I spent my first night away from my family on a bench in a holding cell at the police station.
My shoes were taken from me and I was searched before being let into the tiny room.
It was clean at least, and I was lucky enough not to be disrupted with loud noise from the three other doors next to mine.
The bench ran along the right side of the room to where a small brick wall jutted out to serve as some sort of privacy for the open steel urinal there. There was nothing else here; not even a window.
My only view was the tiny panels in my door that looked straight out to another wall. The holding cells were down thier own hall to keep me away from the pristine image of the police station entrance.
My rolled up jacket became my pillow as I stared at the roof and tried to hold in my anger and fear.
I was wishing Lavender had slurred her words or reeked of alcohol when she screamed at me to stop beating up Braidon. At least then I would know that her mind wasn't in the right place and that her choices could have been influenced by him.
But she was sober. She smelled like those bath salts, and knew exactly what was happening between them.
She had enjoyed it too. I had been turned down so she could have her first moment with someone else, while I fretted for her safety. That damn boy had stolen her from me while I was distracted.
If only she had slurred her words. If only she had reaked of alcohol; maybe even fallen asleep before any of it had happened...
"MOTHER FUCKER!"
"Keep it down in there!" someone else snapped back from further down.
I let my rage boil and overflow. I took it out on my jacket that I beat mercilessly into the bench before slamming it against the wall.
It crumpled in a heap when I threw it again, the red heart creasing in the mass.
I saw Lavender's smile when she had sewn it on. I heard her excitement when I paraded it for her parents...
That meant everything to her. Well, not anymore.
I tore the stitches from the denim with my teeth and yanked at the heart until I could hear it shredding from its threads. With more gnawing and pulling, the heart was crushed in my hand that I stared at.
Why had she done that? How could she? After everything we had been through together.
I couldn't throw it away. Instead, I used it to try and soak up some of the tears that spilled from me in shaking moans.
I didn't care who heard me. I just wanted things back to how they were.
I just wanted to feel like I wasn't having my heart torn out of my chest.
Numbness washed over me when I was released from the cell to be shackled and taken to a courthouse.
It was just me and my silence as I was processed through an interview I didn't even speak up for while facts were spoken back to me.
They already knew I had caused harm to a human boy. They already knew I was completely sober when I had threatened to slit his throat and ignored the police.
Apparently they had told me that I was being arrested when they showed up. I had been in such a haze of anger that I only remembered the tasers.
I don't know why they wanted me to confirm or fight against what had happened. Silence was all they deserved.
I just wanted to sit in silence. I didn't want to hear anything else.
Not their accusations; not her moans of pleasure...
I looked up at the judge sitting up on her podium opposite mine. There were no witnesses here, only us and the four guards accompanying us; two on each side.
She looked like a kind lady too. I must have looked like a criminal in my chains looped between my wrist and ankle shackles.
She reminded me of a porcelain statue. Her skin was pale white and her eyes were deep blue. Even her tiny horns and speckles down her arms were the same shade of blue.
"Mr Griffin" the judge spoke then softened "or Teddy; which would you like to be called?"
Which one was it? Both names reminded me of what had been torn from me.
My silence was broken with tears and sobs. The judge looked over me with sympathy.
"I don't know" I whined up at her.
"Let's stick with Mr Griffin for now" she smiled back and browsed the papers before her "my name is Jule Demires. I would like it if you refer to me as Mrs Demires during our meeting here."
"Y-yes, Miss" I sniffed and wiped my nose.
"As you may be well aware, things work differently for demons; whether it be in a school yard or a court room" Mrs Demires spoke "and a demon harming a human has different consequences than the opposite happening."
I sniffled, waiting for her judgement.
"You are a bright kid, Mr Griffin. Your marks in school are quite remarkable, and you have a very clean record compared to others your age. You even have a Bonded human too; that is a lot to accomplish in your short time here."
I tried to smile back at her but focused on wiping my tears instead.
"From what I have gathered, you were not willing to talk during the interview. Would you like to talk now to clarify a few things for me, Mr Griffin?"
"Y-yes, Miss."
"Is it true that you, and I quote, told Mr P. Griffin in regards to Braidon Somes that he should 'back the fuck up or I'll cut his damn throat'?".
"Yes, Miss."
"And you were unarmed at the time?"
"I had my hand around his throat, Miss."
Mrs Demires nodded and made a note of something.
"Another demon; Mr River Fridley, was seen helping you with Mr Somes when you had harmed him..."
My heart thudded at the mention of River's name and I felt panic set in.
He couldn't be dragged into this because of me!
There was no way I was letting him take any of the blame for what I had done.
"He was trying to stop me, Miss" I replied quickly "he said I had changed and that I was scaring Lavender."
"Your human?"
"Yes, Miss."
Her eyes went back to the papers and she scribbled something else down.
"Multiple witnesses state that you mutated while harming Mr Somes. Is that correct?"
"Yes, Miss."
"And that you had to be incapacitated when officers arrived at your location?"
"Yes, Miss."
"And you also used your own teeth to harm Mr Somes; which required several stitches to be closed?"
I felt pride swell in me at the mention of the damage I had caused and tried to keep the happiness out of my voice.
"Yes, Miss."
Mrs Demires nodded and shuffled her papers to get her them together.
"The judgement is fitting then" she announced before lifting up something from her podium to show me.
It looked like a black torture device with sharp teeth hanging from it. There was even a box at the back with its own set of digital red numbers and a blinking red bulb beneath it.
"Are you aware of a Demon's Cradle, Mr Griffin?"
I shook my head and faced her with a mixture of fear and curiosity.
"A Demon's Cradle is a fancy name for a muzzle" she explained "it is a common punishment for young demons, such as yourself, to wear to remind themselves and others of what they have done. Personally, I do not condone such a public act of humiliation, but it was best recommended through the statements I have here and your matching comments. A demon who marks a human with his teeth or claws is seen as a danger. A first time offender like yourself who has such a clean record, will be sentenced to this rather than being sent to juvenile hall."
She placed the muzzle down and handed her guard a form that he handed to me.
"The muzzle will be fitted onto you from today, Mr Griffin, and will be armed with a silent alarm. The muzzle is not to be tampered with or removed for the duration of your sentence, otherwise the alarm will be activated and we will be notified immediately. The muzzle has been shown to the offending demon to be in a new and unmarked condition..."
She passed the muzzle to the guard who also rotated it for me in his hands to show off its untouched surfaces.
"...the muzzle is to be worn by the offending demon while attending Salt Oak High School between the hours of ten am and two pm, and while in his residence. The muzzle may only be removed entirely for sleep each night between the times of eight pm and eight am the following morning. The unlock code will be reset every two hours through the duration of the sentence. The muzzle must be fixed back on the offending demon before eight am, or the silent alarm will trigger and a notification will be sent to Salt Oak police station. Are you understanding this, Mr Griffin?"
"Y-yes, Miss" I gulped back.
"Your location will be tracked at all times through the muzzle and the accompanying anklet I am showing you now..."
The guard came with the bulky anklet that looked like a box on a strap. It also had a blinking light in it, but lacked the numbers the muzzle had.
"...this anklet cannot be removed at all. Tampering with it will result in an ink being released, and immediate police presence to your location. Apart from getting to and from school from your own home, you are not to stray from a five kilometre radius. Again, we will be notified if you do."
A muzzle and a tracker. I was going to be branded as some sort of monster when I left this court room. I was going to be shamed for only wanting to protect what was mine to begin with.
"A supervised meeting with Mr Somes has also been advised in your sentencing, Mr Griffin" Mrs Demires spoke "for you both to apologise for what you had done."
"You have got to be kidding me!" I scoffed back before meeting her hard glare "miss."
"Any violence at the meeting will result in harsh penalties being applied to your sentence" she warned me "you already have one year in the Cradle and until adulthood of your eighteenth birthday in the tracker, Mr Griffin."
"One year!" I cried out now as I tried to contain my tears again "Miss! That's not fair!"
"Mr Griffin!" she snapped back sharply to make me fall silent "judgement may seem harsh, but it is the lesser one compared to where you could be going for mauling a human like you did. Be thankful you get to go home to your family today instead of spending another night behind bars again!"
Each word felt like it stabbed right through me. I could hear the anger that she used to hide the concern she held for my well being. Her harsh tone was only because she cared to not see me before her for something that could have turned out much worse.
"You will be fitted with the Cradle and accompanying tracker in a separate room" Mrs Demires said as she got to her feet with the papers, pausing to smile down on me "I wish you a good day, Mr Griffin, and I hope you do well."
She bowed to me with the same sign Mrs Francy used to show us. I mimicked her and felt familiarity wash away the fear buzzing inside me.
"And I wish you well, Miss" I replied to her smile before I was led away by the guards.
Mum was silent on the way home.
I could tell she wanted to talk to me, but didn't know how to as I sat there in bitter silence in the front seat beside her.
Lavender and Dad were absent. That was probably for the best though; I really didn't want to see or hear from Lavender right now.
"You know, everyone was really worried about you" Mum finally began and reached over to place a hand on my knee.
I shuffled from her to look out the window instead.
"Teddy, talk to me" she pleaded now.
"What about, Mum?" I huffed at the window "I'm muzzled up like some damn dog and I seem to be the only one in trouble for it all! Does Braidon get a muzzle too? Does he have to be tracked wherever he goes?!"
"Honey, he..."
"He should have kept his damn hands to himself!" I growled when I turned around "I'll break his fucking neck when I get my hands on him!"
