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Harry's POV
I just finished text/talking with Debbie and she was called away. It's odd, the conversation turned dirty at one point and I immediately changed the subject. Eh, I guess I just wasn't in the mood. Even guys want a break from that stuff. Yeah it's true. I was tired so I'll go with that.
I flipped through the channels on the couch as mum was preparing some food. She didn't need my help since it was one of her simple recipes. I still looked at her while she cooked just in case.
I thought about yesterday. I thought about this morning. I stood up and leaned against the couch. I messed up my curls, moving them out of my eyes as they tend to do. My mum had no idea what I was going through. I didn't want to make her worry by dumping my woes onto her.
I told her I was going upstairs and try to busy myself with something other than wasting time. I can't relax. I gotta keep going with this. When I start to relax, I think of her eyes. I don't want to but I do. I was with Debbie now but Eva seems to be everywhere I go. I just hope I don't dream of her. She already has dreams about me, let's not complicate things further.
Elena needs to stop making me feel guilty. Oh yeah, she's still there. Haunting me. Gnawing on my thoughts, ugh, I just can't take it. She's probably going to be there for a long time. I never fully addressed any of their issues when we broke up. Which is why I'm such a mess in general. Ugh, where are my fags at?
I had a few unsmoked ones stashed somewhere in a place of safe keeping. I pulled a couple out and my lighter, jogging down the stairs.
"Getting some air mum." A bunch of fresh carbon monoxide-filled air.
I closed the door and went behind the space I was a few nights ago. I had my beanie over my eyes this time to hide my face. As long as I puffed a good 10 feet away, mum won't come out with the lectures. The last thing everyone needs is a talking to from their parents when there are more important things to fret over.
Shit. Where's Eva? Wasn't she going out with that douche bag? Where the fuck are they? More importantly what were they doing all this time? He looked like a grade A prick. A slick bloke that plays with girls by saying all the things they like. I've seen it. I've been that guy. Those guys don't exist anymore. All that's left is take what we can and regret nothing.
I heard voices coming up the door. It wasn't from mine; it was Eva's door and another voice joined in. Shit, I hid myself behind the other side, peaking out. Ah, now there they are.
I watched them closely; confused as to why as I was doing this. I stubbed out the fag on the tip of my trainers. What the fuck were they saying? I missed like half of the conversation.
Like it was so bloody important anyway. He's probably feeding her lines she wants to hear and she's eating it right out of his hand. Why do I care so much about them? Ugh, I took another fag, lit it and puffed out a big cloud of smoke that came into my eyes. I didn't want to see this and yet I was seeing it. It's like I couldn't stop myself from getting involved in what she does, who she does.
Why was she standing like that? She looked like she might tip over any second. She was leaning her body weight on his as he held onto her shoulders. Her hair was wet and she was carrying an extra large towel around her shoulders. Louis pulled the towel around her body and I watched her move closer to him. Shit. Don't look Harry. But I didn't listen to that voice. He was touching her, the jackass. Giving a put on smile and she doesn't see through it. Girls are too wrapped up into how they feel they really don't seem to see what's really going on. He's acting, it's all an act.
Maybe I'm more honest about how guys do it, if I tell her she won't listen to a word I say. I don't think anything is better than knowing the truth though. When she knows she'll regret not being careful. I took another drag, peeking over as he gave her a quick peck on her lips before leaving her there.
I didn't realize I was coming closer to the scene until I looked at where I stood. I retreated backward. The bushes were rustling, I could barely see where I was going and I lost my balance and fell down trying to hide myself behind them. I got up with a groan, dusting myself off and looked over at Eva. She was struggling to get the door open; it looked like she was leaning her forehead against it. What the fuck? Was she giggling?
Humming now? Oh lord no. I moved closer and she was still struggling with opening the front lock. Her dad's car wasn't there so the coast might be clear.
"Fuck me. Which key is it? Hmm, maybe I left it at Louis' place. Oh shit no." She said rapidly. What the fuck was going on?
I made my way closer to her until she caught me looking at the corner of her eye and jumped up.
