Lucy dismissed us shortly after that. She assigned all of us a single task to work on until we meet again on Monday at school. Delilah is to write and compose songs about what we've discussed. Squid is to acquire more popularity legally this time. And Lucy will aid all of us to the best of her abilities. However, I have a suspicion she's going to be doing more with what she mentioned during our walk to her house a few days ago.
Lucy's task assigned to me was simple, yet not all: "Collect knowledge that we can refer to for our mission." I've studied the bible since I first learned how to read, but I had to admit that there was a lot to take from when it came to 'our mission'.
That being said, I have a particular place I like to go to when I study God's word. So I grab my car keys, tell my mom I'm going to read, and set sail for the spot.
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I like to drive in silence. But it doesn't take long for that to be interrupted.
"When looking for wisdom, I like to look at Proverbs," Jesus says, appearing in the passenger seat.
I'd like to say I'm used to him appearing in and out of my life but I'm not. I swerve into another lane and nearly hit the rear end of a bus. Someone honks at me and I correct myself into the lane I was previously in.
"Jesus Christ!" Escapes my mouth.
"Yes, Judas?"
"You scared me."
"I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention."
I take a moment to recollect myself.
"Where were you?" I ask.
"What do you mean?"
"You disappeared again."
"I never disappear. I'm always here, Judas."
"Right. I may have the luxury of seeing you sometimes, so when I don't see you it just scares me."
"I know it can feel like I'm not there sometimes. But know that I am always there. I will never leave your side, Judas."
I take a right and park in the parking lot. We're here. I get out of the car and begin to walk my way to the spot. Jesus is right behind me.
"Coming here again I see," Jesus says.
"I find you speak your truth loudest here."
After about five minutes of walking and passing multiple tombstones, we've reached the one in the sea of many I'm looking for. The name engraved in it reads "Jenny Mitchell". My biological mother.
I sit down with my back leaning against her tombstone. I flip to the book of Proverbs and look up to see Jesus taking a seat across from me.
"So what about proverbs? Why study it now?" I ask.
"There are themes in Proverbs," Jesus starts, "But there is one specific theme I want you to focus on today that comes up over and over again in Proverbs. This one thing has the power to start wars and it also has the power to end them. It has the power to save a life. Or the power to take it. This thing has the power to influence entire cities and nations or brainwash them. And with good intentions, this thing can build up and inspire and change the course of history. But with malicious intentions, this thing can demolish and destroy and ruin history. This thing is one of the single most powerful things a human has power over even though we take it for granted. And this thing is the power of words.
One-third of Proverbs is dedicated to how you and I talk. Proverbs says our words are powerful. But we take our words for granted all of the time. I don't think it's a leap to say that most of us don't believe our words are incredibly powerful human forces. Why is that? Well, half the time our words are mundane and unimportant. They get the job done and they get us through the day. Like the conversation you had with your dad before he died. Half the time, our words are meaningless and no one's going to remember them. But at other times, our words can be the most powerful tool at our disposal. And this idea is universally understood. Children understand the power of words. They're not afraid to admit that words can hurt. They'll come home from school and cry because someone called them ugly or stupid.
Our society is built on the power of words. There are works of literature that have been in print for thousands of years and they'll stay in print for thousands more. Or a business proposal. It is not binding until contractual—until it is put into words. In a courtroom, someone is declared innocent or guilty and only after declaring or speaking the verdict does it become true. At a crime scene or an intensive care unit one is pronounced dead. And until death is pronounced or spoken you're gonna do everything possible to save that person's life. Weddings are ceremonies built on the power of words and oaths. The most important part of the ceremony is when you stare your partner in the eye and you say 'I do'. Why do successful married couples stay together? It's not because they're in love. That's helpful. It's also not because every day is bliss. It's also not dependent on both of them staying happy and healthy and beautiful and successful, instead, above all, the reason a successful marriage is successful is because of you're word. You promised them. 'Till death do you part.' You said an oath in front of your friends, family, and God, you promised you wouldn't go anywhere, so you won't. Words can be very powerful things.
And on top of all of this, my Father takes the ideas of words very seriously. Christians believe that the bible is God's word. When you read the beginning, it says that God spoke everything into existence. All throughout history God has established covenants with his people. Spoken promises. Right now, you are under a covenant, a spoken promise from me, that you and I can have a relationship because of what I accomplished through my death and resurrection. And I will never change my mind about that. Why? Because I promised. I made a covenant and I will stay true to my word. Words are powerful things. Our kids sense it. Our society is built on it. My Father designed it that way. And the book of Proverbs teaches it. One of the biggest themes in the book of Proverbs is if you want to be a man or woman of wisdom, then you will show discernment in the way that you wield the power of words.
So let's dig into what Proverbs has to say about words. Let's turn to Proverbs twelve eighteen. This is the general thesis and general statement of words that the rest of Proverbs expands on."