Mum pulled the car off the road and parked it up. I watched her take off her seat belt and braced for a tirade of anger that had my tears returning in an instant.
"Come here, darling" she soothed with open arms.
I flipped off my belt and buried my head into her body so I could sob against it openly.
"It's not f-fair" I whined to her while she stroked her hand over my ears and hair "I d-don't want t-this on me!"
"I know" she hushed and held me close so I could continue to cry into her jumper "the world is a cruel place for beautiful souls like you."
"I'm a-a mon-monster" I choked against her "I'm not beau-autiful."
"Darling" she scowled at me and held my head between both her hands "you are the most beautiful thing that has fallen from the spirits. There is no-one; no-one, I would want here with me more than you, Teddy."
The pain stabbed me again and I let it flow over the metal muzzle pressed to my skin.
"I don't know if I want to be called Teddy anymore" I mumbled against her.
"Because that's what Sprig named you?" Mum wrapped her arms back around me to rub my back.
I whined and nodded as the memories tortured me again.
"I think nothing would suit you more" she murmured and kissed my head "a teddy is also someone who is cuddly and caring and soft; I think you are all of those things."
I felt Mum's hands squeeze me tighter.
"Hmm, definitely cuddly" she pondered aloud, lifting my face up to wipe my tears away "and definitely caring..."
Her hands squeezed along my back to make me laugh and squirm in her tickling clutches.
"... And really, really soft!"
"I am not!" I giggled up at her chuckling face.
"I love you, my Teddy Bear."
Mum kissed the top of my head again that I rested against her as I savoured her hug.
"Love you too, Mum."
"How about we work around this thing and start with dessert tonight?" she winked as she pulled the car back on the road after touching the tip of my muzzle with a finger "it comes off at eight o'clock, right? Ice-cream would be easier to drink through those metal teeth than a steak and mashed potatoes would."
I laughed at her again and wiped away the tears. My spirits were instantly lifted when I saw her smiling fondly at me.
"Can River join me?" I piped up excitedly "that's if it's OK? I kind of wanted to be away from the house for a bit."
Mum nodded to the road and rubbed my head.
"If you eat where I can see you, you can have a dinner date with River."
"Mum!" I blushed back "It's not like that! "
"That boy seems quite keen about you" she smirked "after...well, after you left, he wouldn't leave the verandah outside your room. Even when he took Darcy home, he came back to worry about you. I think that's a very good friend when I see one."
Friend. Something about the way River had twined his tail around mine that night and was so keen on anything I did made it seem like he saw me as more than just a good friend.
River was already perched on the frame when we arrived home.
His face lit up when he waited for me to collect the dessert Mum scooped out for me and garnished with a straw. She even made a bowl for River who grinned hugely when I showed it to him.
"You are the best" he breathed when I handed him up both bowls so I could climb up with him "this makes it all worth it."
"You waited for me?" I snorted at him as I stirred my own bowl to get it to the right consistency for drinking.
River nodded, savouring the spoonful he had in his mouth.
"Had to make sure he didn't try to come back for seconds while you were gone" he nudged me with a smile "I've got your back."
I smirked back at River who focused on his food.
Despite only being away for a day, River had mutated again. His tail now ended in a spiked fan on one side that had golden membrane webbed between each massive spike. The tail itself swayed beside mine, inching closer and closer when River thought I wasn't suspecting.
"Are we just friends?" I spoke up when his tail found mine again.
"Of course" he replied without releasing himself from me.
I looked down at our twisted tails and he followed, looking guilty he was being called out for it.
"You and Darcy are still together" I reminded him to make him laugh.
"Until he gets sick of me" River agreed.
"So... what about us?"
His eyes glanced at me expectantly before he realised I was asking, not implying. He looked disappointed.
"I don't like you like that. I'm not, well, gay."
"Neither am I" River laughed out and pointed his spoon at me "my swing goes both ways. Guys and girls" he finished and placed it in his mouth with a satisfied smile.
I forced a weak smile back at him so I didn't burst his bubble.
"I only love Lavender" I started, only to make him roll his eyes at me.
"I think you mean 'loved'. Surely you can't be hung up on some girl who hurt you like that?" River scowled at me now "you deserve better than this."
He grabbed my muzzle to shake it slightly and get his point across. Just the mention of Lavender made River turn sour and glare ahead while he ate. His tail still remained firmly around mine while he did.
"I just..." he began, but trailed off for a while. He glanced at me and stared ahead again.
"I like you, Teddy" he mumbled.
"As friends?" I teased him.
"You know God damn well it's more than friends!" he threw his arms up in frustration "don't make me spell it out for you, Teddy. Please!"
It was amusing to see River so embarrassed to the point that he was hiding his head in his massive hands. The terrifying demon was nothing more than a burning, hunched figure of shame.
"Since when?"
"Like, the first log-in" he mumbled back to my gasp of surprise.
