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No Plagiarism!1HzDc8GFIg2vKvEbtrS4posted on PENANA
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAl5eIvE8Dyv 維尼
廣告回來369Please respect copyright.PENANAM4eNtlTOBA
再次歡迎大家收看8964 copyright protection365PENANApMVAD8eIMt 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAxE8fBjQuUv 維尼
Helloooooooo8964 copyright protection365PENANAY4zkSQzF8o 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANA0CGMcLDeiA 維尼
廣告前,12位參賽者經過的選擇門369Please respect copyright.PENANAof9DSkvKBs
當中只有4位通過369Please respect copyright.PENANAxqhKRwe7ey
一位得到誠意✊✊的機會!369Please respect copyright.PENANAIn6lsEJc3T
接下來就看看其他11位囉8964 copyright protection365PENANAHgaweVB7Pf 維尼
首先第一位登場的是369Please respect copyright.PENANAaMdLCSGR8b
子鶱的作品——8964 copyright protection365PENANAjjqiwMhpja 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAS77z4f4OvZ
8964 copyright protection365PENANABouJONJ18m 維尼
七十•七萬•七十億8964 copyright protection365PENANAiZPZycMaau 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAhHNXyqJ56x
8964 copyright protection365PENANAD6LIqgTPbM 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAtfGkex1YSg 維尼
以阿美的明星夢起夢醒貫穿,故事完整,也能帶出作者想表達的意思。369Please respect copyright.PENANAXk1IsHaEGJ
可是,整個故事有點流水帳的感覺,角色的塑造亦不夠立體,未能使讀者代入角色的遭遇,如果能多加描述,將字數拉長至兩倍左右,應該會更感人。8964 copyright protection365PENANAgQ2WcpLNQx 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAd4aJMnogcv 維尼
我一直幫本篇作品改了個花名做下一站天后,因為我覺得是個很「追明星夢」的題材,而且故事完整度頗高,所以我對本作頗為讚賞。369Please respect copyright.PENANAomzEKQXpWe
同意紀言的觀點,就是故事有少少流水賬,編排與節奏上仍有改進空間。369Please respect copyright.PENANAtPrFgeLjtz
作者把四千字全部聚焦在阿美身上,使其經歷飽滿地刻畫了出來,可惜的是阿美的塑造略嫌平板缺少深度,雖然經歷有了,心路歷程都有了,但缺少了點立體感。369Please respect copyright.PENANAXsk9RdTtED
可中段的故事也平淡了點,而且因為所有焦點都聚焦在阿美身上,其他角色就相對模糊了一點,其實還有六千字,有些位都可以盡量刻畫下,豐富一下其他角色,這樣或許會更好。8964 copyright protection365PENANA09HAHIKy6p 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAEj4bkaZ0Yb 維尼
相當不錯的故事佈局,更起了首尾呼應的效果。369Please respect copyright.PENANAct1Dr8sfMX
從女主角(阿SA!?)被紙醉金迷的世界繼而忘掉初衷,到最後重新回到起點之地,想回了那個熱愛歌唱的自己。369Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4JhC1nYQ9
值得提醒的是,文筆略有待改進。369Please respect copyright.PENANALRxtqnsI5v
若行文再嚴謹一點,這篇作品足以進入前十之列。8964 copyright protection365PENANA5WsEKXfO5d 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAgwYHJ5M2BM 維尼
三位都已經給出了意見了369Please respect copyright.PENANALvWZepKhHk
到底這篇下一站天后會得到多少⭕️呢?369Please respect copyright.PENANAnf6Wc8zjaj
準備好了嗎?8964 copyright protection365PENANAQ8nkedUvxo 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAdWPfp3L6tX 維尼
ok8964 copyright protection365PENANAdwyYlhzjJq 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAKJjaWK3aII 維尼
我們來8964 copyright protection365PENANA4rVFMXAt3Z 維尼
3369Please respect copyright.PENANAHJcTQMKiFV
2369Please respect copyright.PENANAj6bfwy5RX1
18964 copyright protection365PENANA7MtfYu81h7 維尼
8964 copyright protection365PENANA7BH9nECRao 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAzOBhkRB46G 維尼
