honoka, ruru and the kiznaiver ending
I’m a wreck right now so I’ll just make a post for everything else later. For now though, have an IT WAS ALL SPELLED OUT IN THE ENDING plus HONOKA BREAKS MY HEART.
Plus, also a good ol’ dose of appreciation for how good this show is at showing AND telling.
This is going to get heavy on the feels and the images!
It’s no wonder Honoka’s burden was that big. On one hand, we have this:
Honoka tried to protect herself by keeping Ruru at arm’s length, so to speak. She knew that if things continued the way they were, there would be no way to help it. She would fall for her and they would get together.
And she would rather not cross that line to not make Ruru’s loss even more painful. In other words: Maki consciously tried to hold herself back from falling in love with Ruru.
“No, we shouldn’t do this, because… One day, you’ll…. “
Essentially, Maki was content enough with what they had. She was happy not having to define her feelings for Ruru, and leaving what could come from them “to their imaginations”.
So she has that burden to carry. The fact that she could have returned Ruru’s feelings already did to some extent (that me, too at the end said it all), but she chose not to go all the way.
She made a logical, pragmatic choice (based on fear of loss) and it not only hurt Ruru but herself as well. Because, the worst part is that:
Even knowing that you didn’t make the wrong choice doesn’t make living with the consequences any less painful. The truth is that there are always going to be “what-ifs” going through her mind. Then: what if I had actually dared to give that step back then? What if I had given us a chance? Because it’s just human nature, and for better or for worse; the stuff that we know we could have wanted, and do not get to experience are those that haunt us the most.
So we have her guilt over that on one hand. On the other, we have that even Ruru’s mother thinks Maki pushing Ruru away may have sped Ruru’s death.
And to make matters worse, she has been assuming all along that Ruru hated her for it. So seriously, Maki was carrying a very, very big burden.
And that’s what makes the ending so damn beautiful.
At the start, Ruru tells Honoka that if they are together, they can compensate for each other’s weaknesses and even “express emotions we couldn’t express by ourselves.”
And that is exactly what happens at the end!! Which brings me to this,
That doesn’t only apply to the Kiznaivers. That also applies to Honoka and Ruru herself. And I’m pretty sure that is one of the answers Honoka reaches, one of the answers that allows her to be more at peace with what happened.
After all, Honoka and Ruru literally shared their hearts through their manga. Honoka says so, she actually didn’t understand what she was feeling. As such, It was “an emotion she couldn’t express by herself.”
So, when Honoka finally finds her response at the end,
She does so through Ruru’s own feelings for her (that single tear!! be still my heart).
I feel that Maki dropping her umbrella and letting the rain fall on her is also important.
It’s like Honoka is no longer trying to protect herself from her own feelings. She is welcoming them, and in doing so she can finally open herself to move on. Hence the rain, which not only symbolizes pain (Honoka’s tears), but is also a symbol of cleansing and renewal.
So yeah, as someone who’s been in Maki’s shoes, this episode really hit me HARD.
And you know what made me love it even more? IT WAS ALL IN THE ENDING.
I rewatched the ending more closely yesterday, paying attention to one girl at a time, and tried to tie their sequences together based on what may come for their characters.
In the blockquotes I’ll copy-paste, word-for-word, what I had for Honoka:
“There are three things that I absolutely loved about Honoka’s sequence. As we all know, the zinnia she is holding means “thoughts of absent friends” or “I mourn your absence”, which is completely self-explanatory and fits perfectly with the way Honoka holds the flower close to her through the entire ending (even nearly kissing it at one point!).”
With this episode, we know just why she was almost kissing it but not quite. She was falling in love with Ruru but tried to pull herself back. The seeds though, they were there.
“But take a look at this. Honoka is alone and seemingly leaning against a wall; we know because she’s casting a shadow.”
“Honoka closes her eyes, sadness getting to her. And then she rearranges her hair and opens her eyes again.”
“I feel it’s an accurate representation of her attitude: Honoka tries to keep her feelings under control, tries to remain calm and composed. To give-off the vibe that she has “a shitty attitude”. But she’s been holding a lot of pain in all along.”
AND WHAT DO WE GET THIS VERY EPISODE?
“And it’s at this point that we enter the second half of the series, aka what’s going to happen from episodes 6 to 12.
Because suddenly Honoka isn’t leaning against a wall anymore, but against Ruru. Ruru gently pushes Honoka forward, in what could very well be a “You’ve been stagnant long enough. It’s time to move, Maki.” Or even an “I’m ready to let go. You should be, too.”
Thanks to this episode, we know WORD FOR WORD what that push was meant to convey:
“And immediately afterward, Honoka starts to literally (and figuratively) look up!
I believe that symbolizes Honoka’s new-found hope. For the first time since Ruru’s death, Honoka may actually be ready to leave the pain behind, though letting it all go it’s most likely going to be a very draining thing. “
WE LITERALLY GOT THE SAME SHOT THIS EPISODE:
“And this right here is what I loved the most. After that happens, Honoka no longer casts a shadow!”
“So, my take is that, essentially, Ruru was Honoka’s shadow. Or rather, the pain and the guilt she felt regarding her were. After all, she carried those dark feelings with her wherever she went. Just like a shadow! So once she is able to make peace with Ruru’s ghost, Maki is able to finally look up and start to leave the pain behind her.
Which will help her better treasure Ruru’s memory, because it will no longer be tied to conflicted feelings and trauma.”
“I feel that is symbolized by the last shot of Honoka in the ending. She is still holding the flower close to her heart, but this time she is doing so with both hands.”
IT WAS ALL IN THE ENDING ALL ALONG. I think this makes me feel a bit more confident in my reading of Noriko’s and Chidori’s portions, so I’ll try to have that post up today!
But honestly, it was so surreal to see how Ruru’s parents had the room completely covered in her. I feel really bad for her parents (another thing that hit close to home, sigh), but I think them and Maki were great illustrations of how to not get over a death. Ruru’s parents because they keep it open-wound fresh, Maki, because she tried to run from the wound. Until this episode, neither of them had let it scar. I’m so relieved Maki gave that first step.
Edit; Finished the rest of the posts!
Other ending analyses:
- Official Flowers and their Hana Kotoba meaning
- Noriko’s and Chidori’s sequences (+Katsuhira)
- Nico’s sequence (+ Honoka/Tenga)