I flip to Proverbs twelve eighteen and begin to read it. It goes like this: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Jesus begins to speak, "You'll notice that that statement goes against the wisdom you've grown up with.
'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.'
Proverbs says, 'Nope, words hurt.' Words are like sword wounds. Words can give you wounds that only other wiser words can heal. And regardless of how many times you've told yourself that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me, we know that this Proverb is telling the truth. You know from personal experience. All of us have been pierced. Most of us, maybe all of us, are carrying wounds that were said unto us when we were children. What are some of the words that wound you, Judas?"
Jesus Freak. Creep. Weirdo. Schizo. Betrayer.
That last is the heaviest. I don't want to betray God, but it's literally in my name's history. If I can't escape the past of people calling me these other names, who's to say I won't end up betraying Jesus again? And even though I know I'm not the one being unlikeable it still hurts. Why is that?
"It's because reckless words pierce like a sword," Jesus says, "They just hurt. But on the other hand, Proverbs tells us that the tongue of the wise brings healing, and we also know that to be true from personal experience. We know what it's like to be held up and encouraged and healed by someone's wise words."
What Delilah said about me to Squid on our way to the junkyard stands out to me. She didn't have to say any of that, yet she did. And really that's all I needed to hear that day. I needed to hear that my hard work was paying off. I needed someone to recognize and call out, 'Hey, this Jesus thing is pretty weird, but you're trying to help people with it.'
I think about those words she said every day.
"Of course, the point of this Proverb is that we're supposed to be aiming towards wisdom," Jesus continues, "We are supposed to bring healing to the world. Our words are not supposed to pierce like swords, they're supposed to heal the people around us. How do we do that? Well, that's what the other third of Proverbs goes into detail about. They question what are the characteristics of a wise person's words. And rather than go through all of those verses like I know you want to, I've boiled it down to four characteristics of the words of the wise from the book of Proverbs. So, Judas, if you want to be wise, you will talk like this:
The first characteristic is like this: The words of the wise are always honest. Remember my sermon on the mount? 'Let your yes be yes and let your no be no.' So if you say you're gonna go do something, go do it, and if you say you're gonna stop doing something, stop doing it. And sure it means 'stop lying,' but it can also mean if someone asks you, 'Hey, you seem off, are you okay?' you just be honest with them. Part of being honest is being vulnerable with the right people.
The second characteristic is this. The words of the wise aren't just honest they are timely. They are well-timed and they are appropriate for the setting and the circumstances. This characteristic is not just knowing what to say but knowing when to say it. So if Delilah asks you 'Are you okay?' be honest, but if the lady in the supermarket asks you, 'Good morning, how are you?' Now is not the time. Don't be vulnerable with the wrong person in the wrong setting. Being timely with your words is all about understanding your circumstances and your setting. Let's start with the circumstances. Let's say you have to confront Lucy. So you invite her out to dinner but then when you sit down she just starts unloading on you and she's going through some incredibly hard stuff and she's being open and honest and vulnerable and she's looking for your advice and your guidance. Now is not the time to be like,
'Well actually I've been meaning to pile on,' She needs you right now. Your circumstances aren't timely. You hold onto your words and say in your head,
'A couple weeks from now if I'm still upset about this I'll talk to her about it.' The setting is also very important. I think about this when I see Christians with cardboard signs. Remember a few months ago we were driving up a highway and standing outside of a Planned Parenthood was a man with a handwritten sign that just read 'Pray for the unborn babies'. On the surface, that's not hurting anyone. But my thing is those words on that sign are not timely for this man's setting. He's not able to discuss with someone else in the context of a relationship. He doesn't get a chance to explain why he cares so much. He doesn't have a chance to listen to someone else's story and experience an opinion because the setting isn't right. The setting is a street corner on a busy highway. So the words in this setting can only result in one of three outcomes. The first is that people on his side are going to agree and say 'He's so brave.' So it's self-serving. The second outcome is that people who drive by and aren't on his side are just going to roll their eyes and be infuriated. The third outcome, the worst one, is that some poor woman with a history of abortion or miscarriage is going to feel a tone of guilt, shame, and sorrow from a literal stranger on a street corner. Solomon would say from the book of Proverbs, 'Put the sign down.' That's not wisdom. And that's not courage. That's foolishness. Why? Because the words of the wise are always honest and timely. The wise person always understands the setting and the circumstances.
Let's move on to the third characteristic. The words of the wise are always calm. The words of the wise are not fueled or powered or motivated by emotions. Instead, the wise person is calm and rational, and even-tempered. You know what's in store for the wise person. Is it wrong to get angry or fired up over something? Not at all. Proverbs just says it's wrong to act or speak out of that anger. Let's use our example again. You have to confront Lucy again about something. You need to tell her some tough truth, which is honesty. You go out to dinner with them, the setting and circumstances are right so your words are going to be timely. If you go to open your mouth and your words are boiling and your face is hot with rage then you need to shut your mouth. Because your words would be honest and timely but they would not be calm. We already know that hot-tempered, emotional words are rarely heard.