對不起QAQ8964 copyright protection365PENANA5h9hPB2Ryf 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAZAB6PdpQkj 維尼
……369Please respect copyright.PENANAdkpwyu1C8l
又是可怕的三叉!369Please respect copyright.PENANASSpdk8AYvE
三位有甚麼想安慰一下的嗎?8964 copyright protection365PENANAMb3GULolHI 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANASc8unlSqew 維尼
QAQ8964 copyright protection365PENANAC8zJnDJlZm 維尼
我覺得........................369Please respect copyright.PENANA01DtMszriZ
(細聲說)是圈太少了..8964 copyright protection365PENANAGpLWzP3w0q 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAuhoRVOuK3T 維尼
不錯的作品,奈何對手強勁8964 copyright protection365PENANAVzMiUkpMqU 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANArzBH7iXTdL 維尼
期待復活賽再見8964 copyright protection365PENANAER61Owz3nq 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANANRDd1W746a 維尼
嗯,評語上面都說得差不多了。369Please respect copyright.PENANAmAG98SA0Ui
其實可以從中見到作者的潛力的。不要灰心,復活賽再見!8964 copyright protection365PENANA5AyeD7srs8 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAsDD2QGPTNi 維尼
子鶱,聽到了嗎?要加油哦!8964 copyright protection365PENANAAkOjjRMob2 維尼
好的。369Please respect copyright.PENANAAJR0ka96zA
接下來上場的參賽者是……369Please respect copyright.PENANArCsRcwQrPp
migt的作品——8964 copyright protection365PENANA3gJHvbvBct 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAJnBU4GSHIK
8964 copyright protection365PENANAPNUHeFlbI1 維尼
十年回魂8964 copyright protection365PENANAVJx9tUWc5e 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAdOC8IZatKV
8964 copyright protection365PENANAMFSWQ4XwKd 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAw27Qf4F1i0 維尼
氣氛營造得相當不錯,真的會讓人覺得毛毛的感覺。369Please respect copyright.PENANAAvXphSmROK
只可惜的是沒有故事,就變成單純作者氣氛把控的show。369Please respect copyright.PENANAiOcSeqgn1U
哎喲其實還有六千字左右,不妨把它完成了嘛。369Please respect copyright.PENANAC9Iux0C4Zf
現在太過意猶未盡,未必是件好事哦。8964 copyright protection365PENANA5tPMKSjUjz 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAfiqJHafEGL 維尼
東南很怕鬼故的……(奸笑)369Please respect copyright.PENANAP5V13oFJoP
不過也認同恐怖氣氛營造得不俗喇,但是日記形式的解謎會使讀者的投入感減低,最後的高潮位如能將懸疑感再推上一層相信會更佳。8964 copyright protection365PENANA4BNIyzyf6x 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANA5XxOdTepw0 維尼
一開始看下去,氣氛等等都營造得相當不錯,令我心生期待。369Please respect copyright.PENANAsVVmArrMOW
算是不錯的驚慄故事,也相當切題。只是建議在故事中對於主人公再多一點的描寫,若是太過於執著劇情、驚慄的故事而忽略了對主角的描寫,讀者難以替主角感到緊張繼而代入。369Please respect copyright.PENANAw9M39c3GJM
再恐怖一點,恐怕東南就不敢看了嘿嘿。8964 copyright protection365PENANAqFGMgxHvrU 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAsptgQICXkC 維尼
這部讓人毛毛的作品369Please respect copyright.PENANAziSKHtE4GM
到底又逃不逃得過三叉的下場呢?369Please respect copyright.PENANANIv7I5H94H
準備好了吧?369Please respect copyright.PENANAtQzbFjNiOU
一起來8964 copyright protection365PENANAFeRdwZbC8R 維尼
3369Please respect copyright.PENANASb6JLls408
2369Please respect copyright.PENANAYkEAxtdWYZ
18964 copyright protection365PENANAjWDeM8iljR 維尼
8964 copyright protection365PENANApnpaBNb09J 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANA4N2WyBW7pV 維尼
可惡!8964 copyright protection365PENANAQzuLMuxCUM 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAqTpCzB3zLK 維尼
