I didn't know what to think or feel at those words.
There was nothing.
Just a void as big as Lavender's gaping soul that I stared at in disbelief.
She didn't want me anymore.
She wanted him.
Hate was the first emotion that stabbed my gut, before agonising sadness swept in to rip at my heart.
"You... don't.... need me?"
The words tumbled and fell from my mouth. I held my head up with my hands that tried to shield the tears dripping onto the table.
After everything... she didn't even want me anymore.
After Bee, it was them. Now, my own partners were turning against me.
I had walked back into a love that was no longer here.
"Was I too long?" I searched for the reason "was it because of what I was, because I've changed, Sprig! I'm me again!"
"Teddy Bear" she pulled away from my desperation "you were gone for a very long time. You know I had plans for a family, and Darcy had the same dream. He could give me our two girls. You love Darcy, so I don't see why you are so upset."
"Darcy doesn't even love you that way!" I accused, turning to him "you don't even love her like that! You were River's; you two were like this" I crossed my fingers "you two have each other's souls! You never even said anything about wanting something different! I was supposed to be Lavender's, and you were supposed to be River's!"
I didn't care about trying to keep my voice civil anymore. The growl on my words couldn't have been more clear of the betrayal I was pushed into.
"We both know that things were not going to work out if we wanted a family" Lavender continued in a calm voice "as much as we wanted it, it wasn't possible. I'd rather it be with someone I love and trust than a different person entirely. I know Darcy, and I know that he didn't do all this just to hurt you or River. Harlow and Tori are two of the most important things to me right now. We wouldn't have any of this if we kept lying to ourselves."
"I was in isolation" I whimpered back "to get clean and come back as you remembered me. I wanted to have it all the way it was with all of us together again like when we were kids."
"We aren't kids anymore" Darcy added with a little smile to try and lighten the glare I shot to him "humans age, Teddy. We didn't know how long we were going to be waiting for you to come back, if you ever did."
"I could say the same about you" I shot back "where were you and River? All I knew was that I was trying to stop you from dying on the ground that night. You both just left! No word or anything!"
Tears ran again that I swiped away. Darcy's hand gently caressed the side of my face so he could wipe the new ones already falling.
I pushed him away to try and keep my firm questioning. His soft and gentle approach wasn't going to work with me now, as badly as I just wanted to break down and sob like a child in his arms at how unfair life was.
"River was thrown in isolation and I got put into a home with my aunty" he explained "because of all the things that happened, she made it so I had no contact with anyone so my parents didn't try to come and get me or hurt me again. I really did want to let you know I was fine, but it was for the best. River was in there for so long, and when he finally got out, he didn't need those threats to be mutating him all over again. I almost lost him" Darcy's eyes glistened "and I wasn't going to let anything make him get to that point again. He changed in that place, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I did it for River, and I was very selfish just to save him, so please understand me, Teddy. I didn't want to lose him forever because of something so stupid."
I couldn't hate Darcy as he sobbed so openly to me. It made my anger towards him shrink back and turn into sympathy.
I knew exactly where he was coming from. I had almost lost myself to the same darkness that had changed me.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpoQJuc6VV
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I would like to think that Dad did what he did to save me, but I was too confused and conflicted to believe that. 114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpLLqkDcxK
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Darcy had saved River, and that's all that mattered to him. I was thankful for that. A world without River in it wasn't one I wanted to think about. 114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej0stKJPYr
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The silence had been life-saving.
"I wasn't avoiding you or Sprig" Darcy reached a hand out to me "please believe me. Just one small thing could have destroyed both of us. I couldn't let that happen to him, not after everything he had done for me."
I placed my hand on his and squeezed his fingers to make his quivering lips turn up ever so slightly.
He was still so considerate and caring. Darcy always had such a big heart for others, especially River. I was seeing that it wasn't a case of him stealing Sprig from me, but rather, saving her.
She would have spent years in sadness and her empty dreams. I would have only given her a lifetime of that. Truth was bitter, but living that lie was just torture.
My daydream for them looks like it had come true. They were happy together; I had just been too angry about actually seeing it develop without me in the picture.
"Darcy was the one who rang me when we moved" Lavender smiled to me hopefully "it was almost a year in and when I thought you were gone for good. Seeing them again made me realise how much I missed you. They went back to the fields you and River used to work in together to try and see if you ended up there, but you didn't."
