I slept with Rory beside Bee that night while Pretzel decided against it and went to ask for somewhere else to sleep in the human's house.
Sleeping beside a mother already gone didn't seem like something comforting to Pretzel. If anything, she seemed frightened now to even touch or look at Bee after screaming so desperately for her earlier.
Maybe it was because her smell was different? It was like the dirt itself, and oddly musty for someone not long gone. She did feel cold too. Not long after she was laid in the field, her whole body went from soft to rigid. Everything in her solidified and felt like frozen brick when i laid my head onto it.
It wasn't comfortable like the Bee i knew. It wasn't anything like her.
I forced her staring eyes down to make it look like she was sleeping, but they didn't close all the way. They peeled back a little when they met, and stayed like that. It just looked like she was trying to spy on the world while appearing to be peacefully asleep.
None of this was like Bee. It was too strange and unsettling to be the demon i knew so well. It felt like i was mourning over something else disguised as her.
I just wanted it to be like it was, but it wasn't. But, i didn't leave her.
I knew what humans were like with dead demons. As friendly and charming as these ones seemed, we were still demons in their property. They would grow tired of their charade and drag Bee off to be dumped in the tip so that they didn't have to see her body each time they stepped onto their verandah or looked out their windows.
I wasn't going to let them. Her body needed a peaceful rest that wasn't anything like that place we had both been changed by.
Rory was changed by her mother's passing more than i knew.
When morning arrived again, she slid out from under her wing to paw at my face.
There was no happiness in her face when i opened my eyes and struggled to stay awake. She just sat there and gave me the time i needed to focus my mind on her.
Without a single noise, she rubbed her head on mine and turned from me to bound off towards the fence-line that she cleared and used to climb higher into the sky.
She looked so defeated when she flew over the treetops and out of sight. She wasn't the babbling baby i had witnessed only yesterday. Today, she had to be ready to face the world on her own if she was ready or not.
It was a cruel way to part. Seeing the death of her own mother had forced her to move on to somewhere safer much sooner than she had wanted.
It was the ingrained instinct to survive. I should have been doing the same thing now that i knew what had happened to Bee and had seen the stolen feathers torn from her.
I wasn't going to leave until i knew her body was going to be safe.
I decided our nest was the proper area for her rest. It was a familiar place and one we had shared many fond memories in. It was the right place for her out of this whole field.
As soon as i started to scrape up the dirt within it, I heard a call and looked up to see Pretzel rushing down in worry.
"Papa!" she fretted when she ran across the field to me still scraping up the dirt "stop! You can't do that!"
Was she going to say something about the seabirds that were meant to carry her up to the sky?
There was no way i was going to allow that.
"The humans" she pointed to their house "they own this place. We can't just bury her in their property."
Their property? But i had marked out our own slice of it when we had arrived here. Pretzel had watched me keep her within it before it had been taken down.
Whose side was she on?
I huffed at her and kept digging.
Stupid humans and their laws. They didn't own Bee. They couldn't stop me from burying her in her home.
"Papa!" Pretzel pleaded, tugging on my arm "don't! We can take her...somewhere else!"
"This is where she belongs!" I snapped back now, stopping to glare at her "those humans can't disturb her. She needs a good spot, and this is where it is, ok? Do you hear yourself defending them! They'll be the ones that drag her off to that place!"
Pretzel scowled up at me then stomped her way over to Bee to throw her arms out as she stood in front of her.
"You aren't burying her here. It's not our place to. They make the rules, Papa!" she snapped back at me "I don't want Mama to be dug up!"
I saw the distress making Pretzel's lip quiver as she stood up against me. I stopped entirely to approach her.
"Please, Papa" she whimpered when she looked up at me with glistening eyes "I know how things work out for us. Please don't put her here until i talk to them."
How did she think i was going to react to cause her to be so genuinely afraid? Was she expecting me to hit her? To hurt her just to prove my point?
It made me wonder who had done that to her in the past for her to just assume i would do the same thing in my moment of anger towards her.
"Talk to the humans" I jerked my head to the house "i'll wait."
Pretzel grinned and rushed forward to hug me. I didn't return it and only went back to the nest to keep scratching at the loose soil there while i waited.
Permission from humans. I was seething silently when i ran my claws in lazy circles to keep making some sort of progress.