有點可惜~369Please respect copyright.PENANAGMvYlGkNFy
他的懸疑感很夠369Please respect copyright.PENANADDyCyGAmRf
只是劇情上稍有欠缺8964 copyright protection365PENANAbcdNLgR1Qz 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAENELJR9x2Y 維尼
評語上面也說清楚了。369Please respect copyright.PENANAPbs4bWQ9CI
其實我覺得作者營造氣氛真的做得很好,奈何劇情上面確實差了點。369Please respect copyright.PENANA1PPCjR5apv
希望繼續努力!復活賽再來一篇鬼故!衝啊!8964 copyright protection365PENANAuXvgd6sbI1 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAtI0chnClp5 維尼
若在故事劇情及人物多著墨,會是競爭前十的強力人選8964 copyright protection365PENANANmGzRcWKPy 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAtLyrajJN4T 維尼
期待復活戰讓東南嚇得不敢看!8964 copyright protection365PENANArMe69h0FLP 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAr66eUWZrni 維尼
希望migt 能從評審們的建議中有所得益哦!369Please respect copyright.PENANArYep468LoV
然後重點是要嚇倒東南ww8964 copyright protection365PENANAas88MWrrMB 維尼
好了369Please respect copyright.PENANAh04TjtudfZ
下一位參賽者又準備好上場囉369Please respect copyright.PENANAafUaifOxSD
他是御林君,作品——8964 copyright protection365PENANATQz5TPWCDI 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAmJViiszLq2
8964 copyright protection365PENANA744QnDLtb5 維尼
花開花落終有時,相逢相聚本無意8964 copyright protection365PENANAJKQsMNJJo2 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAsWiL6ODQFw
8964 copyright protection365PENANAS1ar8dd8l5 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANArMoxDEP1O9 維尼
文筆不俗,可惜的是故事過於平鋪直敘,而且盡量避免用對白推進故事,太多對白的話容易減低讀者看下去的意欲。8964 copyright protection365PENANAkmgqGFxHqE 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAgb0sAV4VhO 維尼
見到作者努力建立自己的行文風格,不過現時仍稍見沙石,相信假以時日會更精進。369Please respect copyright.PENANAiF21QQ0iev
兩位主角的對比鮮明,如果劇情上能多加轉折應該會更佳。8964 copyright protection365PENANAt08HNVlIm2 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANA7XQ8BliCce 維尼
同意兩位看法,繼續加油。8964 copyright protection365PENANAWpmJtOM2zt 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAVjnGhrl52V 維尼
聽起來好像有點不太樂觀呢……8964 copyright protection365PENANAeQiGo7z0FL 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAs77dMDyVUA 維尼
沒事沒事…8964 copyright protection365PENANAWf4HPsn7dI 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANApW4KVKoVQi 維尼
不過沒關係369Please respect copyright.PENANA1EYvKrlXs5
御林君,我們一起來迎接結果吧!369Please respect copyright.PENANAh4wzvgoolU
準備好了吧?8964 copyright protection365PENANAJkZDOCyPTf 維尼
3369Please respect copyright.PENANAEWcMQMf1F0
2369Please respect copyright.PENANAVS7ZupyauZ
18964 copyright protection365PENANAV2mqtEDypC 維尼
8964 copyright protection365PENANA71oa9Z2bgD 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAUCUkaoLb1o 維尼
可惜了,謝謝御林君的參賽。369Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7tfkDGyPA
別忘了我們還有復活賽哦8964 copyright protection365PENANAA7bKrAD8yk 維尼
可怕的三叉已經出現了三次369Please respect copyright.PENANAcJkmZc9A5v
到底接下來的這位參賽者可以打破這局面了嗎?369Please respect copyright.PENANAr31lgJuaMV
接下來的是……369Please respect copyright.PENANABPDZsH0KGN
文楓!8964 copyright protection365PENANAyOKBVkDwpZ 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAlOwk06o9L2
