I left shortly after making sure she made it into her uber safely. I understood why she didn't want to ride back with me so I didn't argue.
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I left the park after another 30 minutes of sitting at the bench we sat at rethinking my decisions. I felt like a dumbass for allowing myself to feel this way about her knowing what I knew but I didn't regret anything. I was just frustrated with myself for not waiting. Maybe if I waited a little longer or if I met her sooner, before counseling, before my mom passed or after I wasn't her patient anymore, then I maybe would've had a chance. Now I just had to live with the "what if's."
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I took a deep breath before leaving the park and started driving to Frankie's parent's house. I decided I'd still go because I could use the distraction and the alcohol to keep my mind off things. When I got there I just walked around to the back where the hot tub was and found everyone already inside with countless bottles on the rail beside them. They had music blaring loud enough for the neighbors to hear, luckily they weren't home because their car wasn't in the driveway; if they were, the night would've ended sooner than planned.
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"Tommy, you came!" Frankie raises her hands out of the hot tub and jumps out to give me a wet hug.
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"Frankie I'm still in my clothes." I laughed trying to ignore the subtle pain in my chest.
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"Take them off then." I look back at the water at Gio, West and two other girls I recognized from the party from some weeks ago. I didn't remember their names, not that it was relevant anyway. They were busy flirting with each other they didn't even notice I walked in. I slid my shirt over my head letting the crisp air hit my torso. I didn't have any swim trunks so I just slid my pants off and kept my boxers on. I felt her scanning my body with low eyes, I knew she'd been drinking by the way she was looking at me.
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"T when did you get here?" Gio looked up from the water along with West and the two girls. One of the girls was awfully close to West which confused me because I thought that him and Frankie had something between them. I didn't care enough to ask so I shrugged it off.
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"I just got here." I stepped into the hot tub and the steam from the water and the high temperatures hitting my cool body relaxed me a bit. They moved over giving Frankie and me room.
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"You have to catch up with us you're late." Some random girl spoke while passing me a bottle of tequila that was half empty. Without hesitating I drank it like water.
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"Woah slow down, leave some for us." West said laughing. "You must've had a rough afternoon."
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I ignored his snarky comment and passed the bottle back to the girl that gave it to me.
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"Where did you go after lunch?" Frankie said putting her hand on my bicep. I looked over at West to see if he would say anything but he stared blankly at me waiting for my answer. He didn't look like he cared at all and I couldn't tell if it was because he was drunk or just genuinely didn't give a shit.
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"Uh I had something to take care of."
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"What?" Gio added.
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I didn't think they'd press me about it so hard so I didn't think of an excuse to tell them. I wasn't the best liar because I didn't really lie too often, only when I felt like it was needed. I tried to come up with something but I came up blank once again.
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"It's personal," was all I managed.
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"Fair enough." Gio nodded and took another sip of the seltzer in his hand. His hand was around the girl next to him and she was sitting with her legs on his lap and her head on his arm. They kept giving each other subtle looks through out our conversation.
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Frankie was sitting between me and West and his arm was around her. I spaced out while he started talking about whatever he was talking about. I couldn't even focus on the conversation around me, I was still stuck back at the park bench where Summer left me. I couldn't escape the thought, the moment kept replaying in my mind. I was freed from my thoughts of her when I felt a hand on my thigh. I shook my head refocusing on the present looking around to see everyone was still talking, apparently about something they saw that went viral on instagram. I looked over to Frankie who's hand was on my upper thigh but when I looked over at her she was attentive to West's story as if nothing was happening.
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Her hand rubbed my thigh softly inching closer to my boxers. I looked around to see if anyone noticed but the steam of the water, the music, and conversation on top of the fact that everyone was completely wasted made it to where no one was paying any mind to it.
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It was that exact moment I felt the liquor hit me. My eyes lowered and the area around me became darker and a little less in focus. It felt good. I felt lightweight and stopped caring about anything and everything. I didn't stop Frankie or move her hand. I just closed my eyes and laid my head back onto the concrete railing of the hottub and allowed myself to enjoy the sensation of her hands brushing my skin.