Even if they refused, i'd still do it. Sure, Pretzel would be upset, but only for a little. She would see the good i was doing for her mother by letting her rest here and not in some demon tip like garbage.
I watched Pretzel run back out onto the verandah and cup her hands around her mouth.
"THEY'RE GOING TO SORT IT OUT!"
Like hell they are.
Sort it out. It sounded so casual the way she said it too. Like they didn't want to give her the full details, or make her worry. It was her own damn mother, and she was trusting those humans far too much.
Fucking 'sort it out'.
I slashed my way through the nest, making sure to shower the dirt upwards in protest to their decision. I wanted them to see i didn't need them to make decisions for my family. I wanted them to see how much i hated them and their dumb decisions. Thinking it was all for the best because my daughter liked them.
I felt like i was sixteen again and beating the shit out of that arsehole, Braiden. I felt that rage power through each stroke slicing open the dirt that peppered with my bitter tears.
I felt as helpless as i did then; surrounded by cops and listening to River begging me not to kill him. Humans had ruled every aspect of my life and they were doing it again. I couldn't make a single decision unless a human had a say about it.
"I JUST WANT TO BURY HER, YOU ARSEHOLES!" i screamed up at the house, panting from the energy that had coursed through me "YOU CAN'T DECIDE THAT!"
Just once, i wished they could understand me. I wanted to tell them so much that was boiling over from years of overlooked frustrations.
"YOU HAVE NO SAY IN ANY OF THIS!" I threw a handful of dirt at the humans of the house watching me beside Pretzel "NONE OF IT!"
They all looked like judges up there, scrutinising me and deciding my fate, just like Mrs Demires had when she thought it was best to put me in that damn Muzzle.
Wait.
I felt something jolt inside me. Something familiar.
I had remembered that human's name. Braidon. The one who had been the reason for the Muzzle in the first place. The one who had gotten away with it all.
And it had been at a party full of them. We had been sixteen. We were celebrating her sixteenth birthday at the house i had waited outside of.
The humans still stood there. Pretzel looked down on me too when i turned from them to keep digging.
Hailee.
She had been the one who talked with me at the fire. Boring, old Hailee who always seemed to be giggling when she had been looking at me. She was the redhead friend who liked being away from the big, boisterous crowds.
Hailee, Hailee, Hailee.
She was there too with everyone else when we had teased River into asking his human out. Everyone had been so adamant on it. He had kissed him for the first time that day. He was so proud of that fact.
River and....
D. Da.... Darwin? Darby? Perhaps it was a 'De' name?
A shy boy. He was such a painfully shy kid who liked bugs and facepaint. He painted his like River's when we first met. Our own daughter shared the same name as his mantis i had cared for.
We loved each other. He was the sweet one that could do no harm. He had almost drowned.
You saved him, Teddy. You mutated because of it. River was there; but who was he worried about?
Think! DA! DA!
The girls meant nothing to me. Their names came easily to me because there was literally nothing attached. But there was something about this name i had wanted to block out. Something that had made me burn inside to keep him safe.
"Breathe, Damien" i muttered, not feeling the name click "breathe, Danny."
What was so traumatic about this name? How come i had forced myself to forget it?
"Breathe...." I hummed, stroking the dirt as i got lost in thought "Breathe...Da...."
We had encouraged River to take that leap with him. River loved his human who named him. We went house-hunting for the first time together. River got his spots, and we talked about how things would be different.
Darwin and Dandelion.
Dar....
"DARCY!" I cried out and turned to the humans above "IT'S DARCY! I remember him!"
Darcy!
River's obsession was Darcy! Darcy was the one he always mutated for to keep safe!
Darcy! Darcy! Darcy!
He was the one who i had risked everything to try and save from River that night. His mother was worried about him; I had waited in the shed with River to make sure he was ok. I couldn't do anything when the fighting happened. He had almost died that night because i was too rattled to know what to do. Paramedics took Darcy away while the police took River. I never saw either of them after that. Darcy was one of the two humans who i wanted to forget to keep myself safe.
There was too much attached to the name. Jealousy, pain, love, happiness, sex, regret, grief.
Tears spilled into the dirt i clawed into with renewed ambition. With each writhing pile of worm dirt, i scraped at the names buried deep inside.
Dandelion.
