang Lavender and waited for her to answer.
"Has River left yours?" I blurted as soon as she answered.
"Uh, a while ago now" I heard her instantly grow concerned "he hasn't come home?"
"N-not yet" I bit my lip when I rechecked the time "did he pick up a lot of stuff?"
Maybe he just took a bit longer packing our stuff?
"He took the rest of it, but it wasn't much. Only thing left is the bed. He was talking about getting some stuff for you-know-who, but that had to be about two, maybe three, hours ago. He was biting his knuckles again."
"So maybe he took a trip to get something for that?" I tried to rationalize his absence "maybe there's a long line there...."
"Teddy" I heard Lavender sigh "you need to get him a phone. I know he might be against the whole thing but he doesn't need to worry about those people anymore. It would be nice to know where he goes so it doesn't stress you all out."
"Yeah" I mumbled back, ashamed I hadn't pushed him more to get one earlier before something like this happened "I'll let you know when he gets back."
"Please do" Lavender replied "try to relax and have a good night, Teddy. I'm sure its all fine."
"Im sure it is" I tried to sound positive "goodnight, Lavender."
Pressing that little red button didn't leave me feeling any better. It only stirred the panic and made tears roll down my cheeks. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tTo5KSrka
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I clamped my mouth shut so I didn't wake Nixie sleeping on the floor beside me.
There had to be a rational reason why he had been out for five hours already. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoBc9aQSGR
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The knuckle chewing did have me concerned for his safety. He only did that if he was getting the urges of his feral past. If he let it spiral out of control in public, who knew what had happened to him? 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgyjXGGF8V
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Maybe humans had trapped him and thrown him into isolation again? Had he mutated? Is that why he wasn't home yet? 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4rLM7FAfj
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And what about the car filled with our stuff? Had River turned like I had and left it on the side of the road somewhere? Would humans find it and realise that a demon was raising a baby? Would they come here for Nixie?
Not Nixie. We'd only had a week together. They couldn't come for her now.
I left her to check out the windows. The road was still glaringly empty and eerily dark. The sunset was only peeking on the horizon through the night sky.
It was getting cold here too. Poor Nixie was stirring on the ground and starting to get upset again for another feed. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y886erwUK
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The lights here were dull, and actually surprised me that they still worked. It was a struggle to try and see the formula I was scooping into the water. The lights might as well have not worked.
I was leaning against the wall on the ground giving Nixie her bottle when I saw lights appear on the road and slowly rock thier way towards the house. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb5cKWdBS6
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I remained where I was, glaring at them while keeping Nixie content in my arms. I wasn't going to interrupt her for him.
The panic instantly turned to bitterness at the sight of the lights. All the worry of his return boiled into where he had been and why he had been so long. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNKwYDCKeC
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We both had attachment issues, and River knew that. Leaving me in an empty, cold house with our baby, no food, and no way to contact him was nothing short of neglectful in my eyes.
I wasn't going to cry for him now. All of that had turned to silent, seething anger that snapped its cold gaze on the lights coming to a halt outside the front door.
"I am so so sorry!" I heard River blurt out as soon as the door opened "things took longer than expected and...."
His words fell silent when he saw me nursing our daughter on the ground with a silent snarl aimed at him.
I was pissed. And starving. It felt like my stomach was trying to eat its way through itself. I hadn't felt hunger like this in a long time, and it didn't help comfort me that I wasn't about to return to scavenging for scraps amongst the trash again.
"Teddy Bear..."
"Don't you Teddy Bear me" I snapped in a whisper to not disturb Nixie "I have been waiting here for you for five..." I checked my phone "oh, seven hours! Where the hell have you been?!"
River looked hesitant to answer. He jerked his thumb to the open door and the car outside.
"I got stuff for us" he mumbled "new furniture and stuff for the baby. It's all flat packed though" he added a little chuckle that pattered out "I got food too."
"So, you were buying flat packs and getting takeout for seven hours?" I glared "that doesn't explain anything!"
River's ears flattened right down and he cringed under my anger. I got to my feet now with Nixie, storming to River who glanced down at her and back to me.
"I want you to get a phone" I growled to him "you cant be leaving us here alone while you do who knows what. Something could have happened while you were gone and you wouldn't have a clue until it was way too late."
"Nothing would h...."
"River!" I snapped to him "there is a hunt out for our baby! Anything could have happened to Nixie! All it would take is for one human to come down that driveway and that'd be it!"
"Nixie?" he tilted his head a little at the name "that wasn't on our list."
"Yeah, well, a lot happens when you are out doing whatever you are."
I turned from him to stop myself biting out more acidic words. Nixie was down to the last of her bottle and slowing down due to the distress of my anger.
"Can we talk about this when I build the crib?" River whispered out to me "I know your angry with me, but she doesn't need to hear it."
River left to start unloading the car. I saw it packed to the brim with boxes that blocked out the windows.
There was all sorts of things in there. A small box of our things and Nixie's little bath wedged into the front seat while the rest of it was flat packs. There was a table, crib, change table, an airbed, two chairs, bags of concrete, bright yellow and light green paint cans, a vacuum, nappies, formula, baby clothes, and new pillows.
It was hard to be mad when I saw how much effort River had gone to for us. But it wasn't going to make me drop why he had still been gone for seven hours.