"That was too early" I added with a chuckle, wiping my eyes "I kind of lost myself and found a mutated demon like me I called Bee. We were about to move on at that stage. Things were tough and we had to leave the only one behind so Pretzel could live; that's her adopted daughter. I was her Papa, still am."
I smiled at the old name. It filled me with joy knowing she was safe and with a family who would love her.
"It must have been tough not having kids of your own" Lavender spoke.
"I had five!" I snorted back "turns out mutated demons can have children with each other. We were both Dead Birds and actually made it work. They all left the nest after Bee died and I took myself to isolation ten years ago."
"Do you... react.... differently to anything from being in there?" Darcy pondered.
"Well, I did try to choke out Emry for trying to take my bird" I laughed back, placing it on the table for them to see "I didn't know, of course."
"River is the same" Lavender added seriously "you can't touch him on his back. Darcy says there's massive scars there from where he was beaten in isolation."
"They tore chunks out of him" Darcy whispered "you can't even see his mark anymore."
That severe? The way Emry mentioned it was like it was nothing compared to this.
"And the breaking things?"
"You heard about that?" Darcy frowned "well, he's still super jumpy about that. Sometimes he just goes into a panic and starts repeating himself. We try not to keep anything like that near the kids. Most of our plates are plastic for that reason."
"Although that sound does still set him off" Lavender added "you don't have anything like that too?"
"Honestly" I blew out my breath at the news "I don't know. The bird thing is all I've got. I just snapped and grabbed his throat without even knowing."
Darcy and Lavender looked to each other. I could see them deciding if the risk was worth it around thier children.
"I'm good" I held my hands up "I keep it in my pocket. One day I'll let it go, but for now, I just like to keep it close."
"Understandably" Darcy nodded "River has a little trinket he keeps in his room too. It looks like some sort of doll made of wool and sticks, but he loves it to bits."
Lavender smiled at the mention of it and got up to head to one of the cupboards, pulling down three mugs.
"Why don't we fill in the gaps over a nice drink?" she grinned "I'm sure there are more than a few things you are wondering about. We are the same."
That did sound nice.
"I'll get River in so he can be filled in" Darcy got up "he missed you like crazy, Teddy. I'm sure he'd be curious about these bird children of yours too."
I laughed at his confused sentence and watched him peek out the back door to call out, only to be soaked and accompanied by the laughter of River. Both girls roared at the misfortune of thier father as the back door muffled them once more.
River squeezed inside with Moss cradled on his hip, giving him a kiss on the head before handing him to Darcy and pulling a chair closer to me.
Instantly, I felt his tail twine around mine. It was like it had never left, making me melt all over again.
He made it easier to face what had happened in our lives apart.
Information came spilling out between us over cups of coffee and water. Biscuits were served that we picked at while the girls decided to get cleaned up and move onto something else in the comfort of inside.
Lavender had reunited with Darcy and River a year after I had been left behind. From there, they made every chance to see each other either at Darcy's aunts or Mum and Dad's until Lavender fell pregnant and was gratiously gifted enough money to invest into this little home here two years on.
River moved in with them and the three of them lived happily with a one year old Harlow. They kept searching for me but had no luck on finding me.
At that time, I was into my second year of isolation.
River and Darcy went back to the sunflower field to stay somewhere familiar that I might try to visit. River stayed there for two years to help Azalea build up her vision for Able's farm. Darcy came and went, mostly being here for Lavender and thier growing vision of thier future together. Tori was born the same year Able passed. By then, I was halfway through my isolation.
Two years on, everyone came to the collective decision to fill Lavender's empty soul with Darcy's, but wouldn't act on it until I returned and they could tell me of thier decision. By this time, River has already taken a backseat to thier relationship and agreed with it. It was the same year he stopped visiting Azalea's farm to try and focus more on his distant relationship with Darcy. The strain of it all had caused him to mutate to what I had seen in the photo there.
The next year, the souls were returned and mine was promptly shelved in the bedroom; and the year after, Moss fell into thier lives down the road. River had been the one to run out and find him curled up in some bushes.
