I ended up leaving school really early. I went into first period to get my homework, I changed my homeroom at the front office, and I got the fuck out of there.
I had such a relaxing day. I thought about treating myself to Starbucks on the way home, but I can’t afford that.
I got home, changed immediately into my favorite gray sweatpants and a navy blue crewneck. I took my earrings out and put my hair into a claw clip.
I went into my living room, got a bottle of water out of the fridge, and sat down on the couch with my backpack. I put my earbuds in and played white noise from an app on my phone so I could study and do my homework while being fully concentrated.
It was a pretty successful study session. I did my work for five straight hours, and it felt like almost no time had gone by. I silenced my phone notifications and took a nap.
When I woke up three hours later, I had some cereal for a snack and refilled my water. Then I just sat on my couch. No music, nothing. I wasn’t on my phone. Just lost in my mind and staring at the wall.
Needless to say, I was bored.
So out of impulse, I got up, slipped on my birks, and drove across town to the cat shelter. Not to buy one, obviously. I can barely afford to survive on my own. But to play with them. The cats always look so lonely, and if I ask, I will be allowed to go back and play with some.
I used to go to the shelter all the time, and it was the best.
I parked in the almost-empty lot and went inside. A middle aged lady was at the front desk with a cat in her lap. She smiled at me as I walked over.
“Hello, how can I help you?” she asked.
I smiled back. “Hi, I was wondering if I can play with some of the cats,” I replied.
“Yes, of course. We have a litter of kittens that crave attention, I’ll go put them in one of the play rooms,” she said and went into the back.
“Thank you so much,” I said.
“No problem, sweetie,” the lady replied.
I waited at the front while she got the kittens ready. The cat that had been in the lady’s lap got up and walked on the desk up to me. The cat pawed at my hands, which had been resting on the desk. I laughed.
The lady came back out to the front. “They’re ready,” she said.
I looked up from petting the cat. “Alright,” I said.
“That’s Karma,” the lady told me.
I smiled. “Cute name,” I said.
She walked me back and closed the door when I walked into the cat room. I sat down on the floor and all seven of the kittens froliced over to me. One of them started nibbling on my sock.
I could not stop smiling. They were all black and white, and there was one with a black tip of their tail.
There were little toys on the floor that I played with, and I pet all of them. The kittens were so soft and playful.
I must have sat and played with them for an hour, because the lady who had been at the desk came back to check on me.
After a little while longer I left and went back home. I had a few messages from Josh, asking if we wanted to hang out with him and a few of his friends. I politely declined, saying that I was going to go to bed early. Which was probably true.
I got back to my house and had more cereal for dinner as I watched Modern Family, which is my normal. It must have been my tenth time watching that show, because I was starting to memorize what they were going to say. But it was my favorite show, and it was so comforting.
Soon enough, it was midnight. So I decided to go to bed. I set my school alarm just in case I decided to go and got in bed after brushing my teeth and taking my makeup off.
But for some reason, I just could not fall asleep. There were so many racing thoughts. And why, I don’t know, but James could not leave my head. Memories that we made were all floating around, like snow in a snowglobe. But I was lost in a labyrinth of them all.
I remembered the first time we kissed. He had just gotten his first car after passing his driver’s test and he snuck out and we took a drive late at night. We went to a Walmart parking lot, he was in jeans and a t-shirt, and we just danced in an empty parking lot late at night.
Then we went into the backseat of his car. It was so much more innocent than I thought it would be. He was so gentle and polite about what I wanted. I told him no sex, and he respected that. We made out, and he eventually slipped his hand under my sweatshirt, but that was it. Then we went home and he kissed me goodnight.
There was another time where he took me to meet his family. It was his younger cousin’s birthday party, and I played hide and seek with him and his cousins. The day was so fun yet really weird for me, because I never went to family events. His entire family was so close. I didn’t really know what to do the whole day.
His mom and aunts were so warm and welcoming to me. When we arrived, his grandparents, whom I hadn’t met at that point, came over and gave me a hug as if I had known them for years.
It hurt me now, but the fact that I knew everything about a cheater and a liar would haunt me forever. James no longer had the right to be in all my best memories. He threw it all away.
Such a fucking legacy, to leave.
I know that I’ll always curse him. There’s so many what ifs that his memory will always haunt and ruin.
I knew I hated James and I always would. What he did was inexcusable.
I never want to think of him, even on midnights like this.
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