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No Plagiarism!8ZGYwB85TfPdNgKwjnKIposted on PENANA
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANASnfz9Z9pC9 維尼
廣告回來368Please respect copyright.PENANAwwppi7aRjC
再次歡迎大家收看8964 copyright protection364PENANAiUaFpz8HxW 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAgVdNgPQ2K5 維尼
Helloooooooo8964 copyright protection364PENANAk11JAjbFLo 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAo4wfAqczSG 維尼
廣告前,12位參賽者經過的選擇門368Please respect copyright.PENANAW6S7BX47Tb
當中只有4位通過368Please respect copyright.PENANA1OuIEJa75X
一位得到誠意✊✊的機會!368Please respect copyright.PENANArgVZqqqkrA
接下來就看看其他11位囉8964 copyright protection364PENANATV6wWzhpjU 維尼
首先第一位登場的是368Please respect copyright.PENANA6AxKpQwLnh
子鶱的作品——8964 copyright protection364PENANATntcgHGNsW 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANA5cKIzhXaLt
8964 copyright protection364PENANAvrHJOT3Xr8 維尼
七十•七萬•七十億8964 copyright protection364PENANA0kxNasHHXa 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANATSw8PjFS45
8964 copyright protection364PENANAAEICzU7ebT 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANABpDkhFabdp 維尼
以阿美的明星夢起夢醒貫穿,故事完整,也能帶出作者想表達的意思。368Please respect copyright.PENANA3B0w6kXECc
可是,整個故事有點流水帳的感覺,角色的塑造亦不夠立體,未能使讀者代入角色的遭遇,如果能多加描述,將字數拉長至兩倍左右,應該會更感人。8964 copyright protection364PENANA3099Bb0rTy 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAnFmeXoapFq 維尼
我一直幫本篇作品改了個花名做下一站天后,因為我覺得是個很「追明星夢」的題材,而且故事完整度頗高,所以我對本作頗為讚賞。368Please respect copyright.PENANA0FSeGaJn2l
同意紀言的觀點,就是故事有少少流水賬,編排與節奏上仍有改進空間。368Please respect copyright.PENANAWKyu5GX1Rj
作者把四千字全部聚焦在阿美身上,使其經歷飽滿地刻畫了出來,可惜的是阿美的塑造略嫌平板缺少深度,雖然經歷有了,心路歷程都有了,但缺少了點立體感。368Please respect copyright.PENANAPG8R3WGi8u
可中段的故事也平淡了點,而且因為所有焦點都聚焦在阿美身上,其他角色就相對模糊了一點,其實還有六千字,有些位都可以盡量刻畫下,豐富一下其他角色,這樣或許會更好。8964 copyright protection364PENANA7Qk1gLGJHn 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAjwc1UmsHHp 維尼
相當不錯的故事佈局,更起了首尾呼應的效果。368Please respect copyright.PENANAPOtmVFH5rB
從女主角(阿SA!?)被紙醉金迷的世界繼而忘掉初衷,到最後重新回到起點之地,想回了那個熱愛歌唱的自己。368Please respect copyright.PENANAJWFIl7kfbB
值得提醒的是,文筆略有待改進。368Please respect copyright.PENANABA2gYw0vWo
若行文再嚴謹一點,這篇作品足以進入前十之列。8964 copyright protection364PENANAJM4JjQlRVu 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAuiUVda0k4z 維尼
三位都已經給出了意見了368Please respect copyright.PENANANKULDhFNTv
到底這篇下一站天后會得到多少⭕️呢?368Please respect copyright.PENANA3zPT85sVq2
準備好了嗎?8964 copyright protection364PENANAm6PWARweog 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANANnwK6y9VUT 維尼
ok8964 copyright protection364PENANA7BcRzzSo3v 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAbasqu6KN1F 維尼
我們來8964 copyright protection364PENANAXyezNVbDZZ 維尼
3368Please respect copyright.PENANAELTIOvY7tv
2368Please respect copyright.PENANAXrWHtyGC84
18964 copyright protection364PENANA3gqQxGXLpC 維尼
8964 copyright protection364PENANAbRFkQiaBbk 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAUnv6p6bkLP 維尼
對不起QAQ8964 copyright protection364PENANAtpNzGwUfUL 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAS68RqnO0no 維尼