If i had decided that for my human when River wanted Darcy to be like his ideal 'Darwin', then they had to have similarities.
She named me, i knew that.
I had terrified her at first. She wanted to call me something out of her room. A teddy bear; the same one she kept with the baby clothes in a box under her bed.
S... There was something to do with 'S'.
Her parents called her a name that i grew attached to. It wasn't her actual name, but a shortened version of it.
Her name was long. It had something to do with 'Da' or flowers....
Her parents thought she was mentally ill. She went to see a demon doctor; my first demon like me, who didn't tell them about me. The medicine she took to calm their nerves was most likely vitamins rather than anything else.
We wore dresses together. Mum worried about people wanting to snatch me up. 'Bad touch, good touch' and all that. I would come to her if anything bad happened to me.
The spirits made it rain by jumping on the clouds. It was my seventh birthday. She was right beside me when i blew out the candles and wished for happiness.
Sp...
We packed up in that house together and thanked each other for the memories there.
Teddy and Spr... Spr....
She didn't want to move. It was the first time i would be experience the influence humans had over demons by being in a different school to her 'for her safety'. I was running out of time to take her soul when we moved and reunited with River and Darcy. Her soul was red. It gave me a chase around the room and made us get tangled together.
Sprig.
I told Sprig i was sorry when i accidentally cut her with my horn.
I had got tangled in her long hair. I had to chase her wild soul around the house, burning myself on the hotplates before it made its way to the glowing flowers where we danced before River caught it for me.
Sprig.
Sprig was the one who ate my soul like an apple. She smelled like rosemary that night.
Was that her actual name? Rosemary?
It didn't spark anything in me. But the odd twist told me i was on the right track.
A sprig of rosemary sounded like it matched. What else would she be nicknamed after?
She had her party not long after that. I bought her a camera and bath salts before our fight about the future. I was jealous of all the attention being dragged onto her from the other boys there. Alcohol was snuck into the party; everyone was having a great time. I went skinny dipping with Sprig who smelled like....
Lavender.
They were just like her name. And she smelled like them when i caught Braidon fucking her. She wasn't drunk; i wished she had been. I wanted to kill him that night.
Lavender.
The name cut deep. It flooded me with the memories we had together.
The happiness of our childish days tearing her school clothes in this field. Stitching a heart into her clothing that i would tear off to spite her after she gave herself to someone else.
The pain of breaking up but still having to live together. Seeing her go to the same school he did, knowing that i couldn't trust her anymore.
The shame of being put into a Cradle and Tracker. Having a stain on my name forever. Crying to Mum about how unfair it all was, and how i didn't want to be called Teddy anymore, before she talked me out of it.
The nervousness of being pushed into acting on my uncertainties with River in that sunflower field that shaped my dreams for my own florist and where we took each other's virginity. Having to work beside Mitzi, Cricket, Emry, Solomon, Azalea, Leaf, River, and dear Able herself in the boiling heat to cut the flowers to keep ourselves afloat.
Able.
It was her fields where Azalea found Petal. I would find Pistachio, who would leave Leaf to become Able's own demon.
I wonder if she had found the spirits yet?
I had promised i would return once i was clean of mutations. Breaking that promise to see her would only humiliate me now. I wouldn't be able to live with her disappointment when she saw i had let myself slip further for a different life.
She was like a mother to me. One who hadn't deserted me through anything. The one who had made me happy with River.
I remember when none of us knew how to feel about it all.
Lavender had taken it hard. She thought i was replacing her. I was still wondering if it's what i really wanted until i knew it was. There was no-one else i'd rather have there when we all carved our skins open and solidified our bonds to each other. If demon's could do the same bond, i would have done it right there.
We had life sorted. We had so much planned for our future before Darcy was almost drowned and I had to report my mutations that made me leave my illegal work at Able's in favour of the dress shop with Islet that became the stepping stone for my current form.
Yorkie.
Yorkie and Suger. The two demons playing the part of a human and his companion. Yorkie reminded me so much of Darcy. They both had desires to leave for something better.
At the time, i had hated them for it. But now that i had abandoned an actual life to prioritise two others, i understood them. They only wanted happiness, and i had been so horrible to them about it. I would have leapt from a cliff too if it meant i could keep Bee and Pretzel from the harm of humans. Love made us do stupid things. Unfortunately, their love also opened my eyes to the dark reality of how far humans were willing to go to remain above demons.
