I'm walking back to the cafeteria after Sebastian and Rain tried to make a spectacle of me and I learnt they never even tried to save Samantha's life. My feet are stomping hard, sinking into the snow with every step, my fists clenched and eyes filled with rage.
I am just full on seething! I feel like my heart and my head are just boiling now and that I have just been pushed to my limit, pretty much. "Move out of my way, shortie."
I feel someone shove me and I look up seeing it was Ricky, walking through. I turn my head seeing my friends, the Guys from Avery's team and the other community members are here eating. They haven't noticed me yet. I honestly feel like I can't take it anymore that I sink to the ground, kneeling over and clutching my hair with my fingers to the point that I'm going to pull strands of hair out, hurting myself.
I see Avery isn't here. "Hey, what are you doing?" I hear Paige ask, noticing me. She places her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Are you okay, Valerie?" She asks a second later, showing a slight hint of genuine kindness.
"Valerie?" I hear Kelsey whimper, standing up, having noticed me. The rest of our team does and so does the Guys. "Hey! You seen, Avery?" One of them asks. I grit my teeth and pull at my shirt feeling like it's constricting me. "Valerie?" I hear Ricky address me, actually bending down to my level.
"Are you actually okay? Do you want us to call Owen down here?" He asks weirdly, showing genuine concern. His eyebrows are raised including his eyes. I say nothing, just sort of glaring then, anger burning in my eyes. "Okayyy, I don't think she's okay. Call Owen down here." Ricky says back to Paige and I see her walk over to pick up a walkie talkie.
And then it's just like a part of me snaps. I stand up, moving awkwardly that I'm hardly standing straight. "She's dead, Ricky. Because of me, but also Sebastian. They could have saved her, but they didn't. They let Merge poison her and they saved me instead of her because apparently I'm a 'diamond in the rough!'"
"I-I-I... what are you talking about, Valerie? I d-don't understand..." Ricky stammers looking really confused and distressed by what I'm saying. "WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME?!" I yell with tears brimming my eyes. "Hey, hey. Stop! Stop, please!" He begs me, approaching me to place his hand on my shoulders to calm me. I see him pull out a handkerchief from his pocket. "Y-you're going to cause yourself a panic attack. I don't want to see you get to that point, Valerie... It's a horrible experience..."
"NO!" I scream, fighting to get his hands off me. "Call Owen, anytime now!" I hear Ricky freak out. "Owen, are you there?" I hear Paige cry into her walkie talkie. "GET OFF ME!" I yell.
I somehow find the strength to push him aside to the floor. My friends and the other members are literally horrified, watching this scene unfold. I stagger forward, gripping the Island with one of my hands and my head with my other hand. V-Valerie..." I hear Ricky say, sitting up slowly and carefully. A bruise forming on the side of his head. He must have hit the bench on the way down.
I feel my arm just swipe and it collides with something thin and glass, breaking that shards pierce my skin, embedding while the rest goes all over the bench and I watch slowly as a white flower gently sails in the end, stained with my blood on the ends of it fairly heavily.
And then the official sound of glass breaking happens and I step back, my head's throbbing violently, not even registering the pain in my arm. I turn my head seeing a horrified look on Ricky and Paige's face. Tears are in his eyes and Paige has dropped the walkie talkie, pieces of it broken, lying on the floor.
Ricky stands up slowly, taller than me, a look of disbelief on his face, his expression changing to one of anger. I hear Kelsey cry and trying to reach me, but the Guys from Avery's team are holding her back. He raises his hand and I turn my head, eyes closed, prepared to accept what his about to do to me...
I wait for it, but it doesn't come. Slowly opening my eyes, I see him slowly lower his hand, turning to Paige. "Don't just stand there, useless... Get a dust pan and brush." He says to her and then he turns back to look at me, a look of pain in his eyes, even slight tears forming.
"Is what you said about Sam, you and Sebastian true?" He chokes out and I give a small nod.
Then I see a shadow on the snow covered ground in front of me and before I can turn my head, I feel a sharp prick in my shoulder, but they take it out gently afterwards and I feel myself hit the cold ground. "You should take her to your room to sleep it off and calm down. I don't know what Rain or Sebastian said to upset her, but..."
It's Owen's voice and I pass out completely.
"Y-yes, Owen."
"Thank you, Louis."
---
It's been hours since I accidentally broke Sam's flower... I-I don't know if Ricky is angry or more upset at me. It wasn't intentional, but I'm thankful that he didn't hit me. He could have, but he chose not too. Unfortunately, what happened didn't calm me down anymore or make anything better. Owen showed up to help me. Yeah, he sticked a needle in my shoulder which knocked me out for a few hours, but it didn't solve anything or my feelings!