……368Please respect copyright.PENANA89lOuyhxDX
又是可怕的三叉!368Please respect copyright.PENANAzc69pDtH3n
三位有甚麼想安慰一下的嗎?8964 copyright protection364PENANAaSRG0AUNTM 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAxvJxfAfyHR 維尼
QAQ8964 copyright protection364PENANAo7BT0Imlkw 維尼
我覺得........................368Please respect copyright.PENANAtsRUpcaOtm
(細聲說)是圈太少了..8964 copyright protection364PENANAySCkSfBjUk 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAHJMWj5IOS0 維尼
不錯的作品,奈何對手強勁8964 copyright protection364PENANAM4WwzHtF5K 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAHwo1bzHXp8 維尼
期待復活賽再見8964 copyright protection364PENANAwGXanXXwBS 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAkx3wmLctNU 維尼
嗯,評語上面都說得差不多了。368Please respect copyright.PENANAhdiOruy6lM
其實可以從中見到作者的潛力的。不要灰心,復活賽再見!8964 copyright protection364PENANAcbZ3lxHQLf 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAP6iXDWqWdF 維尼
子鶱,聽到了嗎?要加油哦!8964 copyright protection364PENANAXq9IFTnE9u 維尼
好的。368Please respect copyright.PENANAYDDcpWdPv8
接下來上場的參賽者是……368Please respect copyright.PENANA4M3D94zGLX
migt的作品——8964 copyright protection364PENANAAAeI1lvHyN 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANAXvar6xLIyZ
8964 copyright protection364PENANA2c6ga4ctMn 維尼
十年回魂8964 copyright protection364PENANABdyWXTR46j 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANAbuMj558Mdy
8964 copyright protection364PENANA4bdm1B8Ixo 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAcoYAOeUEQD 維尼
氣氛營造得相當不錯,真的會讓人覺得毛毛的感覺。368Please respect copyright.PENANAypnuNHNbBK
只可惜的是沒有故事,就變成單純作者氣氛把控的show。368Please respect copyright.PENANAACjVQZPT1v
哎喲其實還有六千字左右,不妨把它完成了嘛。368Please respect copyright.PENANAmuwO54jCjT
現在太過意猶未盡,未必是件好事哦。8964 copyright protection364PENANAOy8DLulFf6 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAtyMgitoyQH 維尼
東南很怕鬼故的……(奸笑)368Please respect copyright.PENANAuAv1zFzQ3y
不過也認同恐怖氣氛營造得不俗喇,但是日記形式的解謎會使讀者的投入感減低,最後的高潮位如能將懸疑感再推上一層相信會更佳。8964 copyright protection364PENANAhK2HZ0d3Xe 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANA2xTMuENJBR 維尼
一開始看下去,氣氛等等都營造得相當不錯,令我心生期待。368Please respect copyright.PENANAT265tWQMVB
算是不錯的驚慄故事,也相當切題。只是建議在故事中對於主人公再多一點的描寫,若是太過於執著劇情、驚慄的故事而忽略了對主角的描寫,讀者難以替主角感到緊張繼而代入。368Please respect copyright.PENANAkIDJ6mrSx4
再恐怖一點,恐怕東南就不敢看了嘿嘿。8964 copyright protection364PENANAw9JiZVrWCg 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAamJLYQOmJq 維尼
這部讓人毛毛的作品368Please respect copyright.PENANAQg1tUtKJHs
到底又逃不逃得過三叉的下場呢?368Please respect copyright.PENANA4xvSnNRFWi
準備好了吧?368Please respect copyright.PENANAt3UiDpvSOp
一起來8964 copyright protection364PENANASWuj00lHGP 維尼
3368Please respect copyright.PENANAf05AKBaMSM
2368Please respect copyright.PENANAerAVwB4IPq
18964 copyright protection364PENANAqWRI9VYeYH 維尼
8964 copyright protection364PENANAFEmmdF4XoC 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAO5oLj3kk4N 維尼
可惡!8964 copyright protection364PENANAW0dTQWzqkt 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAgLBapDCdxQ 維尼
有點可惜~368Please respect copyright.PENANAUdrBs1msc8