And that's when i led a different life. I found Pretzel and Bee. I slipped and lived as something i'd never have imagined i'd be. I raised the family i couldn't have with Lavender, and i lost it all in a year of being here.
Now, i was digging a grave with my bare hands while memories of the past tormented me and made me remember what Bee had wanted me to chase.
A path i had given up on a long time ago.
I hadn't seen River or Darcy in years. Lavender had only been missing for a few. I was a different person now to what i had been when they had seen me last. They wouldn't be able to hear how badly i had missed them at all. I would probably terrify Darcy if he saw me like this; i had seen how traumatised he had been with River's scariest mutation at our house all those years ago.
Lavender hadn't wanted to have left me, did she? She had been taken from me, like i was from her. She was probably out there searching for me while i was continuing a new life over here in familiar grounds still too far away.
I left the dirt pile to nuzzle into Bee again. She offered no comfort, but it felt like the right thing to do. She had been the one who had opened up the opportunity to chase the thoughts that had been swirling around within me.
It felt nice just to have her here. Maybe she could feel it too as she watched from above?
I didn't even realise i had fallen asleep by her side when the sound of rhythmic beeping screamed me awake and snapped my focus to the large excavator crushing its way into the flower field along the side of the house. Another followed steadily behind it with its alarm blaring out of beat with the first.
I was on my feet in an instant, throwing my wings out to try and hide Bee from the machine edging its way towards us.
The humans of the house followed the other workers flanking along the excavators that both parked side by side only metres before me. I saw Pretzel with the humans, clinging to the mother like she did when she was worried.
"YOU AREN'T HAVING HER!" I flared up to the machine's metal jaws hanging there "YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY!"
Not when i was so close to having her ready. She couldn't be snatched up like this.
The machine rolled forward, and i dipped my head low with a screech.
Blood flew from my mouth. It ran over my face like rivers of tears and created a boundary line at my claws curled into the dirt.
I could see the strange humans in their bright clothes were hesitant about approaching me. The machine, however, was not. It dangled its jaws lower and wiggled them in an attempt to spook me from Bee's body.
The second excavator moved to the nest I was digging up so it could scrape its claw into the dirt and tear it up.
I watched it dump what remained of our nest beside it, and return to plunge around the edges.
The jaws of the other lurched closer while I was distracted. I lashed out at them and felt my nails scrape the metal.
"Back off" I hissed, swatting at it again "I'm not moving."
It grew impatient with my aggression and swiped back by swinging its whole claw at me to knock me. I staggered back, stepping on Bee and falling over her.
The claw snapped up Bee's wing to tug her body from me.
I heard Pretzel and her humans call out in distress at the action. The human from the excavator hung out the window to shout appologies to them.
I saw my opportunity and took it. I dived towards the window to try and claw at the driver. She quickly scooped up Bee's body while I dived and scratched at the glass she was noticably panicking behind.
Pretzel was trying to call me from the window when I followed the excavator on its track to the nest.
It gently nestled Bee's body in the hole dug there, which confused me enough to stop my screeching tirade and finally return to land again.
Looking down into the hole, Bee was slowly covered with dirt from the towering pile beside me. 106Please respect copyright.PENANAulr7MMQOr2
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It pattered onto her when it was scraped across, covering her with a fine layer before the rest was scooped in.
They really were here to help?
They weren't taking her away to the tip?
She could rest here like I had planned?
Pretzel smiled at me when I oversaw the whole burial in silence. I was just shocked at the care they had for Bee. They were being so gentle and considerate for her and the grave in general. It was treated like an actual human grave; with respect and compassion.
I felt bad for launching myself at the shaken driver. Without wanting to listen to anything else, I had assumed the worst.
The only excavators I had seen were the ones from the tip. To see them actually used for something as delicate as this was shocking.
It was nothing like I had expected.
The humans; the other mother and father, looked proud of themselves for honoring what I wanted. Pretzel praised them for thier decision before coming to wrap her arm around mine and look over Bee's fresh burial site with me.
"They were helping us" Pretzel leant her head on me "they loved Mama as well, Papa. She'd be really happy there, I think."
"I had no idea" I muttered back in embarrasment at how angry I had been towards the same humans who had been helping me. I had been stewing over everything while they only had the best interests at heart.
