Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAnTYoKgiH
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNnhDD2qsu
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWhWML8Tel
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofIrDZ237f
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ndnWlXvSt
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyhbHmXKGw
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiXL9Qg5EA
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcUYUqOjQA
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqVfuuVPYG
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yMsE2E6cn
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04utZg64OM
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrqCvZZ8P9
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfuSl4lmSK
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WbF4zTKuK
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nDdomcbcJ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8ssCRhbTc
我：當然沒有啊。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLosSQMydIk
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixIkEVemax
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74Ko14uVPT
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DeGl5PBlG
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2KfB8mMVZ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHffc2RcQP
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk4QVSpi2u
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKXUPuaGF0
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTSwFfquQJ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPhHn63nAN
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yNSEIC3lU
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYiGqpE9T6
Priscilla：係呀。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKISnpoWPm
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9igOUKK0Eo
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTESJsYngq
（我對她微笑地問。）358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh1T5oz4Q2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWyA3vW9fy
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZjyOyOQdf
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAE4ZCNyy1J
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMYo3IqXWy
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIKaBB8O9E
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPtQhFKoUh
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavZ0RYpT1u
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wo71tqffT
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2SJL5M3K9
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnZ5AABbZt
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGpjW0Mj02
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuv8pd8nsEX
我：不如就開個account啦。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWSHNgQ6bj
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeanTauwm9D
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykWWqZAty8
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHbb8XWZwO
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5QF5EFLYt
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHfGpEGIZF
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlsH2xgMPr
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUoYhZBC6k
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDsmYuIQJh
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisWXSx6Um1
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqEUDpdED6
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2LjulufJW
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmAPAVx7dV
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13z6vWnxxC
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeYSbst8xb
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5h40Pglg6
我：睇完先再算啦。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQGeeuB8Hm
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDATycf8tb
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06xhu88tAU
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TNLX9MZko
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59NkHJFean
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rs8ahlkww
-----大年初一的早上-----358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKChgw2mYUx
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoeMoBycvW
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaJnLLE7Iz
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiv6rwKjRc5
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWSj1Ngjwc
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1XcmNhrzE
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxKiqTmdRw
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCoVOIKHo7
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjFWdus8l2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eW8rOryVg
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePJxj0Q5le
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVcFzTYlZi
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TqUnbplQe
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtagcMtsAd4
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC2kgG1Lon
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfls5I1HRjH
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoYHtTIIVy
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r54DU6nlc
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9gwzWGhz2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2KqTPMue0
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82ReU6gNOF
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmHdarasQ6
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhaAl8c667
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmwPNUVkNR
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZwEyYrteG
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Da51C4ORF
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCIiSMO0pA
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBtUXo6Sfo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ej2VgJWIO
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBTE0akixl
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP0dqbqpay
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tqn0h2fb6
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXUjrh3WSp
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4tKx33pKJ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iA9isSU6G
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qk9HyvVlS
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jIIo37rVv
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGmarhGQ6y
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXHfUnMGZv
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSfouAShLk
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfy0pVZKRX
我：咁拍咗幾耐？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNDU7oUu4S
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCaQPWKgtt
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdnAszslsw
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiOffCeQjx
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uSvRa3Poo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCmzFIQ32p
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkpepmp9Ix
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34e7qfOfHl
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAI9I2MwMb
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1UvDf1scE
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mtItJgCHR
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaYLwW8tPC
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5qrGXX7AW
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb1zGXK9vu
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5VEQHWDDq
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT2AFflFLA
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUPw6lgMQU
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlx5NhUgP8
說著，我又說起自己的情史。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmL8cbikQ0
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5p6WP5N1V
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GCes09ZY0
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjCHz48dBd
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFSNAuc57r
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJSgnHFL3q
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcZlPprOq7
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq5yyYW1XH
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeQJutNflp
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ60BdizeS
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAziWOEi8Al
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pYfz6A41T
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnWMnZiDvi
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hdPNW1mEO
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM81DCwFE3
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewnXxJlCzF
我：最後拍左一個月就散。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZXeeCRzLz
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNzSEP0evs
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK1vx51DEU
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CrNnBoF2B
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VJV2I0MFU
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡps0nib6jKE
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnSoA7Xz4x
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BIp0hxAnQ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEV3WlXFhv
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1SfjVdOMP
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHHPwZ7izg
這頓早茶，以AA制完。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jXUbuln2H
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXTlWJBuWO
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedgMyDcaV2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUrpDdvBuX
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc77MO6s7IS
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLBeRR2tsG
我：下次再玩啦！358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXwGTcwa06
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNTLeVsh7U
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsHmRr0uGD
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4aOuNrx6M
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TVCgDnahi
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zFdGl8pbS
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBrDyZjeB7
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