"Harry, jeez you scared me." She went back to trying to open the door. How hard can it be to open a fucking door?
It was pitch black and no one could see us. I was glad for that. I thought for a minute going inside, avoiding this whole thing but I decided against it. What was up with her? She looked strange.
I took a long puff of my fag, looking at her trying the same key about 5 times in a row. "Problem?" I smirked.
She glanced behind, a glazed look in her eyes then she leaned against the door.
"Hmm, I need to go in. But I got it handled." She smiled and turned again leaning her forehead once again on the door as she looked at her key ring.
There must be like 40 different keys on that chain as she jingled them all loudly. I found it hard to hide in my laughter and let myself go. She looked at me, bemused.
"You're gonna be here all night. Don't you know what key is yours?"
She shook her head; it looked like a 5-year-old shaking their head after you asked if they did something bad. "Of course I know. Jeez, leave me alone Styles. Don't you have a date with anorexia camp?" She folded her arms across her chest.
Something was off. I smelled something. Ah shit. "Were you drinking tonight? I didn't know they served alcohol at Chuck. E. Cheese."
She rolled her eyes, stumbling slightly leaning firmly against the door. I moved forward, wiping the smirk off instantly. Was it for support? "Yeah right. I'm not drunk if that's what you think."
"Heh, you kind of are. What the fuck? That asshole got you liquored up then left you like this? I knew it." I wanted to laugh but she scoffed at me.
She gave me the stink eye. "You knew what? I wasn't overdoing it. We just had some drinks at his place. I got a great buzz going."
She tried to stand up to prove something to me but wobbled in an attempt. "See? I'm fine."
I sighed heavily, groaning. I moved her to the side and grabbed her keys. "Hey asshole, give!"
I ignored her. "Which one of these opens the front door?" I held up the ring right in her face.
She looked at it through crossed eyes, blinking several times. "Uh, it's the uh, silver one. Yeah, oh my god that's the one. Gimmie." She reached above her head, jumping up like a child.
I held it higher above her head, my fag in my other hand still. I'd forgotten about it until she grabbed it, putting it in her mouth, smoking a long drag. She blew the smoke in my eyes.
"Gimmie my keys jack off." She jumped again but fell over on me. I steadied her up. She looked up at me and dropped the cigarette. "Look at what you made me do?!" She whined.
"Haha, that's not the worst of it. You can barely stand. Seriously, how much did you drink? The truth now?" I whispered, her skin popped goosebumps on her cleavage.
The towel she wore, slipping down. I caught it and pulled it around her body. Why did I care so much? Because it hurt. She hurt. She hurt me but seeing her hurt just hurts more. I think that only made sense to me. She looked at me, then at my lips.
"Not a lot. Least I don't think. We were talking and stuff happened." I shuddered. What else happened? What did he do?
"OK, well, you need to sober up before your dad finds out." I grabbed her hand and stood her body up. She made an attempt to straighten herself.
"Why are you doing this? I thought we were like over. I thought you weren't talking to me like ever?"
"Don't worry about it." Truth is, I couldn't give an answer when her intoxicated mind won't remember. I'm not even sure her sober mind can withstand the truth.
"Follow me to mine, you can shower up there and I'll give you some water and coffee." I whispered gently. I wanted her on my side; at least for now.
"Harry…" She breathed; I was worried when she started moving close to me. Shit. Not this again. Not like this. "My head hurts a little. Shit. Where are my keys? My dad's gonna freak if he sees me like this."
Exactly. "Come on." I pocketed her keys and took her hand in mine.
I helped her walk to the my front door, lifting a finger to my lips, reminding her to be quiet the best I can. She nodded, though I don't think she fully understood since I heard her giggle when she stumbled again. I'm surprised mum hasn't noticed. I brought her to the bathroom, got some towels and set them down. She grabbed me by my sleeve when I tried to leave.
"Why?" She breathed in my face. I chewed on my lip, not answering.
"You shouldn't do this. Why?" She asked again and I just stared at her. Her eyes scanned my face for a long moment before landing on my lips. "He doesn't kiss me like you. Nobody can."
