【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
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感謝參與～59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikyDtYlNwa
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgei4f4JlgU
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLIqyaHF22
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbf4n10Jry
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDdXZqIq1k
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaTpraGRvQ
～～～～分隔線～～～～59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtQofsjWXK
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8tZKJEXP1
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8jD0fR8Et
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArbiaLEwLS
〈限制和自由〉59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfV7ulJ9bPJ
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAXcXYHmOV
penana.com/article/102489559Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡol3rp152lY
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmZPiQAbTl
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBEhwAfayQ
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詩度 0。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhri1UkCcN
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P2zga5Zdr
～～～～分隔線～～～～59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwqGrIxcrR
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〈問〉59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5tzPDPhyE
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penana.com/article/102494459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB7EigHjRd
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詩度高一點。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3IFpY1aV7
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHKCJ1PCN0
～～～～分隔線～～～～59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaCtD713fp
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJRfqaVYcp
〈摩天之輪〉59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HTgacoOPq
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopoVkbWJFI
penana.com/article/104570559Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5yzY1PLbu
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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〈蝴蝶酥〉59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINlQIhoRrO
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb57VuUe9gK
https://www.penana.com/article/159771359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtnt6eJK5T
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詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQKgdhtP8O
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe951KsEAUL
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我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKHDQgttAl
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaUFhWkqPv
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【認識新詩的基本元素】59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8gjGxstQv
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9bRpREMRv
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClsADvE0s5
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeE7QLBsP7g
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUcnl2EJcE
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59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakizgvOk6g
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
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這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr4KOpmRi9
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiBlDRYwAL
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡModGvD6Pxu
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AmwUJ5nmi
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKPsMsKug8
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB68mMXIskY
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXKd8tjurX
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3kAMGPmGN
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qBD08tVKm
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
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栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyMPqWdrHC
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxen3AG9NI
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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