Now, one year later, and with me finally out of isolation, I had returned. Things could finally fall into place now that the decision about the empty soul was out in the open and my life had filled in the gaps from the different times we had been seperated.
Lavender and Darcy had been waiting for this moment. They were eager to be committed to each other in the most permanent of ways. But, this would sever everything between Darcy and River for good. Lavender and I would be completely cut as well. Our whole lives together would be over with one exchange of borrowed souls.
River and I would be spectators to a life not ours anymore.
"If you two get each other, then I get Teddy" River demanded with the tighten of his tail around mine "we don't need some soul shit to be together. It's better that way."
He was hurting. Darcy had been his everything, but years of watching his life continue without him had shown how distant the once unbreakable pair had become.
River wasn't going to take no for an answer. He wasn't going to be alone, and I would be damned if I was going to let myself be cast aside like he was instead of embracing what we had.
River was the one who made me feel whole. Everything with Lavender was over the moment I walked through that door and she saw her true path to Darcy.
River wouldn't hurt me like that. He had only looked out for me in the past and now. I would be to him what Darcy used to be, and he would be my Lavender.
We needed each other more than ever.
"I want to be with River" I agreed "when those souls go in, it's over for us."
Lavender and Darcy agreed solomnly. They didn't regret thier decision, but hated how much it hurt us in the process.
"Human souls can't be exchanged without a demon's help" River spoke as he got up to pull Darcy and Lavender around to face each other "when they are, they are bound to die together. We will be left behind until we have someone to give our souls to. The spirits made it so we couldn't join them without doing what we were made for."
"Guiding them."
River nodded to me.
"I'll take Darcy's from me and give it to Lavi" he explained "then Darcy will return mine from himself. You will give Lavi's to Darcy, and then eat your own from the jar so you have it back. Sound like a plan? We don't want any runaway souls like the first time."
We all agreed silently. It was all so serious now that everything was about to change in mere moments.
My whole life dedicated to Lavender was going to all be for the one demon who was determined enough to love me from the start.
"What about the kids?" River muttered with a glance out in the hallway "do you think they should be here for it? They have no idea who Teddy even is right now. For all they know, a random stranger has just joined us for dinner."
"It would be a good thing to teach" Darcy agreed "one day, they might find demons of thier own to do this with. This would teach them about the Soul exchange and Blood Bonding. Maybe it'd save them from having to look it up on a laptop while sitting on the ground in a salt halo."
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What a wild day that had been.
"Just don't dance with the damn thing this time" River elbowed me in the side with a smirk before heading out to go gather the children.
I saw Lavender and Darcy's puzzled smiles at me.
"She has a wild one" I pointed to Lavender "took me across the whole yard and into a field of flowers. And River came to save me by catching it."
"Sounds about right" Darcy shook his head at me, giggling.
River returns with Harlow and Tori behind him. Moss was sat on his hip again with one of River's fingers gripped in his little hand.
Lavender was handed the phone Harlow held and was given all thier attention as they were given the seats around the table.
"You haven't done anything wrong" Darcy explained to thier confusion "we just want to talk to you about something very important."
"You both know about Mum's special jar?" Lavender placed a hand on it and saw them both nod.
"That has the Soul of your old demon in it!" Harlow announced proudly "we learned about that in school. People did bad things to the demons that they don't do now."
"Old demon" River mouthed to me with a snort.
"Well, this is my old demon" Lavender lifted her arm to place a hand on my shoulder "this is Teddy Bear, the one I told you about."
"He is old!" Tori giggled.
"I'm no older than your mother!" I gasped back as River laughed at me.
"Girls, this soul in here is his" Lavender tapped it to get thier attention again "we are going to give it back to him and then we are going to put the one from River into me. We wanted to show you what that looks like in case either of you find a demon of your own in the future."
"This is very important" Darcy added firmly "you have to make sure it's the right person you want to have your soul because you can't swap them again once they are in the other person. It's a very big decision to swap souls with a demon."
"Usually, people don't have thiers ripped out of them like they did ages ago" River added casually "so this makes things a little different to what you'll learn in school now."
"So, we all have one of those in us?" Tori poked the jar.
"Only demons can see them when they are in someone" River nodded "that's why you need one to help with swapping them, which is what we are going to do now. They won't show you this in school."