"You hated me!"
"I was jealous!" he blurted back "you and Lavender were so adorable together with your damn laughing and being all flirty and happy with each other! And there was no way Darcy's mum or dad were going to let me near him while they were around. I wanted you and her to be you and me, damn it!"
I sat there in shock while River tried to compose himself. He was breathing so hard it sounded like he had just been running rather than enjoying dessert with me.
"Forget it" he huffed as he wiped his eyes "forget I said anything, OK?"
"But I can't" I breathed and placed a hand on River's shoulder "I didn't know you felt that way so strongly."
He let out a snort to try and play it all off. It only made it easier for his tears to fall into his bowl.
I felt sorry for him. He looked so lost and confused on what to do now that his hidden feelings were out in the open. He was terrified of being so true to himself and anyone else; his tough defensive exterior the hard shell that kept him safe.
"Teddy!" Mum called out the window to me "it's eight o'clock! One one three seven!"
"Here" River mumbled as he passed me his bowl so he could push my head down.
I heard him working in the numbers before the metal around my face loosened.
River caught the muzzle and pushed it aside so he could clean off my face with his shirt. I was about to argue against it until he shot forwards to kiss me.
My body jolted from the shock of it. His lips were soft like Lavender's, but didn't give me the giddy feelings she did. Instead, there was nothing but frustration when I shoved him from me.
"River!" I gasped at his soft smile.
"River!" Mum also called out in shock.
He untwined his tail from mine so he could stand up with a grin on his face. He leapt down from the frame before I could do anything, and waved up to me.
"Thanks for dessert!" he laughed cheekily as I was at a loss at what to shout back to him.
I could still feel his soft lips against mine. It was like I had just been kissed by Lavender all over again.
I wanted to feel like that with Lavender too. But now that she had decided to steer away from my affection, River was the one to give it to me.
I didn't feel about him like that though. He was just a friend who had made things really difficult between us.
"What just happened?" I breathed in a daze to Mum when I dropped myself into the seat at the kitchen table. My muzzle was slapped beside me that I cleaned up with a tea-towel.
"Honestly, I have no idea" she commented with a cheeky smile as she served up my food.
"He loves me" I frowned at the steak that I stabbed now "but I... don't."
I didn't. I loved Lavender.
I had loved Lavender.
Before things had gone wrong between us.
"Why did he have to ruin things?" I groaned out as I shovelled the hot vegetables into my mouth.
Was he ruining it for himself or for me? Was this just making me doubt what I felt?
It felt like bloody torture. Like I was worrying over something I shouldn't be feeling in the first place.
"Just rest on it" Mum placed a hand on my shoulder to squeeze it gently.
I nodded and focused on finishing the rest of my meal alone. When I was done, I picked up my muzzle and headed for my bedroom.
Lavender was peering out of her bedroom door. She saw me frozen there and looked at the muzzle I carried. Her eyes then paused on the place where I had torn the heart from my jacket.
I felt guilt rise up when I saw this hurt her.
"I..." she began softly, looking down at the ground before at me "I'm sorry, Teddy."
"It's a little late for that" I bit back at her, advancing "you should have kept your door closed."
She nodded with tears brimming in her eyes. I kept my face stern so she couldn't see the pain turning inside me.
"I trusted you, Sprig" I whispered.
She nodded now that words failed her.
"I'm going to be tracked until I'm eighteen" I continued, leaning against her door-frame now with my arm. It was the same stance I had caught River in with Darcy when I had raced to the water with Lavender before it all went sour.
"I have to meet with Braidon to apologise" I scowled at the door-frame as his name soured my mouth "whenever that is."
"I don't want you to get into any more trouble with him" she murmured to me.
"And I don't want you anywhere near him" I glared back.
Her eyes dropped.
"We go to the same school, Teddy."
I felt the anger inside me return. There was no escaping the damn bastard at all. Lavender would see him again and the temptation would come with it; I just knew it.
How was I meant to trust her if he continued to linger while I was gone? Our schools weren't close enough for me to keep watch over her either.
I had no trust left for someone I once would have sacrificed everything for.
"I'll take you to school tomorrow" I told her when her eyes shone with tears again "and I will pick you up. And if I see Braidon there, this muzzle will be the least of his worries."
Lavender smiled at me. It was a small smile, but it was one nether-less that made my stomach fizz again.
My ears perked up before I could force them down stubbornly. She noticed and smiled again.
"I still love you, Teddy" she whispered.
I couldn't deny the feelings still hammering within me whenever I saw or thought of Lavender. As much as she had caused me pain, I still couldn't see a life without her.
Trust would be slow to rebuild though. But I would not be so quick to throw away everything between us because of what someone else had that she wanted.
Temptation was cruel, but I was crueller.
"Goodnight, Lavender" I whispered back before heading to my own room and suffering in silence.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