I woke up in the in my bed in my room, my Friends also by my side. They told me what happened, but told me to rest. I haven't seen the Guys from Avery's team. No doubt they are shaken by what I said and that... Avery is now missing. I have no doubt this has Sebastian all over it... He was going to use her as a bargaining chip against me, but I hope she's okay!
Why hasn't she come back though? It worries me... I take a deep breath in, feeling the cold chilly air as I sit outside on a plastic chair of our balcony. My friends are all inside asleep except for me. It's super late at night! I just needed some fresh air and here I am.
I can't help feeling like I'm 100% responsible for everything that has happened here. If it weren't for me... We wouldn't have ended up here or stuck in this world. I'm weak and my friends have been selflessly taking care of me. I should be the one taking care of them and supporting them, listening to them! But instead it's been all about me! I'm the most selfish person in the world right now!
I risked their lives including four more, one of which lost hers because of me... This all my fault! I silently cry into my hands, kneeling over, praying that my Friends won't wake up and hear me.
Oh, I so hope that they don't. I head back inside to grab a quick cup of water and take it back out with me to drink on the veranda, the cup is shaking so bad in my shaky hands, some water tips over the edges of the cup onto the pavement. I drink the water, then place the cup down. I'm still shaking heavily and step forward to the railing, resting my hands on it as I take a shaky breath, the cold leaving my mouth in a small cloud. You can't see the aurora from here, just mountains and trees, the odd polar bear, but it's still really beautiful!
Shame though that such a nice world is the home to two not so *nice* people. I honestly feel so guilty right now for just everything that is happening. It's to the point I can't handle it anymore and before I know it... I'm doing something reckless.
I'm sitting on the edge of the balcony, my legs over just dangling above the hard snow covered ground, I'm shaking and my fingers are turning red from gripping the rail so strongly at that I'm just here in the cold, outside at Night. I glance at the analog clock and the hands seem to be stuck trying to tick from 12.
I take a shaky breath inching myself forward more and more when I notice down below a Guard. Ricky in particular. His rugged up warm and his eyes are wide. His seen me and what I'm about to do... He yells something out that I can't quite make out to his partner, Paige and she books it for the leaders home.
I hear the sound of a door opening and some random member has stepped onto the balcony of her team's room. She looks shocked and I hear her whisper something back, walking back into her dorm. "Hey Guys, one of the other other members, those ones who upset Sebastian alot is on the edge of her railing.... Yeah, their team leader! She's totally goanna commit-"
"Valerie, what are you doing?!"
I flinch, hearing my name called and look back to see Kelsey awake and standing on the balcony behind me. Snow flurries are getting caught in blonde hair that's out of it's scrunchies, gently blowing in the wind much like mine. "Just go back inside, Kelsey..." I mumble.
She takes a step forward. "No, you're my friend and you're goanna-"
I shuffle a-bit forward. "Woah, hey, hey, no! I'll step back okay if it means you don't shuffle forward, Valerie.."
"Kelsey, just please go back inside!"
"I can't do that, Valerie. Look where you are right now. I've been in your position before you know? We ignored your eating disorder because we didn't know how to talk about and to help you. I haven't suffered from anorexia, but I do have bulimia, you know? Four years ago, Louis saved my life. I'm just like you! If you go through with this you-you will... and if not, you could be heavily paralyzed!"
"Kelsey, stop! Please. Don't you understand why I'm doing this?"
"No, I don't, Valerie, but y-you can tell me! Just let me help you back onto the veranda and we can sit down together, inside. I can listen, Valerie."
"No."
"Okay... w-we don't need to go inside, but I still want to be there for you and listen. I'm your Friend and you have always been there for me in my opinion. It's time I payed back the favor. Tell me what you're thinking, Valerie, please."
"Right now?"
"Yes..."
I sigh and go over to her, climbing off the edge of the balcony. I see her relax a little bit. "I don't feel like I can take it anymore. The temperatures, the way were treated by the Guards and how the other other members gossip behind our backs, the lack of food and water, healthcare. I thought we were free and all it did was cost us... A friend and then were back here and they are angrier than ever, Kelsey. They humiliated me earlier and they are just goanna keep making it worse for me and...
I'm in love with Louis. He likes you."
"What? Valerie, he likes you too-"
"But not in the same way."
She holds up her hand. "I understand, Valerie. This is hard and having emotions makes it worse.
We can talk about this further inside and I want you to know that I really like you too. I'm... Polyamorous. I haven't told anyone. Maybe, if you want... You and I and Louis can all be together? I've denied it for the longest time, but I'm actually attracted to both of you.
