I wanted to follow her out, I really did. I know I hurt her a lot, the side of my face showed it. My cheek had a red hand print from how hard she hit me.
And I couldn’t blame her. I really fucked up.
I needed to follow Betty and apologize for everything, but I couldn’t move. I was frozen. The rest of the grade still sat in shock. It really came out of nowhere.
My friend Cam came over with my bag and my phone and handed them to me.
“Go on, go get her,” he said.
I took them from him and I walked out of the cafeteria. In all honesty, I had no idea where she lived. I knew the general area but not the street or the house. I’d also never met her parents.
Early on in the relationship, I asked if I could meet her parents one time, but she didn’t answer, so I figured she didn’t like them or something so I never mentioned it again.
I signed out at the attendance office, faking sick so that I could leave. It worked.
Shows how good of a liar I am.
I went out to my car and got in. I immediately smelled her perfume. It was sweet like candy, but just mature enough that it wasn’t for little kids.
“I can't believe myself,” I whispered. A small tear trickled down from my eye, one that I quickly wiped away. My dad said that I have to start being a man.
I sat there in the driver’s seat, just remembering everything. How Betty used to kick up her feet on the dash while I drove. On a warm July night, we just took a long drive, with the windows down blasting music and singing, just having a good time.
Then around midnight, I got out a blanket and we laid in a meadow, just looking up at the stars and feeling her warm body close to mine. We cuddled under the night sky for hours, no worries in our minds, just the warmth and love radiating off of each other. It was one of the best nights.
I was actually supposed to be with Augustine that night, but I changed my mind because I wanted to be with Betty instead.
I don’t know anything, but I know that I would choose Betty over Augustine in a heartbeat. I don’t think it’s a choice, really. There’s only one right answer, and it’s Betty. It was just the adrenaline and thrill of it, the secret, but not love.
I called Este, hoping that I could get Betty’s address from her so I could go over, and just attempt to make things right.
I’m pretty sure that there’s no fixing what I did.
Of course Este told me no after the first few tries, but I eventually got it from her. I typed the address into my GPS, taking me to a decent-sized, rundown looking white house.
I got out of the car, examining my surroundings, the smell of smoke lingering in the air. Not smoke from a cigarette, more of the scent from a bonfire. As I got closer to the front door, the smell of smoke got stronger and less subtle.
I knocked on the door, somewhat courageously.
“Fuck off, James! I never want to see you again! Get out of here!” Betty’s voice yelled.
“Come on, babe, let me explain!” I yelled back at her.
“Never call me that again! There’s nothing to explain! You fucking cheated on me! You betrayed me when I gave you the fucking world!” she called.
“I know, and I hate myself every day for choosing this. It’s all my fault, I fucked up everything. Can we please stop arguing through a door, can I please come in?” I said.
There was a moment of silence before there was a sound of the door unlocking. Betty was in black sweatpants and a gray zip-up with the hood covering up her beautiful, soft brown hair. Her eyes were like daggers, stabbing into mine.
She has never looked like this before. In a way, she looked deadly, like she could kill me at any time. She probably wanted to.
I could tell she hated me. The way she dressed, how she acted, everything. I fucked up her life.
“Can I please explain myself?” I asked.
She shot an angry glare at me. “Depends, if it’s gonna be full of bullshit, just go home now,” she said.
I exhaled deeply. She was pissed.
I sat down on the couch in the living room.
Trying to start with small talk, I said “Are your parents around?”
She gave out a sarcastic sounding laugh.
“My dad left as a baby. My mom is a fucking addict who hasn’t been here in months. It’s just me. Which you would’ve known if you cared to ask. God, I’ve been on my own like this since I was 7 years old, and we dated for two years, and you didn’t even know. You never even fucking asked,” she said.
Oh shit. I had no idea. But she was right, I had assumed her family situation was fine and I never asked.
I immediately noticed the way she said ‘dated’.
I sighed again.
“Get to the point, stop with the bullshit small talk. You fucking owe it to me,” Betty snapped.
I did. The least I could do for her is answer her endless questions. I ruined everything between us, when everything was perfect I went and screwed it all up.
“Tell me what happened right now or leave me alone. You’re lucky I’ve let you stay this long, and I can’t even think of you without being disgusted by you. The pain of looking at your stupid face is too much for me,” she replied.
So I gave her what she wanted. I told Betty everything, how jealous I was of her and Oliver, how Augustine told me to get in the car and drive with her, one day turned into many nights.
I told her that even when I slept next to her, I dreamt of her all those summer nights that I was with Augustine.
When I was finished, Betty started crying. She was full on bawling, which is expected. I can’t even imagine how much I hurt her. I felt terrible. I made such a big mistake.
I got up to walk a few steps to give her a hug while she cried in the door frame, but she snapped her neck up to shoot me a death glare with her gorgeous, darker-flecked brown eyes.
“Don’t you dare even think about taking another step. You’re an idiot if you think I’m gonna let you touch me ever again,” she spat through her straight, white teeth.
“Babe, I’m so sorry, please let me make it up to you,” I begged her.
She shot me another death glare after wiping a lingering tear from her cheek.
“Never call me that again,” she snapped.
“You ruined everything, you know that, right? Go run to her, I want nothing to do with you. Leave me alone, get the fuck out of my house! I never want to talk to you again,” she yelled.
“But I love you, please, let me stay,” I begged.
Betty’s eyes started welling up with tears. “Please go. Please leave. You’re a lying traitor! I fucking hate you so much! Get out of my life, go home! We’re done,” she yelled again.
So I did what she said. I got up and opened the side door, feeling like I was going into exile.
Depressed and helpless, I climbed back into the driver’s seat of my car, and I started to cry.
I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know that I already miss her.
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