在TG上,大家互相交換照片,今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。451Please respect copyright.PENANAWnPrt0n50e
451Please respect copyright.PENANA0lAjGkv5Qh
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片,她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照,便回應:451Please respect copyright.PENANAmPWT2ZFN0U
451Please respect copyright.PENANAYKOjadGnMo
Annie:你隔離嗰條女好靚,你啲frd嚟?451Please respect copyright.PENANAlhgFuFkdPV
451Please respect copyright.PENANAznngOq6OwJ
我:梗係唔係啦,啱啱先識嘅(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAYuTaVwWM7Q
451Please respect copyright.PENANADUMkADpoTb
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看,又交流著化妝心得。451Please respect copyright.PENANAQR58e42b7P
451Please respect copyright.PENANAR2711O98EQ
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術,對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說,這三大話題是最長壽命的話題,能用來談很長、很長的時間。451Please respect copyright.PENANAvJgSrWGM2e
451Please respect copyright.PENANA8PgN0l4FrO
總之,我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面!451Please respect copyright.PENANAXot1kHq8zo
451Please respect copyright.PENANASQHMHvccKx
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時,都必定認識到新朋友,男女都有,也是同樣cosplay的人,然後他們都會跟我交換IG。451Please respect copyright.PENANAZqe9FJDzxY
451Please respect copyright.PENANAXjiKhrJ7L2
在我的IG裡,粉絲頗多,主要有兩類:一是從cosplay圈認識的人,二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。451Please respect copyright.PENANAK4J05qOGbX
451Please respect copyright.PENANA49IONs4Zg8
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文,只有十幾個讚好,但當我發佈cosplay照時,不論是男裝還是女裝,總會引來多3倍的讚好,真是人靠衣裝。451Please respect copyright.PENANA0UdZbJtSoL
451Please respect copyright.PENANAxCpilHfsG7
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大,但其實這只不過是假象;因為我都很少與人會面,平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。451Please respect copyright.PENANAHQlnkkS5Sc
451Please respect copyright.PENANA50jLboWVEf
Annie:你個樣本身可以好女仔,出街實冇人知你係偽娘。451Please respect copyright.PENANAKOg45hdDH0
451Please respect copyright.PENANAXcwVYYJ7bv
我:但冇計啦我太高喇,實出賣男兒身㗎(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANA8o3rhmBZSA
451Please respect copyright.PENANA7UQckZzvCY
Annie:其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣451Please respect copyright.PENANANdG9zHfiiw
451Please respect copyright.PENANAsYy2bDh1t3
我:做咩突然間講呢啲嘅?451Please respect copyright.PENANAxbRpdVraAN
451Please respect copyright.PENANAoaoUaq08ac
Annie:以前試過交換完相之後,條仔嫌我肥,就即block我451Please respect copyright.PENANA4Wn6UPtKpS
Annie:我真係好自卑451Please respect copyright.PENANADsRF3lRXsU
Annie:啲人成日都同我講,話我個樣唔差,叫我扮下靚就有451Please respect copyright.PENANAcwMGo7gVWr
Annie:佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪,但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知,佢哋跟本介意。451Please respect copyright.PENANA9nuFCeb9e6
451Please respect copyright.PENANAcOoAiBBzK9
其實我也很清楚知道,這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌,而在表面的社交應酬上,包裝自己的說話,但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。451Please respect copyright.PENANAs6G9BKepfP
451Please respect copyright.PENANABLQW2F9mPf
所以我的世界觀是:適者生存,與其努力去改變世界,倒不如學習保護自己。451Please respect copyright.PENANAHWHBGqaSsy
451Please respect copyright.PENANAENumnaPVTG
偽娘也會被歧視嗎?當然有,只是我比較幸運,身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處;或可能有人心底裡不喜歡,但我相信既然有人不喜歡,那麼總有人喜歡,每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道,多訓練自己的敏感度,便可容易地觀察人心,從而使自己作更好的決定。451Please respect copyright.PENANALkbDxL0mGi