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Her hands were soft and even with being in the hottub I felt heat radiating from her palms. It made me wonder if Summer's hands were soft. They looked soft and small like her.
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"We're going inside, you coming?" Gio's voice echoed and I opened my eyes slowly to see him standing up holding the girl that was next to him. "I'll be there in a minute."
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He nodded and grabbed the girl's ass while she walked ahead of him. I looked over to Frankie who was still talking to West but he was getting out of the water with the brunette. "You two are going inside too?" She said sounding a little upset.
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"Yeah we've been in the tub too long, I need a break." West replied. I expected her to go with them but she stayed behind and watched them both walk in the house behind Gio.
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"You're not going with them?" She shook her head turning to look at me. Her eyes hung low and she bit her lip looking at me intensely. I knew what those eyes meant. When we were dating and we drank together at parties we'd always ended up hooking up in a random room or in the back of my car. She knew what she did when she looked at me like that. It always did something to me, I used to get so turned on by her just looking at me with so much need. It felt good when she did it before but now I couldn't figure out why it didn't do the same things as before.
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"I want to stay out here with you."
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"What's up with you and West?" She ignored my question and inched closer to me. I knew what she was doing and it was working. I wasn't going to give in at first but I desperately needed a distraction. She climbed on my lap straddling me with her legs pushing her body up against mine. There was nothing left to the imagination. She had a stringy red bikini on that she was practically naked in. I moved her hair out of her face and she cupped my hand on her face and moved in to kiss me but I pulled back before our lips could meet.
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"Francesca. Tell me what's going on with you and West." I said seriously. I couldn't do anything with her knowing she was with my friend it felt wrong, even if she was my ex.
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"Nothing. We stopped talking. We agreed we're better as friends." She spoke so low it almost came out as a whisper. I opened my mouth to say something else but she put her hands on my mouth and leaned in to kiss my neck.
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She started sucking on my neck, wrapping her arms around me. She knew everything I liked since we'd been together for a while. I finally gave in and grabbed her hips in to pull her closer and started moving her back and forth on top of me. She released a moan in my ear and bit on my neck harder. She started kissing me hungrily, while continuing the movement. I kissed her back with just as much hunger, desperate to drown out my thoughts with her lips, hoping it would make them disappear.
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Her full, soft lips made me think of what it was like to kiss Summer. Heavenly. I felt guilty thinking about Summer while I was kissing Frankie but I was too drunk to stop my brain from flooding with thoughts of her and what it would've felt like for her to be on top of me right now, or how perfect her lips were on mine. They were gentle, so gentle. They felt safe. They felt good. It felt right. Closing my eyes I continued to wonder how her skin felt on me, her legs wrapped around me, her tongue on my neck. The thought alone turned me on and I felt myself growing under Frankies hips gliding back and forth on me. Our breathing grew heavy and she slowed her pace down grabbing my hands to the string of her bathing suit top and helped me untie the back.
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Her chest was exposed to me and I looked up at her lustful eyes waiting for me. It was just then, I realized I'd been thinking of Summer the entire time, not her. I felt so guilty.
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"Is there something wrong?" She questioned me.
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"No."
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"Why aren't you hard anymore?" I didn't realize it but she did. I unknowingly softened up after flashing back to reality.
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"I just drank too much." I lied.
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"That's never been a problem before." She said referencing our past house party quickies."Have you been with anyone else since we've broken up?"
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"No I haven't, you know I haven't."
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"Are you not attracted to me anymore? Did I gain weight?"
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"No it's not that Frankie, you're beautiful. You're always beautiful, I've just had a lot on my mind lately and the liquor isn't helping."
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"I'm sorry. You're right I feel so stupid." She grabbed her top and tied it back on and scooted off of my lap onto the seat next to me.
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"Don't feel stupid, you didn't do anything wrong." I put my arm around her to comfort her to reassure her I wasn't upset.
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