Once everyone has heard what I'm about to attempt, they all stop by my house to leave me something behind.
First is Delilah's dads, Don and Philip. They come knocking on my door with two warm hugs and their condolences.
"We think she'd like you to have this," Don says, holding up a familiar golden cross necklace.
"I thought this would be buried with her," I say, gingerly taking it out of his hands.
"We gave it to her for whenever she felt hopeless. Now we think it's fitting it goes to you."
"I—I thought I'd never see the shine of this necklace again. Can you help me put it on?"
I turn around and Philip helps attach the necklace around my neck. Once connected, it hangs down to my sternum, with just the head of it poking out from my shirt.
Now, I'll always have this piece of Delilah with me.
There's a knock at the door and Nick walks in with a piece of paper in his hand.
"You sure you want to do this kid?" He asks. I approach him, taking the piece of paper out of his hands.
"I don't want to do this," I tell him, "I need to."
I examine the piece of paper; it's a satellite picture of the roads to take to Crimson Mountain Regional Prison. The entire trip will take all day there and back to complete.
"Okay," I say to all of them, "I guess I'm off."
I get in my car and wave them all goodbye from inside. I then start to drive across Colorado to Crimson Mountain Regional Prison.
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0rhehng1v
As I grow closer to the prison my stomach begins to turn. Am I really doing this? Am I really going to confront Lucy like this?
Nick already set the meeting up so Lucy will be waiting for me when I arrive. But part of me is telling me to turn the car around and drive home. This is insane. She killed my girlfriend and I'm going to visit her? What's wrong with me? Only crazies and schizos would do something as insane as this.
The entire time I'm blaring Delilah's playlist in my speakers as I have this inner battle within. I feel my heart begin to get violent. All alone in a world filled with silence. Then I hear that voice again screaming 'End Her'. I can't take all this guilt I've been handed.
I almost killed her. I would have if Nick didn't stop me. God, what am I doing?
One thing is for certain. Depending on how I do this, I can change a lot not just with Lucy. But everyone around her and me.
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwTcGtX0OR
When I arrive at Crimson Mountain, they make me put all my belongings in a locker and put me on a bus that takes me across to the prison. The entire ride there I want to go back, but I know it's too late. I had already bought the ticket. It was time to take the ride.
Two guards led me down a hallway and to a metal door. They unlocked the door with an ID card and opened it up for me.
"She's in there," one of them says.
I stayed behind the door for a moment, not wanting to step passed its threshold. But I know I must, and I take a step inward, my heart skipping a beat.
Then I see her; lying with her head down and her hands cuffed to the table. The entire rest of the block is empty. It's just me and her.
My heart is pounding as I take a seat across from her.
"Look, Dad. I don't want you visiting anymore," she says. She then lifts her head and her eyes shoot wide open. She jumps up from her seat and stands back pulling her chains taught.
I stand across from her and take a long deep breath.
"It's just like I pictured it," I say, "So here goes. The first time I sang to someone was to Delilah. And that was right before you shot her. And when I was holding her lifeless body in my arms and I realized she wasn't coming back I really started to get scared. I—I hate you."
She whimpers and stares down at the ground.
"Honesty is important, so I'm starting there," I say, "I hate you, Lucy," she whimpers again, "I've hated you ever since you said you wanted to hurt Delilah. And the things I've imagined doing to you... I want you to hurt. I want you to feel pain. I want you to make those noises Delilah made when I put my hand over the bullet hole you put in her chest. I want you to beg for my forgiveness so that I can say no. I want you to live in complete absolute agony. So when I say this place is just like I pictured it what I really mean is it's just like I hoped it would be."
"I'm sorry."
"You're fucking right you're sorry! You stole from us. Not just her but who we could've been. You stole from us things we didn't even have yet. You reached through time, Lucy! You reached through time and you stole..."
We sob for a bit.
"All of that is true," I say, "And all of that is still inside me but—but that's not why I came here today. Do you know what she said to me right before she died? Do you know what her last words were?"
She shakes her head.
"She said: 'Save her.'"
A tear falls down her face.
"Look," I start, "I came here today... I came here today because... I forgive you."
She erupts into more sobs. I start to move towards her.
"I forgive you, Lucy. I forgive you, and I believe it's not too late. I believe in you and I am still angry with you," I'm standing in front of her now, "But it's different. Even now just saying it. It's different. You wanna know why it's different?"
"Why?"
"Because the only thing standing between you and a better life is you. The only thing standing in my way is hate. The only thing standing in your way is you. So if God can forgive you, and He says He can, all of the time. And if I can forgive you, Lucy, then anyone can."
Lucy sits down, burying her face into her palms.
"You know I spent a lot of time, you know, thinking about all the shit I coulda done," she sniffles, lifting her head from her hands, "I mean I wake up in the morning and think: I could've been a motherfucking saint. I wish things could've been different. Going in, I never meant to be evil. I just exceeded expectations."
"Goodbye, Lucy."
I start for the door and knock on it three times. They open it and I step outside. I catch one last glimpse of Lucy before the door closes.
"Judas!" She calls out my name before the door closes.
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwVqnhPBWO
I make it out of the prison and it begins to rain but the sun is still shining in some spots. I let the water drip onto me, my mouth, and my face.
I tried Delilah. I hope I saved her.265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEoyyXQDMb
265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyZbKmboyO
