在TG上，大家互相交換照片，今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXbyixwYnL
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoznzhOe2K
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片，她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照，便回應：509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAxwbOJf0Z
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgRTmwZ0fk
Annie：你隔離嗰條女好靚，你啲frd嚟？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4meKZTpmt
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbzqBNXF9e
我：梗係唔係啦，啱啱先識嘅（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFtRmgPHHg
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvJrk7iqeI
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看，又交流著化妝心得。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKPtNdtkoI
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomRKznXjJn
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術，對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說，這三大話題是最長壽命的話題，能用來談很長、很長的時間。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlbKFHzOKl
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP8w18eAWT
總之，我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面！509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE92l9RcHDD
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtaJNxw0q8
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時，都必定認識到新朋友，男女都有，也是同樣cosplay的人，然後他們都會跟我交換IG。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE27uDSxaJo
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlDLeGvtFY
在我的IG裡，粉絲頗多，主要有兩類：一是從cosplay圈認識的人，二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Yi7gsQSmU
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IAobWBf0C
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文，只有十幾個讚好，但當我發佈cosplay照時，不論是男裝還是女裝，總會引來多3倍的讚好，真是人靠衣裝。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbVMrT8N71
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfObKko9BSp
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大，但其實這只不過是假象；因為我都很少與人會面，平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4oVtGIM2E
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V7nmLjyme
Annie：你個樣本身可以好女仔，出街實冇人知你係偽娘。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzv5HFDGn24
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCzkXG5NoN
我：但冇計啦我太高喇，實出賣男兒身㗎（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl5NZXv9x0
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOImeXoItn
Annie：其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1tORiKCkV
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfZ6ozUEgE
我：做咩突然間講呢啲嘅？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uzj9bMdvZ
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAVfowJBC4
Annie：以前試過交換完相之後，條仔嫌我肥，就即block我509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuLv7k3bwx
Annie：我真係好自卑509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gxW7VfTKr
Annie：啲人成日都同我講，話我個樣唔差，叫我扮下靚就有509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHls8CiLjY
Annie：佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪，但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知，佢哋跟本介意。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LugaGZt8f
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQGymt7mNY
其實我也很清楚知道，這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌，而在表面的社交應酬上，包裝自己的說話，但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtKnVIYSNl
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSwTVkgXqv
所以我的世界觀是：適者生存，與其努力去改變世界，倒不如學習保護自己。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eDI6XpQ0u
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ohf06SyhB
偽娘也會被歧視嗎？當然有，只是我比較幸運，身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處；或可能有人心底裡不喜歡，但我相信既然有人不喜歡，那麼總有人喜歡，每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道，多訓練自己的敏感度，便可容易地觀察人心，從而使自己作更好的決定。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbssYKyw1m
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47QLhBmHpY
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時，我都說，即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份，當有人被我吸引進來之後，再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr7LD8aC9h
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEfpsXz2gs
或許有人問：你這樣不辛苦嗎？不做偽娘就好了。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiYTQf79kA
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRqiHQIS6A
我會反駁：食得鹹魚抵得渴，為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人，會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMImUeTbTH
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWuzq3Saxz
我們又繼續聊，然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5XPMeLdg9
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulsHJzb09Y
我：我好想食豬扒飯。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt2SvitQeO
我：不過我想食你件豬多啲（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2T5fz3nEy
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEcZ3z3Bu0
Annie：我唔係豬扒！！509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0orScPAidB
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLwMMSYRtx
糟糕了，我講錯說話，焦慮的我想嘗試修復。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2goJQdVuy
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1w2Ba49xY
我：豬扒都有豬扒嘅好（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUB3nndrPkv
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayLGHvfoAQ
Annie：可以啪啪聲嘛（大笑509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgih7yr6EI
Annie：同埋，我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaICkRsgQI
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjBjsDl4WS
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了，也刪了；總之大概記得，我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑，說過幾句；但是勾起了Annie的怒火，而我又嘗試熄滅。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmX7SnJU8fE
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUfT9sVRGB
我：噢，原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLXQr5PSsv
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjo86rvWNoQ
沒辦法下，我只好裝傻混過去。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8kcVBioQ1
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XY3MZ0DMr
本以為如此便蒙混過關，於是我們又如常地相處下去。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXv1vU9VOS
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVQjuU2e7g
接著幾天後，我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片；但是照片要修圖，要等待一陣日子才有。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl94MsfdzP4
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZskZjl4vZL
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIpepts2fP
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC2CsDqA6r
Annie：你去影泳衣咁有冇相？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO2Xk1W9yD
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7ojZNPm8f
我如實地交代暫未有相片，只有一張我當場的自拍照，是上身照，相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjoZ1hRS6j
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaY4SWBfjt
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝，露出大面積白皙的肌膚，正正是我當時的打扮。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWYj9F856i
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZPZom1w7m
Annie：慘囉慘囉，連你都咁靚。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACC8i3PGJb
Annie：我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVDqj1tlRb
Annie：驚佢俾風吹走509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cbxbqCnoH
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgOkwteVHn
我：你講緊邊個排骨呀？（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcEEljeszL
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFQkIuyTGn
Annie：我好唔中意啲男仔自大509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7gDeMarKr
Annie：見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwX57105kg
Annie：佢以為自己有六舊，有好大條J509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X4Ns3rZC0
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4lZrX3EIB
我：俾著係我直情同人講：我冇J㗎（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAKoMwp9M4
我：冇六舊肌同大J，咁咪做返女人囉（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9dTWB6fSB
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe7recruju
我不像一般的某些直男，在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服，我都會，只是我不會這樣表達而已。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ364i6iT2np
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wlHBvqwsa
事實上，我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照，還有假髮和妝容；並不是因為我對自己男性特徵（例如6腹肌）沒自信，而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB11GRYHVdL
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7xq4VyiNA
以火影忍者的語言說，大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」，而我則只是在用「後宮術」，一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKvRTFtmyj
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxoHUoq2fC
Annie：半夜三更瞓唔著，突然性起，傾吓性？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpUP8P2CkH
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6Jhtswpy5
我：你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀？M到？（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPurxccJIQc
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyc8veyzTc
Annie：係呀，你又知？（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxxjrpuCoe
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVefjfdRM4
我：我憑直覺亂估咋509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY7Kkti2lD
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBWURk3mpU
Annie：好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARP35I7n1y
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwusNwo2EMT
我思索了一會，然後回覆。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXXFOhSUSi
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcXPHrVr5U
我：打呀，但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTMWXomYlY
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vAoalteCN
我的性癖，是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道，不是主要的興趣；因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我，是沒有用的；唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsaiSpPbv7
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxscD01LQZl
Annie：我屋企都有兩件sex toy509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq8UqsQXli
Annie：我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgci3Aupqv
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6RWvfu7uM
我：你本身都係bi？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjC6NMgO8v
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAnl8z5Pmo
Annie：唔係嘅，只係貪屌女仔好玩（大笑509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWE4lpCRCoT
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Od1JV8kt6
我：話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAC7vAf7PC
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4p1QkKoCM
Annie：你都冇閪，點出水？509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqegIn8QB6R
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwDoit6UtD
我：人工閪😏509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSTUGEzZdK
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS10kWoVXOI
Annie：😳😳509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0e6WikDpR
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUak0XLrLo
我：你嚟上我啦（笑喊509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWfM4wcuSU
509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfdTlV9JKE
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後；另一方面，我們已經聊了1.5個月，我三番四次約會她，她都不出來，漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘，下次應該如何提出約會，還是只保持網上關係就罷了？
Penana
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