I-I'm sorry, Luca. I didn't mean to call you that. I really didn't.
But that's a beautiful name anyway.
Yeah, but...... I don't know.
What is it?
Do you care about me?
What?
Do you sincerely care about me? I am confused, I don't know what to do. I don't know, I need an answer.
Yes. Why do you ask me that?
...
What is it?
.....
Are you in love with me?
......
Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. I guess you're going through a tough time right now.
I am. I'm just.... lonely, you know? I don't feel like I belong here, I don't feel that I should exist. And it hurts, all these voices in my head. It hurts to try and not hurt you, because I do care about you. And Kaylon, I've just been bad to him.
And yes.....
Yes..... what?
Never mind.
What's going on with you? If.... you do want to tell me?
I don't know.
Listen, I do want to help you. I do want to listen, I do feel like I haven't done enough as it is already. I do care about you, it's sad to see you this way. I just... want to help you.
*some time passes by. a breath, followed by a sigh*
I'm just.... not myself. I feel different. I know that IED makes it challenge, but it's gotten worse. I feel sad, I'm thinking a lot. I just... miss her.
Her?
Yes. I don't think about her often, but in the time that I do, it's a painful reminder.
What was her name?
Nora.
So that's it. Did you mistake me for her?
I don't believe so. I could have.
Who was Nora? Was she your girlfriend?
No. She was my best friend.
I take it that...... she is not alive, is she?
Correct. She isn't alive. She has been dead for over five years. She died of cancer, I don't remember what it was.
Damn...
Yeah, it was fucking brutal.
I met her when I was a child, I don't remember when I met her. But, she and I were best friends for a long time. Even before Kaylon. I remembered that I used to go to her house sometimes, for playdates. Sometimes, we'd just joke around for a while.
*a considerable amount of time passes*
She went to the same high school that me and Kaylon went to. And it was worse then, about the same kind of worse I showed you. She knew I had IED, she was the first one I told. I was physical back then, so sometimes, I did slap her or punch her. The worst that I ever did was that I tried to rape her, but I didn't.
....
Can you take off my shirt?
What?
I promise it's not sexual. Just... can you please do that?
Sure.
*a sound of a fold, then quietly. luca grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pulled it upwards, when david raised his arms up towards the ceiling of the car. a gasp.*
You remember these.
Yes.
*silence, but only for a moment*
My biological family was abusive towards me. I didn't have IED when I was a child, I was pretty normal. But after I was placed under foster care, I started to develop it. My father always verbally abused me, and sometimes flogged me with his belt. My mother was the worst, however.... She'd always find some opportunity to... yeah. I guess, rape me.
But out of all these scars, I think right here....
*pointing to a noticeable contracture scar on his stomach*
...this one is the worst.
Oh no.
Yes. It was horrible.
One time, when I was a boy, my father called me down for dinner. He was making something on the stove. He asked how I was feeling that day. I said I was doing fine, thinking that he was finally gonna be nice to me. I don't remember anything else, except that my mother came and punched me in the face. And then, she strapped me to the dinner table.
Then, I realized that he wasn't cooking anything at all. He was boiling water on the stove, he grabbed the handles with oven mitts and I tried to break free. I tried, but it wouldn't. I thought he was gonna kill me, but no. He was gonna torture me. And I remember the way it felt. I screamed and I screamed, trying to break free from everything. And everything hurt, though surprisingly nothing touched my dick or anything.
Miraculously, I escaped from the table. I don't know how, but I just did. I grabbed the home phone and I called 911, for no reason. While that, I was in the bath with my clothes on. And I tried to explain everything to them.
Thankfully, I was able to get out of the house and into foster care. After a few homes, a lovely family adopted me. I think that's where I met Nora.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be.
And I told Nora this and everything else. She never gave up on me, she always tried to help me the best she could. Until the day that she got cancer and she was dying.
What did you do?
I gave her the best day of her life. Kaylon helped me get her into one of her friend's cars that day, told me about the lake and I drove to Picacho Peak. Her friend, I think her name was Lucy, dropped her off there and we spent the time talking there at the peak. I hugged her then.
Then, we went to the lake for the night. We had also bought milkshakes, when I asked her and Kaylon. And yeah, what I didn't realize then was that, through the time we had known each other, I did love her. I remember there, in the car, that we kissed there that day....
Did you fuck her?
Yes.
Turns out that she had coitophobia. Other than that, she just.... kinda went ahead and did it with me. Her first and only time.
The one thing I remember about her very clearly are her eyes. They were very beautiful. They were a greyish-blue with some other colors there as well. And.... they were very beautiful.
I'm sorry.....
.....
...Did you see her after that? At all?
No. That was the last time we were ever intimate, close or together. It was goodbye after I dropped her off home.