"Oh!" Harlow lifted herself up in her chair excitedly "do you use the teeth as well?!"
She chomped hers before Tori mimicked her. River set down Moss who toddled over to Lavender so he could place both hands on the table and snap his sharp teeth at them comically.
"Go on" he encouraged "touch them."
The girls giggled nervously when thoer fingers reached for the teeth River snapped shut with a laugh at them. He remained frozen when they poked the sharp tip and jolted back in laughter.
"Teddy, do the thing" River turned to me "feel his too."
Instantly, I was embarrassed about being put on the spot. I leant down beside River and sharpened my teeth for the brave fingers to touch the points.
"His are dull because he doesn't use them like I do" River mocked when the girls sat back down "the sharper they are, the better they are at catching souls. When demons mutate, sometimes thier teeth will go super pointy!"
"Like when you did ages ago!" Tori gasped out to his proud face.
"Are we ready?" Darcy smiled at River "all the doors and windows are closed?"
River left the room to check. I heard a few slams before he came back.
"All good."
"We'll do Darcy's first, then Teddy's" River decided "get the humans done before us."
I nodded to River who reached over to steady Darcy opposite him and look into his eyes.
"Are you going to be OK?
He nodded and held open the front of his shirt to expose his chest and the little hairs on it.
River checked Darcy's expression then placed one hand on his back so he could gently ease his claws through the skin.
Darcy gasped in surprise at the contact and tensed up. River kept his eyes locked onto Darcy's to check for any sign that it would be too much for him.
"Urgh, that feels so weird" he chuckled "I haven't felt pressure like that on my chest in a long time."
River smirked and started to pull until the golden orb was caressed in River's palm.
The girls were in awe. They leant forwards again and peered up at River who bought the cradled Soul down to the table for them to touch.
"It's hard but soft" Tori said as her fineger glided on the surface "like a ball covered in jelly."
"Jelly?" Harlow laughed and shot the hand forward to rub it "feels like that slimy stuff on the rocks at the beach."
"Don't drop it" River giggled at Harlow and guided her hands so she could hold the soul then cup it between her hands "and don't let it escape."
"But it's not doing anything!" Tori added.
River just turned back to Darcy so he could plunge his claws into his own chest forcefully. There was no gentle entry for him, only rough rummaging as River dug for the soul he had kept safe. 114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjy7yB7i5E
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He snagged it and tore it from himself, his claws piercing into the sides to stop the wriggling soul from making a dart for freedom.
Darcy's soul was so much more livelier than River's. It jumped about like a bucking horse, nervous and desperate.
River kept his claws firmly inside it when he turned around to Lavender who held her hands out. He looked at them for a moment, hesitating.
"You had better take good care of his soul" River warned her "there's no changing after this. I don't want all of this to go to waste."
Lavender smiled at him as she took it.
"You don't have to worry. I'll keep it safe."
"Now what?" Tori breathed at her mother holding the squirming soul close to her body "you put it inside you?"
"She has to eat it" Darcy laughed to them.
There was a chorus of dramatic disgust when Lavender did just that. She bit into Darcy's soul like she had done with mine, biting off chunks of it like an apple. 114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPH3XrRF25
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She didn't look like she was struggling with his soul either. It peeled away from itself easily and without any force.
"Is it good?" Harlow frowned at the soul.
"Like a big ball of fairy floss" Lavender teased.
"I want some!" Tori light up immediently "I like fairy floss!"
"You can take a bite of mine and see if you like it" River grinned "but don't eat it like your mother. I still have to finish it."
Tori was so excited. She scooped out the Soul from Harlow's hands and didn't hesitate when she chomped down on it, recoiling almost immediently with her tongue poking out.
"It doesn't feel good" she groaned "it was soft, but then it was super hard. It's gross."
"Now, now" River tutted "you just need sharp teeth like mine!"
He showed them off and smiled to me when he looked down at my chest I bared for him.
"Ready for this?"
I nodded even though I was nervous.
I had never had a soul taken from. Me before and was dredding what it would feel like. Lavender's gaping void that was being filled with light had looked so painful when I saw what they had done to her.
"I'll go gentle, don't worry" River soothed when I tensed under his claws and squeezed my eye shut.
I felt the claws start to press into my skin, pushing into me. It felt like five pointed rods piercing my skin, digging further and further inwards to pin me there.
