As soon as I left that dreadful cafeteria, I sprinted to the bathroom to get sick. I literally threw up. I was so disgusted by James, I trusted him and loved him with everything I had in me, and he fucking knew that. And he turned around and stabbed me in the back.
I have never felt this bad or this low in my entire life. And I had a pretty screwed up childhood. People think I have the perfect life and that’s just not true. The only reason I get out of bed in the morning is because of him. He made me feel like a real person, one with emotions and a heart capable of feeling love, as well as the pain I am now going through.
I knew it was over since prom. Oliver showed up without warning, so of course I danced with him. I hadn’t seen him in years. He told me that his girlfriend, Mercedes, went to our school, so he took her.
James hated that, of course.
He thought that I was gonna cheat on him, but he turned around and snuck off with fucking Augustine Park minutes later. Who’s the hypocrite?
I could tell that I hurt him that night, but I told him nothing was gonna happen. It’s all been slowly going downhill since then.
On the night of our two year anniversary in August, we were supposed to have a really nice date night, but he called me that afternoon and told me he was sick.
I have a feeling that he wasn’t really sick. He was probably in her bed.
When I was done throwing up, Alana, Danielle, and Este came into the bathroom to try to comfort me. I politely asked them to leave me alone. I took out my keys before throwing my book bag over my shoulder, and I drove home.
I got home to an empty house, like normal. My mom hasn’t been home in months, and my dad left when I was a baby. He never came back.
I guess James is more like my dad than I thought; they both left and betrayed me.
I ran to my dark room with a tear stained face. I turned my light on so I could clean up. Everything in that damn room reminded me of him.
There were cute pictures of us everywhere, on the wall, above my bed, on every available surface.
The stuffed animal that he got us for our one year anniversary was on my body pillow; I picked it up and tossed it across the room. It was really cute, so I couldn’t be mean and throw it at the wall, the way I wanted to.
I tore all those pictures down, angrily. He fucked everything up. The best two years of my life were wasted. I used to think that we were gonna get married, but I know better than that now.
When you are young they say you know nothing, but I know everything. I knew deep down that me and James wouldn’t last. Since our first date, I knew it was just a convenient time for him to have a girlfriend, so he picked me for some reason.
He ran like water, away from me and straight to that fucking bitch.
Me and Augustine used to be so close, the way sisters are. She was my sister.
There was only one thing I never told her, and it was that I’ve liked James for forever, too. I liked him before she did. She would obsess over him all the time, but I sucked it up and never told my best friend that I was in love with the same boy that she was.
I had no idea that he liked me, too, until he asked to take me out sometime. Of course I said yes, no guy had ever seemed interested in me before, and it was the perfect opportunity.
I knew that Augustine would never forgive me for that. And, like usual, I was right. She was pissed. At him, at me. She said that there was no way that he didn’t notice her, too, because me and her were together all the time, so if he could see me, he could see her, too.
I guess he did, because look what happened.
After I finished tearing up our pictures, I went outside and burnt the pieces. I started a small fire in the fire pit in the backyard, and I burned them until all that was left were ashes.
I needed to destroy everything that reminded me of him. He made me feel so special. It’s like he stabbed me, walked away and just left me there to bleed.
I went back inside to my room, even though the house is empty, and likely will be for a long time still. My mom hasn’t been here in 4 months, and she was only here to beg me for money. My mom is heavily addicted to a number of drugs. I probably couldn’t even list them all.
She’s been smoking weed and been on heroin for as long as I can remember. There’s others too, but as I said, I can’t be bothered to remember.
But she should’ve known better than to come to me for money. She knows I don’t have any. All of my money goes toward small meals and my car. I don’t have to pay for the house because it was inherited from my grandpa, and all my clothes are from Este. I still have a lot of the clothes that Augustine gave me.
Este is my best friend. Her family is rich; definitely not as much as Augustine’s, but still loaded. Este gives me some of her clothes if she gets a lot of new stuff or if I like it a lot. Augustine used to give me anything, because we’re the same size.
Este and her parents have been really good to me. If there’s any reason that I don’t feel like being at my house, I go over to her house and I can stay as long as I want. Her parents gave me $1,000 for Christmas last year because money was really tight for me.
Este had realized that I didn’t have lunch for two weeks straight, then she started bringing me food before I told her about my situation. Next thing you know, her parents dropped $1,000 on me. They also bought my dress from Junior Prom.
Este and her family were always a lot more understanding than James was. In two years, James had never been to my house, met my parents, and never picked me up from my house. I had always driven over to his.
This made me wonder if he was just ignorant and didn’t notice, or if he just didn't care.
I got down on the floor to find the blanket that he gave me for my birthday last year. It was under my bed. Next to it, I found an old white cardigan.
I put it on and looked at my reflection in my full length mirror. It was like I was the cardigan, James put me on and made me feel special and told me I was his favorite.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
