Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7OaX9rvt8
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0bCs4JMAd
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHWlp3sAsb
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcnO5LrUrd
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcebPoRtDV
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHl4VzgMgyD
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEQ7MBCZkV
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydY93umb4m
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JyI1TaTEt
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQwOfdp4qq
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkWiTcKonc
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2LsHXMchw
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPw6ZQWaO0t
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtHdrYsh7W
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQOWRQ8QB2
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oMueyesuf
我：當然沒有啊。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83grvzDRKm
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2PLjkD0fd
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4cKR9oBLa
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vT24B8rdh
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvvn6sHR7P
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzyXNrJKL2
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡummKl2dY6l
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwKlXz4w6l
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsrItlUXuu
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ307wcPmwGT
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuNIoFc6Zz
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o9WUzNJv2
Priscilla：係呀。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3292CfpmP5
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzS4fZLzxJ
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDEfCWSY6q
（我對她微笑地問。）409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAMz95ZTvx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE7K1GZxh7
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkT1aw1P3N
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhjrP1b8fX
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9IlDmeLPs
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpuUkPeZEK
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKgnEKaZtT
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccEvVb4ALy
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFOyo04BLS
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykeCbbR2Px
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7Ve9QDEj3
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn2yBweOMm
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8hHpwcwv2
我：不如就開個account啦。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMZUi4XR0t
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwxNnbIVFT
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiWWotMdW4
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR01pJUXdN
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrSJdcA5eW
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG18hPHUHj
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2S54pUFpU
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUbBpLbAKS
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6Z4SQDYZA
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1R1v4acsO
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqLte1SDJe
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J4emzdmyL
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZZiOCMUe8
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFNzuxlWrK
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIAtXFawTx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6h7RdIINEm
我：睇完先再算啦。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdYj9cEkTp
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTbzCgU3BC
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdR2ylvvv6
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZq03u6VXo
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZWghQKFFA
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfgHeEBWeP
-----大年初一的早上-----409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRehD5yQTF
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bfVHzffaY
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJFzWERBIq
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ988iEuoC5
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheyMsc88nk
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3nW7YmPYD
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoH1UP7QBX
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXxXRRSzQL
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GscUICfdg
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4k01omKW1
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQDoouO1MS
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxsMZocYws
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5kxKHGnpg
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v3Lz86C5S
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7orvRFaDN1
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBbnRouPKz
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkQdthamtV
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZK4Dyijfy
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMunkaXc7O
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr3EPhc9Ii
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV8IpNdFl0
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktKLRPKXEf
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtUEuMUnf5
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbf5sxoMwN
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VxqfTla6n
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLejoHQ14j
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqsy95fL1Z
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsyMiTKQOH
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM5tImU7JA
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV56wGAMFqM
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMs5wCQBqm
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbuC3C6Qt3
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fFCosSktZ
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXEBNpaX80
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuOrtTbHH2
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmsyja3dw4
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSktxqCYE8U
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ7HCnotDu
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJjGpqjLEJ
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYGQ7TkTpy
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEEPrJg7DU
我：咁拍咗幾耐？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyMZbbsCuo
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9paPJoWYMz
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0FBFUkcJY
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9jiWwg7R3
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvgt9vckDd
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxmPFmiyCk
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmjauHCyEJ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk9gHh3VFM
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jO8VoB1bt
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBRTfrsjVK
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNqgyG2YmQ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMFUIT52OH
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnb3su9CidB
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSYzpVZ1VX
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzsfO7Y39g
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GHGD8iLc5
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZS7dxARGC
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMlrpac9QT
說著，我又說起自己的情史。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDl7DUkXrp
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDMBhworkv
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMZm8AP96A
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCDAH7geQY
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5qiWQqbIR
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0XA5NHn45
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe2TCxzIAr
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vpoTGGMGn
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqeW6dtJOG
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5bytzC2uh
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEGrpiRaK9
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpH87VOmtN
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraIfNscWb8
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUv1geAtxa
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFq68KFwH3
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGRllr3Lp3
我：最後拍左一個月就散。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SKHayuoTA
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBX9IQCtNU
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6s7KH5lqU
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZggfNARg4d
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtUxQvoAJY
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdzSNWtiBs
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkN7bSHGOg
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzFWRWnWKN
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKI90LA1os
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUKEoipCjB
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEeO8DQ7oV
這頓早茶，以AA制完。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsvehy4pI6
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWV15XhsJV
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJvoo2Pw7w
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RJe2tiS8C
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxFRQqjEtA
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO7qC7MGh3
我：下次再玩啦！409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpM0mNnPjP
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rR0GsrQpa
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtIDSWZM8H
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjS0ZoVX1T
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvnVPWw0O9
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8guJjTRF6
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeldfKHTms
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