Fourth and last characteristic. This one is the most interesting because it fits your culture well and there are also tons of proverbs on this characteristic. The words of the wise are honest, timely, calm, and few. If you want to display wisdom, all you have to do is remain silent. So the person over here who is ranting and raving and going on and on about their opinions and their beliefs and their world view and rage posting on social media. Their words are many and Proverbs says sin is not absent. But the other person over here understands the concept of the right time and right place, and social media is almost always the wrong place. And the person who understands that they have to remain calm, they are displaying their hard-earned wisdom by not adding fuel to the fire. Wisdom can be exercised by asking yourself these questions. You can ask,
'Is this thing I wanna say worth bringing up?'
'Is it important enough to bring up?' If so, 'Is the setting and circumstance right? Do I actually think that I'll be heard and do I actually think I'll be able to listen?' and if so do I think I'll be able to talk about it calmly?' And if the answer to any of those questions is no then the wise person shuts up. They don't open their mouth. They don't hit send or post. Why? Because yes, it can be fun to argue. You're beliefs and opinions are valuable and they should be heard and yes, you might even be right. And people should listen to you. And people should change. But if your words, whether spoken or posted, you think that most likely it's just gonna lead to more dissension and arguing and anger where no one's genuinely listening to one another and no one's genuinely open to changing their minds. And no one cares to speak calmly. Then the wise person practices the most difficult spiritual discipline out there. They shut up. Proverbs teach that the words of the wise are honest, timely, calm, and few. If I were to explain the teachings of Proverbs in my own words it would go like this: Proverbs teaches us the spiritual discipline of knowing when to speak up and when to shut up. If you disagree with any of my points here Judas, which I know you don't, read the rest of Proverbs. It shows us the types of speech that should engage and not engage with. One of these types of speech is anything where you attempt to earn praise for yourself. Bragging, boasting, anything prideful. Virtue signaling. Fishing for compliments. Another thing not to do is arguing for the sake of arguing. Proverbs says it's pointless and the wise person does not engage in it. A category that Proverbs has a lot to say about is gossip. If you're the kind of person who loves to gossip, Proverbs calls you a fool. And it says God hates the way you're talking.
What do you need to practice out these things I've given you, Judas? Sure, you don't seem like a self-righteous, prideful, gossip-loving man, but you seem to struggle when it comes to speaking up. Just remember that discipline comes with strict and specific guidelines. Remember, the words of the wise are honest, timely, calm, and few. And there are many different ways we can speak up in wise and Godly ways. I want to challenge you, Judas. What is one relationship you can bring healing into with your words? The challenge is to talk to that person. And I think you already have somebody in mind. When was the last time you sat down with them and told them how special they were to you? When was the last time you listed all the things you love about them? When was the last time instead of just saying 'I love you' casually as you leave to study you sit them down and tell them how much you really mean it? There is a biblical term for these kinds of words. It's called a blessing. You are giving or receiving a blessing. And according to my Father's word, blessings are some of the most powerful gifts you could ever offer another human being. Don't stay silent, Judas. Don't withhold your blessing to the people who are close to you."
I read through Proverbs as the afternoon passes. When I'm done, I'm met with Jesus' smile.
"In the beginning was The Word," he says, "And The Word was with God, and The Word was God, He was with God in the beginning... The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us."
"We have seen his glory," I continue, "The glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
I admire the man standing before me. Jesus is the walking, breathing, living word of God. In the flesh. Dwelling with us. God did not say he took his heart and made it into man, nor his spirit, he said it was his words. His promise. Which means that in Jesus, I can see God's words in action. It was the promise of God that marched into manhood and carried his own cross and died on it so he could march out of an empty tomb three days later to give all of us a chance at a brand new life. In Jesus, God's word, his promise, can be seen in the flesh. Why should one practice the spiritual discipline of knowing when to speak up and knowing when to shut up? Why would we do that? Well, it's not just because we understand the power of our words but it's because we understand that we are sons, daughters, and representatives, of the living God which means that his mission is our mission now. His way is our way. His truth is our truth. His life is our life. Hell, it also means that his words are our words now. We are supposed to be the people in whom you can see God's word. His promise. In the flesh. Our tongues should bring healing because Jesus brought healing. For Christians, for people who follow Jesus, this is why you hear us say things like, 'I love you.' This is why we say things like 'I forgive you.' This is why we say things like 'I'm sorry.' And this is why we look at people and tell them, 'You are not too far gone,' and we tell them 'I will go with you,' or 'I will stay back with you.' This is why we speak blessings to the lives of people and call out their strengths, their beauty, their discernments, and all their gifts and abilities. We don't use our words to divide or win arguments or to shout opinions or to speak highly of ourselves or lowly of others. We use our words to bring healing because we believe we are God's words in action. We believe we are the walking, living, breathing word and promise of God in the flesh. And we are not commanded to just live like it. We are commanded to talk like it.
