My eyes were still red as I walked into the pack house. The scent of my father was old, he was somewhere else in the territory. I was thankful for that, but that left my mother and the Luna I had to deal with. My brother was still at football practice, thank the Moon. If this went badly, I didn’t need him here. I didn’t hate him as much as the rest of my family, I didn’t want him caught up in the drama that was sure to crash down on me soon.
From the sound of the water being run in the kitchen, my mother was cooking in there. That left me to assume the Luna was either in her library reading or in the garden tending to her flowers. Slipping by the kitchen, I heard my mother call out a greeting, which I ignored and rushed upstairs. When would my scent change? Who would be the first one to point it out? Anxiety gripped at my chest as I walked into my bedroom, closing the door and locking it. I closed my window, finally, and looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t even eighteen yet. I hadn’t shifted, hadn’t met my wolf. Would I be able to shift for my first time when I turned eighteen since I was pregnant? How did shifting affect a baby? It wasn’t like I could ask my mother, she’d know immediately. She liked to draw comparisons between me and her.
In front of my mirror, I lifted my shirt, exposing my belly. I was as flat as ever, but I couldn’t help turning to the side, looking at my reflection, eyes glued to my stomach. When would that bump start? Would it be easy to notice since I was so thin? My hand ran over the smooth skin, imagining the slight rise. I had a baby growing in me. The idea made me sick. I felt the nausea rising and I barely managed to unlock my door and dart into the bathroom. The door had slammed shut when I started to vomit into the toilet.
Panting for breath, I rested my head against the toilet seat, eyes closed. If just my nerves made me this sick, I wasn’t looking forward to later on in the pregnancy. Groaning, I sat up, wiping away the tears and flushing the toilet. Standing, I washed my mouth out in the sink and trudged my way back to my room. Before the door to my bedroom closed, I heard my father’s voice rumble through the house. He was home. Great. I shut my door, sitting on my bed and staring out the window. It was crashing down on me again, now that I didn’t have to convince Lex to not do something stupid that would risk her future, it really sank in. I was pregnant at seventeen with a rival pack’s child. My head swam and I closed my eyes, trying to fight the growing dizziness.
Only my best friend knew so far, but that would quickly change. Within the week I’d be a rogue.
Strangely enough, my mind wandered to my mother. Would she be okay without me here? She wasn’t the Alpha’s mate, she had been demoted the moment he found his Fated, but she had been permitted to stay in the packhouse because, like it or not, bastard or not, I was the Alpha’s daughter. I gave my mother the safety of the pack, without me here, she was nothing. A rogue playing the part of a packmate. I knew she didn’t have the pack link, I didn’t feel her wolf at all. She had never really been accepted, never really been a part of this pack. She seemed content though, happy even. She had told me stories of her pack, how they wandered the mountains month after month, how the winters had been cruel and starvation a constant worry, Of course she had jumped at the chance into a pack. She wasn’t mentally strong, not like I was.
She tiptoed around my father’s temper, made herself useful to the Luna, would that be enough for her to remain, or would she be chased out of the pack alongside me? I hoped not. Not for her sake, as horrible as that made me, but because I didn’t want to have to deal with her constant input. She’d be hovering, always there to do what she could, and while in theory that seemed like a good thing for a new mother, I knew my temper wouldn’t be able to handle it. As far as I was concerned, my mother had failed at raising me. I didn’t want her influence to rub off on my pup.
My pup…This was really happening. It was hard to wrap my head around, hard to believe. I hadn’t actually thought I could be pregnant. Sure, the magic of Lupercalia was strong and made the female’s fertile. Everyone knew that from the classes we had, but I hadn’t even shifted. My wolf hadn’t been released yet. I didn’t think the magic would work on me. I really was a stupid kid at times, this entire situation proved it. My knowledge was limited, I only had what school had taught me, and that was painfully little. Pulling my legs onto the bed with me, I fell over on to my side, staring at the wall. How many hours did I have left? Would I even be able to find the rogue pack? I only knew it was somewhere around Evermaw and Silvervine…both far to the north. I’d have to traverse the wasteland first.
A cold shiver ran through me at that thought. I hadn’t even thought of that until now. Long ago, Evermaw, Silvervine, and Scarletfang had been one pack, torn apart from the inside by triplet alpha brothers. It had been several generations ago, and the wastelands were a vast expanse of plains. They weren’t truly barren, but the bodies from the war had never been buried, never burned. They were left to rot, taken by the earth, but the remains were still there, some buried by time, others exposed to the elements. Few wolves dared to traverse the land, believing it was haunted by their spirits. I didn’t believe in spirits, but the plains stretched on for miles upon miles, and were easy to get turned around in. I could go in circles for days without realizing it.
Not to mention if I strayed too far in any direction, I could encroach on other pack territories. Ironridge was to the west, and while they were a peaceful pack, they didn’t tolerate rogues. Too far north and I’d end up in Evermaw, definitely not where I wanted to be while I carried an Evermaw pup. Silvervine was farther east, and infamous for their rogue population. They were pushovers, but the rogues were what I worried about. The only pack I didn’t have to be careful of were Scarletfang, they laid beyond Evermaw so as long as I steered clear of them, I wouldn’t have to even think of the other pack.