8964 copyright protection365PENANAOpaZrMkkVD 維尼
星光,燭光和火光8964 copyright protection365PENANA56RvZTUYg5 維尼
369Please respect copyright.PENANAJPP4cTg3eg
8964 copyright protection365PENANAdzYR1lcoYE 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAtHo2AzdfNk 維尼
頗具完成度的西方奇幻小說。369Please respect copyright.PENANAMOtt4mVYrV
開首的佈局讓我非常期待接下來的發展,可惜尾段有點趕,以致看上去有點虎頭蛇尾的感覺。369Please respect copyright.PENANA6S85xt3lhb
故事去到中間時,十年後必須兩個死一個,其實是一個不錯的切入點,女巫與養女之間,對於這點其實可以寫多一點劇情。369Please respect copyright.PENANARxTv7MUCr5
我不知道是因為時間太趕,還是作者有意為之,如今的收尾就顯得有點可惜了。8964 copyright protection365PENANAj4vd0aMwoR 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAetIS2SE3XL 維尼
嘛,為了趕死線而草草收尾的事,大家也經歷過啊~以前大半部分來說,我還是很看好的。369Please respect copyright.PENANAelE2QQC5Wo
獵巫的世界觀完整,故事感情細膩動人。369Please respect copyright.PENANAqjuHHzb9sX
略嫌可惜的是結尾收得有點草率,沒有全部呼應前面的伏筆。8964 copyright protection365PENANAQnoQMZs2wH 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAyIEqLwJkvH 維尼
很難說的一部參賽作品。369Please respect copyright.PENANALWMNwjwHwV
前中段表現出色,但到後段直線下降,令心生強烈反差感。369Please respect copyright.PENANAQMomWRRkvs
以獵巫為背景,不論是女巫、惡魔及人類孩子的佈局也是相當有趣。369Please respect copyright.PENANA3bKCTpMcKw
只是結局有種草草了事的感覺,並沒能把前中段鋪墊良久的情感進行爆發,有點可惜。369Please respect copyright.PENANAfQESyywn6I
宏觀整部作品仍屬不錯的作品,很期待你的進步及完整的故事作品。8964 copyright protection365PENANAe8m57r5k19 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANA92Agwni6hy 維尼
這部西方奇幻的作品369Please respect copyright.PENANAEWggDqDo4C
可以得到評審們的青睞嗎?8964 copyright protection365PENANAaCsPIityaD 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAOf5KQfqyq8 維尼
嗯……369Please respect copyright.PENANA9Tye9czUt9
這個需要慎重考慮(認真8964 copyright protection365PENANAiE159CpmKD 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAhUeD5kJF3s 維尼
= =|||369Please respect copyright.PENANAo5TpHVnBV3
唉369Please respect copyright.PENANAYbgmK4vA5B
這個真有點糾結8964 copyright protection365PENANAvPGwaldofY 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAJuWdwCWPlT 維尼
嘛⋯⋯8964 copyright protection365PENANAaXupm1Fy96 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAciTgLcPIxz 維尼
三位還需要點時間嗎?8964 copyright protection365PENANAxIbtQRe6nR 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANA1Pm8QnMyu3 維尼
但按實力而言應該沒問題的369Please respect copyright.PENANAvQCWto7xYP
來吧369Please respect copyright.PENANAKpBnQVQGFr
要來終究要來8964 copyright protection365PENANAhevdCJkiFd 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAVu1Z1LR8As 維尼
來!8964 copyright protection365PENANApp7MS1puCI 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANACofNJjYvyy 維尼
來囉8964 copyright protection365PENANATsGmKaPK5t 維尼
3369Please respect copyright.PENANA3wshRAocxM
2369Please respect copyright.PENANARfE7jpOtwC
18964 copyright protection365PENANArFmHZNFZsJ 維尼
8964 copyright protection365PENANAi1OAjjIKqc 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAAMXUNVnfKn 維尼
.......................8964 copyright protection365PENANAHhQtCRBHia 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAQb0fbQgKyC 維尼
