I used to eat a lot, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Genesis is supposed to always be hungry, why am I barely eating anymore? I don’t even get sleep and school is just stressing me out. My parents say that if I don’t become less lazy, they will send me back to Guatemala, I don’t wanna go back. I found my place in the US, I have friends here. I don’t have much in Guatemala, just my family and a ton of money. I’m not even being lazy! It’s called silent depression! (Depression but you just don’t know you have it) My anxiety levels go up and down every day, I wrote a letter to my mom when I had enough but I never gave it to her. I chickened out, I hate this os much!
Sometimes, I wake up feeling really happy and pretty. Just so I can hear you telling me that I’m ugly. Those same words made me insecure of my body, I had anxiety and depression. I was able to return to normal but all those feelings came back. Every day, “you look ugly” or “me pretty and you ugly?” are words that you say that make me insecure, depressed, and worried/anxious. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not enough for you. I stopped trying to make you proud a long time ago. I thought I wasn’t enough for you and I forced myself to do things that you wanted me to do, things that were nothing like my personality. I think that I just wanted to have a place in the world and maybe belong in the community. It didn’t matter how much I tried, it was always the same response, “ugly.” The reason behind my hoodies is because I’m insecure, it’s something you never saw/noticed.
From, Genesis
with love but not a lot (sincerely)
(and the reason why I spent so much time in my room)
I hate myself so much, my mom doesn’t understand me. I wish she noticed…
ns 15.158.61.8da2