I watched her eyes glass up and took a deep breath. She was getting intensely emotional on the spot. I know what she's doing. She won't remember any of it in the morning. Things will be back to normal. Whatever normal is.
"Let me know when you're finished. I'll take you back after you're sobered up." That's all I could get out. It was safe for me. The less I said, the better it is for us. Even though there is no us.
I backed out and closed the door. I held my chest, unable to focus. Shit, she already kissed him. Figured as much. Those tosser eyes of his itching to make my blood boil, it was working, a little too much. Though, it didn't completely make me feel bad at the same time. A small smile played on my lips when I thought of what she said when we kissed. I almost missed it. I almost had done it just now, again. But I couldn't let that happen. Not now.
I sighed when I heard the shower running. She was naked in there. Focus Harry. I went to my room and grabbed the body spray and covered the tracks of smoke the best I could. I put it away, closing my door, hearing the shower curtains jostle. I nearly wanted to make sure she was doing it right. That'd be a little awkward. She knows how to shower. I heard some slipping in and opened up the door, the condensation over the mirrors making everything milky.
"Are you OK?"
"Yeah, sorry. It's soapy man." Her muffled voice said, the silhouette of her curvy body casting a shadow through the curtain. Damn.
I ached to turn it over, so badly. But thought better. She was ok, all is well. Focus Harry. Stop being so wrapped up in the little things.
"OK, let me know when you finish. And try to be very quiet."
"OK Harry. Sorry." She laughed softly and I couldn't help but smile myself.
Her voice sounded a little bit normal and I did a silent thank you while I closed the door firmly. I walked down the stairs and quietly went to the kitchen to put the coffee on. I got the stuff ready for it and grabbed a tall glass for water, filling it up to the top. I don't know how much she drank but I just wanted to be sure and dilute as much as I could.
As the coffee was filling I noticed nobody was here. Robin was probably still at work and mum was, where was she? I looked into the cast iron pot that was simmering with some kind of chicken stew, lifting the lid. It smelled good. Reminded me of things she made back home. Maybe she misses it like me too.
If I could go back there now I wouldn't be too sure of it. I'm making a name for myself here and I'm starting to like the states more than I thought I would.
"Harry, go and serve yourself love." I turned around and saw my mum peak her head from the sliding door outside. She was on the phone.
She covered the receiver and smiled at me. Something was up. Who was she talking to? The coffee beeped making me jump and push the off button on the side. I filled the dark liquid in mug nearly to the brim. It's going to take pure coffee to cure what Eva's got now. Least that's how I learned it. My dad, the real one told me about this stuff. Crazy that it's random things like this I remember.
I turned off the gas on the stove. I figured mum wanted it off anyway since it was bubbling up. I picked up the glass and mug, walking up the steps slowly, not to spill anything on my trip up.
I set both of them on my nightstand and sat down on my bed. The shower was still going on as I collapsed my back landing on my unmade bed, blowing out a gust of air from my lungs. I folded my arms over my eyes and suddenly didn't know what to do with myself. Eva has to be nearly done. I mean who takes longer than this to shower? I guess I was afraid of mum finding out Eva was drinking, thinking she may be a bad influence. In fact, I have the power if I want to tell her dad about this. I could have left her to fend for herself with the keys and that door. Her dad would have seen everything and probably ground her for a long time. I saved her. Why?
"Harry?" She called out, carrying her clothes in my hand, dressed in just a towel. Her wet hair hung loosely over the front of her towel over her breasts. "Sorry if um, you were waiting long."
I remembered when I saw her like this a few days ago. Shit, my cock stood straight up. I winced slightly, sitting up, my jeans becoming a burden when I did.
I went to go grab the water and handed it to her. She said nothing, moved forward, taking it from me. She sipped on it, swallowing and drank it again.
She pushed hair behind her ear and leaned against my desk. It's weird, she's in my room and I didn't want her to leave, like ever. Not in that sexual way, I didn't want her to leave all night. My eyes traced her bare thighs going up to her face. She was looking anywhere but my direction.