他的懸疑感很夠368Please respect copyright.PENANAc8pw9Yuu8R
只是劇情上稍有欠缺8964 copyright protection364PENANAlV38hweBAV 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAh2FCbSjb3v 維尼
評語上面也說清楚了。368Please respect copyright.PENANADfc5Q1VRf9
其實我覺得作者營造氣氛真的做得很好,奈何劇情上面確實差了點。368Please respect copyright.PENANAabmUOdjFMx
希望繼續努力!復活賽再來一篇鬼故!衝啊!8964 copyright protection364PENANAElRxY0fkPa 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANApUGDZHp27O 維尼
若在故事劇情及人物多著墨,會是競爭前十的強力人選8964 copyright protection364PENANA0nXcZouRbK 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAfcGpHcgl5u 維尼
期待復活戰讓東南嚇得不敢看!8964 copyright protection364PENANATWSPv7uyt7 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAHhIyERStVK 維尼
希望migt 能從評審們的建議中有所得益哦!368Please respect copyright.PENANAEIWiIu1fAI
然後重點是要嚇倒東南ww8964 copyright protection364PENANAZIFHcbkxO8 維尼
好了368Please respect copyright.PENANApqd3nqIwOp
下一位參賽者又準備好上場囉368Please respect copyright.PENANA4SxUrZv1TL
他是御林君,作品——8964 copyright protection364PENANAqZBLEt9c62 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANA5eGMB3qxwU
8964 copyright protection364PENANAuVMW1UGVhr 維尼
花開花落終有時,相逢相聚本無意8964 copyright protection364PENANAlt9po12JBG 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANA9NSiK9gK4R
8964 copyright protection364PENANAijBT8zK4sN 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAF7TduAVaY5 維尼
文筆不俗,可惜的是故事過於平鋪直敘,而且盡量避免用對白推進故事,太多對白的話容易減低讀者看下去的意欲。8964 copyright protection364PENANAnkyiz87B3A 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAoZO1necF8E 維尼
見到作者努力建立自己的行文風格,不過現時仍稍見沙石,相信假以時日會更精進。368Please respect copyright.PENANAtFcn0iHtmr
兩位主角的對比鮮明,如果劇情上能多加轉折應該會更佳。8964 copyright protection364PENANA7OO7lDedYJ 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAyMpFHwWZFt 維尼
同意兩位看法,繼續加油。8964 copyright protection364PENANAePv9qd4PnA 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAD2zPnIXDnC 維尼
聽起來好像有點不太樂觀呢……8964 copyright protection364PENANAdpQGVNYb2j 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANA7tHsrplmyo 維尼
沒事沒事…8964 copyright protection364PENANAaS31jUTmPx 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAoG0mrAkhzw 維尼
不過沒關係368Please respect copyright.PENANAJOs9nInQER
御林君,我們一起來迎接結果吧!368Please respect copyright.PENANAjKjsIkE2sF
準備好了吧?8964 copyright protection364PENANADaq5Mv5J7y 維尼
3368Please respect copyright.PENANArfWafxqjoQ
2368Please respect copyright.PENANAb7W41s4Ylz
18964 copyright protection364PENANAORnmRkNUPq 維尼
8964 copyright protection364PENANAotcAploGDR 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAgowCe5IGXf 維尼
可惜了,謝謝御林君的參賽。368Please respect copyright.PENANAhbIuYJF40e
別忘了我們還有復活賽哦8964 copyright protection364PENANAJh3CntGd9U 維尼
可怕的三叉已經出現了三次368Please respect copyright.PENANADttgBFQ3C6
到底接下來的這位參賽者可以打破這局面了嗎?368Please respect copyright.PENANAoxyo9Bq82x
接下來的是……368Please respect copyright.PENANAkHQ7mSBNur
文楓!8964 copyright protection364PENANAbsL9CDo1P1 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANA8URMh3UiJ0
8964 copyright protection364PENANAhGoLcbkMNW 維尼