I had shown Pretzel how low I was willing to let my anger stoop me to, and I was ashamed.
"Papa" Pretzel whispered up to me "I was talking to the humans; Paul and Karli actually, and they..."
She trailed off and glanced at me. She wanted to continue but didn't know how.
"They asked if I wanted to live with them."
This was big news. Obviously, she would get the care she wanted in a place that could offer her a proper home with a warm bed, hot showers, and big meals. She already looked and smelled much better since being here because of thier love for Pretzel.
They could give her things I obviously couldn't. And with a family, she could learn to be like a normal girl instead of one having to rely on nature's laws.
"What do you want to do?"
"Well..." she twisted one of my feathers in her fingers "... I kind of want to say yes."
"But?"
She saw my head lower to hers and dropped her eyes down.
"I don't want you to think I'm just leaving you. I still love you and Mama very much. I really like it here with them. We do all these fun things together and Conner even said he'd help me ride a bike!"
"I'd never think you'd ever stop loving me or your Mama" I chuckled at her pointless worry while seeing her own relieved smile creep upwards "and I also think you should go for it. Learn all those new things."
"Really?" she gasped to me "wait, so that's a yes?"
"Yes!" I chuckled and nudged her towards the others waiting off to the side as the excavators followed thier tracks back out of the damaged flower field and onto the road again.
I followed Pretzel up to her humans who didn't know how to react to me looming over them.
"Paul" I looked to the father then the mother "Karli."
They smiled nervously up at me.
"Conner, Beau" I added to the two boys "and Butter."
The dog stared off in the distance, slobbering.
"Please take good care of her" I looked to Pretzel leaning against Paul "she means the world to me. She meant everything to her Mama. We just want what's best for her. You are that."
"I think he's saying thank you" Pretzel whispered to them.
"And sorry, about earlier" I added shamefully "you humans aren't all bad. I should have seen that."
"Its OK, Teddy Bear" Karli chuckled and reached out a hand to rest on my head "you have nothing to worry about."
"We're going to do tonnes of fun things!" Beau added excitedly "we can go catch Worm, and go swimming, and eat tonnes of fairy floss too when New Years Eve comes again! Oh! We can put up the Christmas Tree before that!"
New Years Eve. Pretzel should have been twenty-one. She would be celebrating yet another eighth birthday instead.
And Christmas. We didn't celebrate that before. It would be nice for Pretzel to have her first one since leaving her original family.
Already, I was going to miss these important events in her life. But I was happy knowing she would be accomplishing them with such a loving family.
"For your collection" I smiled at her excitement and pulled out one of my arm feathers to give to her. She held it close before wrapping her arms around me.
"I'll miss you, Papa" she spoke into my chest.
I held her close and savored her clean scent of flowery soaps mixed with the greenery surrounding the creek she ventured to with the boys. Her feathered hairclip held memories from all her past siblings who hadn't made it, and ones that had. The biggest feather in the back belonged to her Mama. And beside that was one of my own from our time together in the old clearing.
Now, she had a new one to remind her of better times.
"Don't go doing anything crazy while I'm gone" I warned her "your Mama will keep a close eye on you."
She seemed to understand this and nodded with a giggle.
"Thank you" I turned to Paul and Karli now "for everything."
They smiled back at me and came in close for a hug. Hands rested on my body that seized up under thier touch. Conner and Beau joined in with Pretzel who enthusiastically jumped in to complete the wall pressed to me.
I could feel the tension melt away under thier gentle embrace. They all reassured me wordlessly that I was making the right decision with Pretzel.
Bee would be proud too. She only ever wanted to see her happy.
"Alright" I chuckled and tried to blink back the tears forming "you're going to make this harder than it should be."
They all pulled from me, holding each other and giggling at my reaction.
"You are always welcome here" Paul extended a hand to rub on my side "as long as we don't have to jump any lines to get to you."
I laughed when they did and shook my head.
"Actually, I think I might go and find some very dear humans of my own" I peered up at the sky, before gazing at them again "I shouldn't keep them waiting any longer. Bee would be quite upset with me if I didn't find them in this life."
"You'll come back though, right?" Pretzel frowned at my smile.
"One day" I pressed my beak into her stomach so she could hold it "but for now, you should focus on your life here, little Etzel."