Then, there was weight. The rods snapped around it from deep within me, tugging at the resisting soul determined on staying inside.
Shock pierced through me when it did the same with the soul. I gripped onto River's arm instinctively when he snapped it from its secure cage and dragged it away.
I had been given this soul to keep safe with all of my life. Now that i was allowing it to be torn from me, I felt empty. Everything I had done seemed like it was for nothing now that I was just letting it be taken from me.
I felt... hollow.
River was ready for Lavender's soul. He snapped his sharp teeth into it the moment it peeked from my chest. The soul wasn't as wild as it had been, but did struggle from the teeth keeping it secure.
"Eat up" River presented it to Darcy with his teeth. I saw his tail curl when Darcy bit into the other side with his own teeth so he could hold it close in his hands that jumped and jolted.
Darcy was much quicker than Lavender had been. He stripped the soul eagerly, not even finishing the first portion before biting in for another. It was to keep her soul from escaping, but it made him look like he was ready to have anything but River's inside him.
River turned from the viciousness to grab his own soul from Tori to snap into it. He stripped it with anger, chewing through the toughness so he could try and eat it as quickly as possible.
He didn't look like he was enjoying himself at all. It was probably painful that everything now was so permenant and final.
Lavender was Darcy's. I wasn't sure how to feel about it either.
I dragged the jar towards me and saw Lavender reach over for some tongs she clicked playfully at me.
I took them, focusing on the black liquid in the jar I undid and plunged the tongs into.
The first thing that hit me was the sour smell of the liquid. It burned my nostrils and stained the air. I could feel it burning in my throat and down in the pit of my stomach that churned at it.
I gagged, lifting it out and snapping the lid shut.
The soul didnt even look like that anymore. It hung from the tongs like an egg oozing from its shell. It wasn't round like it should have been and dripped the black liquid onto the table.
I didn't even want to eat it. I could already tell that I was going to struggle.
The girls were disgusted and so was I. Even River looked sympathetically to me when he wiped his mouth and patted me on the back.
"I'd swap it if I could" he muttered to me "just go for it as quick as you can."
It smelled so sour. The poor soul didn't even struggle when I held it there. There was no life about it.
It was just a sad reminder of how I felt right now.
I dropped the soul onto the table and had to scoop it into my hand multiple times just to get it to stay. It leeked through my fingers and dangled over my palm. The only shape of it was the very core of the soul; rounded like a small marble in the mountain of jelly.
"It's going to taste like dead fish" Tori held her nose "or Moss's nappies."
Lavender picked him up at that moment and I actually hoped that it was the slightly more bareable truth.
"To Moss's nappies" I grimaced back to them and slid the soul into my mouth.
My lips recoiled as soon as the slime was sucked through. My tongue burned at the taste and bubbled like it had been doused in petrol.
I gagged, feeling the soul cough back out that I had to suck back in.
River was the first to slam down a glass of water for me to try and force the soul down.
Honestly, it made it worse. I could feel the fluid squishiness around it swimming in the water and sucking down my throat.
I gagged again, this time having to hold my mouth shut to keep the Soul in.
"You can do it!" Darcy encouraged "just chew it really fast!"
"You can do it, Teddy!" Lavender chimed in.
I chewed, feeling the slime popping and squelching around my sharp teeth. The blobs of jelly burned thier trial down my throat when I managed to swallow some of them.
I held onto the table for support, chewing furioisly while cheers of support rang out around me.
Finally, I got the centre of the soul down, struggling to drown it with more water that lurched upwards immediantly.
I felt so sick. The water only made it worse, adding to the sloshing grossness inside me rather than squashing it down.
Everyone was glowing gold again. Lavender's beaming soul pressed to Darcy's as she hugged him with tears welling in her eyes.
"Hey" River whispered to me when he saw me staring at them "I think you did great too. We can do our own thing now."
I didn't want to though. I wanted to be the one Sprig cried to about her new soul.
"Come for a walk?" River nudged my hand with his.
I mumbled an agreement and let him lead me away.
"River!" Harlow called out and stood in the hallway "where are you going?"