星光,燭光和火光8964 copyright protection364PENANA0uNYm9cH9e 維尼
368Please respect copyright.PENANAWFEwFc7Fud
8964 copyright protection364PENANAyclIJum7tK 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAFUzzMMiCmd 維尼
頗具完成度的西方奇幻小說。368Please respect copyright.PENANAAukXIjJMy9
開首的佈局讓我非常期待接下來的發展,可惜尾段有點趕,以致看上去有點虎頭蛇尾的感覺。368Please respect copyright.PENANANGonQkxB5P
故事去到中間時,十年後必須兩個死一個,其實是一個不錯的切入點,女巫與養女之間,對於這點其實可以寫多一點劇情。368Please respect copyright.PENANA6oKMLSQchD
我不知道是因為時間太趕,還是作者有意為之,如今的收尾就顯得有點可惜了。8964 copyright protection364PENANAwAgdYicIgr 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAP4Ebfnkv1y 維尼
嘛,為了趕死線而草草收尾的事,大家也經歷過啊~以前大半部分來說,我還是很看好的。368Please respect copyright.PENANAijZQd2i3bY
獵巫的世界觀完整,故事感情細膩動人。368Please respect copyright.PENANAIh24CJyrzp
略嫌可惜的是結尾收得有點草率,沒有全部呼應前面的伏筆。8964 copyright protection364PENANAKAKBLwDyhx 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANARNPK4svMg1 維尼
很難說的一部參賽作品。368Please respect copyright.PENANAr4H6xi0EUG
前中段表現出色,但到後段直線下降,令心生強烈反差感。368Please respect copyright.PENANAXmttqLCDaS
以獵巫為背景,不論是女巫、惡魔及人類孩子的佈局也是相當有趣。368Please respect copyright.PENANA9NfmtaWnr2
只是結局有種草草了事的感覺,並沒能把前中段鋪墊良久的情感進行爆發,有點可惜。368Please respect copyright.PENANALbNBPsfyYk
宏觀整部作品仍屬不錯的作品,很期待你的進步及完整的故事作品。8964 copyright protection364PENANAPcgR8dvjjH 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAfpnoqHo2WA 維尼
這部西方奇幻的作品368Please respect copyright.PENANAfM8vVqSrc9
可以得到評審們的青睞嗎?8964 copyright protection364PENANADHtt17aZ4G 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANA28Ege0qM4j 維尼
嗯……368Please respect copyright.PENANA8XQbtW8drR
這個需要慎重考慮(認真8964 copyright protection364PENANA4JGKOJyYmY 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAcsDcQw5Ryg 維尼
= =|||368Please respect copyright.PENANAYo9dQQdOs4
唉368Please respect copyright.PENANAv34CdejxBI
這個真有點糾結8964 copyright protection364PENANANuj07sxFOJ 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANA4UpO6ZLhe3 維尼
嘛⋯⋯8964 copyright protection364PENANAqxVHcrcPTW 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANARKJj3MXFAk 維尼
三位還需要點時間嗎?8964 copyright protection364PENANAkcc0JJMWjl 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANA4jJ9XC2dUG 維尼
但按實力而言應該沒問題的368Please respect copyright.PENANAulKlY9ikMr
來吧368Please respect copyright.PENANA91Xe30IxYB
要來終究要來8964 copyright protection364PENANArFVmzuyEms 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAED4WfnHYis 維尼
來!8964 copyright protection364PENANAliRy8EoV2t 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAdlIDfYY07h 維尼
來囉8964 copyright protection364PENANALF7ClQOg9W 維尼
3368Please respect copyright.PENANApNrUzk1wDl
2368Please respect copyright.PENANAAVycnUX4VB
18964 copyright protection364PENANAKQMLtr2Q19 維尼
8964 copyright protection364PENANA67QXtSZN8C 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANATxblHSwY2c 維尼
.......................8964 copyright protection364PENANAzQXWf7LPj1 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAsjYJGOE2Xs 維尼
……8964 copyright protection364PENANASPPaEIpPIX 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAVqeEXibVgO 維尼