I could plan out my path if I went to my father’s study, he had a map hanging on the wall, but he kept the door locked unless he was inside. I could always use my lunch to study the map in geography class, but that would be forfeiting time I could be spending with Lex. I let out a sigh, rolling over and staring at my ceiling. Life was about to get much more complicated, and I wasn’t sure that I would be ready in time. I would only get to take what was on my person when I was exiled, should I start carrying a bag around? No, they’d get suspicious…but I should pack one. If anything, I was sure my mother would grab a bag for me as I was marched out to the pack center. It was preparation at best, wishful thinking at worst.
For now, it was something to do. Getting up, I glanced at myself once more, before walking to my closet and pulling out an old backpack. Unzipping it, I grabbed a couple pairs of clothes, a sweatshirt, and I tossed in the stuffed animal my mother had sewed me herself when I was a baby. It was a sentimental item I decided right then that I wanted to pass down to my pup when I had them. I paused, taking a moment to dwell on that thought. I had accepted it, already made plans for my future child, and I had barely learned I was pregnant. That was just this afternoon? It felt like forever ago. Surreal, that’s what all this was. I sighed, shaking my head as I walked over to my closet and shoved the bag in the back. There, that was ready for whenever I needed it. I glanced over at the pictures thumb tacked to my wall. I wanted them, but it would be suspicious if I took them now. I shook my head, finally sitting down at my desk. Was it even worth it, to start on homework? I wouldn’t be graduating anyway, so why even try? And yet, what else was there to do? I couldn’t sit here, staring at my wall all night, and I had to act like everything was fine right now. I wasn’t ready to be on my own, not yet. I needed to prepare more, at least get a picture of that map tomorrow to figure out how I’d even get to the rogue pack.
I unzipped my back, pulling out the textbooks and notebooks and scattering them about my desk. Work that would usually leave me in tears out of boredom now sat before me like a lifeline, the final sense of normalcy I’d have. Just yesterday, I had been doing the very same work, not having a clue that tomorrow would change everything. Now, I sat here with bated breath, waiting for everything to come crashing down on me. Actions had consequences and mine would soon come. I had a feeling the Luna would be the one to scent me first. Mother may, but she wouldn’t say anything. The Luna though, she’d mention something to my father. She valued honesty beyond anything else, and while she never meant any harm, she’d have no clue this pup would be from another pack. She’d think she was spilling good news, a chance of me getting a husband and having a family, being accepted into the pack a little more. As a bastard child, that was the best I could hope for. She’d think she was helping me. I could almost see her face now, the horror as I was exiled, knowing she had done that. She was a pure soul, I almost felt sorry for her to be mated to my father. Almost. That resentment of her entering my life kept that from being full sorrow. Before her, before my brother, I would have been Alpha. The sting of that being ripped from me was still there, still buried. I had a lot to work on with myself, if I wanted my pup to have a healthy life.
A knock on my door had me jolting from my thoughts. Swallowing down the sudden fear, I tried to calm myself. I didn’t need anyone scenting the fear on me, that would raise suspicion. Trying to fill my mind with good memories, and balling my hands into fists to hide the shaking, I opened my door.
“What.” I’d snap, trying to muster my usual attitude. I stared at my brother, his smile the same one I shared, wide and almost haunting.
I hated it, I had stared at it for hours in the mirror before, trying to make it smaller, petite like my mother’s. Staring at it on my brother’s face, it fit him. I stared at him maybe a moment too long, trying to memorize his face. I wouldn’t see it again soon.
“You good? No, ‘oh. You.’ or anything? You and Alex get into a fight?” He’d ask. I hated his observance.
Like his mother, he was always watching others, studying them. It was a good trait for an Alpha, you found the snakes in your pack that way. I just hoped he wouldn’t see right through me.
“Something like that. What do you want.” I’d deadpan, mustering the annoyance as I leaned against my door frame, my body blocking the way into my room, as I usually did.
It became habit when you had a toddler barging into your room. He was hardly that now, a freshman in high school and taller than me, but I’d always consider him a baby. He was so sheltered compared to me, and not for the first time I wondered if he’d survive the upbringing I had. I didn’t think so, he held that airheaded demeanor like his mother.
“Dinner’s ready. Tanya asked me to get you,” He said, starting to head to the stairs again.
Tanya. My mother. He had the respect for her to name her, respect I lacked for his mother.
“’Kay.” I said, letting my door close as I retreated a step into my room.
I’d head down in about fifteen minutes, long after the others started to eat. Just my usual outright rebellion towards my father, letting him know I hated everything about this family. I didn’t want to right now, moon above I found that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my mother, but I had to make sure no one saw something amiss. If I acted like I never knew, maybe I’d have a chance to say goodbye to the people I loved before I was escorted from the territory.
I watched the clock on my nightstand like a hawk. Exactly fifteen minutes later, I walked out of my room, walking down those creaky stairs and into the kitchen. I didn’t say a word as I sat in my spot, between my mother and my brother, and started on the plate that had been left in my spot. I wasn’t greeted, and I didn’t bother to greet anyone either. Silence rang through the room, tension putting me on edge. Did the Luna look at me for a moment longer than usual? Was that a side eye from my mother? I shook the anxious feelings away, focusing on my food and hoping I’d get through this next week without going insane.
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