【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjkTVDUz1c
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXVFiZ2eVm
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感謝參與～21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iQuJjYmyC
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68iDExubmN
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1W0HZABkmj
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeBRVKjffb
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL7QQ8awQt
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3EnBsvlw6
～～～～分隔線～～～～21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu6HIMH6qy
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wShLNxg41
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgdwoFrKHK
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〈限制和自由〉21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgOEyL3eGX
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSa8djCv2O
penana.com/article/102489521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoRphx1Ao4
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZ3ecyuo3Y
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBnUvNXxEi
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU3EL5ZgzH
詩度 0。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty063VVQcC
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhWCaSjYKi
～～～～分隔線～～～～21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfIN3oZYkX
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnEnO9zoXS
〈問〉21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nD0KWa6xQ
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penana.com/article/102494421Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyNxpMrUxp
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9YPcZB68A
詩度高一點。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIfPbxE229
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4M9pcQ5xPZ
～～～～分隔線～～～～21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp3XhOjiMP
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd8xlmG3M9
〈摩天之輪〉21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKoLXH66xQ
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxdTMzf8WS
penana.com/article/104570521Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3U1q0Fx9pZ
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2AWkA67DN
〈暗流〉21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Q6oFFF8A8
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivsfzdobNK
penana.com/article/160383821Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xZDZz8aGF
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULz7Xuvf8q
詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LQWP9eLG5
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDuZZqXSh0
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqujRbj421
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjc7Itt3lc
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XUhqVP63Q
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【認識新詩的基本元素】21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYv1REKQ8G
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVuASBERXB
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719321Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2prnbIuSvN
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCClxF3C16
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVC5Dv5wYs4
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21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS2BsIJgBb
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXk6BOroQF
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehnCLN8GVP
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWm7ZZ18Bj
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGjcdWEJ43
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdawGn5juGb
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUzmizYWnV
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
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充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXUirC4Ct6
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84WKsELNjZ
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCmfSXhCSM
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaZHWZQmFW
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKY7Hb5lJKI
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
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詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jbAEpPF7H
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdtFF64qw2
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHUEWAUrHZ
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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