Nani368Please respect copyright.PENANAwvjFWO9TWn
⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection364PENANAdnwkSEqVZx 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAN0aGYvgNaz 維尼
啊?你們怎麼不給圈?368Please respect copyright.PENANAnQcKLLVQ0F
癡線8964 copyright protection364PENANALC0NOR2kdi 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAHHzxO5xC9j 維尼
你們不是給圈嗎?8964 copyright protection364PENANAw05HXsgJuU 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANAt7SBXxD7wx 維尼
可惜了……8964 copyright protection364PENANAGqAKrwWTM2 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANASkkpkKbxSq 維尼
我還以為⋯⋯368Please respect copyright.PENANANH5OV72KqM
慢著慢著8964 copyright protection364PENANAnLAMI4PG5C 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAqYK6PephFK 維尼
喂喂喂8964 copyright protection364PENANALhNXDjdp7x 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAyaZwvNHoNc 維尼
我沒有足夠的圈啦8964 copyright protection364PENANAguWjyqHib2 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAKs2eAW7NRF 維尼
............368Please respect copyright.PENANALTzMWIJLZ7
哎呀........368Please respect copyright.PENANAC0QJdD8Z4j
我以為你們兩個圈我就省下一個8964 copyright protection364PENANAOdA9EEqgrL 維尼
零器8964 copyright protection364PENANABqJ1lqJRfC 維尼
這賽果368Please respect copyright.PENANA5WRfLD9qTv
讓人太震驚了8964 copyright protection364PENANAm8QuQiDuhd 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAd7C4I0naAk 維尼
先別到下一篇8964 copyright protection364PENANAlQ95XrRjUp 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAo3YsSdV53n 維尼
!!!!368Please respect copyright.PENANAc1hYpDBvur
紀師父!?8964 copyright protection364PENANA7LEyzJMx7m 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANA8TLLem3Qs1 維尼
8964 copyright protection364PENANAZiwAMsFIgd 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAsndFaGY2hm 維尼
!!!!!!!!368Please respect copyright.PENANAfJ1pPuM9zS
把他給我救回來8964 copyright protection364PENANAP6PNtaSzxc 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAy7WXAtMqFL 維尼
癡線368Please respect copyright.PENANA6hsaVRy1pV
有沒有那麼帥氣8964 copyright protection364PENANATHUKYbWaMK 維尼
楓成8964 copyright protection364PENANAgUuf4n0SUT 維尼
竟然368Please respect copyright.PENANA14z8ljRpES
是傳說中的拳法8964 copyright protection364PENANA4XWIlAulrN 維尼
但你明明給❌368Please respect copyright.PENANAmVTb2Q0mDD
……8964 copyright protection364PENANAr9fIA6DmTk 維尼
紀言8964 copyright protection364PENANAx1kMobQiuk 維尼
暴力救市8964 copyright protection364PENANAdI4VzpLbWn 維尼
東南8964 copyright protection364PENANAJYFwuEqCev 維尼
自己給❌然後自己給誠意拳拳368Please respect copyright.PENANAf8QBb82u37
女人很恐怖8964 copyright protection364PENANAkjnlL0VACU 維尼
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哪怕最後主角回到踢石頭的剎那,哪怕他沒能改變到甚麼,但內心大概也因為救了另一個平行時空的自己而感到欣慰吧。368Please respect copyright.PENANA54on3fi0Q2
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是次比賽中少見的古風小説,文筆縱帶點青澀但已見古意,情感方面仍需琢磨,但不失為一部處女佳作。8964 copyright protection364PENANAHdKZrIibSo 維尼
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處女作而言已算不錯,加油!8964 copyright protection364PENANAs0C9pwV7N8 維尼