"You can," I rubbed my neck moving to get up. "Sit on my bed, here." I pulled the covers over so it was flat enough to sit on.
She slowly looked around the room until she saw me. She looked at me like I was a stranger. She said nothing, drinking the rest of the water, setting it down. I took the coffee and brought it to her. It was still hot so I warned her about it and that I didn't put anything inside it.
She again was so quiet it was fucking freaking me out. She blankly looked at the carpet when she took the mug out of my hand. She put her mouth on it to drink and pulled away. "Shit, this is hot."
"Sorry, mum was downstairs I had to be quick." I watched her drink a few sips and set it right next to the glass. Her face flinched at the taste. I smiled slightly.
She folded her arms across her chest. "What did you mean?"
"What did I mean about what?"
"You said…ugh," She grabbed her temple leaning into her hand, shaking her head. "You said you don't wait to take something if you want it. What did you mean by that?"
She looked at me finally; her glassy look replaced by one of a young girl inquisitive about something. I confessed that in the heat of an argument, how was I going to give a full explanation that?
I cleared my throat gently. I searched my heart and spoke, "If you want someone, then waiting isn't an option. You tell them how you feel even if they might hurt you in return. It's a risk."
"I don't believe in risks anymore. I don't think anybody else does either."
"Life is a risk. Dreaming is a risk. We take risks every day and we don't even know it."
She looked at me, a sad smile appearing on her lips. "Big risks aren't worth it. If someone waits for something then is it still worth it when they finally admit it?"
Why was she asking me this? Did it have to do with Louis? Was this a test? "All I know is I wouldn't wait to tell someone how I feel. Love and feelings are rare. We could use more people who still believe in it."
She parted her lips and turned her body to me. Her towel sliding and I averted my eyes and looked at my night stand instead. "Somebody hurt you. Who?"
I shivered all over my body. How did she know this? I thought I'd gotten so good at hiding it since I left Holmes Chapel. I swallowed hard, staring straight ahead.
"Doesn't matter. Love makes you blind sometimes. What's done is done. I've moved on." I said sternly.
"With Debbie? She's the girl that hurts people. Harry, I know her."
Eva touched my arm gently. My first instinct was to remove it. She was digging into uncharted territory. Not even stuff I discuss with mum. My jaw tensed. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
"I've moved on. I like Debbie. She's not what everyone seems to think she is. I like her." What was I doing? Eva is sitting right bloody next to you!
Eva turned her head down, shielding her face. "She hurts people once she gets what she wants. You've got to believe me Harry."
Her voice was deep and dead serious. I knew this. OK, I fucking knew this. But the real Debbie Jacobs is the girl I see. Maybe Eva is wrong. People hide how they feel all the time. Maybe I'm forcing this belief in my head too far deep. People can change.
"I still think she's not what people say she is. Nobody knows her like me." She removed her hand from my arm and re-crossed her arms over her chest.
There was an air of sadness we couldn't ignore. I wished I never said anything. I feel like my head is doing all the talking here.
"I should dress." Her voice was small and sounded hurt.
I fucked up again. But she was with Louis now. I can't protect her from that guy, especially when I know the fate of what's to come.
I moved to get up but she pulled me down to her, we were at eye level. I shuddered.
"Lock the door." She whispered to my eyes and held my hand in hers, kissing my fingers slowly until she reached the tips.
I pulled my fingers away and bolted up. No we can't do that. "I've got to go downstairs." It's not the same.
I turned before I was tempted again. Shit. I stumbled a bit moving to the door. Halting my stance when she breathed my name.
"Harry, look at me." My head turned halfway. I pushed the rest of the way and saw her face.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I can't bare it, don't be afraid—" I spoke over her.
"Go out through the front door. Nobody will see you." I looked at her one more time, not letting her respond and closed the door behind me.
I rubbed my face letting out the breath I held inside. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep being around her like this. It's getting harder to control something I fucking don't want to control.
Jesus. And it's harder going to get harder from here on. Fuck.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eYVxd14Qa