I don't know how Louis would feel about it. Do you think I'm disgusting now that I've told you? Crap, I shouldn't have said anything."
Seems this has been chewing up on the inside for ages...
"Sorry, I'm making it worse, I'm being selfish by talking about me-"
"No, it's okay." I tell her.
"Uh, anyway... You're than welcome to come share my bed with me, my blankets are really fluffy, we can wrap ourselves under them. Better than staying out here in the cold..."
I think about it. "I don't want you to give up, Valerie. You have alot to live for. We can walk this road together can't we, yeah? I regularly attend therapy. I can help you with the process in the future when we get back home so you're not afraid. It's no wonder that you were desperate to escape from what seemed like being locked up in your mind." She says, stepping closer to me. I panic and quickly step back onto the balcony, but she's quicker than me and actually stronger. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me of. I don't want to hurt her in a struggle so I let go. She hugs me on the floor, head resting on my shoulder and I feel her cold lips plant a gentle kiss on my neck.
"Please don't blame yourself, this isn't your fault. None of why were here and what happened here is your fault." She tells me with tears in her eyes. I go to speak, but she shushes me just stroking my back and hair too. I let out a sigh. "Just, please don't scare me like that ever again you idiot!" She chastises. "And we can both love, Louis, you hear? We'll work this out, I'm not out to be your rival over us liking the same guy, Valerie."
I nod in her arms. "It's cold out here, Kelsey." I whimper, feeling tears fall.
"Yeah, it is. Let's go back inside to bed where it's warm, Valerie. Just please... Promise me that you won't blame yourself going forward okay? You usually blame things that go wrong on yourself... I've seen happen in class. And don't try to hurt yourself either.. We can be here for you. All of us, your friends. We'll learn about your condition and how to support your, what you think us doing for you would be helpful." She responds back.
"Only if you promise not to blame yourselves either for this situation." I choke out. "All of you, every one of you."
"Fair call!" She says, stifling a laugh. She helps me to my feet, but not letting go of me as she guides me back inside, closing the door behind us to keep the snow out. I feel her give the top of my head a kiss.
We step back into the room and I gulp see Louis and Cloud are awake and out of bed, their arms crossed.
"G-Guys, I-I-"
"You don't need to say anything, Valerie. We saw and heard every word. This is going to be alot of processing and talking now." Louis says, arms folded, but his not cross, more concerned.
"You both could really hurt yourselves!" Cloud yells at me and Kelsey to which I sadly nod, still in her arms.
"Valerie, come here." Louis and Cloud say together, them wrapping their arms around me and Kelsey as we all sink to our bedroom together. "Thank you." I choke out. "No problem, were here for you. Both of you." Louis answers. "And were not leaving, nor giving up." Kelsey and Cloud say together.
A knock is heard against our door. We all stand up, Kelsey still hugging me as the others have let go, but Louis is standing beside us and Cloud goes to slowly open it and see who it is for us.
We see him shoved aside, hitting the floor. He sits up fairly quickly, but is heavily disoriented. I see Louis backing away. Why?
"Where is she?! Is she okay?!"
It's Ricky. "I-I'm right here, R-Ricky!" I choke out. "Oh, thank the gods if they're watching!" I hear Ricky say. I look past him seeing other Guards dealing with the other gawking members.
"And then three sets of individuals step into the room that I wish didn't. Sebastian, Rain and Owen who are in their p.j's.
"She's okay!" Ricky cries out, but I just see Sebastian cross his arms. Rain is too, but Owen actually looks genuinely concerned. "Do you think you could all leave?!" I hear Cloud snap.
"Oh, I don't think so. No." Sebastian says back to Cloud. I and Kelsey start to step back slowly from them. Just... They don't let us, I gasp feeling Sebastian and Rain grab onto either side of me. I squirm. Ricky pushes Kelsey away, knocking her to the floor. She let's out a squeal and Louis has to help her up. "Let me go!" I cry. "Nope, I'm afraid we can't do that, Sprout." Sebastian answers.
My friends look absolutely traumatized. I feel Sebastian and Rain start to pull me from the room despite my kicking and screaming which does no good.
"Where are you taking her?!" I hear Kelsey cry. "No, bring her back!" I hear Kelsey cry in absolute hysterics.
"Kelsey... Sebastian, Rain and I are going to take Valerie somewhere safe for a bit. This is for her own safety." I hear Owen tell them as he stays back to talk to them.
I cry out for my friends, but it does no good. "What are you g-going to do to me?!" I cry.
"You'll find out soon enough, Sprout." I hear Sebastian comment. "Please!" I cry, but it does no good and soon enough we have stepped into their home and I feel myself black out.
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