When I got back to my dad's with Kyle, I said goodbye to my dad and that I would see him later. I got home and I felt so alone. Still nobody here. I missed my mother. I was in the house upstairs in my room and just completely forgot about my homework and I haven't been to school since my father did that embarrassing public poster of art and told me to express myself. I was supposed to go back to school yesterday, but I just wasn't feeling it. I especially didn't want to go because I was hungover. I totally regret it. I came home and Lee was home and I went to go see him. I tried to tell him that I was back home but that I had an awesome short vacation to my father's house. I tried to tell him that I was dating somebody else, but for some reason the words wouldn't come out of my mouth no matter how hard I tried. I needed to tell him but I couldn't so I pulled out my phone and showed him Kyle. He didn't even seem surprised.
"Kylie, you do know that I know you better than anyone else right?"
"I guess."
"I could tell something was going on the minute you stepped in the door, you had a different vibe, because you actually seemed happy. You have no idea how happy I am that you are happy. I love you, but every time something gets in the way. So I either gotta wait my turn for hopefully the right time or just find somebody else and move on."
"I'm sorry Lee."
"I snooze, I lose. This is all my fault" Lee turned away and went inside.
I just didn't know what to say or do. I didn't know where the boundaries were. I really needed to help Lee but I needed to be loyal to Kyle. I wasn't going to stoop down to Lee's level of not being concerned. I did text him, but like normal friendzone text, I received no response. I wanted to make sure he was okay. So I went outside and I grabbed the basketball sitting in the driveway and I started to play basketball, hoping that maybe he would come outside. So I started shooting and I missed the baskets a lot. It's hard to concentrate when you're stressed, not to mention I had red itchy bumps from sweating. I wouldn't go inside even if it started raining. The thunder started rolling in and I saw Lee peering at me from a window. He was watching me play basketball. He heard the thunder getting closer at which point he came outside.
"Kylie, do you not care about your health at all?"
"If you aren't going to listen to me, I don't, no!" I was acting all stubborn.
"Kylie, I'm not a good influence on your life" he started to laugh.
"I don't care, I want to be in your life" I looked him in the eyes. I don't know what I was doing. I moved on with Kyle, but still loved Lee. I was right in a love triangle that I created for myself. I didn't like going into the unknown with Kyle, and I would have loved being in the warm embrace of Lee, which would be wrong to Kyle.
"Kylie, I think that Kyle is a better fit for you. I just can't deal with this right now. You need to go inside and be safe. I promised to protect you and this is me telling you to protect yourself. If not for Kyle, then me."
I went into my house just in the nick of time before it started raining. I just really wanted to feel the water on my body, even if it meant that I was going to get badly hurt. I just really needed that feeling. I knew that I couldn't do it now, but one day I was going to touch water no matter what, could be a year or could be 50 who knows. But that was my goal, to touch water before I died.
I took that as my destiny. I was letting the disease define me, I was done hiding, I was done proving to everybody that I was just some girl who hid herself from society. I wanted to go back to normal school and be a normal kid, even if I wasn't I still would pretend that I was. I wanted to tell the truth, and more than anything I wanted to feel the full force of love, even if it was difficult and painful.
I started to throw all of my clothes out of my dresser so that my room looked like a hurricane went through. I took scissors and cut off all of my long sleeves, I took my pants and turned them into shorts, I took all my moisturizers and moisturized myself. I called my dad. It was my day of reckoning with myself.
"Hello?"
"Hey dad, I am going back to full-time school and I need you to call the school and have a meeting to discuss me attending the school full-time."
"Kylie, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Excuse my language dad, but I've never been so damn sure of anything in my life!"
"But what about those people who want to hurt you?"
"Like you said I have to be careful, but I also have to stop hiding behind my disease. They can kick rocks. I know better. I am stronger now."
"Kylie, I'm so proud of you," he said as his pitch raised
"Me too, dad. Me too."
When my dad went to school the next day, some people were outside of the office, including the infamous one to me, Neisha. I don't think she recognized me. I was so irritated by the office lady's typing, it was so loud, and she was smacking her gum.
"Hey, my dad and I are here to see the principal"
"Ok, I will let him know you're here, please have a seat and he will be with you shortly."
"Okay" my dad and I sat down and Neisha was told to go into the counselor's room doing the guilty walk.. every weakened downtrodden step of the way
"Kylie?"
My dad got up and rushed both of us to the principal's office and we talked about me going there full time. He turned his chair around and grabbed a file, my file.
"So I have here that you are a student in art? Have you ever thought of applying to college for artistic abilities?"
"No, I haven't. I just like expressing myself through my art, you know?"
"Yeah I do, I love being the principal of this school." He brought his hands together and put them on the table. That is how I feel about shaping minds and being around children.
"She gets it from me," said my dad, waiting for my recognition.
"I mean I never thought that my artistic abilities were that good. I was always told that things of mine weren't good enough. That always tore down my passion for whatever it was that just wasn't adequate. It never made me try harder, it just made me quit."
"Well, those who are told they aren't good enough are normally the ones who get Grammy's or Nobel prizes. People like that are the way they are because of their experiences. They are who they are because of what they have gone through."
"Yea, I think I might apply to a college. If I make it through high school." I laughed jokingly.
"Kylie, we will take extra precautions to make sure you aren't exposed to water or strenuous activities here. We understand."
"How do you know?"
"I'm a principal and it is my job to know the students. I hear a lot of gossip but when the students said they saw it on the television I wanted to see. This man next to you is your father, is it not?"
"Yes, I am. Name's Ray Smith, nice to meet you." My father held out his hand.
"Awesome!" said the principal, shaking my father's hand.
"Kylie was always one of our best students and it would be a pleasure to make her a permanent full time student."
"Okay, is there any paperwork I need to sign?
" Yes, I will send it with Kylie on the way home after school today." The principal nods as he dismisses my father towards the door.
"Kylie, do you want somebody to take you to your classes for the day or do you think you can find your way?" He asks me kindly.
"I can definitely find my way," I said with confidence.
I was so ready to face everybody who knew that I had a skin condition. I was going to my first class. I had some mid-thigh length shorts with a crop top on. I had curled my hair that day, and put on a little mascara. It felt like I had a standing ovation when I walked into my first class. Nobody knew who I was and they were staring at me. The teacher called my name.
"Kylie Smith?" the teacher's eyes darted around the room trying to find me.
"Here" I replied, raising my hand high up in confidence. I really wasn't afraid anymore. I was who I was. Through everything I was me. I loved myself. I belonged where I was.
After that had happened I just heard the class whispering, but it's not like I didn't know what people thought of me. I was enjoying the rest of class, but I couldn't shake the fact that Lee was in the same room with me watching me. It felt like he was staring at my soul, gazing into my mind. I was so happy that I hadn't seen Neisha in the same class. Then I remembered that I saw her in the principal's office, waiting for a counselor, and I felt inferior again. The confidence fleeted so fast. I decided I would work on that.
Lee wasn't mine. I couldn't act like he was. No matter how I felt about Lee, I was with Kyle. The day felt so long because it was mostly English and math, and then we got to the fun stuff, meaning my art classes. I had every class with Lee, and I was being pushed in his direction. I thought to myself, what? Does God seriously want me to be in a love triangle again? I was irritated. I saw Neisha walk in, and she sat down next to me, not saying a single word, which surprised me. Normally, she says Fraidy Waidy or something, but not a single peep. That is when I knew something was up. I had hoped she would say it because I would retort, "and damn proud of it"!
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