It felt like the world was closing in on me, my chest tightening to the point I couldn’t breathe. It had been a month, why hadn’t I thought about it before? Nausea rose up in me and I fought to keep the bile down. Slowly, I slid down the bathroom stall, sitting on the checkered floor. It was mid-afternoon, right after lunch. I had barely been able to eat at all. My period had been late and my best friend had run out to get me a pregnancy test. It was more of a ‘cover all your bases’ type of thing, neither of us had expected it to come out positive. My phone was in my hand, the three calls I had sent her all red to indicate she had missed them. She was in class right now, where I should have been, but I couldn’t move. The test was beside me, I couldn’t bare looking at it. The door opened and closed, I tensed up. The lock clicked into place.
“Hey, Chey?” Her voice called out. I moaned out in response and I watched as her black and white converse came into view, stopping at the stall door. I had yet to unlock it. “Why are you on the floor girl? You feeling okay?” She’d ask, crouching down and rolling back into a sit. I still couldn’t see her face, but her hand reached under the door. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t muster the words, I closed my eyes, my head leaning against the stall as I tried to stop the tears. I took her hand in mine, squeezing it tightly as I used my other hand to slide the test under the door. I watched as she reached for it, waited as she looked at it. I waited, and waited, and waited, until-
“Oh no.” Was all she whispered. I sniffled. “Oh Cheyanne…what did you do?” She’d ask me, scooting closer. I reached up and unlocked the door. It swung out, my tearstained face now looking at my best friend.
“I fucked up…that’s what I did Lex.” I managed to say. I was shaking now.
I was the daughter of the Alpha, I wasn’t even eighteen. A male like my father could get away with it. ‘Boys will be boys.’ They’d say. Me? They had to watch my stomach grow bigger, month by month. They had to watch as I raised a child, alone. No one could hide it when I found my mate and my child didn’t share his scent. Where a male could get away with it, I wouldn’t be forgiven. I’d be exiled, as pack law demanded. I was…just like my mother. That thought crushed me more than anything. I was just like her, I’d be called a whore for the rest of my life. I couldn’t escape this.
“Well…I see that.” She’d say, trying to joke. It was an anxiety thing, if we laughed maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. “With who?” She finally asked. I knew she hadn’t wanted to, but maybe if it was someone with a bigger family, we could be married off, the secret hidden. I would never be alpha anyway, they’d assume I settled down the best a bastard could. A huff of a laugh left me. I wasn’t even that lucky. The last person I had sex with was on Lupercalia. The father was undeniably the heir to Evermaw, and that was a secret that I couldn’t just hide.
“Lupercalia.” I said.
“Oh.” She replied.
It was answer enough. They weren’t in our pack. We stayed in the bathroom in silence until the bell rang and girls began to pound on the door. My tears had dried finally. I glanced at Lex and she glanced at me, and she stood first. She reached out a hand and I took it. Standing, she was the one to pick up the test. She was the one to bury it in the trash. She was the one to lead us out of the bathroom. I couldn’t do anything but follow. We walked right out of the school, up to the wall and stopped. We’d skipped class before, we would be noticed but not missed.
“I can see if I can get some Tonic.” She offered.
Abort the baby, before anyone else found out. Tonic had been made illegal when my father took up the Alpha position, but if anyone could get any it would be Lex. I shook my head.
“If you get caught…” I didn’t finish the sentence. The last girl to be caught with Tonic had been exiled with a bounty placed over her head if she ever stepped foot back in the territory. She was treated like a murderer.
“If we don’t try, you’ll be exiled Chey.” She said, biting her lip. She brows furrowed in concern and I gave her a weak smile.
“I won’t have bounty though.” I pointed out. While either option risked exile, my option wouldn’t mean death if I tried to come home at some point. “This is my problem, Lex. I can’t drag you into this any more than I have.”
“Don’t be stupid, Chey. It’s only a risk and since when have I ever been caught? I don’t want to graduate without you."
“You know my dad has those catfish leads out. Even you don’t stand a chance.”
“I don’t want to graduate without you.” She’d say again, tears starting to spring to her eyes.
“Don’t cry…you’re gonna make me start.” I’d whisper, moving to hug her.
She met me midway with the hug, our arms pulling each other closer as we cried silently together. There really wasn’t any way out of this if I didn’t get the Tonic, but I couldn’t bring myself to risk a bounty, on myself or Lex.
“Hey…Graduate for me, okay?” I’d murmur in her ear, my chin on her shoulder.
“Don’t…don’t say that. We’ll fix this…maybe…maybe we can convince one of the guys here to act like the father…who wouldn’t want to be with you?” She’d ask, desperately trying to find a way. “I can name a dozen guys.”
I laughed through the tears, squeezing her tighter. “No one would risk my dad’s anger.” I’d tell her.
Sinking down to sit in the grass, I laid my head on her shoulder, my hand in hers as we began to reminisce about our lives up to this part. The warmth from her beside me kept the chilly March breeze at bay. Spring was on the way, but the chill of winter was still in the air. Her head rested against mine as we talked, and talked, and talked. Laughing about the chaos we caused, crying knowing it would soon end. We mused about who we could potentially rope into our newest plot, and I tried to keep the looming feeling at bay in my chest. We wouldn’t get a chance to ask anyone, not seriously. My father would know within a week. I’d be exiled in a week… I’d never graduate, I’d never see Lex graduate. Life would go on, the pack would act as if I never existed… I choked back a sob.
