Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBME017LJr
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMJTW4TNNV
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY189W33lMf
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5O9fl3JAa
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLN85NYlnY
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqe4i005RV
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG9VAyojJO
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9N5mGYXuR
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgb67GKIuQU
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZhmpOlVYT
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nU0L3ZhT8
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB1EvMheaR
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzoxPs4ata
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oy0RyLf3O
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIonblL4vr
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiDaKDEotD
我：當然沒有啊。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdA2Myp5gp
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKmz9XA3uc
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVo9rHZiz2
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJdnFFBIla
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDBwNp2xIo
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRyMcD2v7v
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEH7rzEcBpr
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmbM4TjZ0e
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATWQBpumyX
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8Qrg7gwfc
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAV0Ie7NJw
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw13x2I3dgy
Priscilla：係呀。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhSNY4ECeg
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsvIMETl67
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTR2aMvWMkA
（我對她微笑地問。）406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCRpFtOD49
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjV3z6XcCE
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iGb4nN7EI
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI7bVT34ig
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcbbarnBPn
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpXv9AIlgg
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J0IazIxGy
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtsf1H6BXX
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxw803X0sa
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gx3WPc5Z5
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0hDK46fw4
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2twGaeWPUN
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBJsxWyada
我：不如就開個account啦。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUGYNIlyN2
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXv1e5OPnW
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjqpSVhS7U
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOGI4l62IS
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68uzJXeEW6
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyCLKb4xaa
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIYFYPDujI
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvZsBFcbD9
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcUhOtEhl9
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzlnzdON2O
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjDqhbqqtw
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t9psxIvi0
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJitmPoaKh
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmc4W3gCb2
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj8sMfAR4w
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69Dac9QEG4
我：睇完先再算啦。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVUFoiWeYw
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4sLTmhjHX
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4SKFUndKX
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa19gmc9joc
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k7bIe2Jfg
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGlEs9slgN
-----大年初一的早上-----406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I7xCTCWtU
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Id2u6eEE
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYnzjYBHFQ
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dc766xpea
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FgYWE1Bzb
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNw6CV1zHQ
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGps7AKcvP
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0n5B9LNx5
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx9wrpxojx
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMhRvqApSE
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ0T8SWpTi
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5VhcTafe2
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiesFAhFF1
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rbvFnnyG4
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeOzSpCBWs
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkbL5XfMXP
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZQrFJiATL
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouJT13BKSx
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPqWfWnkZp
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMa7DMASmIR
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMGNtJLFE2
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡga9z371No2
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDuFv26wVH
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCblWYJJNtD
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0s0vOtfkt
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcmfrNHmUk
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPCmWoj7di
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBYA1QpwPt
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwykMx9PjVr
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgZxSuEy5D
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI9Spbm3de
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXZNmmIDYR
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vJgEk5Wmj
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1yWaBnQsY
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEQiolIJoy
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKSqwLpJTO
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf323UwFBTB
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZDn9V56nJ
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZLkVqWbQX
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjaimp3DMK
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEp0Hy2HNce
我：咁拍咗幾耐？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ldr9Jc4aj
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofDuBXGIZ9
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VZ3wWDrFj
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYHT6iNjS7
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrBcA8xFcG
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKoLUC1II7
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3c8JHlOgZ
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox6lPPB7JV
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0btiGdW68Z
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5D5nzTIOS
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OgUyjDJHd
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdG2Iraf9Wc
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRopHSvOoP
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uTQ0yPrRQ
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJ8axGmvhM
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHSj4lTNVL
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqq6DHqOR7j
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY23VN59cc
說著，我又說起自己的情史。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY12TqvM8Y
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDX5o24159
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMAd0T9a8a
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDBGlPhLuH
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69qxkQysH7
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj2IGRWlll
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWe7nJPd96
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChnpUSxCpL
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID5vtOyvVC
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFBK6J4B6h
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpy29LfjM5j
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgCPc0AU2x
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbsA79QKzY
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsECiiUcEig
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gjMsAQ4I9
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0ivRZjlYL
我：最後拍左一個月就散。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJrQXjpwq5
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN62hWKzpi
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3ankEY30E
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsetXjNsUm
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWIa5PSWQt
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE78D6uNt5E
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWhXCyDy4W
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDo9X5ea9B
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB84Ys5ONbF
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0NoRGHJvx
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ0pZ4pr5j
這頓早茶，以AA制完。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZUmWs7RTU
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxoBfbWSYx
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bBEGKP5Og
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSQQukJ7MQ
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCTBwoQhz8
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOuTbEgPti
我：下次再玩啦！406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOozAclhDJ
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnky58Lp2S
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1C2zNhKh7
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZWk0pAjHd
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnQcwIABUo
406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjWv1Mvc3h
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。406Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1K8cTDN2j
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