"It's Pretzel" she corrected with a look of realization and glistening eyes.
It melted my heart knowing that she could understand me. The sliver of humanity scratching for safety within me must have finally found it.
It was about time I returned to the way I had been. Savour my time with Lavender, River, and Darcy, now that this step in my life was fulfilled.
"I love you" I grinned to Pretzel before leaping upwards to hover there above them.
The flower field swayed below me around the tracks carved into it. Bee's grave nestled safely amongst the beauty of the life we had crested together.
As I ascended, I could see the running river that Angler was taking his son to. I called out to them and saw both turn to peer up at me. They remained there, just watching while I took it all in for the last time.
The mixed scents of flowers on the cool breeze. The earthy smell of deer that leaped around the trees of thier field. The low bass of Angler frying his fish in thier rushing river, and the gratitude from the fishers nearby. 106Please respect copyright.PENANA1CAWaXwuio
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The sight of my old home. The place I fell and grew up with Lavender. Now it was the place where Pretzel could grow up with her own family.
I smiled at the memories and left to chase the others that peppered the road away from the flower field.
The salty breeze from the beach sprayed my feathers that became dusted with the grainy, warm sand. 106Please respect copyright.PENANABiBYMBNWlu
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I remembered the cold of the deep waters I had found peace in as a child, floating weightless under the crashing waves.
Further, the clouds grew darker as the afternoon light slowly died, and the spirits celebrated. 106Please respect copyright.PENANAMr3hTME1Or
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Rain was bound to arrive. I could smell it through the hot tar of the roads beneath me.
I could already imagine Bee being showered with admiration and love of her life she had lived. There was every reason to celebrate her arrival and prepare her for her next adventure.
Only a few more weeks. Then the spirits would fall again, and the cycle could continue.
The wonderfully calm scent of peeling bark and sun-dried foliage filled the air when the sights and sounds of townlife were left behind. I heard birds in the trees below, and saw the odd car weaving it's way along the black thread protected by its tunnel of greenary.
Smoke billowed upwards and spilled the aroma of crackling fires into the air with it.
I saw my old home littered with people sitting around the fire illuminating thier little patch in the darkening sky. Laughter and the dancing aromas of sweet sizzling marshmallows stirred old memories forth.
The river that divided our home from Darcy and River's babbled away calmly. I dropped down to take in some of its crisp coldness before following the memories back along the road.
They led me into town; over the old school Lavender used to attend that had grown and changed in the years since I had left it. New deep blue paint and steel fences garnished the old buildings inside.
Some of the old shops were still here too. I remembered riding past them on my bike on the way home, and later driving past when I had found that freedom.
But, that's not where I was chasing these memories.
I had to go further.
Out of town and down a darker route. One speckled with sadness and anger.
I found the old police station and it's perfectly groomed gardens outside. It was in a perfect place too, overlooking sparkling dark waters that lapped against a colourful breakwall in the distance.
The courtroom's extravagant roof loomed into the sky I sailed through.106Please respect copyright.PENANArv4Jt2Siez
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The clinical, clean scent of disinfectant hit me before the rough fronds of the palm trees surrounding it did. 106Please respect copyright.PENANAUqkCWeVCKd
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Human waste spilled out of a bin animals scavanged through. Their was even a discarded plastic cup of sweet liquid spilled beside it; the same artificial flavour as the one Bee, Pretzel, and I had been forced to survive off on our trip to better lives.
With the night sky tinged in the last of the sunset, I found my destination and settled outside it.
The government building looked as menacing as I remembered. Even from above, it pulled upwards over everything else it surrounded.
It smelled like stale piss that stained the wall outside and stacked paperwork from the copious amounts inside. I could even feel the burn of the ink that bled through those papers in the back of my throat.
This is where I had been Tagged after my firery mutation. This is where I needed to be to help me reunite with Lavender, River, and Darcy again.
I couldn't do that as I was. I needed to be how I had been; clean from mutations.
I settled down outside the building for the night, feeling the dread of what I was willingly putting myself through clench my guts and twist nausea up my throat.
I was going to let myself be taken into isolation.
When this building opened for business tommorow morning, my fate would be sealed into a dark room where I would remain until I was ready to be reintroduced into the world.
I couldn't wait!
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