I had to place Nixie on the front seat of the car while I helped River drag the flat packs inside and heave them onto the floor.
I felt terrible for leaving her out there, but she was soon in River's arms when the bulky items were inside and it was only our own belongings left for me to bring in. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA5iAZIrVJ
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River sat a large bag on top that was packed with hot food. He also grabbed a plastic bag bulging with all sorts of cans and drinks. The only fresh thing inside was a bag of green grapes sitting on top that had been picked at.
"I couldn't fit in anything like a fridge or bedframe, so that'll be a delivery" River spoke while he stacked the cans on the kitchen bench "I wasn't sure which one you liked more, so I got a bunch of them. Favourite tinned foods never came up in our talks. Mine is Ravioli" he held one up with a small smile.
Perhaps I had been too hard on him in my anger. All of this couldn't have been a quick trip. But seven hours? Maybe it was looking more realistic now that I was seeing how much was here.
"First, I stopped by the supermarket for some nuts" River started before I could ask, handing me a burger from the takeaway bag "then, I went to Lavender and Darcy's. We got talking and I hung with the kids for a bit. I packed our things and went to the hardware store for some things since we were missing a lot."
I didn't need a detailed rundown of River's trip, but I wasn't going to stop him. I was intrigued to know what he had done.
"I picked up all the stuff and put it in the car. Got some odd questions and looks from the people there too wanting to know why a demon was buying things for a nursery. With the news, people are bound to ask questions."
I gave a disapproving grunt around my food to show I agreed with him.
"Then, I stopped by work to give them the rundown of things" he continued and held up a hand at my shocked face "don't worry, I trust those two old souls with my life. They won't say anything. They even gave me a few days off to get stuff sorted."
I saw his smile but couldn't share it. Humans were always bad news with precious information. They had big mouths that liked to gossip.
"Then, I got some grapes and headed for home. Made a stop on the way to clear my head and came here. So no, I wasn't out cheating on you."
"Wh...?" I choked out "what made you think I was thinking that?!"
"I'm joking!" River laughed at my fumbling "I think I'd need more than two hours, right?"
I shoved him with a snort. He sniggered back before settling Nixie across his body so he could pat her back gently.
"I think you did a great job" he praised "and I really am sorry for making you worry. I'm not going anywhere, you know that."
"Except tommorow" I grinned back "I want to see Pretzel and how she is going. I haven't seen her since isolation and thought it would be nice to introduce her to you and Nixie."
River didn't say anything. He kept patting Nixie while picking at the chips spread between us.
"I thought it was a good idea" I began.
"Maybe it's best if you just go" River frowned "before isolation is ten years, Teddy. That's a lot for a kid to take in at once without us there to add to it. And what will you do after that? Bring her back here? I haven't prepared at all for a child."
"She needs to know that I haven't just left her there. She has a human family she stayed with, so I don't think she'd want to move in; but if the option were there...."
River made a disapproving noise. He handed Nixie to me so he could eat.
"We have enough to handle with her" he replied firmly "humans are breathing down our necks as we speak, so I don't think bringing another kid into this mess is really wise. She'd be better with her family you left her with. Taking her from all that after not seeing her in ten years would do things to a kid."
He tapped the side of his head and I understood.
"Please, we can't bring another kid into this shit" he begged "we have Nixie and that's it. Losing one baby, let alone two, just because of thier spots.... I couldn't do that."
"I can't just abandon her for good" I whimpered back.
"And you won't be" River patted my leg "you can see her whenever you want to. I'm sure a girl like her would have a phone, you could call her even. Just don't bring her here into this. We can't do that to her."
"I want you to meet her at least" I pressed "I want her to see that I found what I was looking for and what you are to me."
River grimaced again, turning away. 108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnm3XhyMtun
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He dug at the chips, not eating them, until he let out a sigh.
"I don't want to get attached" he admitted "I'm not going to be the one that ruins your family. You know how kids make me feel. One dumb decision and it'd be all over. They'd come here and take everything from us."
I shuffled over with Nixie in my arm and wrapped my other around River who rested his head against me.
"We've got this" I whispered to him "if you want to stay in the car then you can. I'm not going to do anything that will hurt Nixie. I just want to make sure my daughter is safe and happy."
River nodded. His finger extended to Nixie so she could grab it in her little hand.
My focus had to be her too. Pretzel couldn't be my concern. For now, the distance was keeping her safe.
"We'll be fine" I rested my head on his "nothing is going to get us or our baby. It'll be a good day out."
Was I trying to convince myself that? To hide the fact that once I saw her, I would only speak to her through a phone or fleeting visit? That I couldn't be her Papa again like I wanted to?
It was to keep her safe. To keep us safe. She had to stay away or they would both be forced to return to the spirits.
I lost my appetite. All my thoughts were running around Pretzel and what she meant for us.
Even when River screwed together the crib and I inflated the air bed to nestle in the back room, I lay there beside him thinking about Pretzel and what she could be doing right now.
Was protecting us really protecting her? Or was it so she didn't trample on our little bubble we had created?
Only tommorow would tell. And when it came and I held my brave, cheeky girl in my arms again, I would make the decision of whether she would leave them or not, once and for all.
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