Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYF9anV6tE
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGSRsqyhaI
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoTRKP2GGn
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJff1EjdJX
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOrNlWTPcn
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFMJW6GLjJ
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhGynpC7Ha
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTRzO3ky4Z
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZk3vrvAUJY
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj3hlUHbVu
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8ggsN6E4E
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFghyZGJ26T
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZAheOWiAK
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DNIpxQDOo
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtfSnGk7m6
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqh8b6GvGU
我：當然沒有啊。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rEaE2THgt
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa77dNnwkni
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CewKMffis
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgh0VymPKuY
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjnptWyaoT
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVDI2SNene
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2Vol3Vbjx
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwmbo0yKZm
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT3o0iTe6L
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWaEtiPDYF
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID0W8ac3tn
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM278a3Jai
Priscilla：係呀。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP9RVhaJYq
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJzKrQKUsq
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIHQqNowW1
（我對她微笑地問。）355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vqJ01zVpA
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJv65gXx6W
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML0MILEFZq
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ713PzpB3bu
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgggnpjgcN
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5Rih006U2
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWBvSz1iw2
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vyzhaX1QT
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy01hMh49cU
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4Pi1Obrjp
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRocRzFa8co
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAMwI4WqS8
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQwtGahFTZ
我：不如就開個account啦。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPH9qSHWMgN
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4skfpuNieK
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdYUwaTBet
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KZG0SBRR4
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyjpVWBsAr
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYV1RBB2dO
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ysJhXl86x
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WJVQsqZOg
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3Gfpx0cXn
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvobgBcqLOe
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlg4KdJtqG
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4KU2QqKQ7
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumsTi8jPRc
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5HPdiuQiN
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a7t9a3h8g
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJKJLASaRc
我：睇完先再算啦。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvACxtocxgV
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqAwl8K6gr
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM1DEdksib
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfllsYUh1a
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWALTe94OB
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv147vtVb33
-----大年初一的早上-----355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomFQs2sydp
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehrAHeLkTT
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2sDS7ekvF
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2sYxSShP0
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2faeS4lEJ
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbJQ1ggie1
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11RlKxKHTf
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDemTC7u1w9
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfDtFZMdBN
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwI3imhrnM
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui6BooD5Fn
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrYLRj9aQe
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmQa7vJOqf
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR81CcRaFYi
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6DvswAzCE
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyuHbzROb8
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qKr70Gtm5
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fq7kr6qkt
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvAcan7L7F
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr32iJPPx7A
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzNaq2Wvzb
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsqkhnfCah
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvD0URjWiD
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlxl49ah9n
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0G4f3QG2Ca
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXQoq0Gqea
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsXb3kuSN0
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglaT3DOWoa
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbRIcaMcNs
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMk4CEqQMe
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApYKtOe1w3
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVgWbGcZdl
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRDKFangME
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7sGSK8HuI
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yx4buSbUo
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwkww46SFf
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCcre2cjCA
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykoK4A2qrt
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKEXinFatT
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgNjFYEmui
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW1gDK1eib
我：咁拍咗幾耐？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZH0z0BMFv
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7v7qKnD0Y
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpBDEefR4F
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzVuWZQZPs
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n9l87hQTk
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd4msRlbpx
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfwtOic5re
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesSFtu001M
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7kzXkKCA7
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CpSYJk0L7
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7AuXZd4sp
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObTOY96byV
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRsAzcT40m
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56ha1E0740
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyLmEKu3P1
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVaDZqBjRo
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj9wtABv0c
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHzse2FCl1
說著，我又說起自己的情史。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rW0obE3Rf
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE6OTcPoPx
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51ZmO2Sxm2
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8MNxZTA9q
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfjc7OdvVQ
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oYn7lXb04
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsunYYDW5r
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnZugORoqn
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoB0cSHQDU
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6A6yn3LKc2
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQCzOCWOEX
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OMYkjeG0m
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5VwUtR1DL
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc8pCjeMUU
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6f7ScO3j8
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuRnEle3Vs
我：最後拍左一個月就散。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzWBQZu3kn
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41GMnaXL8S
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CCdiPZSbj
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQnGxFwbx7
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjVmOtBUKp
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTIOuJ0Fog
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMtanA2LU8
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBiC0ndQVd
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm5bncn1LG
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEg6a8e7k7
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XiEzJQeoq
這頓早茶，以AA制完。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK5Nxk86rE
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8pm3cVr68
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6D698wdbx
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlkclm9et8
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuc4T3t416
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhyhePgdMB
我：下次再玩啦！355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ3JlerUzm
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovFb4bGDuJ
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pavvLMtxQ
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYedK39W3u1
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jCBf8U9LO
355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwtXLT58Ci
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。355Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sY6dLvqrt
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