451Please respect copyright.PENANAJXJXoPhA5F
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時,我都說,即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份,當有人被我吸引進來之後,再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。451Please respect copyright.PENANAOW4lamJDTA
451Please respect copyright.PENANAGH0VLi2qX7
或許有人問:你這樣不辛苦嗎?不做偽娘就好了。451Please respect copyright.PENANAyqMGhrvuZD
451Please respect copyright.PENANA4OTo45YWQB
我會反駁:食得鹹魚抵得渴,為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人,會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎?451Please respect copyright.PENANADFcT3luqSg
451Please respect copyright.PENANAfriL1SIxXe
我們又繼續聊,然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。451Please respect copyright.PENANAX7v1MyuRjc
451Please respect copyright.PENANA8H83kKFBN6
我:我好想食豬扒飯。451Please respect copyright.PENANAUblp0irDtG
我:不過我想食你件豬多啲(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAKEOl5k8HVt
451Please respect copyright.PENANARMp8RAN9xU
Annie:我唔係豬扒!!451Please respect copyright.PENANAj53tcXGAh0
451Please respect copyright.PENANAanij3rM1IT
糟糕了,我講錯說話,焦慮的我想嘗試修復。451Please respect copyright.PENANAG3zr4vqZKY
451Please respect copyright.PENANAWt6WLDbkL6
我:豬扒都有豬扒嘅好(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANA4k9qzkwYCw
451Please respect copyright.PENANASMlln34s6I
Annie:可以啪啪聲嘛(大笑451Please respect copyright.PENANAIYIIgWalRN
Annie:同埋,我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒451Please respect copyright.PENANAwtRBKQihAV
451Please respect copyright.PENANAo32HYE2HJi
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了,也刪了;總之大概記得,我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑,說過幾句;但是勾起了Annie的怒火,而我又嘗試熄滅。451Please respect copyright.PENANANXOQ7uIcga
451Please respect copyright.PENANARJjZ3RdHwL
我:噢,原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。451Please respect copyright.PENANAjNLo6n40bh
451Please respect copyright.PENANAtBiF5nr6LU
沒辦法下,我只好裝傻混過去。451Please respect copyright.PENANAslFSqLmqrE
451Please respect copyright.PENANANEmEwBilWM
本以為如此便蒙混過關,於是我們又如常地相處下去。451Please respect copyright.PENANAtI2sgYa4FU
451Please respect copyright.PENANAeVsRvsCc0E
接著幾天後,我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片;但是照片要修圖,要等待一陣日子才有。451Please respect copyright.PENANAaQhrsE0XFr
451Please respect copyright.PENANAT49vMsZsvj
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。451Please respect copyright.PENANArsEbiHAnm0
451Please respect copyright.PENANAjw9mHqVwLU
Annie:你去影泳衣咁有冇相?451Please respect copyright.PENANALF32A2Qdzd
451Please respect copyright.PENANA6Me4DDXgSk
我如實地交代暫未有相片,只有一張我當場的自拍照,是上身照,相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。451Please respect copyright.PENANATTgL7JO3FH
451Please respect copyright.PENANAzjUltLQtm4
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝,露出大面積白皙的肌膚,正正是我當時的打扮。451Please respect copyright.PENANAkvI6fYMQpy
451Please respect copyright.PENANAvy5clTLqbu
Annie:慘囉慘囉,連你都咁靚。451Please respect copyright.PENANAwW5f2IQ7wx
Annie:我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺451Please respect copyright.PENANAWYJ8Ui0o6U
Annie:驚佢俾風吹走451Please respect copyright.PENANAi5mhAxC26h
451Please respect copyright.PENANAgtdwIaES8s
我:你講緊邊個排骨呀?(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAxRgzYcOiyb
451Please respect copyright.PENANAP2oftGVHQM
Annie:我好唔中意啲男仔自大451Please respect copyright.PENANAOfSU7xOkYX