"Someone has to show Teddy around" he grinned back and left me to scruff up her hair "I'll be back to eat your vegetables for you tonight, silly. Why don't you go tell your boyfriend Morris about how amazing your Uncle River was just now, hmm?"
Harlow flushed red and muttered something to him through her hands that hid her face.
"Girls are so adorable when they have crushes" River smiled to me as he sheparded me out the door with a wave to Harlow.
"They really like you" I admired when we went to the gate and filed out of it to continue down the pathway "hopefully they like me like that."
"Well, they are kids" he commented "they don't know any better. They just think Uncle River lives with thier mum and dad. They don't really get that it could have been different."
"Yeah."
"It fucking sucks" River noticed my glum expression "it took me years to see that Darcy was going to better without me in the picture; fucking hurt like hell, but it's better than them bringing home some stranger. I wouldn't allow that, I'll tell you that."
"Urgh, I hear you" my nose wrinkled at the thought of another man in that home that I walked into "I would rather it be Darcy."
"I wouldn't" River shrugged "but I don't get a say in this. Whatever I said was wrong or hurtful" he rolled his eyes "there was nothing that I said or did that would change thier minds. Darcy and Lavender became more of a thing than they ever were, and I was pushed to the side. You'd be the same. It's not like when we were kids."
Things couldn't be the same anyway. Time had created too much of a rift that just needed more to rebuild.
Me or River didn't need to worry about time anymore. It went too fast for Lavender and Darcy. They had kids, and they were almost teenagers themselves. It wouldn't be long until Moss was up and running around either.
How depressing it all was. I could see why they moved on.
"So... how long will you be staying?" River dragged out uncomfortably "I get if you have someone else to get back to or a place to go. I just want a time frame."
"Oh, I, uh, don't have anywhere" I cringed back "I only got out of isolation a few weeks back. I've was staying with them while we searched for you all, but now that I'm here, I have no idea."
River's face lit up instantly and his hand tightened in mine.
"You can stay in my room!" he gasped "we can share the bed and everything. And then, we can find our own place; just the two of us."
His head snuggled into my neck and he made a cute crooning noise.
"I'll get another job" he smiled up at me "and we can put our money together to afford something nice by the water.... or a cozy cabin in the woods. We can get up to all sorts of things with no-one else around. We aren't tied to anyone anymore. We can do whatever we want together."
I giggled at how forward he was being. Now that I was back and officially his, he was biting at the bit to get me alone again.
"You sound so ready."
"I've been ready for a long time" he sighed "sleeping alone gives you time to think about everything. At first, it was great" he admitted with a smile "the sex was insane and we spent tonnes of time together. We would walk down the street with all three of us holding hands like idiots..."
I grinned down to our linked hands he swung playfully.
"...then it was more of catching them in the kitchen kissing and acting all embarrassed when they saw me there. It was cute at first to still have Darcy with me at night, but things changed. They started enjoying each other more without me involved. Darcy slept in Lavi's room instead of mine, and they were so defensive when I tried to change that. Lavi got pregnant so quick, and I hated that. I will say that I wasn't great to be around during that time. Azalea's helped with the anger and mutations, but I just needed the time to see it had all changed. I think you'll need the same."
"I'm not heading back there" I blinked to him "I only just found you again."
River laughed, shaking his head at me.
"I mean, don't take it personally. Lavi and Darc have moved on. It's going to hurt like all hell seeing them where you used to be and doing things you used to do, but it'll get easier to swallow over time. We've got each other; always have and always will."
"Maybe our vision of the future has changed then?" I pondered as I looked up to the sky "seems like there won't be a Darwin or Dandelion waiting for us now."
"Just a River and a Teddy?" he bumped me with his hip, smirking.
My tail twined around his and I tightened my grip on his hand I smiled at.
We slowed to a stop on the pathway, staring at each other now.
Nothing else mattered.
"River and Teddy sounds like a very good plan" I grinned to him, planting a kiss on his forehead "and so does icecream by the water."
His eyes lit up again and his warm smile snuggled into the depths of my heart when he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest.
"Thank you for finding us" he muttered into it, whining "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too" I held him close and felt tears dribble onto my shirt when I stroked his hair "we have so much to catch up on. How about we start with your favourite flavour and go from there?"
His teary eyes lifted to mine and he tried to smile.
"L-Let's start from t-there."
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