She sat down by me and hadn't said a word. She stared directly ahead, making a few glances back at me. I was wondering why she didn't say anything because she normally does. She normally would provoke me by calling me waidy or yelling at me. Or pass me a note through class. Just to irritate me.
"Hey" I said.
"Fraidy? You actually look good!" she said with widened eyes
"Thanks, I guess" sounding confused
"Yeah."
"I gotta tell you something, and I hope you still respect me, I'm not only Kylie but I'm also that girl Kyrina from the party before."
"Well, you got a nice voice"
The teacher intervened. "You guys shouldn't be talking during class, it is a time to learn. While we are talking, let me introduce you guys to the new student, who has been attending only art classes here. Kylie Smith."
I paid attention for the rest of class and the teacher was ranting about Shakespeare and the Pope. All I could think of was Kyle. I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend after school. He told me last night that he was going to pick me up from school. Neisha pulled me aside in the hallway and people were walking past us bumping into us.
"So, Kylie or Kyrina?" she said while crossing her arms.
"What do you mean?" I said because I was confused.
"Are you Kylie or Kyrina?" she said to me with an attitude.
"I'm both, but I really need the chance to tell people myself. Please let me say so myself. I need to tell everybody else. I hide myself from public eyes because I'm ashamed of who I am. I'm really trying to blend in, but I'm not meant to be in the blender. I'm like a straw that mixes the blended fruits in a smoothie and I can't be put back into the blender."
"Why hide yourself away Kylie? I wish I had half the confidence you had, I don't know how you saw past all that hate I had for you. I'm jealous because you have nothing, but at the same time you seem like you have everything. I wish I could act like you do. I have everything and it never seems to be enough. I love you girl, you're so inspirational for someone like me. You made me, the school preppy girl, jealous of you. You act like you are flawless but you aren't, and I came to say that I would like to be your friend." Neisha said this to me and she made me feel much better at the school. I still wasn't sure I could completely trust her but I nodded to her request and continued our conversation.
"I hide myself because of my disease," I said and everybody turned around in the hallway. Everyone looked at me. I didn't want to be the center of attention but I was in the hallway. I couldn't deal with it so I ran out the doors of the school with people who murmured and gossiped about me.. I guess it was good that class was my last day as I was transitioning to high school. They wanted it to be a slow transition so they had me at a few classes the first day, and the next couple of weeks more classes would be added until I was back to full time.
Kyle was waiting in his normal facemask at the front doors at school to pick me up. I didn't see Lee anywhere which was good because I wasn't nervous at all showing my feelings for Kyle.
"Hey, Kylie. I missed you." Kyle said while he moved his hand off the shifting gear and held my hand. He started driving.
"You're sweet," I said, while my face turned red like a rose."
He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "I got something special planned for us tonight, so I want you to go home and dress up."
"Do you mind if we go to Marissa's house? She kind of has all the clothes that you would consider "dressing up"."
"Oh yeah. Sure, no problem" he glanced at me. He looked back at the road.
He drove slowly and even stopped at a nearby gas station taking his time to get there. He went inside, and paid for the gas, but it felt like he was purchasing the whole store. He took a long time in there, but when he came out, he looked back into my eyes and smiled.
"I got something for you, but it's not your favorite; it's my favorite."
"What do you mean?" I said as I attempted to see what was in the bag. I leaned over, and he pulled the bag towards the driver's side door. He was having a rough time keeping it from me as we wrestled for ownership of the bag.
"I got some candy for us." He said as he rifled through his bag of goodies.
"Do you even know what candy I like?" He stopped rifling through his bag and looked at me questioningly.
"Maybe, I picked my favorite," he said as he rifled through the candy again.
"You deserve to taste the rainbow," he said as he grabbed a bag inside the bag of candy.
"What do you mean?"
"You deserve everything, you deserve a mother who won't leave you, you deserve a girlfriend who doesn't say no when you need help. You deserve a world full of amazement, a world full of excitement, and not so many liars should exist in your life. You don't deserve to be bullied because you have followed your dreams. You have learned to forgive; even if Lee has done you wrong, you forgave him. You're not judgemental even if you have been judged countless times. I know you will succeed in your goals because you have something trying to stop you, but when somebody tells you you can't do something it only turns on a switch that makes you go into a mode where you have to prove them wrong." He said while we sat at the gas station. He smiled, grabbing my face with his mask on. He was touching my cheeks and pulling me towards him, and it happened. He kissed me and it felt much like Lee's kiss, I pulled away and I wiped the almost tears away from my eye before he could see. The red itchy hives started to protrude from my skin. Every time I want to be me, it happens. The red itchy hives.
"What's wrong?" He said and wondered why I pulled away.
"You know I kissed Lee, and with you it felt the same way," I said while motioning my hands questionably in the air.
"Are you still in love with him?" He asked while biting his lips. He also twiddled his thumbs, I could tell he was nervous to know the answer.
"I mean if I told you I wasn't now or even ten years from now, it would be a lie. He was my first everything. He was there for me. Yes, his words hurt me. I think I will always be in love with him because you never let go of your first love. You never stop loving them; it's hard to stop thinking about them. Kissing somebody else, you still sometimes feel like you're kissing them. Hugging somebody else, you still feel like you're in that loved one's embrace. You never stop. No matter how much I would like to say I don't love him or think about him, I do. And I'm sorry" I grabbed to hold his hand, and he held my hand while I told him what truly haunted me inside.