I did go to her funeral. Her parents asked me to give a speech. I do not remember all of it, but I do remember that I made people tear up. Some kids from the school also went there as well. I remembered that one of them picked on me, insulted me and laughed at me. Kaylon was there, he pinned that guy against the wall and told him that he wouldn't know the trouble I went through.
I miss her, and him.
She seems like she was beautiful and unique to you. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Luca.
I have another thing that has been... well, it's been poking my chest for a bit. Is your name Matthew?
............
......yes. Yes, my real name is Matthew Davison. David came from both Nora and Kaylon, and it just stuck with me. So I decided to call myself David.
I don't hate my real name. I think it suits me, I don't want to change it But you can call me whatever you want.
As much as I like David, I think Matthew is cute. So, do you mind if I call you Matthew?
Yeah. Yeah, you can call me Matthew.
So what about you? Do you have anything to share?
........ Yeah.
So, I'm all ears.
I.... I-I just don't want to talk about it.
Ok then. But I did tell you something that I really don't like to talk about, though it seems like a waste of time thinking about it.
Are you sure? I promise I'll listen.
.....are you sure? I just.... don't feel comfortable and I jus-- don't like to talk about it. It hurts.
Yes. I am sure, Luca.
*some time passes, before a sigh ensues and then words*
Do you know Clearman High?
*chuckle* Yeah, that school is a creamatorium. It's decent, but shady stuff comes and goes on the side.
I do know that school, I heard about it from rumors though.
I used to go there for high school. And what you said is true, it is decent at best. But people did drugs there, had sex in the hallways - some even did it in the restroom, though not often, there were regular fights and cliques. It was a racially diverse school, though not the most racially diverse school in the world.
People picked on each other and stuff. But all that stuff was occasional, most of the time, there was nothing. Class, though, sucked.
There were cliques and popularity was major in the school. I wasn't that popular and I didn't.... really have friends. People didn't mind, I didn't either. You know, fuck them. But, that all changed when I met him.
Evan?
No, Ryan. Though, I'm surprised you actually remembered....
Then, why did you say Evan?
I'll get to that in a bit.
Like Nora was to you, Ryan was my best friend, although in very much shorter time. I saw him getting beaten up by one of the most popular cliques in school, led by an asshole named Evan. I told them to stop and Evan just looked at me and smiled. Everyone left, even Ryan when the bell rang as they left.
I got to meet up with him after school. And that's where we went. Over time, I eventually bonded with him. He was getting bullied due to the fact that.... well, I don't know why. That's why they were all assholes. Yet, Ryan kinda looked like a Mexican or Hispanic, but he was also very similar to you, Matthew. He was often prone to fits of anger and he was often physical. And unknown to them, he was very strong. He could've beaten them up, but he didn't.
How strong was he?
I don't know, but he was good.
Alright, continue.
K then.
Over a year-and-a-half, we grew closer and I started to notice weird behavior when he was around me. I started to think he was falling in love with me, as we were very close. Although, at the same time, I also started to grow feelings for him.
Then, it happened one night. Some people decided to tell Evan about me and him. And he was still getting bullied, but anyways. We were walking home one night when Evan and his gang came up to us, holding back Ryan and letting Evan have his way with me. And he raped me that day, he came inside me. And poor Ryan was in pain....
And then Ryan snapp-
He murdered three people that day, including Evan. Two people were disembowled with nothing but a knife, while the third one was stabbed and then shot in the head. Evan. The other people ran away.
Ryan killed himself with the gun, point blank through the mouth.
..... How do you know this?
It was on the news. But I feel like something was missing. You were there, what happened? With Ryan?
...... We embraced and there, of all places, he kissed me for the only time. Then, he gave me the gun to shoot him. I was scared, I couldn't do it at all. He smiled, he knew that I couldn't do it all. And yeah, what you said...
Damn.
Just, damn. I don't have words. That is both sweet and terrible at the same time.
Yeah. And just like you, I do miss him as well.
So, in a way, I guess we do connect very well with each other. We have both lost someone we love.
Kinda unorthodox, isn't it?
I guess.
And right there, they smiled and chuckled a light-hearted laugh, in spite of the dark times they had. And their smiles faded into something else, staring at each others eyes. Where a sip of a cherry Coca-Cola happened near the thunderstorm-laden shoreline of the ocean. Where a blue thunderstorm happened upon a man in a brown coat. Where nostalgia met with open arms.
And suddenly the space became smaller and smaller, eyes wide. A nosedive into another galaxy, a nosedive into somewhere new. And going down and going down, farther and farther, and something was happening.
But alas, nothing happened. The wolf, with his ears perked up and his half-eaten spirit hanging on, pulled back from the fox, who looked on at the wolf with nothing but eyes. But her mind was wondering for a moment, and then it was gone. Nothing there, at least something outside would be good.
Something outside would be good enough.665Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZoCw3lgS9