I hope I represent this part of Christianity. And I only wish every other person that called themself Christian did as well.
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I stand up from Jenny's grave and turn towards it. I lay my hand on it and begin to pray:
"Hey, Jenny. How are you? Where are you right now? What are you doing? Every time I see someone drinking I think of you. I know our relationship was... complicated but I want you to know that I hope you're with God right now. I hope you know that I've forgiven you. Life is too short to hold grudges. And in a way, I don't think I'd have Jesus if wasn't for you. I know you did your best. And I hope that Heaven is giving you its very best. It's in Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
I then start to walk back to my car. When I get back to it I drive home.
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When I open my front door I call out to my Mom. She calls back to me from the living room. She's sitting in my Dad's recliner chair scrolling through Netflix on the smart TV. I sit next to her on the couch.
"How was bible study?" she asks.
"It was good. Learned a lot today."
"That's good."
"Look, Mom, can we talk?"
"Of course, honey, what's up?" she's still scrolling through Netflix. I wonder how long she's been searching for something to watch.
"I visited Jenny today."
She stops scrolling and sets the remote down in her lap. She turns to me.
"You did?" she asks.
"Yeah. She's still in the same spot. Dead and all. I um—well—visit her whenever I go to study my bible. I figure she'd appreciate it. Did I ever tell you about my last few days with her?"
"You didn't. Do you want to?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. It was my birthday. I was turning eight. We never celebrated my birthday before so I wasn't expecting anything this year. Anyway—I was in the room—reading the bible as I do. And then I heard the door being unlocked. When the door opened—it was Jenny—but she was happier than usual. I had never really seen her smile before so it was strange when I saw her so happy. She wished me happy birthday and said there was cake in the dining room. I thought this was some kind of test so my guard was up. I followed her to the kitchen and sure enough—there was a white frosted cake on the center of our dining room table. She then picked me up and sat me down in front of the cake. There was a number eight candle sticking out of the top of the cake with a tiny flame dancing on the top of it. She told me to make a wish and—"
I start to choke. My mom grabs my left hand. I continue with the story: "—I wished that she would die because of all the things she did to me. I then blew out the candle. She served me a piece of cake. I practically inhaled it. When I asked for more, I was expecting a no, but she let me eat as much as I wanted. I must've eaten three-quarters of that cake before I could barely fit anymore into my mouth. She then picked me up and sat me in front of the TV. Cartoons were playing and I never get to watch cartoons so I was invested almost immediately. Jenny was walking around in the background. I didn't know what she was doing but I didn't really care. I just kept watching cartoons. After some time, she sat down on the couch and told me to keep watching the cartoons. And..."
I grab my mother's hand with my right hand. She overlaps it with her left.
"I heard a click," I start, "Then Jenny said goodbye to me and I heard this loud bang. It was like an explosion. I then heard something heavy hit the ground. But I didn't look away from the TV. I just kept watching the cartoons. A little later the police showed up and I ended up in foster care. Then you adopted me a few years later. I did research on what happened that day, even though it's pretty obvious. She shot herself in front of me. I didn't see it. The officer, Nick was his name, covered me with his jacket before carrying me out. But I heard her shoot herself."
A single tear falls down my mother's face.
"I guess I'm telling you this because you never know when you're last moment with someone is going to be your last, you know?" A tear falls down my face, "I keep replaying my last moment with Dad. And I wish I just did something different. I wish I woulda told him I loved him. I wish I would've invited him to church. I—I wish I was a better son—"
The tears start to fall from both of us. She starts to wipe them away from my face.
"You were the perfect son," she says, "I'm glad to call you my son."
"Mom, with the way this world works, you could die in your sleep tonight. I need you to know that I love you. And that God loves you."
She hugs me and I hug her back tight.
"The last conversation I had with him," she says sniffling, "Was about you. He wanted to go to church with you."
I pull back, my eyes wide.
"He was curious," she says.
My dad wanted to go to church with me. He was curious about God?
"But he's dead," I say, defeated.
"I wanted to go too," she says. I turn to her. It's Saturday currently. Church is at eleven a.m tomorrow.
"Maybe I can invite Delilah and we can go tomorrow," I say.
"I'd like that."
I lean back on the couch and think about the past couple of days. Even though my Dad's death was a horrible thing, God still finds beauty to pull from it.
"Do you wanna watch something?" My Mom asks.
"Yeah. Something funny after that conversation."
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