古風掌握得到位,雖然劇情方面稍微薄弱,但文筆秀麗同整個武俠感的塑造十分成功,讓整體瑕不掩瑜,值得一讚。368Please respect copyright.PENANA7Dr7T8o0UM
劇情方面有少少以倒敘與插敘的方式寫郡主與師叔的感情。368Please respect copyright.PENANAaZVSkQKAgB
這樣的手法雖無不可,但建議可以從多一點的角度去描寫,從不同人的視覺豐富兩個角色。368Please respect copyright.PENANAM20ZPlok7t
而師徒戀在宋朝絕對是禁忌,這點也可以透過劇情發揮多點。8964 copyright protection364PENANAzQSgYkfuzs 維尼
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很不錯的武俠小說參賽作品,要在短短篇幅撰寫出武俠及江湖是一件相當困難的事情。但筆者還是做了,而且相當成功。368Please respect copyright.PENANA5Ylp5K9v03
最出色還是當中的文筆相當成熟,用詞遣字非常出色。368Please respect copyright.PENANA3DACn37rP6
只要在劇情那邊多補回一些不足,將會是相當有潛力的。368Please respect copyright.PENANAS0OJoCCz1Q
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呼……(拍胸8964 copyright protection364PENANAJg1eh2s6ry 維尼
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呵呵呵8964 copyright protection364PENANA6WmeDMgRbi 維尼
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恐怖的女人8964 copyright protection364PENANAnQkb6mf1vP 維尼
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好了www8964 copyright protection364PENANAxhmj7727K0 維尼
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恭喜日勻進入候選區哦8964 copyright protection364PENANAnNuQk8Leeu 維尼
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他是1號參賽者香淚月8964 copyright protection364PENANA4A6BwHFnQd 維尼
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一夜十年8964 copyright protection364PENANAo4ENcsQ7er 維尼
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文筆不俗,但要注意下故事編排與節奏。368Please respect copyright.PENANAuPQWnl1yIx
當中父親死因屬於高潮位,雖然情緒是做到出來了,但也無可奈何,變成「噢是這樣嗎?只能這樣了」的感覺。368Please respect copyright.PENANAcdMWgGGvBk
當然這種是最「真實」的,但作為說故事而言,或許前段的鋪排多點說父親身體如何壯健,從來沒有病,到中段主角懷疑父親是有暗病,自顧自憐埋怨不幸,到最後才發現真相,讓她決心離去。368Please respect copyright.PENANAAIwMF7Ndos
有了這樣的起承轉合,讀者才會比較容易代入你筆下角色的心路歷程。8964 copyright protection364PENANANdaQ6G8O8a 維尼
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同意文筆的部分,但作者確實在編排與節奏方面有待改進。親情的互動頗感人和細膩,可惜開首鋪墊不足,末段又結束得太快。368Please respect copyright.PENANAMDK37BY98U
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文筆不錯,不過也許受題目影響,文中多次出現「十年」二字,就顯得有點刻意貼題了。8964 copyright protection364PENANATGz1yQwVqO 維尼
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故事作品的描寫代表作者對世界、社會的想法,但奈何故事性有所欠缺。368Please respect copyright.PENANAlbz73maWbc
比起小說,更傾向散文。368Please respect copyright.PENANADFYDVOHqjC
宜加強橋段的構思,仔細反思故事橋段並從中表達自己想要表達的意思,或有奇效。8964 copyright protection364PENANA0UyYvn8BZU 維尼
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一起來!8964 copyright protection364PENANA6s51OTZYmh 維尼
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嗯368Please respect copyright.PENANAKWpzxJmxpK
文筆是很秀麗的,可造之材,希望繼續努力!8964 copyright protection364PENANAbsrJHMoGLi 維尼
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如果交稿後能花多點時間再修飾,應該也是能一爭的喇8964 copyright protection364PENANAR0CotsniI2 維尼
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我錯了8964 copyright protection364PENANAvqF9J968tz 維尼
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誰這篇不給pass368Please respect copyright.PENANAWX8URlMRoE
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