When we find someone who leaves an impression on us , no one can say how long the memory would linger for. If it is me , i would forget their face soon after we've met once. I assumed that it would be no different with this guy , but who would have thought that at last....
I can still remember his face
"Sarawat , tomorrow..."
"Im not free" I cut my friend off before he finishes his question
"Wanna go to Scrubb's live show?"305Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLlU9Xyj5T
"Yes"
"Seriously , what the fuck? You like them now?"
"..."
"Are you going out with someone secretly?" My friend is going on with his nonsense , but i let him continue "Or did you fall in love with someone at the event? Arent you afraid that Pam will jealous?"
"Fucking nonsense."
My friend know i like Pam. I never confessed to her , though. Never... i ddin't express my feelings for her straightforwardly because i never wished for our relationship to progress. She's my first love , and i just want to leave it at that
"Oh , i forgot. How can you love someone when you're such a heartless dude?"
"You watch too many movies. Piss off."
"All right. Come study with us tomorrow. We'll have a barbecue for dinner , going nonstop."
"Okay."
I put my books into my bag without care before going to the event Cat Tshirt which i planned to go to weeks ago. Its an event where many bands sell their shirts while performing live. That's why the event is quite huge and pretty packed so i think there's a chance i will bump into him
"Hey! Sarawat!"
I haven't seen much of the event when someone calls me excitedly. When i turn around , i see that it's a friend from the same tutorial school
"What's up?" He's from an all boys school. His friend are bunch of troublemakers
"Never thought i'd see you here. You here alone?" He tries to look for my friends and changes the subject when he spots none "What band did you get the shirt from?"
"Scrubb"
"Holy fuck , i didnt know you were their fan!"
"What about you?" I ask back
"Whoa , i like a lot of bands. I bought so much that my wallet is empty now"
"That's fucking loads."
"Are you waiting for the live show?"
"Of course. You?"
"I can't be here for long." He takes his phone out to read the messages and tells me "I gotta go now. My pals are telling me to get back. See ya."
"See ya."
We have a short conversation and then part ways. My attention is now back to the shirt booths , waiting for the artist to perform live , hoping to meet the person who danced like crazy in front of the stage during Scrubb's performance again
I've never thought that...
Someone's back accidentally catches my eyes. The familiar person lingering in my mind is standing in the crowd meters away from me
My blood is pumping , my feet are moving forward by themselves , and my ears are ringing. My vision blurs a little from trying to keep my eyes fixed on the person in a white shirt and light wash jeans
My heart beats so fast , im losing control. Its exciting and frightening at the same time. Its exciting since i might not be the little guy who danced like crazy at Silpakorn as i am hoping to see
I keep stepping forward as the sound of music from the stage reverberates through the place. Its so crowded that i can barely breathe. I dont remember how many people i've bumped into as i keep running , pushing through the packed hall , because he's all i see in my head right now
"Sorry"
"..."
"Sorry" I tell people around me repeatedly. I then crash into someone so hard , and i stutter out an apology
"Im sorry."
"Its all right." The girl says , taking no offense
It happened so fast but it averted my attention , so i've now lost sight of the back of the person in a white shirt. He's gone. I've missed him. Maybe that person isn't the one i've been looking for. Maybe it's all in my head.
Just the same , there's no answer. All i know is when i'm back home , i have one more shirt of Scrubb added to many shirts of other bands in my closet
The number of those shirts is...
The amounth of times i went to events to find him , but we were never able to meet.
Sarawat's diary : Move on
After sleeping on it for days , i've finally come to a conclusion for myself , i will let go of all my expectations , and just live my life to the fullest again. My friends say that everyone has to move forward , and yes , i should do that too. I actually should've done it sooner
When you adore someone , the most you can do is keep that person inside you as a memory
One day i might meet someone and have feeling for them , maybe to the point that i fall in love. When that time comes , the image of the guy in the school uniform i met at Silpakorn might fade away from my memory
Sarawat diary : move on in a circle
My life isn't as busy as before. At least i no longer go to. tons of events to chase after someone. I'm back to living my life with my friends , with no regrets before our high school life ends
After the first semester has ended , everyone starts studying hard and taking entrance exams. When it gets too stressful , we'd go to the movie , listen to music and take photos as we always do. It's still boring for us , though , so when it's the birthday of someone in the gang , they throw a big party where all our classmates are invited. We play lots of games , and one of them is musical chairs
I'm not interested in such thing s, so i just watch them try to sit on the chairs like their lived depend on it. The songs keep changing , slow songs , fast songs , continuously until...
'Too close...to say any words'
The melody of Close fills my ears , my body goes numb. It's like the memory i tried to erase has been accidentally revived. Shit , i cant help but cuss at myself i had almost forgotten everything , but no im back where i was. Every time i hear Scrubb's songs , i always think of that day. IT's awful that i still can't move on.
I fucking hate myself because , despite all my efforts , i start thinking of him again
Sarawat diar : Move on in a circle over and over
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