……8964 copyright protection365PENANAuwmdBOCTXf 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAzU3GzQnSCa 維尼
Nani369Please respect copyright.PENANA3qI0BMeVys
⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection365PENANAnhjXLcG4jn 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAWJDvXvVbB3 維尼
啊?你們怎麼不給圈?369Please respect copyright.PENANAQcVKFWmwVi
癡線8964 copyright protection365PENANAKrM0oN5BEE 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAv9hS73sKej 維尼
你們不是給圈嗎?8964 copyright protection365PENANAKxjQHUbioS 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANAG8wGLoIICd 維尼
可惜了……8964 copyright protection365PENANA6bNLanSUeV 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAGtLETtTRNI 維尼
我還以為⋯⋯369Please respect copyright.PENANA6mSeU72pCj
慢著慢著8964 copyright protection365PENANAAADNPGdp9W 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANA4lqAyDXBSb 維尼
喂喂喂8964 copyright protection365PENANAR2epW1GjmH 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANAKrkoUXZ12K 維尼
我沒有足夠的圈啦8964 copyright protection365PENANAoMuzCe76Nt 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAiKnu5ZfHEx 維尼
............369Please respect copyright.PENANAiFbAdR15zj
哎呀........369Please respect copyright.PENANAHsQAPuZeFP
我以為你們兩個圈我就省下一個8964 copyright protection365PENANA0s7q2desqn 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection365PENANA6zIVY70qlh 維尼
這賽果369Please respect copyright.PENANAMpBg5eeyAn
讓人太震驚了8964 copyright protection365PENANAJuAWQzsEgY 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAHe9l0sZyxj 維尼
先別到下一篇8964 copyright protection365PENANAumSfzdwd60 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAhqio5EMKpC 維尼
!!!!369Please respect copyright.PENANAQhJImmdQ08
紀師父!?8964 copyright protection365PENANAgJf248WYWA 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAvBrUWRGUAi 維尼
8964 copyright protection365PENANAZmKAG2CzBP 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANAUNnYwMgIFX 維尼
!!!!!!!!369Please respect copyright.PENANA9jQnEh80c3
把他給我救回來8964 copyright protection365PENANAfpwmQDGJZL 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAThn760hJlc 維尼
癡線369Please respect copyright.PENANAOIF55lprkG
有沒有那麼帥氣8964 copyright protection365PENANATESI3erGBO 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection365PENANA3Wnr3zTWLI 維尼
竟然369Please respect copyright.PENANAi412X7NLd2
是傳說中的拳法8964 copyright protection365PENANAV4gCqEiA6T 維尼
但你明明給❌369Please respect copyright.PENANAGSyFrfkCzb
……8964 copyright protection365PENANApp0dlA0sgz 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection365PENANACGLD6oTNVG 維尼
暴力救市8964 copyright protection365PENANA6oGark19Jx 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection365PENANAqLw5YM8uOC 維尼
自己給❌然後自己給誠意拳拳369Please respect copyright.PENANAKo3NK07PTr
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當中父親死因屬於高潮位,雖然情緒是做到出來了,但也無可奈何,變成「噢是這樣嗎?只能這樣了」的感覺。369Please respect copyright.PENANAxtF6oxyrtZ
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