Annie:見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身451Please respect copyright.PENANAamHVZeeL6I
Annie:佢以為自己有六舊,有好大條J451Please respect copyright.PENANACAoMgAfQNC
451Please respect copyright.PENANAXg864CrfLN
我:俾著係我直情同人講:我冇J㗎(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANA5Tivdw4yEn
我:冇六舊肌同大J,咁咪做返女人囉(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAlOpJXNHdTJ
451Please respect copyright.PENANA2aC18wQSdN
我不像一般的某些直男,在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服,我都會,只是我不會這樣表達而已。451Please respect copyright.PENANARYq2W3RoUz
451Please respect copyright.PENANAWNmMPgBJGv
事實上,我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照,還有假髮和妝容;並不是因為我對自己男性特徵(例如6腹肌)沒自信,而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。451Please respect copyright.PENANAefTCM7rSiR
451Please respect copyright.PENANA92o0IVYsRL
以火影忍者的語言說,大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」,而我則只是在用「後宮術」,一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。451Please respect copyright.PENANAnuB8aompY1
451Please respect copyright.PENANAoDK0eHK7F3
Annie:半夜三更瞓唔著,突然性起,傾吓性?451Please respect copyright.PENANAG1YOZADhyX
451Please respect copyright.PENANANcEQ9j5R0G
我:你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀?M到?(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANA9CcpHP6C3G
451Please respect copyright.PENANAtXf5kjwL3T
Annie:係呀,你又知?(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAvttwnLgoq9
451Please respect copyright.PENANARA2v5LhIk1
我:我憑直覺亂估咋451Please respect copyright.PENANA7NPyLvZ8MN
451Please respect copyright.PENANAjETOLj5fYV
Annie:好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩?451Please respect copyright.PENANABqZTFHxxXX
451Please respect copyright.PENANA4BbNWNCP1F
我思索了一會,然後回覆。451Please respect copyright.PENANAo9nWrVSXgg
451Please respect copyright.PENANAbG7PJIjl57
我:打呀,但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。451Please respect copyright.PENANAhkNlb9gsyR
451Please respect copyright.PENANAEpNzck9t8d
我的性癖,是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道,不是主要的興趣;因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我,是沒有用的;唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。451Please respect copyright.PENANABkJXbMVXdx
451Please respect copyright.PENANA4htMwPOQzF
Annie:我屋企都有兩件sex toy451Please respect copyright.PENANAGlK18c6l20
Annie:我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度451Please respect copyright.PENANAeRO3s5Z5F0
451Please respect copyright.PENANA2PS0UGprUn
我:你本身都係bi?451Please respect copyright.PENANAI7GfbNI0jH
451Please respect copyright.PENANAA0d7oXSZbz
Annie:唔係嘅,只係貪屌女仔好玩(大笑451Please respect copyright.PENANA4MpRRMRIzg
451Please respect copyright.PENANAxmm6lkj4ht
我:話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水451Please respect copyright.PENANAVLZDU0NJy5
451Please respect copyright.PENANATesHeujL17
Annie:你都冇閪,點出水?451Please respect copyright.PENANAdv9JzrnwJC
451Please respect copyright.PENANADdXwzhRefX
我:人工閪😏451Please respect copyright.PENANAp4Epv5ZtLi
451Please respect copyright.PENANACWGZQBokc5
Annie:😳😳451Please respect copyright.PENANAEF9IVg7HJv
451Please respect copyright.PENANA9NheB3qzBM
我:你嚟上我啦(笑喊451Please respect copyright.PENANAhWMG3UhNpD
451Please respect copyright.PENANAFsfceSmMxD
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後;另一方面,我們已經聊了1.5個月,我三番四次約會她,她都不出來,漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘,下次應該如何提出約會,還是只保持網上關係就罷了?