I lost track of time, but it had to have been hours, because the bell rang to signal the end of school. With a deep sigh, we stood up. I stayed outside as Lex snuck back in, and moments later she was back with our bags. I gave her a bright smile, trying to act as normal as possible despite the redness in my eyes. Tossing me my bag, I barely got a strap around my shoulder when she threw her arm around it, pulling me close again.
“Let’s go get ice cream. My treat.” She’d say, steering me down the sidewalk. I didn’t argue or resist. Ice cream sounded good, despite the chill in the air. Anything was better than facing my family right now. I knew it was only a matter of time before the Luna caught my scent, before my mother did…before my father did. They’d demand to know who, and I had already decided they’d never know. I wouldn’t be like my mother any more than this. I wouldn’t go crawling to Evermaw for safety. I’d handle this on my own. I didn’t need to beg an alpha for help, I was an alpha heir myself. I could survive just fine. Besides, there had always been talk about a rogue village deep in the forest, by the Evermaw and Silvervine borders. If I could find my way there, I’d have a home to raise my child. Even if they didn’t accept me because of my alpha blood, at least I’d have somewhere. No wolf could survive alone, we needed a pack, even if it was dysfunctional.
As we entered the small diner, I saw others from our class. No one paid us much mind, but as my eyes wandered over each of them, I knew they’d be whispering about me every chance they got when I was gone. I’d be the newest gossip, whispers that they knew this would happen around every corner. That it should have been expected due to who my mother was. Anger flared in my veins but I let it go with a sigh. I wasn’t my mother, I wouldn’t go to the father of my child, begging to be taken in. I would never stoop so low.
“Chey!” Lex whispered, nudging me. I had zoned out and was being handed a caramel sundae.
I nodded my thanks and took it, following my best friend to a corner booth. We ate in silence, unsure of what to say. Would this be the last time we got to hang out? Would these be our last words to one another? I could see Lex debating on saying something, going as far as to open her mouth before closing it again. Probably trying to think of a way to get me out of this. I couldn’t let her risk her place in the pack. Her father was my father’s Beta. She was too high of a rank to risk her position here.
“Just stop, Lex.” I muttered, not wanting anyone to overhear us.
“I can’t just stop. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She’d say, looking at me with those sad blue eyes of hers. “We have some time still. We can figure it out-”
I cut her off. “No. We don’t have time. We’re out of time.” I fought back the tears that threatened to spill again. “For all we know, when I get home they’ll know. There’s no getting out of this. I fucked up, that’s all there is to it.”
I had come to terms with in unusually quickly. Maybe it was the determination I had to not follow in my mother’s footsteps. She had panicked, gone to my father. I wouldn’t panic, I had better sense than that. I was my father’s daughter after all, and his cold, calculating mind was my own. I would have made a damn good alpha, had he not found his mate and had a child with her.
“No…no no no. Chey you can’t just accept this!” She whispered a little too loud. I felt attention shift over to us. My throat burned from the cold as I finished my ice cream and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the booth and out of the diner. The little bell jingled as the door shut behind us. I still didn’t slow my gait until we were a block away, and I had looked back to make sure no one had followed us.
“I have no choice, Lex. I won’t be like my mother and panic. I have to stay calm about this.”
She didn’t look convinced, and I sighed, letting go of her wrist and turning to face her.
“I got myself pregnant. Obviously, its not by one of the guys in our pack. I can’t marry this away. And I can’t go to the father.” She was the one to interrupt me this time.
“Why can’t you? His wolf would want to protect its pup. You’d be safe there.”
“I won’t be like my mother. I won’t go slinking to the father and beg for a place in his pack, hoping he won’t find his mate. I won’t be pushed to the side when he does find his mate either. My child will not grow up like I did. You hear it as much as I do. The whispers of ‘bastard’ when I walk by. I pretend it doesn’t affect me but it’s hell. I won’t make my child grow up like that. I’d rather accept being a rogue and raise them on my own.”
“You’ve heard how the rogues are though. Their female’s are breeding bitches, popping out pup after pup for their armies. That’s no way to live either.” She made a point, but I shook my head.
“The rogue pack between Evermaw and Silvervine has been dormant for years. They’re going peaceful. I could build myself a life there.” I explained to her the start of my plan, but she didn’t seem satisfied.
“What about the pack link? That’ll shatter when you’re exiled. You won’t…you won’t have a pack anymore. Not really.” I knew what she meant, those hidden words. I’d go insane.
“I’ll figure it out.” I said, trying to reassure her.
“Let me go with you.” She said suddenly. My eyes widened in alarm.
“Absolutely not. You have a life here, you’re going to be Beta after your father. You can’t give that up for me.”
“You’re my Alpha, not your brother. You’re first born, the title is yours…my loyalty is yours.” The look in her eyes was so serious, tears began to leak from my own.
“Lex…I love you. You know that…but that’s not how pack law works…You’ll make an amazing Beta for my brother…but the title of Alpha isn’t mine to take anymore.”
“I don’t care. I’d rather follow you into the unknown then serve your brother, knowing you’re out there raising a baby on your own.” Tears were streaming down her face again too, and I pulled her into a hug.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.” I’d cry out, burying my face in her shoulder. She truly was the best friend I could have ever gotten, and not living the rest of my life with her by my side would be complete agony. The rest of the pack could be in shambles and she’d be the only one I’d look for. I didn’t know how I’d manage this without her.
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