"You knew this when I accepted you as my boyfriend. You knew I was hurt awfully. You said you weren't afraid to be my rebound. That made me respect you even more because you wanted to help heal me." I said as kindly as I could.
"I understand; you are not my first love; I have been there before, okay? Hello, darling little star?" He was trying to get my attention, but I was utterly zoned out, waiting for him to lash out at me.
"Kylie?" he said, still waiting for me to pay attention.
"Yes?" I said while I waited for him to talk.
"I understand you are not my first love; I have been there. I am here for you, and I'm going to help you forget Lee." He said as he assured me that he was trustworthy and he was still going to be here.
"How am I supposed to forget him when I think of him every day?" I questioned, as my face turned a little red. I made fists of my hands and thrust them down.
"I managed to do it; I will do the best I can and use my boyfriend's abilities to get you to stop thinking about him." He said while he held my face in his hands and then pulled me in for a long hug.
"I trust you," I told him while I enjoyed his warm embrace.
Kyle started driving, and we got stopped, of course, by every traffic light that was between the gas station and Marissa's home. Some morons don't know how to drive safely.
Then again, Kyle was a better driver than Lee. Lee kinda swerved when he drove. If he drove when he was mad, he would be cruising the highway at over 100 miles per hour, which wasn't safe at all. Lee had road rage, and got irritated by people who wouldn't use turn signals.
While Kyle and I were driving, we ended up in a street race because Kyle took a bet. So we ended up next to somebody who knew what he wanted to do. The lights were red. They turned over to us and signaled us to race. Engines were revving. The noise both cars made sounded crazy and exciting all at the same time. Kyle looked at me, asking me with his eyes if I wanted to race, and I nodded and shrugged my shoulders whatever. I then said, "keep it safe, though!"
The person saw the green light, and bam; he was off. They drove, and we drove, head to head. It was so exciting because we won. There was a cop, and he pulled over the other driver.
We kept going and we were headed towards Marissa's house.
I got to Marissa's house. I wanted to surprise her. I got out of Kyle's car and went up the stairs on the backside of her house. I looked in the window, and I saw her bra on the floor. It looked like Lee's clothes on the bed since I hadn't seen anybody else with the steel necklace he wore. I looked in the driveway to see if Lee's car was there and it was. I heard laughing and steam coming out of the bathroom. I was upset. I went back downstairs and knocked at her door. Maybe it wasn't something she wanted to hide from me. I went downstairs after I wiped the sweat and refrained from scratching the red protrusive bumps on my skin. I was going down the stairs so fast I almost tripped. I returned to Kyle's car and told him it might be a few minutes and that he should shut off his vehicle. I went to her front door and knocked.
Marissa answered the door quickly, "Hey Kylie, what's up?" She saw the grumbled look on my face.
"Oh, I'm just here because I need to borrow an outfit for Kyle's and mine date," I said while snooping around with my eyes.
"Ok, I have this pretty dress; I mean, it's black and sparkly if you want to use it, or something similar." She took me to the other room.
"This should be fine; let me just make sure it fits."
"Oh yea sure, you can use the bathroom," she directed me with her hand.
It was weird because the clothes I saw in the window weren't anywhere to be seen, so I snooped a little. Well, the most snooping I could do. I didn't trust her because she hid something from me that started a long time ago and that was a big no in my book. The minute somebody lied to me or seemed closed off was the minute I would get suspicious. To be honest, something didn't seem right. Something was off. I just didn't know what. I know it sounds stupid, but I had that gut feeling something was off, but I brushed it off like it was nothing. Deep down, it was always on my mind. It sat like an evil beast on my chest.
Kyle and I went on our date, and it was lovey-dovey like it always was. Do you know the whole honeymoon phase of the relationship? We spent every moment being happy, and I will admit that it was a new sense of high I got from this new relationship. I just felt more accustomed to being happy and joyful around Kyle. We would make anything possible, and I know it sounds stupid,, but I had only felt this way about Lee. I mean, maybe innocent love, but nothing confirmed, and that is what I wanted, True love. Period. Not somebody who would brush me off at any moment to hang out with his friends. I wished for somebody who wanted to spend days with me. I longed for somebody who didn't believe that Saturdays are for him and his boys. Somebody that wouldn't have sex with me and then bail out and run. Maybe the reason he bailed was he was too scared of the emotions that came with being that intimate with someone. I will never know. I wanted Kyle now, but my mind still couldn't help gliding over to thoughts of Lee.
Kyle was wearing his mask as always. It seemed weird that he still wore it, for all I know he could be a drug dealer or a serial killer or something like that. Honestly, that made me feel excited, just thinking that the person I was dating could be like a serial killer or something. It added excitement into my life, in some odd, strange way, and you wouldn't understand until it happened to you. Kyle had dropped me off at home. I was so happy and content when I got home. It was weird because the happiness had me prancing and dancing around the house. Then I got a text from Lee.
"Hey, although we aren't together, I want to say that I saw Kyle pull up and I gotta say you looked beautiful, you always did." I just felt off about the way he said it. Why would your ex text you something like that? How do I allow myself to end up back into this whole love triangle again? I guess I have never left this love triangle. I have to work on that.
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