Someone once said that no one can ever own the sun , but if it's him , who shines like the bright , warm sun...
Will it be possible?
The weather in Chiang Mai would be better if the level of PM 2.5 weren't this unhealthy. Is it relevant?
It feels like just yesterday when i had packed my stuff and moved from Bangkok to Chiang Mai , even though the first year of college will be over in a few months. I go to the same university as Sarawat , but we rarely see each other throughout the week , except at the soccer field. I don't even show up if i don't feel inspired , really
Knock...Knock...Knock
Today's a little different because i've decide to come and see my brother right at his place , to consult him about something i've been worried about for a long time
"What bring you here? Why didnt you call me first?" He says , his face deadpan. He's still in his student uniform as if he just returned
"Can't i come here when i miss you?"
"An ass like you miss me."
"We're a happy family." I follow my brother inside and settle down on the sofa without his permission. Seeing no one else , i cant help asking "Where's Phi Tine?"
"He hasn't come back yet , making content for The Food Doesnt Taste Good But IS Cheap."
"Oh , Phi Puek page."
"Wanna watch a movie?" Sarawat and i have lots of things in common. One obvious thing is how we suddenly change topics we can switch to talking about something else like its no big deal
"Fine with me. Let's talk while watching."
"YEah." No need to explain furthermore. Sarawat can tell what i want just by looking at my eyes. The reason i came all the way here isnt too unpredictable. Growing up , we've talked about many things , have always know about each other's worries
Some time ago , for the first time , my brother found someone he adored. He was crazy about that person to the point that he had to record himself singing to keep it as a memory. I didn't understand his feeling at that time , nor did i want to. But who would've thought i'd experience it myself?
"What's the matter?" the movie is picked from a streaming service. I don't care what its about , just letting it play on. Sarawat seats himself on the sofa
"What if..."
"No what if. Just say its about you , lameass." Always onto me , damn it. HE cut in even before i could finish my sentence. All right , then i'll just say it straightforwardly
"When you asked Phi Tine to be you boyfriend , how did you do it? Like... did you set the scene with your friends or something?"
"Nah. It was easy as hell" His sharp eyes focus on the TV where the movie is playing , but i know his attention is on me " I watched a movie with him , then i asked him to go out with me."
"The movie was so romantic that you got carried away?"
"No , the ending was sad. Tine was fucking upset , so i comforted him by asking him out."
"What a hilarious sight to imagine. It must've been so sudden."
"You don't have to think much sometimes. Your feelings will guide you."
"But how can we know its time to ask someone out?"
"Your feelings will guide you." LIke a replay , like a broken record , but this is so , so damn Sarawat "asking someone out is actually about defining a relationship of two people. Its not necessary , but people prefer certainty. That's why we need to give it a status."
"True."
"Is it about Phi Mil?"
"Yeah , i told you i like him. He's left an impression that i can't shake off."
We both feel for someone similarly. Sarawat met Phi Tine at a live show while i met Phi Mil backstage. Its as what's written in a motivational book , it takes seconds to fall in love , but a lifetime to forget them
"He seems to like you." I stare at my brother's profile , trying to think about what he's said .
Phi Mil and i do lots of things together. We play football , see each other at Sis Tun's Cafe , and spend time together until late at night before parting. Our relationship has progressed quite a lot , but one of the hardest parts is officially asking him out...
I think it's time i muster up the courage to ask him to be in a relationship with me. I want to step forward. I don't mean to rush him , but we've spent enough time together for me to ask him
"Help me think about how i should do it."
"It's your business , think about it yourself"
"Can i copy you?"
"Whatever. When will you ask him , anyway?"
'What about tomorrow? I'll take him to a movie after classes."
No reply. He just nods , and pts my shoulder twice to show his support. When i'm back in my room , i spend most of my time planning and thinking about what i'm going to say. I give Phi Mil a call later at night , hoping for once he will say yes to my invitation
"What?" It takes a while before he picks up , making my dejected heart come alive again
I'm on the edge of my seat , pacing around the room to steady my nerves. The words i had prepared and practiced to say have all disappeared. It takes me a minute to find my voice
"Ah... are you free tomorrow evening?"
"Why?" A blunt answer as always , but i know he's melting inside
"Wanna have dinner and watch a movie with me?"
"I'm gonna play football with Bank"
"We can go after that. Can i join you two?"
"What a nuisance."
"So?" I soften my voice , trying to win him over. I've put this much effort , you gotta choose now
"My sweat smells after playing football. Im too lazy to shower before going to a movie."
"Uh-huh."
"Just tell me what time we'll be going." I can't help but smile "So annoying. I'lll play football later."
"Okay , i'll call you after classes."
"Uh."
"Goodnight."
"...."
"Good niiiight." I press on since he's gotten quiet. He's silent for a while. Well , i don't expect him to reply anyway. But before i hang up , i hear what i never thought i'd hear him say
"Goodnight."
Damn , i can't fall for him any more than this now
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