【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Va6saFA5r
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感謝參與～56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymR1ZMR3fN
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9vQuxiSxy
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHGDLRWMWj
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRVcF1d8o7
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFYKq1h8b7
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～～～～分隔線～～～～56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSorqTSvpru
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGcvsD3VYS
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaJOwgOdai
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〈限制和自由〉56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ7NK5J1FY
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8ImfijPU1
penana.com/article/102489556Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4KOBNyBqp
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4POXfUbsH
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRCX7b0oVr
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詩度 0。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI17Y3mYyjC
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPLeK9dmxL
～～～～分隔線～～～～56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWetbqF39d
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〈問〉56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmVyakFd4Y
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penana.com/article/102494456Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gc87oUhVg
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMLktICZdU
詩度高一點。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZSNcgBAo8
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4YAKs39fg
～～～～分隔線～～～～56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYge79Tlo3
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOFD6Z6KKO
〈摩天之輪〉56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV97m1LuvWo
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MXFuHhf1j
penana.com/article/104570556Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQWpGrokGT
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo7Ob7mLiM
〈蝴蝶酥〉56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPliUyFszk
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AOD22srXg
https://www.penana.com/article/159771356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBn5y8bVRo
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gst50cx3t
詩度比前三首都高。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm7aZ0A8Yw
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuG7Ohbwcz
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2riF4Q6oY
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfKQdsdy1h
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfPpptO5E3
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【認識新詩的基本元素】56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wleBzXO0x
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfGxAriFJm
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ROiAG4XcD
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeDG5k5109
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCygqzDtHX2
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4ZklOdUHR
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrcG9OmG1Q
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKps3tTOsTe
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BVkrX9yrl
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4hCk8lYsI
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
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充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
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56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoWB3NJ0Wx
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Da2yUvqdM
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSXkUNYECR
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
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栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
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詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh6E3Fq2sW
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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