Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmAMzaDerj
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdXk47YxPy
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoLjIBvvY6
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu00lrckMeU
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwlq2BnqBA
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiNTdX6q7e
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHEWAHKlNf
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMm1CLbfI7y
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyU8YJWmIM5
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡte3lErsIG2
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDZWvqmPoR
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYDfBb5Rrq
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQb3RzofZS
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapkTXGSpeK
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcHRl3TNYq
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6OWTwx5qx
我：當然沒有啊。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NKLSRaOg4
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYoZopBNuO
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04XPc0GMBN
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Vuv8jrod
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZ9eRvDlnl
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJHkWSMkJq
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD959lAhi0O
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfVgTXQPkx
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIS6bd6yTu
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54xUp2nHFX
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYT0zoRAD8
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIoROJs9xd
Priscilla：係呀。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUbfCLyyIC
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx2DOO3m8s
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuONXAkS6J3
（我對她微笑地問。）379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3DgjjwNJ5
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuREZ7oDXc
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgPW4BpDHO
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUGiqBB4iz
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAO9Zxu6MCf
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd51MOT8cLF
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvItpX4x2FB
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbOi5IZtuO
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IhQhh1tsA
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyLto1Mxx0
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU6Lf21id4
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wa5Sp0KZl
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54dm9qLIGN
我：不如就開個account啦。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1c6TcOjmkI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaHk3Ii2xM
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt4bmc86M1
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScItiP3mLS
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW96pHhgrCA
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrlC3JdHZ4
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy0DIn84Aj
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDHGV1hpSL
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76403IzWfW
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hBhuAcbFV
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2ggZTasye
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3qGkA4j5Z
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3n19bNiwy
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TO84UN5vC
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrBBYtsQGI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwU2rsW504
我：睇完先再算啦。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73aRAKHu5g
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k1zZElEIy
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FeAlE5DhW
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXchLWEjIf
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCi510Fuqtv
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jyvlvfMHA
-----大年初一的早上-----379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sM8WPodvH
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhIGdcEHiw
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UXrLruFmH
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrazZ4txYPQ
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMmusUT5aB
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzenDFNkOkZ
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpSBHUZpjz
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCuENIpVmQ
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i9BcsoIxq
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK6pvZekD6
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhRW8afoPq
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtpHO7VqfC
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYrysz7Wr9
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRck859cYRG
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfwY12hbMu
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJPSxJPYTA
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYGwok9la9
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfkypV3lNd
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRYB4RVew1
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6LuzwWf69
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDnbbEyTrS
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltGmHE7HzF
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsNeNSXABV
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfesTwbpfgB
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DGkr6fWXM
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4f9f6meaM
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KrQcWoxKT
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao5w4JzmZf
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHr52nhcHW
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOVXVtTrqp
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuZ0S7LFJ0
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfUklJWrtv
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1YK5aQmAo
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrqnS08Dmt
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5GozFYmxC
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjFMho6xIT
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnVCE7HYvC
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv52N6yKO5a
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeo4REMwcn
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPqDRbA1qp
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CsJ3LLy14
我：咁拍咗幾耐？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoLYfQKvhn
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSVCjUP4gI
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8XiFfabHz
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4cX5pNR6Z
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet0hgIqQrf
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkzp3HlTFG
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaRSNltdtZ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfoseG7aAo
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw51an51cak
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxBdcbNqX8
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC3YH799qa
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2e0ZHGaMh
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QCW1bj5nX
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcn6iKotlS
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBXrmmTEn9
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6YwpMvCGQ
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduqrg6OJch
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsE236JrI4J
說著，我又說起自己的情史。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunA3zNuT5b
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkWmGAjAox
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU6NBMVo8N
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2IVTafiyj
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUKxYEDls4
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOYgGguktm
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPM1H75fsXq
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVulN0FAZb
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKT1YWuAs4
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs57viJP0Bs
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmXYou6BwQ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDeF2dVYij
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvJPvPnQkp
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KxEkqOD2u
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd24n5j0UH2
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWOoKyo8tx
我：最後拍左一個月就散。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrBgQnR8Be
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51HlvaJA3i
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uc7N0JUA6
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdyi05bCk3
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjTINiLQl9
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvwvV2Dwns
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOr8rTQZdS
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTFv9Edbt5
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfiGpzf7QK
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr37iykioV0
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYk6GU7SUz
這頓早茶，以AA制完。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcAwl6FkwX
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIkdzoRk2W
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XHC5nI3CW
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIogQfTsGx
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeIHcQJ98L
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXo6l3NELK
我：下次再玩啦！379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1Tesm93SI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6ndAMB7Sb
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF3YRbWprv
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOKRoEhXmL
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFTfta721N
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2AN89hzfv
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTketIJCMWG
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